Back to You

by Claudia Burgoa

  “If I’d run away they wouldn’t have touched me. But I stayed and allowed them to do it. Each day I remind myself that my desire to help others isn’t a flaw. Staying to help Ava condemned me, but it wasn’t a bad thing. I didn’t kill her or cause any harm to the other victims.

  “I was only a child. A very scared child. I’m trying to rise above the agony of what happened to me. I took the power away from them. Shaun is dead. Corbin is rotting in jail. I work daily to disconnect them from my memories. It’s hard, but I hope it’s not impossible.

  “There are days when men look at me, and I’m not sure if it’s because they’ve seen me online or know what I used to do. They might know that I did disgusting things and would want me for the wrong reasons. You’d think it’s time to get over it. People assume it’s so easy. Years pass, and I’m still going to therapy and making sure I’m okay. Some might say ‘It’s over, poor little Abby—move the fuck on.’”

  Just get over it, Abby.

  “I wish it were that easy, that I could just pick up the pieces of my life and carry on with it. But wait, what is the life I should carry on with? The one from before with my grandmother or when I lived with my mother? My life is split into six parts, and I’m only twenty-six.

  “Before Grandma died.” I show him my index finger.

  “After grandma died.” I raise a second finger.

  “After Mom married Corbin.” Three fingers are up.

  “After Ava died.” I show him four fingers.

  “After I almost died.” I extend my open palm.

  “After the Center,” I say. “Six eras.”

  “You don’t have to carry on with your past lives. Right now, as we speak, you’re creating something new. Different,” he smiles at me encouragingly. “We create our own story, and you choose where to go and with who, Abbs.

  “You’re safe,” he reiterates.

  “Esperanza’s Home was safe. I knew that I could stay there forever, but if I did, I wouldn’t be able to build a new life. Today, I’m not afraid of my own shadow. I don’t look over my shoulder. These days I go to bed at night feeling secure except for a bad dream or two that might sneak up while I sleep. Nothing will stop me from climbing the mountain because I know there are plenty of good things up there waiting for me. I’m just at the foothill of the next one. It’ll take a long time to see the top, but I won’t stop climbing.

  “One of my goals is to be able to accept love without questioning it. Right now, I’m afraid of your experiment.”

  Swallowing hard, I continue, “Terrified. I can’t pretend to be the Abby you loved. She was fake. I’m trying to be my own Abby, and what if you don’t like her? Is this even worth trying?”

  I show him my two hands extended. “Ten dates and then I’ll be in the corner of my room, crying. Wes Ahern, who happens to be perfect, did his best to be the most wonderful guy in the world, so I’d fall for him. It won’t be easy to resist you. I’ll be madly in love with you after date four, or maybe five. And what’ll happen by the tenth when you’re ready to leave because I’m not who you think I am?

  “Abby will pick up the new pieces, grab the glue, and take time to put her heart back together. She’ll be thinking, I should’ve warned him. I shouldn’t have been so compliant. I shouldn’t have trusted my heart so easily. He finally learned that he shouldn’t be with a girl like me. He’s Weston Ahern and I’m just … me.”

  “You’re skipping ahead ten dates to an end that won’t happen.”

  He takes my hands and kisses them. “I’ve come back to you, Abigail. I plan on convincing you that you’re my heart. I accept who you are—scars, nightmares, and all of it. I’ll be here holding you at night just like I did the first night you came to me.”

  Wes does it again, saying those perfect words. Stealing my heart, my breath. Making me fall, and we’re not even officially on a date yet.

  “You’re not just you. You’re Abby Lyons. The woman who stole my heart a long time ago,” he says. “We don’t know each other well. I agree with that. However, this isn’t a race where you get to go on ten dates and then decide your future.

  “I’m glad you brought this up now because that gives us time to air out everything that might stop us from being together. I will never understand what happened to you because I didn’t live through it. You’ll never hear me say, I know, because hearing it isn’t the same as living it. That said, after what happened to you, I broke down too. The woman I loved was taken from me. Me, Weston William Ahern. The guy who is invincible and can fix anything. Everyone depends on me. I’m indispensable.

  “He almost killed you, on my watch. I lost you, and there was nothing I could do to help you. What if someone else fixed you and you realized that I’m worthless? Because my whole purpose in life is to please everyone so they would keep me around. That’s what I learned from my parents.”

  “You’re irreplaceable.” I caress his jaw. His muscles relax. He finally smiles for me.

  “Will I be overprotective of you?” He snorts. “Fuck yes, and I hope you understand why. I almost lost you once. If this goes well, I plan to make your life easy and be there for you at all times. Abandonment issues aren’t easy to shake. I work on them every day. I understand how you felt about your mother, even though you had an amazing grandmother.”

  He cups my face, kissing the tip of my nose.

  “Maybe there are things you’ll have to spell out for me,” he says. “But I assure you that if this works out, I’ll be telling you every day that I love you and that I want to spend eternity with you. Because even though we have ten long dates to get to know one another, your soul hasn’t changed. It’s still the same, and it’s belonged to me since before we were born.”

  “Some days I’ll have trouble believing you that you love me.”

  “Then, I’ll work extra hard on those days because that’s when you’ll need me to love you even more.”

  “This might be the most intense first date in history,” I declare.

  “Imagine how it’ll end,” he jokes. There’s a glint in his eyes, and I’m intrigued to know what he has planned for us.

  “What do you have in store for me, Ahern?”

  He smiles. “This is what I love the most about us. We understand each other even when you don’t believe in us.”

  “We’re still on ten dates, Ahern,” I remind him, because those blue eyes are staring at me with longing.

  “Why would you say that?” He composes himself.

  “You have that I want to eat you look.”

  “Fuck,” he laughs. “Of course, I do. And we’ll have to talk about that later.”

  “It’ll be a trial by fire,” I inform him. “Sounds strange, but it’s the best way I can explain it. I have to learn my limitations. That night in Tahoe, when you first touched me, I had to remind myself that it was you and that you cared for me. It might be that easy or a lot harder. We’ll have to wait and see. That means don’t hold back, but be gentle.”

  He sighs, leans forward, and kisses my cheek. “Well, now that we have a few rules. Are you ready?”

  “It’s a little early. What do you have in mind?” I move toward the kitchen. There’s no way I can keep up with him if I don’t get my coffee.

  “Pack your bags. We’re going to San Diego,” he says casually.

  I freeze, turn around and glare at him. “Ahern, I agreed to a date, not a trip.”

  “It’s a date. I get to choose where I’m taking you.”

  “San Diego isn’t around the corner. You get Sunday,” I arch a brow and cross my arms.

  He walks toward me and takes over the coffee duty. “It’s a two-hour flight. If we hurry, we’ll arrive by eight. We can spend a couple of hours by the beach then visit downtown. We can go to the movies. We’ll come back at eight. I’ll have you home no later than eleven. Right before midnight.” He smirks. “Like Cinderella.”

  I tilt my head toward my mutt who’s right beside Oakley. Poor guy, I think he’s
crushing on her. “What about Chester?”

  “He’s coming with us,” Wes says.

  “He won’t behave at a movie theater,” I warn him.

  “Hey, I have everything under control. He’ll stay at my place.”

  “In San Diego?”

  He nods, handing me my mug. “One latte for my lady.”

  Who is this man, and how many houses does he have?

  “Since when do you own a house in San Diego?” I take a sip of my coffee, thanking the caffeine gods for creating the only elixir that brings me sanity every morning.

  “A couple of years ago,” he informs me. “I was drunk and bought a few properties.”

  “Why would you do that?”

  He chuckles. “I was drunk,” he repeats. “I did a lot of stupid things. Defying my dead father was my number one goal. I blamed him for losing you.”

  “Will had nothing to do with it,” I say confused.

  “Again, I was drunk. He never approved of my decisions when I made them without consulting first. Like when I purchased the house in Tahoe.”

  “He didn’t like it?” That sounds odd. Will was always proud of Wes.

  “Dad got so upset. He said that I had no fucking idea how to invest my money.” He shrugs. “It was about controlling me. The house was a great investment.”

  “I had no idea that you and Will fought.” They seemed to have the best father and son relationship. I rack my mind trying to remember any friction between them, but unlike Will and Sterling, Wes and his Dad had a great relationship.

  “We barely did, because I tried to do what he wanted. Always. God forbid I didn’t do what William Ahern demanded. He’d lose his shit, so I tried to never contradict him.”

  I finish my coffee, rinse the mug, and lean against the counter. “So, let me get this straight. One day you just bought a bunch of properties?”

  “Yes,” he says amused. “I called my real estate agent, signed the offers when he emailed them, and transferred the earnest money. It was so easy. The next day when I sobered up, I realized the stupidity.”

  “I assume you didn’t buy them all.”

  “Only a few.” He nods. “I lost some of those deposits, but that’s okay. Now I own a villa in Valencia, one in Tuscany, and a house in San Diego.”

  “You own a villa in Tuscany?” I shriek with excitement.

  “Exactly.”

  “When did you stop drinking?”

  “The day my brother fired me from the company. I quit cold turkey. He reminded me that you’d be disappointed in me. After hitting rock bottom, I had to clean up my act. In the beginning, I did it for you. Later I realized I had to do it for me.”

  “I’m glad you’re better, and that you’re here,” I say, closing the distance between us and kissing his cheek. “I’ll go and pack my stuff. I can’t wait to start this epic date.”

  “You think it’s going to be epic?” He narrows his gaze.

  “Dude, you’re taking me to San Diego. I’m sure it’s going to be in the top ten of the best dates I’ve ever had,” I joke, leaving him in the kitchen with the dogs.

  Twenty-Four

  Abby

  With browning legs curled under me, dusted with sand like flour on bread, I sit close to the lapping waves. They feel warm and fresh. My fingers wiggle in the water, in these lips of the ocean as she sings. I’ll remain in this spot until the tide is lower, scooping the sand that runs like cold lava through my star-fish fingers and onto the dry beach.

  With each handful I twist my body as if dancing in a chair, gazing at the falling sand. I whisper into the breeze, my eyelids fluttering closed as I breathe in the briny aroma. He couldn’t have chosen a better place even if he tried. This is as close to paradise as I can imagine. There aren’t many people around us, but a few miles from here I spot surfers and big umbrellas.

  “Is this a private beach?”

  “It’s not private,” Wes answers. He sits only a couple of feet away from me and from the ocean. Oakley lays right next to him. “Since it’s close to a residential area, there aren’t many tourists. However, if anyone were to come over, I can’t kick them out because anyone can use it.”

  I turn around and gawk at him. His chiseled chest is turning gold with the sun. I swear those abs are harder than they were three years ago. I’m thankful for my sunglasses. He can’t see that I’m lusting after him, wondering what it would like to run my tongue along those ridges.

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah,” I answer casually. “I’m just wondering if Chester would ever be able to sit by the beach like Oakley.”

  “Liar,” he chuckles. “To answer your question, I’m sure that if you allow me to train him, he’ll be a model citizen like this lady.”

  Oakley barks in agreement. My poor dog is in the house, waiting for us while Oak is right here enjoying the sun, loving the sand and Wes’ company. She adores him.

  “How long have you had Chester?”

  “A little over a year. He was only eight weeks old. Sterling gave him to me.”

  “Slugger?” He frowns.

  “Yep. He said something about labs being amazing for anxiety and PTSD.”

  “And you haven’t trained him?”

  “A therapist helped me with him. He’s a therapy dog,” I clarify. “How old is Oakley?”

  “Eighteen months. We’ve been together for fourteen. My therapist recommended her. I think Slugger must have gotten the idea after he met Oak.”

  “You trained her well,” I point out the obvious. She’s the most obedient dog I’ve ever seen.

  “I had to. She’s a Lab, Golden, Pitbull mix. The breeder told me to make sure I trained her well because he couldn’t guarantee her personality. Pitbulls can be aggressive if they aren’t trained or treated with love.”

  “She’s the sweetest.” I move closer to Oakley and pet her.

  “She is very obedient and a great companion.” Oakley’s ears prick up, and her eyes concentrate on me.

  “Chester might corrupt her.” I groan.

  “I’ll make sure he learns how to behave. I'd love if he could be outside with us, enjoying the beach.”

  “Are we bringing them downtown?”

  “We’re leaving them at home,” he says. I smirk. “Chester behaves while you’re gone, doesn’t he?”

  “For the most part.”

  I don’t mention that if he gets bored, he’ll find a piece of furniture to chew on. “We’ll make sure to leave him a couple of toys.”

  “They’ll keep each other company,” Wes pets Oakley. “Oak seems to like him.”

  — — —

  It’s almost midnight when the private jet lands at the Centennial airport. The date was great, dreamy even. Everything was magical to the point of never wanting to come back or leave his side. I knew that he’d sweep me off my feet, I just had no idea that it’d be this soon. Chester comes out of the crate barking a few times, but happy to go home. Our bags are already waiting for us when we come out of the plane.

  Pulling luggage and leading the dogs is tricky, but Wes swears that with practice and training, we’ll be pros in no time. He’s already thinking ahead. I don’t contradict him because I can see us doing this again. Often, if possible. It was a fun getaway. If only next time we could go to Tahoe.

  My heart beats faster as we arrive at the car. Should we talk about the next step? I’m not sure if I’m ready for another long talk and where it will take us.

  Wes opens the passenger door, kisses my cheek, and helps me into his car. He takes care of the dogs next and finally the luggage. After he’s done, he slides into the driver’s seat, starting the engine with the push of a button.

  He wears a button-down shirt and a pair of jeans. He looks like a model in a magazine. I want to touch him—run my fingers through his hair. Observing his movements, a sigh escapes my lips. I adore the subtle tilt of his head as he turns onto the road. Every move seems as though he’s planned it out ahead of time. I feel a
chill.

  “Are you okay?” He turns off the air conditioning.

  “It’s a bit chilly in here,” I press my hands between my legs trying to warm them up. “Maybe outside too. I wasn’t expecting it to be this breezy.”

  He grabs my hand, pulling it on his lips. Carefully, he kisses the knuckles and then brings it to his lap, warming it. “You’re freezing. You should’ve told me.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I move closer to his side and kiss his shoulder. “Thank you for today.”

  Today turned out to be fantastic. We had lunch at a place called Campfire. Like the name implies, they cook campfire style. It was different, but delicious. The atmosphere was casual. Our conversations stayed pretty light, thank God. Afterward, we walked around the streets, going into the small local stores. Wes bought me some bracelets that I fell in love with. I purchased him a t-shirt that reads ‘I work so my dog can have a better life.’ He thought it was cute. While we were in that store, I got Sterling one that says, ‘I kept my daydream alive.’

  We came across an old movie theater showing a bygone thriller. Going in sounded exciting, but honestly, we didn’t pay much attention to it. We sat in the back making out like a couple of teenagers. One of the patrons must have complained because the manager kicked us out almost immediately.

  Wes threw a couple of steaks on the grill, I tossed a salad, and we had dinner with our furry babies. Chester was thrilled that he got a nice juicy bone. He loved walking with Oakley along the beach while we watched the sunset. It was a perfect day.

  “Did I meet your expectations?”

  “It was epic, but I wasn’t expecting anything. I just knew you’d make it memorable.”

  “Hey, I have to ask.” He clears his throat. “Is it okay if the second date doesn’t happen for a couple of weeks? It’s going to be hectic at the office.”

  “Should I pencil you in for that weekend?” I ask, excited at the prospect of maybe going away with him.

  “Sure, but we can still FaceTime daily.”