He sat down at his desk, letting it all sink in. He slowly opened his bag and put away the notes he was given. A faint tune rang in his ears. It was as though he wore earphones with subtle music playing. The harmonic sound drew his eyes away from his school books that lay still in his bag, to the sky where the clouds slowly sailed. Following the gentle song was a voice, singing along. The tune vibrated across the strings of her instrument and the thread that bound her to him.
ChapteR 18
Kaori walked silently through the first-floor corridor, until she stood in front of the music room. She unlocked it and gently slid the door open. Standing at the entrance of the room, she gazed at the still furniture. The series of chairs that had been neatly stacked up stood in the corner, next to them was a couple of dark shelves and a large cabinet. Finally, a pair of instruments stood available in the motionless room. A set of drums and a grand piano.
Her interest lay solely with the piano. Her eyes narrowed on the glossy instrument. They twinkled, half-lidded, with signs of compassion. A small smile slowly grew on her face as her fingertips sought to feel the plastic keys under them once more and her ears wished to hear strings vibrate once more. It had been a while. She hadn’t seen or been anywhere close to a piano in so long, that she had almost started to miss it. However, something shackled her muscles and paralysed her will. Her want to race to the musical instrument and begin playing was carefully locked away. It remained inside a box she’d never open again, one that was anchored down by the heaviest weight. With each passing moment, away from the instrument it sunk deeper and deeper in her mind until the deep pressure of thoughts made it impossible to reach. Still, her want remained. Something had gently tugged that chain to pull it down. Her fingers itched to feel the plastic keys under them and the subtle weight that was required to compel the hammer to strike the string, causing the most modest sound to resonate.
The sneaking fear of opening that box, allowing her to dance with the piano once more, crawled under her skin. Yet through its heartstopping paralysis, she was able to take the single, most frightening step. The one that would set the tone for every step that was to come, the one that would determine whether she’d flee or not.
She shut the door behind her, and set herself on course towards the instrument with stiff feeble steps. Her heart thumped in her chest and rang in her ears as her slow, heavy feet drew her to her source of dread. Refusing to stop, she remained true to her words and will as she persisted through the shivering sensation that reaped every ounce of warmth from her fingers and toes. It slowly infected every fibre of her being. When she finally reached the grand instrument and, courageously, ran her fingers across it, her frozen nerves thawed. The sound of her heart vanished, leaving only behind the anticipatory silence that awaited her song.
She sat down on the edge of the black stool and lifted the fallboard, revealing the plastic keys that hid beneath. She glanced at the black and white keys, fearing, that if she touched them, they’d melt. Yet she did as she urged herself not to. She opened the box that she was so scared to.
She pressed down a single key and enjoyed the subtle weight and result of her endeavour. The metal string hiding underneath the top board and the cast iron frame compelled the piano to sing with a gentle, treble voice. The single sound remained slowly fading as she held down the key for a moment. The resonance seized as she lifted her finger from it.
The urge to play the magnificent instrument grew all the more prevalent and exciting. Her fear and reluctance vanished, leaving only the will to play behind. The box was now completely open, and completely empty.
She lifted her hanging arms and gently rested her fingertips on the keys without forcing any down. After taking a deep breath, she whispered the words, “Thank you.”
The overwhelming fear of playing in front of people, both the living and dead, seemed unthinkable, but her desire, her want, excelled, vanquishing everything in its presence. Although no one stood listening to her music, or so she thought, she imagined an audience as she accompanied the grand piano on stage underneath the twinkling ceiling lights and between the drawn curtains.
Alone, she sat with every imaginary face glued on her. “I want this, more than anything, more than ever… so hear me,” she said to herself and without any further delay, she proved it.
Her fingers began lightly tapping the keys as her foot instructed the piano to clarify the tune, erasing the persisting notes that acted like nothing but hinders, obstructing the song. She danced across the keys, urging her partner to sing her broken chords, quarters, halves and wholes.
She tickled the piano, humbly asking it to sing her song. She fed the keys with every emotion. The metal strings that stretched across the soundboard quivered and painted the walls of her imagined concert hall. The emitted tones trickled into the air, sparkling as they floated across the auditorium.
When I’m dreaming, I see you, but I know
When I wake, in bed, I’ll be alone
The sun will shine, I’m sad, reasons unknown
Her voice dripped from her lips. Her vocal cords and tongue worked together to produce the gentle tune. Her words were harmonic and melodious, with her partner gracefully supporting them as the weight on her chest melted away. Her grand instrument took the back-stage, performing part of the duet with absolute clarity and sweetness, while she infused the lyrics with warmth and tenderness. Her imagined auditorium was gently tinted with colours of spring. Blues, greens, yellows and pinks.
They say, we’re the lucky ones
When we can’t even hear our tongues
And every breath is gone from our lungs
The melody of the piano faded into the background, leaving her voice to carry the song, alone. The raven-haired pianist shut her eyes, pouring every emotion into her voice. Her dance across the keys slowed down in preparation for the shift.
Somewhere inside, I knew deep down
That I would be left alone,
But these heartstrings of mine
If I strum them, I wonder, if you’d know?
The compelling piece took a slight turn. The pianist’s voice grew strong as it climbed the tones, while her instrument followed closely behind, taking the stage parallel to her. The inseparable pair complemented and uplifted the other. They acted as two perfect halves of an immaculate duet.
I wonder if you’ll hear me
If I sing, would you listen?
If I sing this loud enough, would you sing it back to me?
Somehow I know, you’ll sing it back to me
Her voice slowly grew softer and softer as her lyrics, soon turned into a tender murmur. She withdrew her tongue, giving full reign to her majestic partner who filled the void of the duet, single-handedly. It wasn’t simply one part of a duo, but something more. It was like a song for two, carried by the one.
Her pianistic outro vanished along with every quarter and half note that built it. Until only silence remained, not a single person was there to applaud. But there still remained a listener to her song.
Kaori, that was amazing. She froze. Her eyes widened and her muscles stiffened. Every fibre in her being panicked. Ren heard it all…
What? You heard that? Her ears grew warm as she snatched her hands away from the keys as though she was caught doing something inappropriate.
Uh… no. He said, realising that he was imposing.
How much did you hear? She persisted.
A little bit, just the start. He tried to shy away from her scrutiny.
How much did you hear? She asked once more, this time, bearing a tone that would make anyone quiver before it.
All of it… He answered truthfully.
Oh god! She covered her face with her hands, shaking her head in denial. I want to die! Her heartbeat raced with hope that she could disappear somewhere. She mumbled and plotted her own demise to escape the overpowering embarrassment.
Kaori? He said, but received no answer as she was too busy working out the potential varia
bles of her disappearance.
Kaori? He said again, but still nothing seemed to break through to her.
Kaori!
She stopped and looked up, at the golden clouds, slowly drifting.
What you played, was amazing—I haven’t heard it before. He said.
It’s because I wrote it. Her tense muscles relaxed and her thoughts of escape slowly disappeared.
You wrote it? That’s amazing, it’s really good.
Thank you. She said, hiding her flushed face with her hands.
I didn’t know you played. I used to. Her ears cooled.
Why’d you stop?
Stage fright… Her shoulders sunk as she looked down at the keys.
I’m sorry. Why’d you start again, if you don’t mind me asking?
Because our pianist for our class concert couldn’t play, so I’m forced to take his place—she paused and realised what she had agreed too—I’m going to die, I’m going to die I’m going to die! Her eyes widened and her face become impossibly pale.
You’ll be fine. If you can play for me then you can play for them, right?
Ren! I can’t play for you!
Well… then you should panic… I’m kidding.
I’m going on alone too…
You won’t be alone, I’ll be there with you. He smiled
Ren? All her fears disappeared, only for a moment, but she received no answer. Ren? Nothing came as a reply, only silence followed.
She was left alone in the music room without an audience. Somehow the feeling of tranquility didn’t follow the solitude, but rather a crippling sensation of loneliness gripped her. She began playing again. She bit her lip and infused all her notes with the sorrow. With tears in her eyes, she practised alone.
The night was creeping in, devouring the golden gleam of the sun. She finished her last song for the day and then left the school, walking home. The familiar route seemed deserted and cold. Fortunately, it didn’t take long for her to get home. Upon opening the apartment door, she noticed her mother in the kitchen preparing dinner.
“I’m home,” Kaori murmured to herself.
“Welcome back!” Aiko chanted from the kitchen as she heard the apartment door close.
After Kaori escaped her shoes, she appeared in the kitchen. “What are you making?” she asked blankly.
“Something extra special!” Aiko replied, looking slyly at her daughter. “Sit down,” she instructed and Kaori did.
After a few moments, two plates appeared on the table, one in front her and the other opposite, where her mother sat. The plates carried a perfect portion of curry and rice. It looked like a waning gibbous moon with the rice being the silvery surface and the curry being the shade.
“So how come you came home so late?” Aiko asked, curious about what kept her. “Was it a boy?” she added, eyeballing her daughter as she sat down.
“No…” Kaori replied, unimpressed by her mother’s ability to always fall back on the topic of her love life. “I was practising,” she added, quietly eating a spoonful of the dish. The curry was a perfect blend of a myriad of spices and ingredients, that harmonically enjoyed each other’s company without conflict and bickering. It was a union of culinary elements that complemented one another. The smooth rich flavour of the rice highlighted its counterpart, showing off all its glory and flavour.
“Practicing?” Aiko’s brows rose. “Piano?” she added.
“Yeah…” Kaori replied, downplaying her return to the grand instrument.
Aiko sat unaffected by the confession, or more accurately, hid her reaction with undetectable precision. She remained, seemingly, unfazed. “Decide to pick it up again?” she asked, eating another spoonful of rice and curry, through the solemn mood that hung over them.
“I’m playing at the school festival,” Kaori began. “Something came up for Aiza, so he couldn’t play… I’ll be filling in for him,” she explained, answering the questions that her mother hadn’t yet uttered.
“Oh okay, will you be playing his piece or—” Aiko paused, leaning back in her chair.
“Nora said I can play any piece I want to,” Kaori said. “So, I think I’ll be playing one of my own pieces, but I haven’t decided on which one yet.”
“Okay, I’ll be sure to be there,” Aiko said, smiling at her daughter. Her facade was well calculated, but it failed to completely conceal the mixture of sadness and joy hiding behind her mask.
“Thank you,” Kaori said, returning the same smile, though hers carried an complex fusion of confidence and fear.
“You’ll be fine,” Aiko whispered, knowing that her daughter was terrified by the instrument that had forsaken her and failed to support her in her time of need.
“I hope so,” Kaori looked down at her half-finished meal.
The conversation ended on the sombre note and the two, sitting by the table, finished their food in silence and cleared it in the same lull. Kaori, after expressing her gratitude for the meal, hid in her room. While Aiko returned to the table. She sat and enjoyed the soundlessness and ambience.
“I thought she’d never come back,” Aiko gazed blankly out of the kitchen window with a subtle smile. “I thought she’d never play again.” Tears welled in her eyes. “But, our Kaori is back, even though she is still scared and still doesn’t quite believe the music will support her.” One by one they dripped, slowly trickling down her face. “Kousei, our daughter found it, she’ll take the stage again, and I don’t want you to miss this, I wouldn’t—for the world…”
ChapteR 19
Tiny blades of grass stood erect on the soft soil housing their roots. The gentle leaves were tinted a faint beryl colour as it covered every inch of the ground for miles. The horizon was laced by pale, fluffy clouds. The dome-like sky remained a marine blue colour as its overarching influence painted the surface of the cocooned buds that sprouted ever so often among the grass blades that, too, enjoyed the sky’s colour.
The wind drew smooth strokes across the peaceful land, forming small waves on the sea of grass. The gentle glow of the sunless sky rained down, creating sweet shimmers on the leaning leaves. The only other thing that could be seen in the distance was a small mountain range standing firm on the soil.
The jagged miniature mountains enjoyed the sky’s tint, its brilliance and the wind’s soft kisses. The pair of dreamers appreciated the scenery as they walked side by side, barely disturbing the swaying grass that danced with the wind in glee.
“Ren?” Kaori said, turning away from the crown of clouds on the horizon to the boy next to her. “What should I do?”
“It’s going to be fine,” he smiled. “ All you need to do is get to the piano, right?”
“Yeah, but that’s difficult on its own! My knees get so wobbly and I can barely keep my balance,” she bit her lip, trying to suppress her panic.
“Just focus on walking, don’t think about the audience, they won’t even be there,” his smile deepened.
“What if I don’t make it to the piano?”
“You will.”
“What if I fall?”
“You won’t.”
“What if I play something wrong?”
“You won’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’ll be there with you,” he smiled.
“I don’t think I can sing in front of people anymore,” she noted, looking down at her feet.
“Then try singing now,” he said.
“I can’t do that!” she exclaimed, flustered by his suggestion.
“Why not?” he asked, smirking gently.
“It’s embarrassing…” She stopped in her tracks. “You’ll laugh,” she looked down and tugged on her skirt.
“I won’t,” he said, turning to her.
“Promise?” she looked up.
“Promise.”
With that single word that he spoke, she felt the distance between them close. Her panicking nerves calmed and she mustered up enough courage to sing. She
inhaled through her nose and exhaled every ounce of anxiety that troubled her stomach and stressed her heart.
“Here I go,” Kaori murmured, drawing his eyes to her. “Don’t look… it’s embarrassing,” she looked away from him.
“Oh sorry,” he uttered, turning his back to her. “Better?”
“Yeah,” she said, doing the same.
They stood back to back, for a few seconds in complete silence, not even the wind’s whistle sounded when it walked across the grassy field, dancing with the leaves and Kaori’s hair.
I thought I could do it, but I’m afraid it will never happen.
But I want it, more than ever, more than anything, with all that I am.
I don’t think I can, I’m scared if I let it in, I might never regain my passion.
Kaori’s lips parted and her vocal cords produced such a beautiful sound. Her eyes closed and her words filled the once silent air, and urged every bud to blossom among the small blades of grass. He turned the moment he heard her voice. His eyes widened and his jaw slowly relaxed, parting his lips. With her back to him, he watched her hair flutter with the breeze as he listened to her vocalised lyrics.
But the more I try to stop it, I realise that I won’t die,
I realise that it doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s not gone, but it’ll lie
It may only be a spark, but this ember and these wings will let me fly.
Her voice acted like a solo symphony that urged the imagination to fill the blanks. He stood completely mesmerised by her display of vocal vibrato. The wind was humbly implored to join her song. In that moment, a gust blew by, waking every bud. In a blink of an eye, the entire field was filled with bright blossoms. The small white petalled flowers shone with a soft glow, that rivalled the sun itself, but somehow, they didn’t irritate the eyes.
Kaori closed the short snippet of her song and slowly looked over her shoulder with her eyes low. When she finally looked up to him, her eyes widened. Wow. His voice dripped into her thoughts.
“Was it bad?” she asked looking away.
String Theory Page 9