Maybe I should write something in here? Ren thought looking down at the gray lines in Kaori’s notebook. I’m the one. He imagined it written on the page. I’m such an idiot. He cringed. What about—I’m your soulmate… too cliché. He scratched his chin and searched inward for a good note for him to leave.
It’s me, Ren. Like she’ll remember who I am! He lowered his head into his palm. I’m the guy from your dreams… Now I just sound creepy. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. Before he could continue, the bell rang and lunch break came around. It’s that time already?
“Hey, Kaori—I mean Ren,” Nora said as she turned to him. “Let’s have lunch.”
“Yeah, I’m starving,” Mei added.
“Sure,” Ren replied. “I just need to use the bathroom real quick,” he said and walked down the hall. Dammit… I haven’t even done anything. He thought as he walked with such conviction and determination into the bathroom. After hearing, “Why’s a girl in here?” he ran off completely panicked. Damn! I did it again! He took a deep breath and cautiously walked into the girl’s bathroom, apologising under his breath as he did.
I’m so sorry, Kaori. He thought as he came out after doing his business. He returned to the classroom and met up with Nora and Mei.
“I didn’t think about it, but you just went to the toilet, right?” Nora asked, while they walked to their lunch spot.
“Yeah, why?” Ren replied.
“You went into the guy’s bathroom first, didn’t you?” Mei chuckled, already knowing the answer.
“Yeah,” he said, looking down in shame.
“I’ve been meaning to ask, how is it going to the bathroom in Kaori’s body?” she added.
“It’s pretty cool—” he shrugged. “I mean—it’s fine…” He bit his lip. Shit.
“Choose your words wisely,” Mei slyly smiled.
“Uh… I’d like to withdraw my statement and make no further comments,” Ren said, with a stiff expression.
“I respect that,” Mei giggled. They arrived at the benches near the football field.
“Where’s your lunch?” Nora asked, noticing Ren’s empty hands.
“Damn…” His shoulders sunk as he realised that he had forgotten to take the lunchbox that was waiting for him on the kitchen counter.
“Don’t worry,” Mei said. “You can have some of mine.” She removed the lid of her lunchbox and shared a little of her food. Nora did the same and filled the improvised plate.
“Thank you,” he said.
“Don’t mention it,” Nora replied, with Mei answering with a grin.
“So have you ever met Kaori?” Mei asked as they started eating.
“Aside from in dreams and some thought-sharing—no I haven’t met her in person.”
“In dreams—” Nora began.
“Thought-sharing—” Mei commented.
“That sounds amazing!” they chanted.
“It’s not that special… we forget when dream and our thoughts just randomly connect,” he said shaking his head.
“But that must be nice, connecting with your soulmate and all,” Nora said.
“I want to connect to!” Mei grumbled.
“I guess it is,” Ren murmured.
“Well, Kaori thinks so, she talks about you all the time,” Nora noted.
“Really? What does she say?” he said, leaning forward.
“Maybe we shouldn’t, she’ll kill us if she finds out,” Mei explained.
“You’re probably right.” He smiled. “I want to meet her though… will you help me?”
“Sure,” Nora said smiling.
“Why not,” Mei shrugged.
“Thank you,” Ren bowed his head in gratitude. “Really, thank you.”
ChapteR 31
“Ren,” he cringed and turned. “Ren!” Her voice was sweet and somehow worried. “You won’t forget me, right?”
He jerked up as he was catapulted out from his dream. His eyes were wide open and his lips, parted. He sat up panting. What was that? He gasped for a moment, but soon stilled his breathing. Did I forget something important? He imagined the voice, but couldn’t place it anywhere. Dammit. He scratched the back of his head and lay his thoughts to rest, for his quest inwards to find the answer was destined for failure. I promised, I’d remember… I promised I’d—what did I promise? He rose from his bed and set himself for the morning.
“Ren,” Kena said just before she opened the door, as she did, she saw her older brother standing in front of her. His face was hollow as though absent-minded and listless. Without saying a word, she turned around and walked back to the kitchen. Ren followed closely behind. The usual breakfast table actions were conducted as normal. Everything about the morning drill from breakfast to the train station to school was the same, until he met Maves and Tanford in class.
“Hey, Ren, you look terrible,” Maves said. “Didn’t sleep well?”
“Something like that,” Ren replied, laying his head down.
“Wait, you are Ren right?” Maves leaned in, scrutinising him.
“Yeah? Why wouldn’t I be?” Ren cringed.
“Well, because—” Maves trailed off, sighing. “Just making sure,” he smiled, then glanced at Tanford.
“Look alive, we’ve got some news!” Tanford announced, trying to give the boy something to get excited about.
“If it’s about us having an exam soon, I don’t think I can take,” Ren muttered, laying his head on the desk.
“No no, it has nothing to do with school,” Tanford noted.
“It has to do with your dream girl,” Maves added.
“Okay… Let’s hear it,” Ren perked up.
“You’ve been having strange dreams about living a girl’s life, correct?” Maves said.
“My memories are hazy, but sure, for the sake of argument,” Ren replied.
“We’re here to tell you, they weren’t dreams,” Tanford said.
“What?” Ren shook his head.
“They weren’t dreams, they were all real. Ren, you’ve been bodyswapping with a girl named Kaori,” Maves revealed.
“What?” Ren said, still not fully capturing what they were trying to tell him.
“The girl you’ve been seeing in your dreams and the thoughts you’ve been hearing, are all from a girl named Kaori,” Tanford explained.
“How do you know that?” Ren narrowed his eyes.
“Because she told us as… you,” said Maves. “Ren, you and her have been connected this entire time.”
His words kick-started Ren’s mental cinema. The archived cassettes that held nothing but distorted film began to clear up and the blurred images became conceivable. The memory gaps became smaller and smaller and the cryptic dreams were deciphered. He recalled all the instances where they shared thoughts or enjoyed each other’s company. Everything from the words that they said to the promises that they made. Up until the most recent body swap. That was the only part that was hazy. The one most important memory, remained a blur.
I was going to see her. I had left a note. But what did the note say? Every memory that was recalled was nothing but a burden at this point. It amounted to nothing but torture. His feelings for Kaori remained as potent as ever and his want to see her, the same. However, there was nothing he could do, he had no way to contact her. Damn. His hands went limp and his muscles, the same. He sank into his chair.
“What the hell am I supposed to do now?” he muttered, knowing that he couldn’t find her without a plan.
“Did you leave her anything when you swapped?” Tanford asked.
“I did… I wrote her a note, but I can’t remember what I wrote,” Ren said, laying his head on the desk. Dammit.
“That sucks,” Maves began. “Then maybe you’ll just need to wait to swap again.”
“Yeah, I know,” Ren replied. But I’m not sure I can take it!
“Good morning class,” Miss Flois walked in. While she spoke, Ren opened his notebook and looked at the pages which had Kaori’s
handwriting on them. I wonder what she thought when she wrote this. He smiled, reading her well-kept notes. Her handwriting was nice and pleasant to look at. Especially, when compared to some of Ren’s scribbles. It’s amazing that she was so close.
Without nothing else to latch on to, he gave up and instead went through the day like normal, hoping that when he slept he would be given another chance to find her.
The hands of time seemed to be moving at double its usual speed. He was put in a trance where every second was two and every minute, duplicated as well. The school day passed by as if it was only a single moment, part of the many in the day. However, as the final class ended, Ren was held back by Miss Flois. She said a single phrase to him before she left the classroom in silence.
“Check the last page.”
Check the last page—what the hell was she talking about? He cringed, but the thought soon hit him. He rushed to his seat and retrieved his notebook. He flipped through the pages until he saw the final piece of paper with a set of symbols etched into the fabric.
You won’t forget me, right?
Her words rang in his ears. I won’t. He smiled. Damn, I can’t stop smiling. He tried to keep a blank expression, but it was impossible. Wait! Does that mean? His eyes widened and his heart raced. The words that had been penciled on the page were enough to fill the gap in his memories. The note he’d left was now remembered, every detail that was written on that page was recalled. Without a thought in mind, he left everything behind and raced out of the classroom.
“Kaori, I’ll be there. I promise!”
ChapteR 32
I wonder if he’ll be standing there. Kaori walked up the mountain road with the towering trees standing all around her.
“Go Kaori, he’ll be there,” she recited Nora’s words. Her knees grew weak and her steps, heavy.
“C’mon, you don’t have time to think about this, just go,” Mei’s voice encouraged her. She took a deep breath and marched up the road in full throttle. However. Each step seemed more and more terrifying, each tree she passed made her more and more nervous.
What should I say? She thought. Hi? She imagined the scenario of meeting Ren in person for the first time. How’s it hangin’? She saw herself nod to him casually. Oh god… I don’t even say that. Her heart grew louder and louder and her face was impossibly hot. Even the simplest act of speech seemed impossible. It had now become the most difficult task she could ever take on.
Hi. She imagined another scene with Ren. How’s life?
I’m losing my mind. She stopped in her tracks. Maybe I shouldn’t. She looked back seeing how far she had already come, with the trees covering the city at her rear.
But I want to see him. She resumed her delicate march. What should I say? I wonder if he’ll be happy to see me. Maybe he won’t like me. Would I bother him? Would I annoy him?
Her scrambled thoughts dripped in one after another, but even through the anxiety, she couldn’t help but keep moving forward. Her want was far greater than any of her worries.
C’mon. C’mon. Ren stood in front of the train doors, waiting for them to open. Finally! The train doors released its passengers and he was the first to run out. He frantically looked around to find an exit. The moment he laid eyes on an exit sign, his feet were already moving. He quickly navigated through the pedestrians. Pented was right around the corner. He ran gasping for air. His arms and legs carried him as fast they possibly could. I won’t forget you Kaori. He raced across the city to his destination. Please wait for me. Street sign after street sign passed him as he did his best to follow the route his memories had laid down for him.
This is it. She reached the top. She gasped and looked around. Her eyes were wide and her ears scorching. She walked up to the viewpoint, but no one was there. Her racing heart slowed and the fluttering in her chest stopped. Her shoulders sunk and her chest settled. Her feet grew heavy as they carried her to the fence where she could see the entire city. Its beauty was remarkable, but now it might as well be as dark as everything around her. However, somehow, it seemed comforting, like it was the light at the end of the tunnel. It was like something about it said, don’t give up.
I will find you Kaori! He was reaching his limit. His legs could no longer keep his pace. His knees were giving out and his feet, sore. His body screamed Breathe! But he couldn’t. He’d come so far. He couldn’t stop now. His lungs worked their hardest to not collapse, but the exhaustion was taking its toll and his senses grew numb. The loud ear-shattering sound of a horn echoed. He was carried off his feet and in the next second he was laying on the ground, looking up at the dark sky. His legs had been carrying him forward, but now they were still. His chest ached. His ears rang. His vision blurred. His heartbeat slowed. The air was sweet and metallic. The asphalt was rough. The clouds wept. His pain was absolute. In that moment all he could hear was his inner voice. Breathe!
She stood there. All alone and waiting. Even when the night wind was chilly. She waited. And waited. The bonfire in her heart was nothing but tiny embers now. The flames had withered and died. The string that had set it ablaze was torn apart. She knew, but remained. She waited, but expected no one. Her chest hurt and her eyes were dry. She stayed atop the mountain and waited. But no one came.
ChapteR 33
How long has it been already? Days? Weeks? Months? Kaori drifted, floating gently above the surface of a lake. I’ve lost count. The waves slowly pulled her down, rising around her silhouette. I wonder why I keep coming here. Or rather, she was sinking. About half of her body was submerged now. Honestly, sometimes I just want to forget it all. A little more washed over her. But if I forgot… What then? She fell under the water surface, staring up at the ribbons of lights, dancing with the waves. This world of mine— this dream castle—would it disappear? She closed her eyes. Nothing ever changes anyway. Her sigh floated up as gilded bubbles. And I’m the only one here, night after night. Her hair gently swayed with the waves. It doesn’t bother me, that he’s gone, or at least… not that much.
Day in and day out, she awoke in her castle of dreams that she used to share with him. First, she looked at it from afar and refused to go any closer. She confined herself to a small cubicle and stayed where she was. But soon, little by little, her boredom got the best her.
She explored the land of the jungle pyramids. She visited the greenlands and the incredible monuments. She raced the wind and admired the free sky. She even found the tree where she first saw—
The snowflakes fell and Kaori was there to dance among them. She watched from afar and enjoyed it up close. The trees had miniature avalanches and the icicles still wept. She climbed the hill and saw the incredible aurora curtain tearing the sky in two. She visited the oasis and lay in the grass. She returned to the hill ridge and enjoyed the midnight sky. She sat, right where she met—
She walked upon the liquid mirror once more. She danced with herself and formed a million endless ripples. She picked the glassy flowers and ran her fingers across the bamboo towers. She raced and raced, and looked around, expecting to see—
She went back and sat atop the icy crystal monument. Rugged mountainous islands stood all around on the vast marine sea. With deep purple curtains and rosy highlights to compliment the gloom. The wind blew and the clouds raced, but neither disturbed her. Because it was the place where she made that promise with—
She walked the fields of the budded flowers. She ran, raced, bounded and chased to her heart’s content. She collapsed and set off all the flowers as though it was a domino chain reaction. She lay there and watched the blossoms dance and flutter. I sang to—
She walked in the dark forest where every tree lit up as she passed them. They glowed like a million candles. She sat down where she found a hollow trunk. When I had forgotten, isn’t this where I remembered—
She witnessed the meteor shower where he promised he’d find her.
It couldn’t be helped, everywhere she went, she remembered him. Don’t go. She replay
ed every memory and every moment. Please don’t go. The laughs, the tears, the hopes, the fears. He shared them all with her and she with him. Please don’t go! He held on and so did she.
In the empty space of her dream world, she sat, hugging herself, but her heart kept aching. Every tear that fell from her chin, hurt like none before. I love you. His final words to her only torn a larger hole. These memories, even though they break my heart. They help me believe in the future. She looked out into the endless abyss. Even though I’m lonely, they help, they help me not fall. She leaned forward, clutching her chest. I’m not alone… Because you’re with me. She wiped her tears and tried to front a smile. The void cleared. I’m sorry I never got a chance to tell you but… I love you too.
ChapteR 34
Kaori! Ren sat up. His eyes widened at the sight of the room around him. “Kaori?” He looked around, but no one was there. Only the still hospital room lay before him. “I need to find her…” His weak voice escaped his lips as he shifted on the soft hospital bed.
“What is this?” His struggles came to a stop as he noticed thin transparent tubes hinder his descent. He tugged on them at first, the veinlike pieces of plastic that helped him breath and those that injected supplements into his body. Dammit what is this! He tugged harder with the little strength he had and ripped them from his skin. A faint ring sounded from the different monitors in the room, blinking as though to signal something.
But Ren ignored them, now free from the hindrance, there was only one thing on his mind. He sat up and cautiously made his descent from the bed, holding on to the cold metal railing. The bars gleamed with the moon’s gentle glow, seeping in from the wide window with its curtains drawn back.
His toes squirmed against the foreign flooring, sending shivers up his legs. Once he shifted his weight from the bed, climbing down, catching himself with his weak legs, it quickly became obvious that those pillars of strength were wobbly and in awful condition. It happened so fast, with a single flicker of his nightgown, he now was crouched next to the bed, still grasping the metal railing for support. It seemed impossible, but that didn’t stop him.
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