He nods and stands, pulling me with him. “I can handle it. You don’t have to worry about any of that. Okay?”
I raise my arms as he lifts my T-shirt from my body, and then giggle a little when he pushes down my jeans and kisses my stomach.
“Let’s just focus on being happy,” he breathes against my lips. “As best we can, considering the circumstances.”
“Okay. I’ll consider it. But I need time to think.”
“Was what they offered you in Seattle that good?”
I nod sadly. “The money, the apartment, the fact I already have friends over there.”
“You mean Robert?”
I nod again, trying to stifle my smile as I walk into the bathroom in nothing but my bra and panties. When I turn, I’m disappointed to see him still fully clothed. “You’re not getting in with me?”
“I’m going to order food, give you space to clear your head, then we’ll discuss Robert.”
I kind of like him jealous. He’s not like Pax, he’s just a bit broody and aggravated but not with me. He still smiles at me and doesn’t give me that bad jealous vibe.
“We can wait to eat.” I bend and turn off the faucet. “Join me.”
I yank at his T-shirt as my lips move against his. My fingers work at the buttons until they can push it down his arms without obstruction.
He groans when I rub his chest and shoulders and I feel the tension in his muscles. He’s stressed out to the max.
“I think you need this bath more than me,” I comment, waiting while he unclips my bra.
When I’m nude, I sink into the hot, soapy water and wait for him to do the same. He rests back against my chest and I rub his neck, his head, his shoulders, his arms. He moans and groans and eventually I see his second brain poke its head out of the water.
Laughing, I wrap my leg around his waist and try to push it down with my foot.
He turns suddenly, sending water crashing over the bath and onto the tiles. His damp lips from the steam of the hot water touch mine and I almost slip under when he hooks a hand around my back and lifts me to give him easier access to my sex.
I gasp when he thrusts inside. My hands grip whatever is available to keep me out of the water. He pulls out just as suddenly so I can turn over and I rest my arms on the sloped back of the bath as he powers into me from behind. Every thrust sends more water out of the bath. He becomes feral, losing control in a way he never has before, driving into me like an animal and not like a man.
I gasp and moan, shifting to get the best angle. He lets me play with myself this time, normally he doesn’t but I think he’s so desperate to take his mind off everything that he doesn’t care how I come, so long as I do.
His fingers dig into my hips, his cock hits the back of my sex, his thighs slap against my ass and there’s only half a bath full of water left.
The feeling builds and burns, I keep playing with myself as he keeps driving into me and I spiral, biting my arm to stop me from being too loud but then he doesn’t care. He roars his release, saying my name and holding my hips to his as he swells and pulses inside of me.
“Seven hundred and nineteen.”
“Is that it?” he asks, smiling and panting. “Give me three hundred and we’ll go again.”
Laughing, I roll back over, and we resume the position we were in before, except now there’s no water left.
“So… you and Robert,” he grumbles, “you hit it off?”
“Yep. He’s so much fun.”
“Mm-hmm, I bet he is.”
I laugh and twist his nipple. “Quiet.”
He yelps and falls silent for a while, but I just know he’s still thinking. “How much fun?”
“A lot.”
He falls silent again and we finish bathing, washing quickly before he climbs out of it and holds a fluffy white towel open for me, after promising me they’re brand new and have been washed. I snuggle his damp body and hum as he keeps me warm with both fabric and arms.
Then with a gentle kiss on my forehead, he exits, leaving me to dry myself. He chooses me an outfit to wear to the restaurant which is on the highest floor, and I quickly don the jeans and shirt, wondering how he gained access to my apartment to collect my things to begin with.
He most likely paid somebody.
Money makes the world turn, that’s for sure.
It’s as I’m pulling on my sneakers and tying them that he finally asks, “What exactly is, a lot?”
“Huh?” I’m confused by the random question. I knew he had something on his mind, I just didn’t know exactly what.
“You said Robert was a lot of fun. What exactly is a lot?”
It sinks in what he’s talking about with his guarded tone and his eyes unable to meet my face.
“Are you asking me if I slept with him?” Is it wrong that I’m offended by the question? Not so much that I want to fight about it, but enough that I’m feeling a bit annoyed. Especially since I told him I wouldn’t.
“Forget it,” he replies, smiling and looking at me now. “I shouldn’t have— let’s just eat, okay?”
“What would you do if I did?” I pry, because I’m feeling a little more confrontational than usual. Probably because I’m tired and a little bit hungover and I’ve got a seriously difficult decision to make.
He freezes, his smile fading. “Nothing. We weren’t exclusive. I can’t ask for monogamy when I’ve not granted it myself.”
Knowing that he’s been bedding his wife and having it verbally confirmed are two entirely different things. I feel sick.
“But it’s different now. We can start afresh, me and you, this apartment, working together.”
I drag my teeth over my lower lip.
He hooks his arms around my waist. “It’s going to be amazing.”
So why do I feel sick to the bottom of my stomach?
Chapter Thirty
How well he comforts me.
I told Laurie about the apartment, but not about Ezra. I just guess I’m not ready to admit out loud what I’ve done yet. She joined me the other night, balking over the décor and the view, and the rooftop pool… yep, there’s a rooftop pool. I could get used to living like this.
So why am I still so conflicted?
Laurie loves the apartment and hasn’t asked why work is paying for such an expensive place for just a PA. Truth be told, I think she might know about me and Ezra but she’s just too scared to ask. Just like I’m too scared to tell.
The clues are there for her to see. The fact I have a new car now, a matte black Mercedes sporty thing, suitable for two. Another gift from Ezra. Well, temporary gift. It’s his second car and he’s not using it so he’s allowing me to. Since we keep it secure at the underground garage at home and the lot at work. I don’t go anywhere alone in between for it to be vandalized, but he said when he’s sure this Pax situation is over, he’s going to get me a car.
I don’t need or want his money, I have my own, but if he wants to buy me a car, I’m not going to say no. Still…
I’ve been here for a week now, three of those days and nights Ezra has been at his parents’ with Maria, giving me space and clarity I haven’t asked for but have needed.
One thing is for sure, when he’s not here I miss him more than I’ve ever missed anyone, I never thought I’d feel like that about another person. Another thing is for sure, we’re in the honeymoon stages of our relationship and I don’t trust it. We get along great and have so much fun together, but I know it won’t last. The honeymoon period I mean. I guess it’s messed up because I’m trying to decide if a few months of bliss is worth the heartache everyone will feel because of our actions.
I’m also terrified his wife will convince him to go back. It’s an overwhelming feeling of panic and loss every time I consider it a possibility.
I love him. I love everything about him. The way he smiles, the way he kisses me when he thinks I’m sleeping, how he holds my hand while we’re watching the flat screen, or he plays w
ith my hair while I work on my laptop on the sofa.
He’s attentive in so many ways and for the most part he’s what I would call the perfect man. I feel blessed and lucky to have him. But I’m not naïve enough to think it will last any more than I’m naïve enough to think Pax has suddenly turned over a new leaf.
Pax who has stayed away from me at work, hasn’t texted or called, hasn’t vandalized my belongings anymore. I feel like he’s just a pot waiting to boil and I’m about to be scalded.
I feel it brewing, or perhaps I’m paranoid because of everything going on.
At work I’m jumpy, I will hardly let Ezra touch me beyond a few secret kisses and gropes, though he just thinks I’m adorable.
I’m too anxious, even though my twitches are at their lowest, the urge to do them is higher than it ever has been. I don’t know if that’s because I’m focusing so hard on not freaking out or not. I’m not cut out for this life of suspense.
Speaking of suspense, I jump when the front door opens and closes. I wasn’t expecting him back tonight, it’s late, almost eleven.
“Hey.” He walks in looking disheveled with a nasty-looking scratch down his neck. His hair is a mess and his eyes are tense. “I thought you’d be sleeping.”
“What happened?” I ask, blinking and standing on my knees on the wide, flat-cushioned sofa.
He sits next to me and lets his head hang over the back of it.
I take his hand in mine and tickle his palm. He loves it when I do that, another discovery I made about him this week.
“Hey, what happened?”
“Elizabeth,” he responds sighing heavily and rubbing his face with his hands.
“She attacked you?”
He looks at me, letting his arms drop to his sides. “She was upset when I wouldn’t reciprocate her advances. She’s finally started to question if I’m…”
When his voice trails off, I pick up after him. “Having an affair?” He nods slowly. “What did you say?”
“I told her that I didn’t leave her for anybody, that I’m just done.”
“The truth within a lie,” I murmur, standing and racing to the bathroom where there’s a medicine cabinet. I grab the antiseptic and a cotton ball after washing my hands. He cringes when I return to him with both. “Did she believe you?”
“No. She’s so hurt and it’s killing me.” He hisses when I dab the antiseptic onto his broken skin. “I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Of course you don’t.” I feel devastated for her, I can only imagine how she’s feeling, though putting her hands on him wasn’t okay.
“I filed for divorce and she got served the papers. I’ve never seen her looking so… I shouldn’t be talking about this with you.”
“Who else can you talk about it to?”
My phone beeps between us and Robert’s name flashes on the screen. Our eyes zero in on it. When he reaches for it with a smile on his face, I snatch it back. I don’t know why I reacted so quickly but the way I did was extremely suspicious. Even I know that.
We stare at each other and I don’t know what to say to defend myself. I’m not hiding anything per se, but Robert and I are still talking about me going to Seattle. I’ve got another week to decide and I’m still not sure what I want.
“I’m going to bed,” he mumbles after a minute of awkward silence.
I watch him walk away and wince when the bedroom door slams.
Robert: Halley said she’s been keeping in touch with you… what did I say about stealing my friends?
I laugh but I don’t reply, I’ll just let him assume I’ve fallen asleep.
I head to bed, feeling anxious. I don’t want Ezra to think the worst.
“I don’t know why I did that,” I say after peeling back the covers and climbing in. I already brushed my teeth and changed into my pajamas before he got here.
He doesn’t respond but I can tell he’s not sleeping; I know how he sounds and the way he’s breathing right now sounds tense and bitter.
“You’ve had a rough night, so how about I just do this until you’re ready to talk?” I wrap my arm around his back and kiss the back of his neck. “I didn’t sleep with Robert. I don’t want you to think I did.”
He doesn’t turn over and eventually he falls asleep for real.
In the morning I wake up and he’s not in bed beside me. I don’t immediately go looking for him, I shower and do my thing before exiting the bedroom fully dressed and ready for a long day at work. We’ve got so much to do today and I’m meeting with some potential replacements for Ezra if I decide to leave.
I have to let Robert know by the end of the week and then I have two more weeks to train somebody and break my heart, and Ezra’s.
“Morning,” I call cheerily as I turn the corner and enter the kitchen.
He grunts a reply but doesn’t look up from his newspaper. He’s still mad at me. Though I don’t know why. What I did wasn’t that bad. Was it?
I slice a red grapefruit into two pieces and dig into half with a spoon.
He texts on his phone.
This is awkward.
“I think this might be our first fight, is that normal this soon?” I ask when I finish my grapefruit and wipe my juicy lips on a napkin.
He grunts another response and I cross my eyes with frustration.
“Do you want me to suck your dick or something?” I ask, not in the mood for this and eager to do anything to get it to end. “Because I’m not about this. I put up with this from Pax and I’m not putting up with it from you. I said I didn’t sleep with him.”
He looks at me over the rim of his coffee cup before slamming his mug on the side. “I’m not fucking mad because I think you fucked him. I’m fucking mad because you’re still thinking of going and I thought we were past that.”
“Oh.”
“Yes. Oh.” He pushes his hands through his hair. “I mean… what are we doing here? Why the fuck are we playing house if you’re going to leave me in a few weeks anyway? Are you trying to torment me?”
“Torment you?” I gape at him. “I’m tormenting you? You mean while I go see my husband every night and keep you a dirty little secret? Or while I expect you to lie to everyone for me based on a love that happened so quickly, you’re not sure you can trust it? Or while I expect you to trust me wholeheartedly with my soul when I cheated on my husband for you?”
“You want me to tell my family and wife what we’ve been doing? The only reason I’m lying is to protect us, to protect Maria, to protect Elizabeth.”
“No, the only reason you’re lying is because we did a bad fucking thing and now we have to.”
“What do you want from me?” he asks, yelling now, “what do you want me to do? I’m sick and tired of you blaming your guilt solely on me. You fucked me too. I didn’t rape you. I didn’t make you do anything. You fucked me while I’m married, and you played just as big a part in this as either of us! You knew what you were getting into! You knew I loved you before we fucked! And now I’m trying to do right by you and everybody else and this is the shit I get at home.” He shakes his head at me, his lips turned up with a sneer. “You are going behind my back. Letting me think we’re okay when, really, you’re leaving me. You are guilting me every second like I’m the only shit one here. We’re both shit people. We both fucking did this. But go ahead, leave me to deal with it alone. Make me fall in love with you even more and then break my fucking heart because you’re a coward that would rather run. It’s the least I deserve, right?”
His words, true and clear, slice through my aching chest, spilling all my emotion out of me for him to see.
My eyes blur with tears. He’s right about the guilt I feel, living another woman’s life and hiding it from her too.
“You think I don’t love you?”
“I don’t know anymore. I thought you did but living with you this past week… you don’t act like a girl in love.”
“You mean like your wife did in the beginning?”
The tears fall and I immediately hate myself for saying that.
He exits the kitchen, and I hear the rattle of his keys before the slamming of the front door. He’s so mad and I really hurt him. I should never have said that to him. It was uncalled for.
I race after him, feeling my heart race and my anger fade.
I’m not even wearing my shoes yet.
“Wait!” I cry, pulling open the door and exiting the apartment. He’s at the elevator pressing the button for it to come to our floor.
I fly at him, jumping on him so hard I worry we might both fall. I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss his lips, then his cheeks, his nose, his neck, all the while murmuring that I’m sorry, over and over again.
Midway through my apology his arms came around me and his forehead pressed against my neck.
“I love you,” I say to him, leaning back so I can look into his eyes. Tears still swim in mine and his mirror my sorrow and shame. “I do. So much. I’m just… I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to ever see you hurt because of me. You’re right, we did this together and we should stick together.”
“You love me?”
“I do.”
Our kiss deepens and he doesn’t put me down. We go back into the apartment and kiss more on the bed. I love how strong he is, of course he can’t carry me forever but sometimes he makes me feel like he can, the way he lifts me and throws me around during sex and in between. I love the attention.
I hum, keeping my legs wrapped around him as he grinds against me. Not intentionally, that’s just how close we are.
“Don’t go. Let me make you happy. It’s just a few months of this hell and then everything will be perfect. You’ll see.” He shifts his weight so he’s not crushing me. “Stay. Please.”
“Okay.”
He closes his eyes and then smiles with relief. “You’ll stay?”
“Promise me you won’t hurt me. Promise me.”
Becoming His Mistress Page 25