Josh

by Cheryl Wright

  She continued to stand in front of him, staring him down. “And you know it.”

  He looked over her shoulder and into the interior of the shop. At least it was empty, and no one would hear their very personal conversation.

  She continued to stare at him and he thought about turning around and walking right back out that door. But he knew he couldn’t do it. He would never disrespect Lizzie. And she knew it.

  Suddenly her eyes opened wide. “You haven’t told her, have you?”

  She moved forward and put her arms around him. “My dear boy, get it out in the open.” He could hear her voice breaking, and he wasn’t sure he could risk speaking for the same reason.

  Instead he shook his head.

  She let her arms fall to her sides and stepped back and looked him in the eye.

  “She doesn’t need to know,” he said quietly. “We’re not together any more.”

  Lizzie sighed. He could see she was getting exasperated with him, so hopefully she’d give up. But knowing Lizzie that was a no.

  “Josh,” she said quietly.

  He shook his head again, hoping she’d let it go.

  “It’s important, you have to tell her.”

  “Not any more,” he said. “We broke up, remember.” Something he deeply regretted, but it wasn’t working out between them.

  Another lie.

  “Josh,” Lizzie said again. “Look at me.” He didn’t want to, but he was taught to respect his elders and women, and Lizzie was both, so what choice did he have?

  “It wasn’t your fault,” she said, brushing an errant tear from her face.

  Damn the woman! Why did she have to do this to him? He was dealing with it.

  “So everyone tells me.”

  She continued to stare at him, not budging from her position right in front of him. “It’s wasn’t your fault,” she said again, this time a little softer.

  He glanced over her shoulder again then spoke quietly. “If you say so.”

  She stepped closer to him, this time reaching out to touch his cheek. “Josh,” she said very softly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

  This time they came together in a hug and cried until they were spent.

  Chapter Four

  Emily had tried desperately not to think about Josh Wrangler.

  But it wasn’t working.

  Everywhere she went in town, there were signs of him.

  Okay, not him specifically, but people he knew, the Sheriff’s Office, Aunt Lizzie’s Kitchen, and a few other places where she’d seen him over the past few weeks. Including where she lived.

  She was smitten at the very least, but he wasn’t giving her a chance. He had made the decision to break up. Him alone. She wasn’t given any choice in the matter and it annoyed the heck out of her.

  Sure, she was a little reluctant in the beginning, but had warmed to him. Josh was not like the other cowboys she’d dated. He didn’t try to use her, and while they were together, if you could call it that, he didn’t cheat on her.

  To be honest, she wasn’t certain he’d dated for a very long time. He seemed to be quite raw when it came to women.

  She was the total opposite. She was well experienced in the dating game, but just didn’t seem to pick the right cowboy. Which is exactly why she’d sworn off cowboys.

  She needed to get the fog out of her brain and had hired a horse for the afternoon. It would also be a great way for her to get to know the River Valley area better.

  Apart from the odd trip into town to visit the horses behind the Sheriff’s Office, she’d mostly stayed at home since she and her sister had arrived.

  Her horse for the day was Amy, a beautiful Chestnut with a white star at the top of her face. Emily had already brushed her down, added the saddle blanket and saddle, and was now tightening the cinch.

  She couldn’t wait to mount her.

  Emily hummed as she carried out all the tasks she needed to do before she could finally sit atop the beautiful horse in front of her.

  It had been a while, way too long for her liking, since she’d ridden a horse. Today was very special to her.

  She’d asked Laney along, but her sister was never into horses like Emily was. Truth be told, what she really didn’t like was having to muck out the stables, feed the horses, and do all the mundane stuff as Laney called it, like brushing the horses before and after a ride. Not to mention all the other things that went with it, like oiling the saddles.

  Emily was cool with that. It gave her some alone time when she needed it.

  She led Amy out of the stable by the reins, looking around to decide where she’d go. She double-checked the saddle as she always did out of habit.

  Her heart rate hitched up as she held the saddle horn and put her foot in the stirrup. It had been too long, but now, here she was, sitting up on this beautiful mare who was her companion for the afternoon.

  She put on her riding helmet, made certain she had her cell phone in her pocket, and they trotted out of the agistment and went on their way to who knew where.

  Emily breathed a sigh of relief. She really was atop a horse. She leaned forward and brushed her cheek against Amy’s mane, rubbing her hand along the horse’s face. She had a pocket full of apple chunks, which would surely be welcomed later.

  They started off slowly, giving Emily way too much time to think about Josh. She missed him dearly, and her heart was breaking every day they were apart.

  What did she expect? He’s a cowboy, and that’s what cowboys do, right?

  She’d been told there was a cowboy code. One of respecting women and doing the right thing. That certainly sounded like Josh, but…

  But then he’d broken up with her for no good reason.

  She shook her head, trying to stop the thoughts, then sent Amy into a canter. She headed for the township where she knew public land was available behind the main street for horse riding.

  Okay, so she wouldn’t see much, but she only wanted to explore the town today.

  It took nearly half an hour to get there, then she dismounted to rest her horse. Amy must be thirsty, so Emily led her over to the horse troughs that the shire maintained for the many horses that were still out and about.

  The apple chunks went down well too.

  She decided to walk for a while, holding tight to Amy’s reins, and without realizing she’d even headed in that direction, ended up at the rear of the Sheriff’s Office.

  It didn’t take long before Brandie and the other horses came running across, looking for apple chunks.

  She’d only been there a short time when she heard the back door open. She felt his presence and shivered but didn’t turn around. Refused to come face to face with him.

  Josh made no attempt to come to her.

  “Hello Josh,” she finally called over her shoulder, forgetting her resolve to ignore him. He stayed where he was. “Nice day,” she said, wondering if she was just wasting her time.

  “Who’s the mare?” The words were stifled but it was a start.

  She slowly turned around. He stood stiffly in the doorway and made no attempt to come near her.

  She might as well leave.

  Putting her helmet back on her head, she grabbed the saddle horn and readied Amy to leave. Suddenly Josh ran toward her, breathless.

  He snatched up the reins and grabbed her around the waist, stopping Emily from mounting the horse, his face ashen.

  “Josh?” She had no idea what this sudden outburst was about, but she had no intentions of staying when he wasn’t prepared to communicate.

  He held the reins tighter, preventing her from going anywhere. He stroked the head of the mare and looked across to Brandie, who trotted over to him.

  “I have to go,” Emily said, yanking at the reins and beginning to worry. “I should get her back to the stables.”

  He closed his eyes and his face went almost white.

  “You’re scaring me, Josh. What’s going on?”

  His fingers tightened
around the reins, but she’d managed to free herself from his grip. “Can you climb down please, Emily?”

  She tried to yank the reins from his fingers, but he just held tighter. She had no idea what his problem was, but she needed to get back to the stables before they closed for the day.

  “Josh.” Sheriff Chase Callahan stood at the back door watching the scene play out before him.

  Emily watched as Josh turned to face his sheriff, then let the reins slide through his fingers. She took the opportunity to turn, ready to leave.

  She saw his shoulders slump as he walked toward his superior. As she moved away, she glanced back over her shoulder and saw him appearing to argue with the sheriff. If she didn’t know better, she’d guess it was about her.

  ~~~

  “Sit.” The sheriff indicated for Josh to sit opposite him in his office.

  He was devastated at the turn of events, at Emily atop a horse, and worse still, one he didn’t know. How did he know she wouldn’t be thrown?

  He could only assume she’d gotten the horse via the only agistment in the area, although Jordon Callahan’s wife ran a horse-riding school.

  Either way, Emily managed to secure a horse to ride. And it didn’t make him happy.

  He studied Josh as he squirmed until he was comfortable opposite his desk, then stood and closed the door.

  “We talked about this,” he said, as he returned to his huge desk by the window. The window that overlooked the paddock where the horses were kept during the day.

  The window Chase stared out when he was thinking. And he didn’t miss a trick. “What were you thinking?”

  Josh sighed. He hadn’t been thinking when he went after Emily. He was in too much of a panic. All he could think about was Tessa. And what had happened to her.

  Strangely, he never panics. There have only been two times in his life when he panicked – the day Tessa fell from her horse, and today.

  There had to be some sort of message there, but his brain wasn’t functioning on all fours today. He couldn’t concentrate, and there seemed to be a lot of white noise in the background.

  He shook his head trying to clear it.

  “Did you hear me, Josh?” Chase glared at him. “How long have I been rattling on while you zoned out?”

  He stood up, and Josh followed suit. “No matter. I’m obviously not getting through.”

  “You know how it is,” Josh said, expecting some sympathy from Chase. “You’ve been there.”

  The sheriff’s face went blank. “Yes. Yes, I have,” he said. “And we both know it’s not fun. But here’s the crunch.” He sat on the edge of the desk, rubbing his hand across his clean-shaven chin. “If you continue this way, you’re going to scare her off. I know you’re worried, and I know you can’t help it. In every other area of your life you’re very disciplined. You’re going to have to do the same when it comes to Emily.”

  Josh glared at his superior.

  “Take the rest of the day off and think about what I’ve said,” Chase told him quietly. “Unless you want Emily to turn her back on you forever.”

  He extended his hand and Josh took it. “This is not punishment, Josh,” he clarified. “Take it as a day of contemplation. You and Emily deserve to be happy, but that won’t happen if things continue like this.”

  Josh grabbed his hat and shoved it on his head. “Sure thing, Sheriff,” he said flippantly.

  Chase frowned at him, looking slightly annoyed. “I’m trying to help you, Josh.”

  He held the door open for Josh to leave.

  “I know,” Josh said. “But it’s a little hard to swallow right now.”

  Josh left the building thinking about the only two women who, apart from his mother, had ever mattered in his life.

  ~~~

  Emily’s cell rang until finally it went to voice mail.

  It had taken all his courage to call her. After what he’d done today, she’d probably never speak to him again.

  And he couldn’t blame her. Chase was right – he had to tell her the truth. Get it all out in the open. Until that happened, he couldn’t see them getting back together.

  And he desperately wanted to get back with Emily. She made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

  He sat back in the lounger on the porch, his eyes closed, taking in the sunshine. The weather was beautiful, and far from what it was the day they’d rescued Emily’s sister.

  Little did he know what that meeting would bring.

  That his life would be forever changed.

  His cell buzzed. “Wrangler,” he barked down the line. “Oh, sorry Emily,” he said more civilly.

  He waited while Emily spoke her mind over today’s debacle, then apologized. “I really am sorry,” he said, and he was. He couldn’t help himself. He’d gone into panic mode and the rest just happened.

  “So you got home alright?” he asked, wanting to be assured she’d gotten back safely after her ride. Emily wanted him to explain himself. To explain his behavior. She deserved that, at the very least, she said.

  “We need to talk,” he said quietly, not sure where he would even start. “Somewhere private,” he added. What he had to say was personal. He didn’t want the whole of River Valley to hear their conversation.

  “What about the picnic grounds,” he said. “It will be deserted at this time of day.” She agreed to meet him there and brushed aside his offer to pick her up. He could understand that. If she didn’t like the outcome, she’d want to make her own way home.

  They agreed on fifteen minutes from now; the sooner the better, he’d decided. Then quickly ended the call.

  He stood and stretched himself out, then took some deep breaths. Josh had no idea how he was going to begin this excruciating conversation.

  ~~~

  He stood at the top of the hill near the picnic table and looked out over the township. It really was a beautiful place.

  He’d lived in River Valley most of his adult life, moving there due to a work transfer. When he finished his training, he was stationed in the city, but the lifestyle didn’t suit him, and he’d asked for a transfer to somewhere smaller, more intimate.

  Somewhere he could get to know the locals. He hated that everyone who came into the city office was a stranger. That there was no connection of any sort.

  Sometimes though, he wished for the distance. He wouldn’t be feeling the pain he was enduring right now if he’d still been back in the city.

  But then again, he’d have never met Tessa. He swallowed hard, then turned as he heard a twig break behind him.

  He smiled the moment he set eyes on her. “Emily,” he whispered.

  She wrapped her arms around herself and looked out across the view. “It’s beautiful up here,” she said, avoiding eye contact with him. “I should bring my paints up here sometime.”

  “Not alone,” he said quickly. “It’s not safe to be here alone.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. He was too protective for his own good.

  She frowned and turned away from him.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, moving toward her. “I, I just worry about you, is all.” He put his hand to her arm, but she shook him away.

  Her eyes glared into his. “I’m not your property, Josh,” she snapped, then took a few steps away from him. “What did you want to talk about? I can’t stay long.”

  He could see she was angry, and he couldn’t blame her. After all, it was all on him. Chase and Lizzie were both right – he should have told her in the beginning.

  He should never have left it this long to tell her. “Can we sit down,” he asked, already beginning to guide her toward the picnic table, where they sat.

  His mouth was suddenly dry, and he wasn’t sure how he could even talk. He spotted the drinking fountain and took a few sips. It didn’t help much.

  “Chase and Lizzie, they,”

  She interrupted him, annoyed and frowning. “They what?”

  “Never mind, it
’s all on me. I should have told you from the start,” he said, his mouth fully parched this time despite the water he’d already sipped. So much so, he could barely speak.

  “Should have told me what?” He could see her curiosity was piqued now, but she was still frowning. Still annoyed.

  “That I was to be married…”

  She suddenly stood. “You are getting married to someone else? You, you,” She stumbled over her words, pure anger over her face. “This is why I don’t date cowboys!”

  Her fists were tightly closed, and she was visibly shaking. She hadn’t let him finish, and now things were threatening to become even worse than before.

  He swallowed down the huge lump in his throat.

  “You misunderstood,” he said as quickly as he could get the words out of his mouth. “Emily,” he said almost whispering. “Please – sit down and this time let me finish.”

  She was still angry, but nodded and sat, no longer looking at him, instead staring across the horizon, watching as the sun began to set.

  “I was to be married,” he said, taking a huge breath before he spoke. “But my fiancée, she, she,” he choked back the emotion, not sure how he would get the words out.

  She turned her head toward him, sensing something was not right, reaching out and holding his hand.

  He took another deep breath and licked his lips. The next words came out in a rush. “She died.” The emotion that hit him at that moment threatened to overtake him. Emily squeezed his hand, and when he looked into her eyes, saw tears welling up.

  He turned his head away. Her tears were threatening the small hold he had on his own emotions.

  “Oh Josh, I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through.”

  He turned back to her but couldn’t speak. He simply nodded.

  “What happened,” she asked, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

  “It was a riding accident.” He swallowed hard. “She fell and hit her head on a rock. She died almost immediately.”

  He saw the realization cross her face. “Is that… Of course it is. Why didn’t you tell me? And I’ve made things worse for you,” she said. “I’m so very sorry I put you through that.”

  He stood abruptly and stared down at her. “This is not about the other day,” he said, then sat down again. “Actually, I guess it is. Because certain people have forced me to look at what I’ve been doing lately. How I’ve treated you.”