by Renee Miller
“I wish someone would kill her,” Hayley said.
Dana shook her hard. “You will not do anything about this; it is not up to you. Hear me?”
“I said I wish she was dead. Never said I’d do it.”
“You never wish things like that. They have a funny way of happening even if you don’t mean it. Hear me?”
“I hate her, though.”
“I am the parent, and I will deal with her. You’ll stay out of it.”
“Fine. But I won’t be nice to her anymore.”
“Please just get along for your dad’s sake.”
Hayley walked around her to climb into bed with Jacob. “Sure. But when Daddy finds out it won’t matter. He’s gonna tan her ass.”
Dana frowned, but said nothing about the swear. Ronny was going to hit the roof when he found out, and unlike the incident with Warren, she had to tell him about this.
—
When Ronny came in from tinkering with the car, the kids had left for school. He had been called back to work, but he’d be driving an hour each day just to get there. The old yellow beast would not make it without some work.
He wiped his cheek with the back of his hand. “I think I’ve got her fixed. Shit, this is going to be a bitch. Maybe I’ll see if they’ve got something closer to home.”
“No,” Dana said. “The pay is really good. And they’ll pay for your board if you stay the week up there.”
“I’m not leaving you here alone. Who will watch the kids?”
“Becky can check on them, and Hayley has Jacob’s routine down. I’m sure they’d be fine for the few hours they’d be home alone. I can have dinner ready so all they have to do is heat it up.”
“I don’t like that. I’ll drive it for a week and see how the old girl does, if it’s too much for her I’ll talk to them about something closer.”
“We need the money.”
“I know.” Ronny slammed his tool belt on the table.
Dana jumped.
“Shit, don’t start that again. I’m just frustrated we can’t catch a break.”
She pretended to be distracted by a speck of dirt on the counter.
“What?”
“Nothing,” she lied. She couldn’t tell him now; he wasn’t in the right mood. But then, what is the right mood for hearing your daughter is sick?
He turned her around. “What is it?”
She looked up, but the words wouldn’t come.
He searched her face. “Tell me.”
She ached to be able to tell him that nothing was wrong. “I took care of it.”
“Dana.”
“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”
“It’s Amy isn’t it?”
She sighed and nodded.
A muscle in his jaw twitched. “What did she do now?”
“She touched Jacob.”
“Touched him how?”
She tried to form the words, wanting to make it as easy to hear as possible, but she didn’t know how. “I found them when I got home last night. I heard a noise behind your chair and I pulled it out. Jacob was naked, Amy had a lighter and she told him—” her voice cracked about to cry.
“I’ll kill the little bitch!” he roared and punched the wall next to her head.
One of the happy geese that bordered the wall ripped as the plaster crumbled behind it. Jacob dropped his spoon, his mouth shaped into an O.
“She’s your child.” Dana tried to soothe him, to keep him from losing it completely. “And what she is isn’t her fault.”
“She’s not right. Never been right. I don’t know what happened to her, but she’s so damaged I can’t stand the sight of her.” He turned and walked to the living room.
Dana followed.
He stood, staring at the corner she’d found Jacob and Amy hiding in the night before. She touched his shoulder and he pulled away.
“Ronny, I have to tell you something, but you have to promise me you won’t freak out. We have to deal with this like adults.”
He snorted. “You saying I’ll act like a child?”
She took a breath. “No, but this is—it’s going to be difficult for you to hear. You’ll be angry, possibly angrier than you’ve ever felt.”
Ronny stiffened. “What?”
She had to do it. He had to understand and Amy needed help. “Hayley came to me a while ago. She wasn’t sleeping and had some nightmares—”
“Did Amy hurt her?” Ronny’s whole body shook under her hand.
“No. It wasn’t Amy.”
He turned. “Who?”
She struggled to find the words. God, she didn’t want to hurt him. Ronny was already so broken by his father. “I—she said Warren took her into the garage. He…” she choked on the words. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Dana continued. “He touched her, Ronny, and I’m pretty sure he’s been doing the same to Amy.”
He stepped back, raising his hands. Dana flinched, but he didn’t hit her. Instead, he ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus, Dana. Are you sure?”
She nodded. “Hayley would never make something like that up.”
“But maybe it was just a one-time thing. Maybe his mind is going. My parents are pretty old.”
“In my experience, it’s never a one-time thing. Besides, it explains all of Amy’s odd behavior. She needs help. More than we can give her.”
Ronny’s face reddened and he blinked several times. She reached for his hands, but he shook his head. “Don’t…just please don’t touch me,” his voice was thick, his shoulders stiff. “What are we going to do?”
“I’ve tried to keep them away without telling you, but it’s too hard. Now we can work together in this. The kids can’t be left alone with him. As for Amy, God I don’t know. Maybe take her to a doctor?”
“And what? They’ll give her more medication and we have to guard the other kids against their sister? Fuck.”
“We can’t just throw her away. Warren is the reason she’s like this. She needs us to protect her.”
He turned. “I don’t care why she’s so fucked up. I’m damn sure she doesn’t give a shit. She’d do it again if she got the chance.”
“She doesn’t understand it’s wrong. That’s why she needs help. Normal people don’t do those things, and healthy people don’t enjoy hurting others. We have to do what we can for her. Do you want her to continue like this, to grow into an adult who doesn’t give a shit who she hurts?”
He rubbed his chin. “No, but I don’t want her here either.”
“Maybe it was just curiosity. She’s in a lot of trouble. I grounded her for a month and she’s not allowed alone with Jacob ever again.”
He shook his head.
Dana planned to call the doctor later that day, to see what advice he offered, but there wasn’t much else she could do. The phone jolted them both out of their thoughts. Dana rushed to the end table next to the couch and picked it up.
“Oh Jesus, no. Are you sure?”
Ronny crossed his arms.
Dana put her hand up and mouthed “Devon.” She listened to his angry rant. If they made it through this one, she’d kill Amy herself. “Okay honey, just do what they tell you. Tell the truth. Go back to class. It’s all right. We’ll deal with this. Dad and I will be down there soon enough I’m sure. Love you. Bye.”
She replaced the phone on the table as tears fell unchecked. Scared and angry she didn’t know what to do.
“What?”
She took a deep breath and sat on the couch. “Amy. She somehow put bruises and scratches all over herself and she told her teacher we did it.”
“Where’s Devon?”
“When he saw her go to the office with the police, he went to the store to use the phone.”
He came to sit next to her on the couch. “Why does she hate us so much?”
Dana reached for his hand. “Because it’s the only emotion she knows.”
CHAPTER 32
Hayley entered the office, unsure wha
t was going on. Amy sat outside Mr. Horton’s door, in one of the yellow plastic chairs that lined the wall. Her cheek was bruised and scratched.
“What happened to you?” she’d asked.
Amy smiled. The coldness of her stare sent a stab of dread through Hayley’s gut.
“Were you in a fight or something?”
Amy didn’t reply, still smiling at Hayley’s confusion.
Mr. Horton’s door opened. A woman emerged calling Hayley inside.
“My name is Jane,” the lady said, after closing the door behind her. “Please sit down.”
Hayley sat in a chair before a big desk. It was dark and quiet. She’d never been in Mr. Horton’s office and never wanted to be there again.
“Now, I need to ask you some questions, Hayley. I want you to be honest; no one is going to know what you tell me. That’s called confidentiality. It means that I can’t reveal what we speak about to anyone.”
“I know what it is,” she snapped, but her annoyance changed to guilt as soon as she spoke. This lady was doing her job and she was probably a nice person. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“What are your parents like?”
“I dunno. They’re okay.”
“Do you get punished?”
“If I do something wrong, yeah.”
“What are some of your punishments?” Jane smiled, as though the question were innocent.
Amy’s image floated into Hayley’s mind, her face covered in bruises, her arms scratched all over. Had she fallen or gotten into a fight? Why was this woman asking about their punishments?
Then she knew what Amy had done. She’d hurt herself and lied about it to retaliate for being grounded. The thought of such a selfish and twisted mind made her stomach roll.
“Hayley?” Jane prompted. “Just tell me what happens when you’re punished. No one is in trouble here.”
Yeah, right. She shrugged. “We get grounded and sometimes we have to stand in the corner. If we say a swear Mom washes our mouth out with soap. But we spit it out after. Mom says if we swallow it, we’ll get sick.”
“I used to be grounded every week,” Jane laughed. Her laughter was musical and it reminded Hayley of little bells. She was trying to make friends, and Hayley didn’t need friends that wanted to get her mom and dad in trouble.
“What about if you do something really bad?” she asked. “Is it the same punishments?”
“Pretty much, maybe longer groundings.”
“You’ve never been spanked?”
“I don’t think so. I don’t really remember.” Hayley wouldn’t give her anything. Her parents would never hurt any of them on purpose. Amy would, but not her parents.
“What about Amy?”
“She’s mean and I hate her.”
Jane sat back, as though Hayley said exactly what she wanted to hear.
“I’m sure you don’t hate her. She’s your sister.”
“She’s not my real sister. Can I go now?”
“I have to ask you these things, and I need you to be truthful, because Amy tells me that she was punished for being mean to your brother. According to Amy, your mom uses a switch to punish you? And if you talk back, she said you get slapped? Please be honest with me. What you tell me will stay between us. I just want to help you. Even if you feel you hate your sister, no one, not even your parents, has the right to hurt you.”
Nice try lady. Hayley sat back too, crossing her arms. “I don’t even know what a switch is. Amy lies all the time and she’s mean to my mom even though my mom tries really hard to make her happy. Amy doesn’t care about anyone. She just likes attention.”
“I see.” Jane picked up a pen and wrote in a little book on the desk. She stared at the pad for a while, as though reading it all over.
Hayley tried to see what she wrote, but it was too far away.
“You said Amy lies all the time. What do you mean when you say all the time?”
“It means she lies about everything.” What else did all the time mean? “She’ll lie about the color of the sky. That’s what my brother says. Just because she can.”
“So, you think she lied about your mom hitting her?”
“I know she did. My mom never ever hits anyone. Not even when she should.”
Jane smiled.
Hayley tried not to be affected by her warmth, but she couldn’t help liking her, even if she was kind of dumb. She looked around the office while Jane made more notes. Mr. Horton liked elephants. There were dozens of them on the large bookshelves that covered the left side of the room. All along the top shelf and scattered among the textbooks marched elephants of every color and size. Hayley thought they were ugly. His big brown desk was tidy, papers stacked neatly in bins on the corners, a coffee mug shaped like an elephant’s head, the handle acting as the trunk, sat behind them.
“What about your grandfather?” Jane asked.
A chill crept over her. “Grandpa Barry?”
“No, Grandpa—” Jane glanced down at her book. “Warren. What is he like?”
Hayley stared at her hands. Why was she asking about him? “I dunno. He’s not really my grandpa so I don’t see him a lot.”
“No? Amy says you go there every Sunday.”
Hayley remembered what her mom said and focused on giving as little as possible away. “Amy lies. I told you that.” If her dad knew… “We go sometimes, but not every Sunday. Mom and Dad go with us.”
“Are you ever alone with your grandpa?”
“Never.” Jane’s eyebrow went up and Hayley mentally kicked herself for answering so fast. “I mean, he doesn’t like Devon and me, so why would we be alone with him?”
Jane smiled. “I’m sure he loves you both.”
She wanted to throw up at the thought of Grandpa Warren’s love. “No, he doesn’t. Granny doesn’t like us either. They only like Amy and Jacob. Me and Devon aren’t their real grandkids, so they don’t care about us. They told us so.”
Jane frowned, a little wrinkle creasing her otherwise smooth brow. She changed when she frowned. The warmth in her eyes vanished.
“Why do you think Amy would tell me that people hurt her when they didn’t?”
Hayley shrugged. “I dunno. Probably because she got in big trouble for touching Jacob and she knew Daddy was going to find out. Maybe she lied because she hates my mom.”
“I don’t think she hates your mom. She’s a confused little girl.”
Hayley snorted. “She’s not confused about anything. She’s evil. She only cares about herself.”
Jane shifted her notebook and flipped through the pages. “I think we’ve gotten off topic here. I need to make sure you’re safe, and that’s why I need you to be as honest with me as possible, no matter how much you want to protect your parents. Do you understand that?”
“Yeah, and I’m telling you the truth.” Her tummy felt hot and she wanted to scream at this woman to make her stop asking these questions. “Can I go now?”
“Okay, but can you promise me something?”
“Sure.” Anything to get out of this chair.
“If you think of anything, or you remember something that may have happened that would be important, you tell your teacher or your principal and they’ll call me.”
Hayley stood. “I’ve told you everything. Can I go?”
Jane looked sad. A whisper fluttered through her brain that said Amy might have told them about Grandpa Warren. Part of her was angry that he’d lied about her being special, another part, a bigger part, was relieved at the possibility she wasn’t alone. She didn’t feel so bad knowing she wasn’t the only one who let him do those things.
Is that why Jane asked these questions? Did Amy say Grandpa Warren touched her? Was she lying about that too or did he really do it? Hayley felt bad about saying she lied all the time. Sometimes Amy could be nice, and she said smart stuff. They won’t believe Amy now, because she lied so much, but they might believe Hayley. If Grandpa hurt Amy when she was little,
he should be punished. She didn’t care if he was too old, like her mom said. The urge to tell Jane everything burned inside her, but her mother’s voice echoed in her head. She couldn’t do it.
“Is there something you want to say, Hayley?”
“It’s just…” Hayley shook her head. “No. Nothing.”
“I may have to speak with you again. Would that be okay?” Jane asked.
“Sure.”
Jane sent Hayley out to the office.
Devon waited in the chair Hayley had vacated glaring across the room at Amy.
After Jane talked to Devon, the police took them home and Amy went with Jane. Devon begged Hayley to sneak out to listen, because he always got caught. She wished he’d gone to listen, not her, and then she wouldn’t have to lie to anyone. She sat on the stairs, though, listening to her mom and dad talk to the police officers who brought them home. Her mom told them what Amy did to Jacob, and the way she acted after.
“I didn’t know what to do. I just grounded her and sent her to her room.”
Her mom was crying. Hayley could hear her voice go high like it did when she cried.
“What should we do?”
“I have a few numbers here for you to call,” the officer said. “Social Services is placing her in a hospital for kids who exhibit behavioral issues like this. They’ll need to know all of this too if they’re going to help her. We also need to get statements from both of you, so if you can arrange daycare and come to the station today—”
“Hayley can watch Jacob,” Mommy said. “I’ll get my neighbor to look in on them.”
“Shit, I should have never brought her into this house,” her dad’s voice, and he was really mad. Hayley could see him now and then, he paced back and forth as they talked.
“When we spoke to her at the school,” the officer said. “Amy accused her grandfather of similar acts; do you think this might be why she’s acting out now?”
Hayley held her breath, remembering what her mom said about telling her dad about Grandpa Warren. She was glad it was Amy hurting him, not her.
“If I’d thought he’d ever touch those kids like that…” Daddy said. “He was strict when I was a kid, abusive even, but not in that way. Not once. I’d never have let him near them if I knew what he was capable of.”