by Pam Godwin
“I love him.”
His eyes bulged. “The priest?”
“Yes. I love Magnus.”
“Oh, Tins. You think you do but—”
“Don’t you dare Oh, Tins me.” Frustration steamed from my pores. “I’m not a child, and I’m not a fucking moron. I’m smart, Perry. Smart enough to know who I fucking love.”
“Okay.” He held his hands up, trying to placate me. “Calm down.”
“I can’t. You know why? Because if anything happens to him, it will destroy me. Do you understand? I will not survive it.”
“Why? Why him?”
“He sees me and understands me. He accepts me and defends me.”
I paced through the room as the words rushed out. I told him how awful I was when I first came to Sion Academy, how I plotted to get expelled and put Magnus through months of hell. I told him how Magnus helped me with the opossums and cleaned up my blood at the Winter Formal. I explained how he kept his hands to himself for months and fought the pull we both felt down to our souls.
“He would jump in front of a bullet for me.” My insides quivered with fear. “And I would do the same for him.”
“Fucking hell.” He raked his hands through his hair. “We don’t have a lot of options here. We can’t lose this Kensington deal. The Morellis are closing in, taking over everything around us. We need assets, resources. We need the Kensington holdings.”
“If that’s what this is about, why do you need to eliminate Magnus?”
“If he talks, if the Kensingtons find out you’re mixed up with your teacher—”
“Magnus won’t talk. He has his own career to protect.”
“Does he love you?”
My heart stuttered. “I don’t know.”
“If he loves you, he’ll screw up this deal. I’m sorry, Tins. We have to take him out.”
I had one shot at this, one chance, one time to turn up, do what was right, own it, and protect the man I loved.
“Take me to the school. I’ll fix this without bloodshed.” My stomach sank to my feet. “Then I’ll marry Tucker Kensington.”
CHAPTER 35
TINSLEY
Perry agreed to do things my way.
On three conditions.
One, I would return to Bishop’s Landing with him today and finish high school at home with a private tutor.
Two, my only priority going forward would be the long-term success of the Kensington-Constantine merger. As the wife of Tucker Kensington and heiress to the Constantine dynasty, I would be the mediator between the ruling families.
Three, I would never speak about my relationship with Magnus Falke. Under no circumstances could there be a scandal. It was a secret I would take to my grave, and I would never see or talk to him again.
These were the sacrifices required of me. No question, this would be too much for me to bear. But the alternative was worse.
I would endure just about anything to keep Magnus breathing and unharmed.
But all this hinged on him letting me go. It had to be a clean break. No contact between us ever again. And he couldn’t tell a soul about us.
He’d already decided we wouldn’t have sex or any sort of romantic involvement from here on out. Our goodbye was coming in just five short months anyway. We both knew what would become of me after graduation.
Ending our entanglement immediately would be easier. Less messy.
But I knew better. I knew he would fight for me with every vicious bone in his body.
I would have to hurt him. Convince him I didn’t want him. There was no other way to accomplish this.
The gravity of what was about to happen didn’t hit me until I was in the car with Perry and Ronan, speeding toward Sion Academy.
Anxiety and torment crashed together like a swarm of angry wasps in my chest. I felt like I was going to throw up.
Perry called our mother the moment we were on the road and updated her on the change of plans. He held the phone to his ear, but her impatient voice blared through the confined space.
“This is a better solution, Mom.” Sitting beside me, he gripped my hand and held it on his bouncing knee. “No blood. No dead body. It’s cleaner this way.”
My stomach turned inside out, but I kept my expression neutral. Perry understood how deeply invested I was in Magnus, but we’d decided it was best to keep that detail from our mother. That meant hiding it from her henchman, who sat eerily still beside me.
While on the phone, Perry laid out the conditions I’d agreed to follow, which seemed to appease her.
“No,” he said, glancing at me sidelong. “They’re not in love. This was about a rebellious girl getting it on with her teacher. A slimeball teacher who was too fucking weak to resist her.”
Whatever her response was, he tightened his grip on my hand, his thumb stroking my knuckles, reassuring me.
“I know, Mom.” He sighed. “I swear. If he gives us any trouble, we’ll go back to plan A.” A pause. “Yep. Hang on.”
He stretched across me, passing the phone to Ronan on my other side.
Ronan tilted his head, listening to my mother. Silence descended, broken up by the occasional bump of tires on the road.
“Understood.” Ronan disconnected the call and handed the device back to Perry.
And that was that.
My mother would go along with this so long as I held up my end and Magnus didn’t put up a fight.
I would have to give Magnus the most believable, persuasive performance of a lifetime. Anything less, and he would see straight through my lies.
As Sion Academy came into view, I started to lose my nerve. My chest hurt. My head spun. A sour taste overwhelmed my mouth, and a painful lump took up residence in my throat.
“Where to?” Perry gave my hand a squeeze.
“He’ll be at the main building, his rectory, or the church. Let’s check the church first.”
The driver motored through the quiet village and parked beside the arched doors. Since school didn’t resume for two more days, most of the students hadn’t returned yet.
“Give us a minute,” Perry said to Ronan.
The henchman stepped out and shut the door.
Perry shifted to face me, wrapping both of his hands around one of mine. “I’m sorry, Tins. I know how much this is hurting you. I swear if there was any other way…”
“There isn’t.” I drew in a deep breath, steeling myself. “It’s not your fault.”
Once this was over and I’d made it to the privacy of my bedroom, I would let myself fall to pieces. Until then, I channeled my mother’s cold ruthlessness and held my shit together.
Perry and Ronan would be with me through this. I’d rather they weren’t, but Perry wouldn’t allow it another way. Probably a good thing. I didn’t trust myself to be alone with Magnus.
“Don’t ever fall in love, Perry.”
“No way.” He laughed, appalled at the idea. “Never.”
“When we go in there, no matter what happens, don’t interfere, okay? Magnus is going to be mad at first. Like scary mad. We’ll argue. But I’ll convince him to back off and let this go. I just need you to make sure Ronan doesn’t get twitchy with that gun.”
“He won’t interfere unless I give him the order or your life is threatened.”
“Okay.” Swallowing a jagged ball of dread, I opened the door and forced my feet into the church.
As expected, Magnus was here, kneeling in the front pew, head bowed and rosary in hand. Exactly how I’d found him nearly three weeks ago. Except this visit would have a completely different outcome.
I couldn’t look at the altar without thinking about our delicious desecration, so I kept my gaze averted, fixed on the back of his head.
He took his time finishing his prayers. Then his neck slowly turned, bringing his blue eyes around to lock on mine.
White noise flooded my ears, swallowing the devastating rupture of my heart.
I’d gone to bed last night ang
ry and hadn’t said goodbye this morning. For all he knew, I’d woken still pissed as hell. Pissed enough to make some rash decisions.
As he rose to his feet and faced me, his gaze shifted, marking my escorts where they stood by the door. I saw the recognition in his eyes when he looked at Perry, and again when his attention landed on Ronan.
I didn’t have to make introductions. He’d told me he had his own investigator, whom he used to glean information about my family and everyone on my mother’s payroll.
Yeah. I brought my mother’s henchman into your church.
A flicker of hurt crossed his face, there and gone in a blink. But I felt it like a thousand knives in my chest.
This was the price for loving him, for proving I was strong enough to do what was needed to protect him. Our bond was alive and present, deeper and more tangible than ever. As the pain threatened to buckle my legs and pull me to the floor, therein existed the proof of my love.
“I called my family after you left this morning.” A vulnerable shiver ran up my spine. “I told them about us. I told them everything.”
His stare, hard and shatterproof, moved to Perry. Everything about Magnus was deadly still. Silent. Too fucking calm. Why wasn’t he speaking? What was he thinking? If he could sense my lie, he gave nothing away.
He wore jeans and a blue Henley. Casual. Breathtakingly gorgeous. Extraordinarily attentive.
Oh God, this was going to hurt.
“It’s time for me to leave. For good.” My eyes burned. Don’t cry. “There are some disturbing things going on with you that you need to work through, and I’ve been very clear from the beginning about what I wanted. I want to go home.”
“You went home.” His jaw turned to stone, his silken timbre mocking and mean. “You lasted what? Three days in your mansion before you came running back to me?”
“I came back because I knew you were here alone. It was the perfect opportunity to have sex and give my mother a reason to pull me out of this school. The problem is I enjoyed our time together in the mountains.” Truths mixed with lies, propelling me toward him, one foot before the other. “For a while there, I almost forgot I wanted to go home. Until you ended things with me last night.”
His razored eyes tracked me, stalked me, his features twisting in disbelief and anger.
He was mine, and I was giving him up.
It defied logic and reason and violated every instinct inside me. It fucking hurt. I couldn’t breathe beneath the weight of agonizing pain.
By some miracle, I kept the tears at bay and maintained my composure. “After I told my mother what we’ve been doing, she agreed to bring me home. Good news for me, but not for you. I’m sorry, Magnus, but she’s really unhappy about the situation. That’s why Ronan’s here.”
Magnus didn’t take his eyes off me. With a backdrop of burning candles, he stood with his feet braced apart, the rosary dangling from his fist, glaring at me like an angry god refusing to relinquish his virgin offering.
If he discovered the truth, if he knew the conditions I had to follow, the sacrifices I was forced to make, he would never let me leave.
“You’re lying.” He slipped the rosary into his pocket and turned as I brushed past, his feet following me, coming for me.
“Why would I lie? I called my family to come get me.” I swept out an arm, indicating Perry while pacing through the church. “I don’t want to be here. Especially knowing you intend to ignore me for the rest of the year. I have better things to do.”
He stayed on my heels, breathing down my neck as I fought for air.
“I don’t hate you, Magnus.” I love you. “I care enough that I don’t want Ronan to kill you.” I would die for you. “So I made a deal with my mother.” I gave up my dreams so you can live to realize yours. “I need you to cooperate.”
“No.” The fury in that one word burned with unholy fire. He grabbed my arm, spun me around, and shoved his face in mine. “Choose me.”
I am. This is me choosing you. I will always choose you.
When he met me, he thought I was nothing more than a shallow, spoiled, rich brat. I played on that now, hoping to convince him his first impression of me was correct.
“You can’t be serious.” I laughed against his mouth, taunting and cruel, as my insides shriveled and died. “You’re an old man, living a boring life in a lame little hovel. You drive a piece of shit, read the Bible for fun, and have one friend. One. You have nothing to offer me, and I have everything to lose if I choose you.”
“Tucker Kensington.” He released me, pivoted away, his breaths cleaving the air before wheeling back and jabbing a finger in my face. “You’ll lose him if you choose me. I’ll save you from that fate.”
He knew it wasn’t that simple. Goddammit, he knew I didn’t have a choice when it came to the Kensingtons.
Before I could argue that point, I was staring at the rigid length of his spine as he stormed away, heading back toward the altar.
I cut a sharp glance in Perry’s direction, his posture stiff and braced for a fight. Giving him a sharp shake of my head, I trailed after Magnus.
He stopped in the aisle and stared up at the huge crucifix on the wall, his gruff voice echoing through the church. “Sometimes, all you need is a leap of faith.”
I needed him alive. Unless faith was a bulletproof vest, I had no use for it.
“I don’t need faith.” I approached his back, my heart shrinking with each word from my mouth. “I have a trust fund. A lot of fucking money waiting for me at home. Security. Luxury. And family. That’s what I need.”
If he were to turn and show me his face, there would be no devotion left for me in those perfect features. I stripped it with my lies. I felt the completeness in his undoing before he spoke.
“I’ve accepted the discipline I’ve earned, but there is only so much correction a heart can withstand. You’re my greatest, most painful punishment, Tinsley Constantine.” He whirled around to face me, shoulders heaving, hands flexing at his sides as he roared, “Get out of my church!”
My feet stuck to the floor as my insides rattled and jarred loose with his outburst. The ratty scraps that held my heart together came apart, leaving a bottomless, blistering chasm.
I shook uncontrollably, unable to hide it. “My mother agreed to let you live, but only if you keep your mouth shut. If you tell anyone about us, Ronan will return for you.”
“Make this fact fast in your mind.” He surged forward, his gaze fracturing as he snarled in my face. “You no longer exist to me. Get out!”
His rage propelled me toward the door, but it was the hurt in his eyes that crushed my heart. The shapeless mass of flesh in my chest continued to beat, thundering unbearably. It beat with ferocious sorrow. It beat to the rhythm of his pain, drumming with chaos and irreparable damage.
Goodbyes were multifaceted things. Some were trivial and temporary. Others were harrowing and permanent.
As I walked away from Magnus Falke, this one shattered my soul, broke me into pieces, and left me for dead.
Being with him had been an ascension to heaven.
Leaving him condemned me to eternal hell.
CHAPTER 36
TINSLEY
Giving him up hadn’t been a choice. It was a duty. A moral obligation. An expression of love.
I’d saved his life.
Didn’t matter how many times I reminded myself of this. I was angry.
I walked amid the cold rooms of the mansion, enraged at the universe. I sat through my daily homeschooling lessons, furious with a god I didn’t believe existed. I spent every night alone, so infuriated with my mother I couldn’t talk to her. Not that she noticed. We shared a residence but never saw each other.
In the weeks and months of missing Magnus, I couldn’t come to terms with how things ended. I would never make peace with it. Losing him had changed me at a fundamental level. Hurting him the way I had turned me into this shell of myself. I would never recover. My existence was a sucking
, gutting torment that just wouldn’t quit.
I couldn’t even begin to entertain the idea of being with Tucker Kensington. Not in a friendly way. Certainly not in a sexual way.
But if I refused him, Magnus would die.
If I escaped, if I walked out the door and ran, Magnus would die.
Not that I would get far. My babysitting bodyguard never left my side. My mother had assigned Galen—the middle-aged Black man who had driven me back to the school over Christmas break—to watch me day and night. He was so far up my ass that he’d moved into the bedroom across the hall from mine.
I had no privacy. No space to cry.
What a waste of a good bodyguard. I wasn’t going to run away, and I sure as fuck wouldn’t mess around with boys.
I burned for one man only.
I hadn’t seen him in three months.
Three fucking months.
Daisy sent texts every week. I never asked about Magnus, but sometimes, she mentioned him in passing. She had no idea anything happened between him and me. No one knew. When Justin cleaned out my dorm after Christmas break, he told all the spectators I didn’t like the school and decided not to return.
Magnus had a lot of time on his hands now. No more one-on-one lessons with me. No afternoon punishments. I hoped he was spending that time on himself, searching his heart and figuring out what he wanted.
More than anything, I hoped he wasn’t hurting.
I hoped he didn’t feel the suffering I felt over the past three months.
This was only the beginning. The beginning of the rest of my life without him.
I would never see him again.
Why couldn’t I just die? I didn’t want to take my own life. But sometimes, when I lay in bed, alone and hurting down to the depths of my soul, I wished for a terminal disease or a fatal lightning strike or a venomous spider bite. I wanted the choice to be taken from me. I just… I needed this pain to go away.
“You could graduate right now if you wanted.” Mindy, my private tutor, scrutinized me over the lenses of her glasses. “You’re very smart, Tinsley. You’ve already mastered all the material.” She rested her forearms on the table in my father’s study, tapping a pen against the surface. “Every day, I come in here and bore you to tears.”