I was supposed to find her. He thought, stabilising himself with his weak legs. He was struck by just how hazy his senses were. I have to find her. He powered through the uncomfortable experience, looking up at the door that seemed so close. Until he released the metal railing and made his way there, one shaky step at a time. Now, it was as though he had miles ahead of him, just to reach that door.
Somehow, through his struggled steps, he finally made it there. His muscles ached as if he’d lugged a weight far greater than his own. His lungs struggled as if he’d finished running a marathon.
He leaned his heavy skull against the door, trying to keep himself from falling into the blurry haze around him.
It was so silent, even the faint ringing sound that came from the machines at the hospital bed had been drowned out. He was completely alone in the shadows that seemed so lively, playfully curling and dancing about him. But there was a single thought that kept him conscious and lucid through it all.
I need to find her. He lifted his weighty arm slowly pushing against the metal handle, commanding his fingers to grasp it. Kaori… I won’t forget. He thought steeling himself and strengthening his feeble frame.
He pulled, but it didn’t budge. I won’t forget. He pulled again but it seemed like it was sealed shut. I promised. He gritted his teeth and pulled once more, this time, the door slid. I’ll find you. However, only a tiny slither allowed the hallway outside to be visible. But even just that was enough to bring a smile to his face.
His efforts were getting results. He sent his second arm to reinforce the first. His fingers curled around the handle and with a longing smile on his face, he pulled. The door slid, but the gap wasn’t enough for him to squeeze through.
Almost there. Although, he was getting more and more excited, he refused to pay attention to his condition. To his body that screamed.
He pulled again, however this time it didn’t budge. His smile disappeared, and his determined eyes widened. He took a deep breath, feeling the chill of darkness seep in, underneath his hospital gown.
I promised her! His grip was loosening and his arms were giving out. I won’t forget. His vision blurred further with the salty beads forming on his eyes. I can’t… He forced his fingers to hold firm and the muscles in his arms to exercise a strength that just wasn’t there. I need to find her. With that final push, the result was too obvious for him to look away from. The door just wouldn’t move. He didn’t have enough strength and now little by little, with tears running down his face, his weak frame was giving out. His hands lost their grip, his arms could no longer hold themselves up to pull the door open. His balance was shot and in a single moment he leaned forward. Too far for him to go back.
But, right then… the door opened, the corridor gleamed with the exit signs behind the dark figure that caught him.
The nurse whispered a few faint words, until she called out for help. I… she was so warm, the chills on his spine were slowly banished and his teary eyes slowly closed abandoning the hazy blur. I… will… find… you… The throbbing of his head disappeared and his thoughts melted together. I... I won’t forget.
Now the nurse was backed by a few more figures in the dark corridor. They carried Ren back to his bed and reattached the drips and monitoring devices to him.
The next time he awoke, it was all gone. The faint tugging on his heart, the string of memories that bound him to another. The rushing anticipation and excitement in his heart to meet her. It was all… gone.
He awoke in the presence of his family, who shed tears of their own. His… were the saltiest. They ran down, filled with his regret, sadness, pain and frustration, all without knowing why.
It was almost like that string which so delicately tugged on his fingers and guided him to another, now choked his very will. His heart that yearned for its other half.
Soon, when his emotions settled and his warm embrace with his relieved family ended, they spoke of what happened to him. What he’d endured, the months he’d been stuck in a coma, and also the most important of all, at least to him, the accident in Pented.
What was I even doing there? He thought, trying to figure it out, but it proved beyond him. His memories were corrupted into white noise and crystallised emotions that whenever he thought back, for some reason, he wanted to cry.
The days passed and his family made it a rule to come by every day. They watched him struggle through physiotherapy, which made him stronger and stronger by each day. However, even as his body was improving, his memories didn’t return. It was like he’d been left out in the dark. Alone.
Maves and Tanford visited. They had come during his coma, but after they heard the news of Ren’s awakening they rushed over. His soulmate was the main point of interest, but unfortunately there was nothing he could do to remember. She was gone.
Little by little, things turned back to normal, he was able to return to school without being held back or penalised for his accident. He was even allowed to go to work. However, though everything was moving on fine, something was still off. Her name was Kaori… but who was she?
He was certain about it now. The delicate string that tied him to her was naught. His connection was no longer part of the fabric of reality.
He couldn’t see her in his dreams and he couldn’t hear her thoughts. It was all gone.
He was now… stringless.
ChapteR 35
“Hey, are you sure it’s fine for you to start working so soon?” Quist said, looking concerned at her colleague.
“Don’t worry, I’ve been cleared for work once a week,” Ren explained.
“Sure, but, weren’t you just in the hospital, don’t you want more time off?” she persisted.
“It’s better this way, it helps me get my mind off of things,” he said as he looked down at the dark counter.
“Something happen more than being sent to the hospital?”
“He became stringless,” Tanford uttered, before Ren was forced to speak those painful words.
“Stringless—but why?” Quist asked.
“I don’t know, it could have been the car crash or the coma… but my memories of her are gone and we don’t connect anymore,” Ren explained. “All I have is what they can tell me when we body-swapped and the drawings that I made.” He gestured at Maves and Tanford sitting at the bar in front of them.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Quist whispered.
“Well at least, the doctors said that it’s possible for you to get your memories back and for the connection between you two to repair,” Maves said with a smile.
“That’s true, but it’s still unlikely and just speculation,” Ren shrugged.
“It’s fascinating, how pessimistic people are these days,” a man sitting down on the other side of the bar voiced his opinion.
“And who are you?” Tanford quickly retorted.
“Oh, right, you two haven’t met my husband,” Quist said. “This is Mr Quist, and this is Tanford and Maves.”
“Oh, pleased to meet you,” Maves and Tanford bowed their heads.
“As am I,” the dark-skinned man nodded.
“Mr Quist, how can I not be pessimistic, when the future isn’t looking that bright,” Ren said. “The likeliness of me finding her, is near zero, and on top of that I’m stringless.”
“Please Emile, and before I get to that, can I ask the pair of you if you’ve connected with your soulmate?” he turned to Maves and Tanford.
“Oh,” they perked up. “We’ve met ours.”
“Couple of weeks ago actually,” Maves added.
“Would you mind telling me how you connected?”
“Well,” Maves began. “Our emotions connect, and she attends the same high school as I do.”
“And you?”
“Our senses,” Tanford revealed.
“Do you know where she is?”
“Yeah, she’s overseas.”
“Ahh, that’s a far one,” Emile said. “Is she coming here or are you going there?�
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“I’ll be entering university there when we finish high school,” Tanford explained.
“That sounds like a good plan, now I’d like to ask, do you know how Chihiro and I connected?” Emile asked.
They shook their heads.
“Do you really have to tell this story?” she asked.
“Of course,” he smiled. “Chihiro and I were connected for a long time, but even to this day, I actually haven’t experienced anything from her side.”
“What? How were you two connected then?” Ren quickly asked.
“Quite simply, I was broadcasting and she was receiving, all without my knowledge,” Emile explained.
“Could you explain that?” Maves leaned in.
“When I was starting out on my journey to becoming a writer, I had so many ideas and I wrote so many manuscripts. Those images and imagined voices and conversations between characters, pretty much my whole unfettered imagination, was shared with her,” Mr Quist explained. “So all those images, thoughts and ideas were all sent to her without my knowing, she obviously thought she was going crazy with all these weird hallucinations coming in, until it finally hit her that all these were stories and characters. She documented and wrote everything that she saw and heard down and began her search for her soulmate, me. All while I thought I was forever alone, stringless. When my career as a writer finally flourished with my debut and she was able to read my work, she knew. It didn’t take long after that until she travelled to Biburg in search of yours truly. Obviously, I didn’t believe her when she stumbled in front of me, for all I knew she was a crazed fan, but when she recited and showed me the notes of so many upcoming stories that I had planned and written, I couldn’t look away from the truth.”
“Wow,” they whispered and turned to Mrs Quist who was now beet red.
“So Ren, even if you’re stringless now, it doesn’t mean you won’t find her,” he continued. “Give it time, things have a way of working themselves out,” he smiled.
Maybe he’s right. Ren thought. Maybe, if I just give it time, I’ll be able to connect with her again.
Although he grew optimistic and believed that he’d be able to meet her at some point, days past, soon weeks followed, and then months were around the corner and before he knew it years had flown by.
The little he knew from Maves and Tanford slowly vanished along with that optimism. Soon the thoughts, Maybe I’d meet her at some point, turned into, I’ll probably never meet her.
But when he started university in Trine, although the days were boring at times, there was always the one class where he saw someone… familiar.
She’d always sit a few rows behind him. She had black shoulder-length hair. She was so diligent and attentive.
I wonder what her name is? Ren thought and looked over his shoulder at her. Somehow, she always seemed a bit sad to him. It wasn’t as if she was frowning or crying. She didn’t feel sluggish or aimless. It was just… she seemed like she’d lost something.
She gently brushed her hair behind her ear and looked up from her notebook. And right then, her eyes met his. It was like she knew he was looking at her. He, instinctively, turned and acted like nothing had happened.
Was he looking at me? She wondered, but shook her head, banishing the thought. I should focus on the show. She looked down at her sheet music in her notebook and made corrections where there needed to be and changes which seemed fitting. I wonder… what his name is.
“Okay, that’s it, don’t forget to look at the handout,” the lecturer said and dismissed the students. Ren packed up, putting away his notepad and pencil. It wouldn’t hurt to say hi, right? He thought and glanced at her, but the idea quickly disappeared as she was swarmed by other students. Damn. Whatever.
He left the room and walked across the corridors filled with undergraduates, graduates and the occasional professor. He marched past the cafeteria and out into the courtyard in the afternoon sun. It was warm and gentle, the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. Beautiful pink petals fluttered like snowflakes as they fell from the trees.
“Ren,” Maves perked up. “What’s up?”
“Hey,” Ren replied.
“Talk to her?”
“Nope.”
“Lame…”
“Shut up… Let’s just go,” Ren said, leading him down the road.
“So, how was class?” Maves asked.
“Same as always…” Ren shrugged.
“You really like that class, don’t you?” Maves smirked with half-lidded eyes.
“Shut up.”
“Can’t blame you, who wouldn’t enjoy a class with a cute girl, you’re interested in,” Maves’s brows bounced.
Ren’s shoulders sunk as he leaned away from his friend's teasing.
“Anyway, when’s the show?” Maves asked.
“In two hours-ish.”
“Ahh, we still have some time to kill.”
They walked for a bit until they found a nice park close to the concert hall where they could sit and watch the cherry blossoms dance. Somehow, time seemed to go so fast. And before they knew it, they were sitting inside the concert hall among a crowd of people. The lights were dim, but it was obvious that only a few seats were empty. Ren and Maves sat nearly at the centre of the arrangement with a perfect view of the stage.
The curtains were drawn and the performers were coming out any second. First, however was the host who ushered in every musician. It was the girl from his class. She wore a black dress. Simple, yet elegant. She spoke flawlessly.
One performer after another walked out showing off their prowess. The stage hosted a series of instruments and musicians from duets to soloists to small bands. It was well versed and wonderfully received by the audience.
Soon it was her turn. The host herself was going to perform a solo act.
“You really like coming to see the music programme’s concerts,” Maves whispered.
“Yeah, they’re good, its a nice change of pace.” Ren shrugged.
“Whatever you say man,” Maves smiled, knowing that that wasn’t his only reason.
The host walked out and the applause came. The stage lights cast four distinct shadows around her as she walked. She stopped at the edge of the stage and bowed. Next she sat down by the glossy, grand piano at the centre.
The audience waited in silence to hear her song. Without further ado, she gave it to them.
Her lips parted and her sweet voice echoed in the concert hall. She played the keys as gently as she knew how. The sound was so unrushed and pleasant. It was almost like a lullaby one would hear from their mother.
I flipped through the album of pages
We left behind
My tears had stopped and I was ready to look ahead
I finally made up my mind
I hope you still have your part of this thread
She sang with nothing held back. She performed a duet with her elegant partner who refused to falter to the gentle tone of her voice. She closed her eyes and swayed with the music. The half, wholes and quarter notes filled the room and carried every member of the audience closer. They sat perked up, absorbing the sound. The one that stilled aching hearts and soothed inflamed emotions.
I wanted to tell you something
It’s the same now as it was then
I never got the chance to say it
I never got the chance to answer
She poured her heart into the music and gave it her all. She didn’t just play. She created it. She wanted the audience to listen, but not just that, she pulled them in and demanded they do so. None could leave and none could look away. Once it began, the trance would only end, once completed.
I’ve heard this sound before, Ren thought, watching her perform. She was so tender and compassionate.
Is it too late?
If I said it, would you hear me?
If I sang it, would it reach you?
I wonder, will I ever see you?
The gentle tune invoked all
the sweet emotions in every listener. It beat with the heart in their chests. It resonated as a simple whisper in their ears. But in his, it was more. Her pain dripped from her lips and her sorrow vibrated against the strings.
I wanted to tell you something
It’s the same now as it was then
It’s true
It was over before it began
I love you, Ren
With all that I am.
Her voice faded and left only behind a sweet taste on his lips. The piano sang the final uplifting tones. They encouraged him. It was like her words were meant for him. The final whole and quarter notes closed the song and reduced the twinkling sounds to silence. But it wasn’t eerie. It was the kind of silence where nothing could be said and nothing could be done. It was the kind where no one knew what to do.
She walked to the edge of the stage and bowed. The scattered unsure applause turned into a thundering ovation.
Somehow, as she walked off, although, smiling, he thought she seemed very sad.
ChapteR 36
“Did you hear that?” Maves screamed, swinging on his chair. “Of course I heard it!” Ren replied, taking a long sweep of his beer before he slammed it onto the table.
“Now you have to talk to her!” Maves leaned forward. “Man, if Tanford was here he’d say the same thing.”
“More like he’d ask us why we even went to a bar afterwards,” Ren smiled.
“I know, right!”
They laughed and took another chug.
“Ren, this is serious…” Maves adopted a solemn tone. “I’ve met my soulmate and so has Tanford, I mean c’mon, he went overseas for his… and now it’s time for you to meet yours!”
“We don’t know if she’s her,” Ren shook his head.
“Only one way to find out!” Maves chanted, downing his drink. “Damn… I’m out, I’ll be right back.”
String Theory Page 17