Becoming His Mistress

by Murphy, A. E.

  “Let’s share one, I’m not sure I could eat one to myself.”

  “Whatever you desire.”

  Funnily enough I think he means that.

  Later that night, after more pleasant conversations, more wine, a shared lemon sponge and a nice walk through the city, he leaves me at the entrance to my building without even a kiss goodbye.

  When I get upstairs, I place the vase in the middle of my dining table, and before the night is up, the bottom layer is filled. There are so many things to love about Ezra Conti. So many wonderful things.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  My happiness is as important to him as his is to me.

  The jar is dwindling at half full despite the fact it has been a wonderful four months.

  Every other weekend, Ezra has flown to Seattle to see me, unfortunately on his weekends without Maria but I understand why. He has wined me, dined me, and made me laugh until tears have streamed from my eyes.

  Yet he hasn’t kissed me, hasn’t touched me beyond our desperate embraces every time he leaves and a kiss on the cheek every time he arrives again.

  Halley is an overwhelming presence, she’s constantly at my place talking about the guy she’s dating while using my TV and games console because my TV is bigger. I don’t mind. She’s so sweet and she adores Laurie who comes once a month, though I suspect that’s on Ezra’s dime because she refuses my money and doesn’t earn enough to fund the trips herself. I’ve not had the chance to return to LA yet, truth be told I’m terrified I’ll bump into Elizabeth, or Ezra’s mother, Izabella.

  Pax is no longer an issue for me, I had a fortunate escape. He was sentenced to a year in prison for his assault on his new girlfriend who unfortunately decided to stand by him through the entire thing. An unfortunate but common theme when it comes to abused women or even men. I hope she learns one day that he is not the right man for her. I hope everyone in that kind of relationship does.

  I was blessed to have been financially able and supported enough to walk away. I was blessed to find the love of a man like Ezra, despite our situation.

  Robert was salty about our relationship at first, and though he has stayed my friend, he has been distant which concerned me. He’s better now, I hope, and is joining us for lunch soon. Which is why I’m so on edge.

  “I need to tell you something,” I mutter, biting my lip, giving Ezra puppy eyes so I look more forgivable.

  “Now?” He looks up at the Sausage Palace and then back at me. “We’re about to head in.”

  “I need to because I want you to hear it from me…”

  My meaning isn’t lost on him. His body becomes tight and his throat bobs with an audible gulp. “Oh.”

  “My attentions, though solely focused on my heartbreak, took a night off from my pain.” I tuck my hair behind my ears and place my hand on his chest. “The night of the party… Robert and I…” I wet my lips and count to six, he waits patiently. “Things happened between us, I won’t go into details but things got heated. I should have told you sooner but I chickened out and now I realize how dishonest that was but I swear I have done nothing with anybody else or even him since. Except we kissed a couple of times—”

  He places his hand over my mouth, effectively stopping my ramble, and his eyes, hurt and full of envy, scan my face. I hear him mutter the number six before he drops his hand.

  “Since your birthday, have you…?”

  I respond by shaking my head and he blows out a relieved breath. Then he asks, “Should I be worried? Is there anything there that might corrupt what we have before I have the chance to fix it?”

  “No.” The word comes instantly because it’s the truth. “I love him, but in a totally different way. He’s a good friend, but that’s all he’ll ever be. He could never replace you on the pedestal I’ve put you on, it’s far too high.”

  At that he smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, then he blows out a breath that projects his grief. “I have no right to be mad because we were not together, and truth be told I have wondered about that night since he kissed you in front of me, but I will be honest and say my heart is beating heavily in my chest and suddenly I have lost my appetite.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He looks down and locks his hands behind his neck. “The thought of you with another man… especially a man who is an excellent competitor for your affections… It makes me feel feral.”

  “Oh.”

  “Like I want to drag you back to my car, take you on the back seat and mark your neck with my mouth for all to see.”

  I gasp. “Oh.”

  “Promise me there is nothing between you anymore. Swear it.”

  I look him in the eyes, cupping his face with both of my hands. “I swear to you that I am fully committed to figuring out where this goes.”

  “Good,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to mine. “Because my divorce was final as of yesterday morning, and tonight, I’d like to kiss you as a single man.”

  “Is that why you haven’t kissed me yet?”

  “When you accept my touch again, it’ll be the touch of a man who is six million percent committed to you with ties to nobody else.”

  God… he’s so sweet.

  I pull out the notebook, breaking the moment as I scribble in it.

  He’s patient and not pushy in the slightest.

  “I love you,” I say to him, something I never stopped saying to him. Kissing his jaw, I lock my arms around his neck and then hug him tight. He returns it, sighing into my neck as our bodies come together, temple to toes. “Can you kiss me now?”

  “No.” He leans back, his smirk in place. “I’ll kiss you tonight, after our date.”

  “Can’t I kiss you then too?”

  He chuckles, a great sound. I scribble that down too. How much I love his laugh. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

  “Hey, lovebirds!” Robert yells from the entrance. “I want some tater tots.”

  I giggle and turn away from the man I love to the man I used to wish I loved to get over the man I love… so complicated.

  Ezra tenses again but soon relaxes when we sit inside the noisy restaurant and start tossing tater tots at each other like children.

  Rob doesn’t say a word about the party but I’m glad it’s out in the open anyway and I’m glad my friend now approves of our love. Maybe others will follow suit, though I know I have a lot of work to do with Izabella.

  I think Mario will be more forgiving.

  It’s when we leave that I bring this up to him on our way home.

  “I think it’s time I saw your mom again,” I say, taking his hand over the console. “Especially if we’re getting serious.”

  He smiles so blindingly I feel it warm the space around us. Then he brings my hand to his lips and kisses. “I can make the arrangements.”

  Truth be told I’m terrified, but if this is heading where I hope it is between us, then I don’t want to waste any more time. I need to get her back on my side before we announce a relationship.

  “What do you want to do?” he asks, normally we go for drinks near my apartment or even hit up a karaoke bar so he can watch me mess up the words while drunk. My photographic memory doesn’t extend that far. Other times we walk and explore the market and little trinket stores, or we see a movie.

  We do so many things in the short times he visits.

  But this time I want to do something entirely different.

  “I want to show you my apartment,” I admit, peeking at him through the corner of my eye. “You’ve yet to see the inside.”

  “And we both know why that is.”

  I lick my lips and ponder my next words; I want to entice him without being too obvious. “Please?”

  “How can I resist when you asked me so nicely?”

  “You can’t.”

  He laughs and turns down a side street, only to spin the car around and go the other way. “Let’s go then.”

  He looks around my apartment with keen interes
t, only stopping when he gets to the vase on the table. I see his eyes soften with sadness when he sees that we’re still only halfway there. Beyond asking me if I’m still adding to it, he hasn’t asked its progress. For that I’m grateful. It’s a fun, sweet thing that doesn’t need to be put under pressure.

  I wrap my arms around him from behind and kiss his shoulder blade. “We don’t have to fill the vase. If these last four months have told me anything, it’s that I love you and I trust you, I don’t need a vase of paper to confirm that.” His hands cover mine. “I used to worry every time you went back but now… now I don’t worry at all. I know you’re mine. I know you love me and I know it’s only me and you.”

  He turns in my arms and cups my neck with one hand, using his thumb under my jaw to tilt my head back. “Do you still ache when you think of what I did?”

  I hesitate. “That’s not fair. My memory is excellent, I’m always going to feel pain when I think of it but that’s just part of what we are.”

  “The jar needs to be full,” he whispers, rubbing his nose against the bridge of mine. “It needs to be full.”

  “I disagree.”

  “You’re stubborn.”

  “And I want you back,” I admit, holding him tight to me. “I miss being your magazine girl. I miss waking up next to you ever day…”

  “Will you move back to LA?”

  My breath catches in my throat. I hadn’t considered that. “I… that’s… my job and my friends.”

  “You’re not ready,” he murmurs sadly and kisses the tip of my nose. “I can’t move here. I can’t leave Maria.”

  He’s right. Especially now that he has joint custody. She can’t come with him every other week and he can’t go back there every other week. He has to stay where his job and daughter are.

  I hadn’t even considered any of that.

  Tears fill my eyes as I realize what I’ll have to give up to go back with him.

  “Hey,” he urges, giving me a gentle shake. “Don’t give up on me now.”

  “I’m not. I’m just… I’m really happy here.”

  “Pick a note from the vase,” he insists, turning me away from him so he can guide me to it. “Pick a note and read it. Then pick another.”

  I do as I’m told and dip my hand into the jar of folded papers.

  He’s set in my soul.

  I fold it back up and put it back before picking out another.

  He’s always there for me when I need him.

  “Just focus on that,” he begs on a whisper. “Focus on how I make you feel and worry about the rest when it comes to it.”

  “Okay,” I utter as his lips touch my neck.

  “The vase needs to be full.”

  “Does it need to be full for you to stay with me?” I ask, softly. “Does it need to be full in order for you to take me to my bed and touch me?”

  He groans, his eyes squeeze shut and his hold on me tightens.

  “I miss the feel of you inside of me.”

  He nuzzles my neck, making me whimper, and backs me into the table where the delicate vase rests.

  “You’ve tortured me for four months with your ability to resist even touching me… can we change that now? Can we let loose a little? We’re halfway there, right? We should celebrate.”

  “I want to laugh at how eagerly you’re trying to convince me but I’m so hard I can’t remember how to laugh. All I want to do right now is kiss you.”

  I jump up, touching my lips to his for a fraction of a second and he jolts as though he has been struck by lightning.

  I feel the same.

  We come together after a moment of just looking at each other with such heat and intensity, and the taste of his tongue and lips after such a long time drives me to insanity.

  I cling to him, claw at him, grip him as I kiss him, devouring him until my lips feel sore but then I just press harder.

  There’s a fire between us that flows through us both, burning for each other as we tear at clothes until there’s nothing separating us but our will. Mine is fighting for the winning team, he holds back until I hop up on the table and part my thighs. When he eases into me, all bets are off and he fucks me as hard as he did in his office that first time.

  We both moan, groan, hiss, grasp, sigh…

  It’s incredible as always. I can’t breathe for the pleasure I feel. It’s too much. Every part of my body is searing with heat as his thick cock takes me so ruthlessly.

  He moans my name, picking up his strength and temp. I moan his, saying it louder than I ever have so he knows he’s the only man on my mind and he copies, letting me know I’m the only woman on his.

  I orgasm first, peaking higher and higher, clawing at his back as I urge him on, wanting him to fuck me faster. “YES!” I scream as it consumes me, making me feel delirious with tingles and pleasure.

  He joins me, thrusting into me as deep as he can reach and holding on for dear life.

  “I love you,” he whispers against my temple before kissing along my hairline, my jaw, and down my throat, still rocking his hips gently. “It has been hell without you. You have no idea how much I’ve missed this.”

  “I’m inclined to agree,” I reply, panting and laughing when he lifts me, locking my legs around his waist.

  “Let’s go to bed, so I can make love to you good and proper.”

  “You say the sweetest things.”

  Chapter Forty-Three

  The sex is out of this world.

  Izabella Conti approaches my table with a waiter guiding her. She looks sleek in a floral shirt and a white skirt that flows to her ankles. She’s so poised and lithe. I know she danced as a child and I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

  She sits and I instinctively move my drink away, I chose water today, just in case because I’m surprising Ezra straight after this and I’m wearing my favorite cream A-line dress that crisscrosses on my back.

  To say I’ve dressed up for him is an understatement.

  He pulls her chair out, the waiter I mean, and she thanks him when he guides it back in with her sitting on it.

  “I ordered you a sparkling water with lime,” I say, motioning to her drink. “My dress can’t fair against an attack of coffee.”

  “A regrettable moment on my part. I can only apologize. I was angry and I reacted appallingly.” She pushes her sunglasses up but they drop back down and I fight the urge to laugh, then she removes them completely. “I suppose it is too much to ask for a fresh start?”

  I’m surprised she’s asking at all. “Don’t you hate me?”

  “I have no time to hate people, nor energy. I was angry with you. You were my friend and you contributed to the failure of my son’s marriage. But I have spoken to my son, and as he makes it sound, you love each other very much.”

  I nod eagerly. “I love him, even after what he—” I stop myself because I don’t know what she knows about our history. “I just love him so entirely he’s all I ever think about.”

  “Will you be moving back to LA to be with him?” she asks curiously, looking at me with a slight smile on her lips though it is still strained, this is more progress than I ever could have wished for.

  “That remains to be seen,” I sip my water and peruse the menu, she does the same, though I’m not exactly hungry and I doubt she is either. We opt for some light snacks, finger sandwiches and mini cakes.

  “Why? If you love him so entirely?”

  I sigh heavily and think of Seattle and my friends and life there. “Other than Ezra and Laurie, there’s nothing for me here. In Seattle I have an amazing job, an incredible boss, friends who I adore, and I just… I prefer the city. It doesn’t have as much as LA of course but it has so much culture and such an amazing atmosphere.”

  “I guess you don’t have too many fond memories of LA, what with it being the place your parents abandoned you, and Ezra broke your heart, and I threw a drink at you, and your ex-boyfriend stalked you.” She cringes as she speaks. “But it’
s Los Angeles. It’s the greatest city in America. Just this morning I saw Emma Stone at a stoplight. This is the place of dreams.”

  “I know, it’s a really incredible place.”

  “You’re scared he’ll break your heart again?” Realization dawns on her face and for a moment I find myself in the presence of Izabella, my prior friend. “I don’t think he would… truth be told the way he talks about you, how he is after visiting you, how anxious he gets before visiting you… I’ve never known anybody to love anybody that much.”

  “He’s amazing.” I smile wistfully at the thought of him. “He really is, but the vase isn’t full yet. I don’t have to decide until then.”

  “The what?”

  I laugh quietly. “Nothing, sorry. Just a little something between your son and me.”

  I take out the notebook and jot down:

  He talks to his family about how much he loves and misses me.

  “I really would like to start again,” Izabella says, placing her hand over mine. “A fresh start for both of us. What do you say?”

  “Shouldn’t it be me who is asking for that?”

  “Neither of us is innocent. What’s done it done. Let it be so.” Her beautiful eyes connect with mine and she smiles so perfectly. “Come, let’s forget this stale lunch and remind you just how incredible LA can be.”

  I grin, wondering if I have my old friend back, and stand, ready to face a brilliant day.

  * * *

  Being back in the offices where I used to work after nearly six months is insane. It’s surreal and it makes me feel nervous.

  I stand in the elevator awkwardly shuffling from foot to foot. Meanwhile my heart is racing because I’m panicking thinking that I might be walking in on Ezra ploughing a random woman on his desk. A ridiculous thought but a genuine one. I wonder if that’s why Elizabeth often just strolled into his office without waiting for me to let him know.