An Autobiography or the Story of My Experiments with Truth

by M K Gandhi

  So I decided to take rooms on my own account, instead of living any longer in a family, and also to remove from place to placeM5 according to the work I had to do, thus gaining experience at the same time. The rooms were so selected as to enable me to reach the place of business on foot in half an hour, and so save fares. Before this I had always taken some kind ofM6 conveyance whenever I went anywhere, and had to find extra time for walks. The new arrangement combined walks and economy, as it meant a saving of fares and gave me walks of eight or ten miles a day. It was mainly this habit of long walks that kept me practically free from illness throughout my stay in England and gave me a fairly strong body.

  Thus I rented a suite of rooms; one for a sitting-room and another for a bedroom.307 This was the second stage. The third was yet to come.

  These changes saved me half the expense. But how was I to utilize the time? I knew that Bar examinations did not require much study, and I therefore did not feel pressed for time. My weak English was a perpetual worry to me. Mr. (afterwards Sir Frederic)308 Lely’s words, ‘Graduate first and then come to me,’ still rang in my ears. I should, I thought, not only be called to the Bar, but have some literary degree as well.M7 I inquired about the Oxford and Cambridge University courses, consulted a few friends, and found that, if I elected to go to either of these places, that would mean greater expense and a much longer stay in England than I was prepared for.M8 A friend suggested that, if I really wanted to have the satisfaction of taking a difficult examination, I should pass the London Matriculation. It meant a good deal of labour and much addition to my stock of general knowledge, without any extra expense worth the name. I welcomed the suggestion. But the syllabus frightened me. Latin and a modernM9 language were compulsory! How was I to manage Latin? But the friend entered a strong plea for it: ‘Latin is very valuable to lawyers. Knowledge of Latin is very useful in understanding law-books. And one paperM10 in Roman Law is entirely in Latin. Besides, a knowledge of Latin means greater command over the English language.’ It went home and I decided to learn Latin, no matter how difficult it might be. French I had already begun,309 so I thought that should be the modernM11 language. I joined a private Matriculation class. Examinations were held every six months and I had only five months at my disposal. It was an almost impossible task for me. But the aspirant after being an English gentlemanM12 chose to convert himself into a serious student. I framed my own time-table to the minute; but neither my intelligence nor memory promised to enable me to tackle Latin and French besides other subjects within the given period.310 The result was that I was ploughed in Latin.311 I was sorry but did not lose heart. I had acquired a taste for Latin, also I thought my French would be all the better for another trial and I would select a new subject in the science group. Chemistry which was my subject in science had no attraction for want of experiments, whereasM13 it ought to have been a deeply interesting study. It was one of the compulsory subjects in India and so I had selected it for the London Matriculation. This time, however, I chose Heat and Light instead of Chemistry. It was said to be easy and I found it to be so.

  With my preparation for another trial, I made an effort to simplify my life still further. I felt that my way of living did not yet befit312 the modest meansM14 of my family. The thought of my struggling brother, who nobly responded to my regular calls for monetary help,M15 deeply pained me. I saw that most of those who were spending from eight to fifteen pounds monthly had the advantage of scholarships. I had before me examples of much simpler living. I came across a fair number of poor students living more humbly than I. One of them was staying in the slums in a room at two shillings a week and living on two pence worth of cocoa and bread per meal from Lockhart’s cheap Cocoa Rooms.313 It was far from me to think of emulating him,M16 but I felt I could surely have one room instead of two and cook some of my meals at home.314 That would be a saving of four to five pounds each month.M17 I also came across books on simple living. I gave up the suite of rooms and rented one315 instead,316 invested in a stove, and began cooking my breakfast at home. The process scarcely took me more than twenty minutes, for there was only oatmeal porridge317 to cook and water to boil for cocoa.M18 I had lunch out and for dinner bread and cocoa at home. Thus I managed to live on a shilling and three pence a day. This was also a period of intensive study. Plain living saved me plenty of time and I passed my examination.318

  Let not the reader think that this living made my life by any means a dreary affair. On the contrary the change harmonized my inward and outward life. It was also more in keeping with the means of my family. My life was certainly more truthfulM19 and my soul knew no bounds of joy.

  XVII

  EXPERIMENTS IN DIETETICS

  As I searched myself deeper, the necessity for changes both internal and external began to grow on me. As soon as, or even before, I made alterations in my expenses and my way of living, I began to make changes in my diet.M1 I saw that the writers on vegetarianism had examined the question very minutely, attacking it in its religious, scientific, practical and medical aspects. Ethically they had arrived at the conclusion that man’s supremacy over the lowerM2 animals meant not that the former should prey upon the latter, but that the higher should protect the lower, and that there should be mutual aid between the two as between man and man. They had also brought out the truth that man eats not for enjoyment but to live. And some of them accordingly suggested and effected in their livesM3 abstention not only from fleshmeat but from eggs and milk. Scientifically some had concluded that man’s physical structure showed that he was not meant to be a cooking but a frugivorous animal, that he could take only his mother’s milk and, as soon as he had teeth, should begin to take solid foods. Medically they had suggested the rejection of all spices and condiments. According to the practical and economic argument they had demonstrated that a vegetarian diet was the least expensive. All these319 considerations had their effect on me, and I came across vegetarians of all these types in vegetarian restaurants. There was a Vegetarian Society320 in England with a weekly journal321 of its own. I subscribed to the weekly, joined the Society and very shortly found myself on the Executive322 Committee.323 Here I came in contact with those who were regarded as pillars of vegetarianism, and began my own experiments in dietetics.

  I stopped taking the sweets and condiments I had got from home. The mind having taken a different turn, the fondness for condiments wore away, and I now relished the boiled spinach, which in Richmond tastedM4 insipid, cooked without condiments. Many such experiments taught me that the real seat of taste was not the tongue but the mind.

  The economic consideration was of course constantly before me. There was in those days a body of opinion which regarded tea and coffee as harmful and favoured cocoa.324 And as I was convinced that one should eat only articles that sustained the body, I gave up tea and coffee as a rule, and substituted cocoa.

  There were two divisions in the restaurants I used to visit. One division, which was patronized by fairly well-to-do people, provided any number of courses from which one chose and paid for a la carte, each dinner thus costing from one to two shillings. The other division provided six-penny dinners of three courses with a slice of bread.325 In my days of strict frugality I usually dined in the second division.

  There were many minor experiments going on along with the main one; as for example, giving up starchy326 foods at one time, living on bread and fruit alone at another, and once living on cheese, milk and eggs. This last experiment is worth noting. It lasted not even a fortnight.327 The reformer who advocated starchless food had spoken highly of eggs and held that eggs were not meat. It was apparent that there was no injury done to living creatures in taking eggs. I was taken in by this plea and took eggs in spite of my vow.328 But the lapse was momentary. I had no businessM5 to put a new interpretation on the vow. The interpretation of my mother who administered the vow was there for me. I knew that her definition of meat included eggs.M6 And as soon as I saw the true import of the vow I gave up eg
gs and the experiment alike.

  There is a nice point underlying the argument, and worth noting. I came across three definitions of meat in England. According to the first, meat denoted only the flesh of birds and beasts. Vegetarians who accepted that definition abjured the flesh of birds and beasts, but ate fish, not to mention eggs. According to the second definition, meat meant flesh of all living creatures. So fish was here out of the question, but eggs were allowed. The third definition included under meat the flesh of all living beings, as well as all their products, thus covering eggs and milk alike. If I accepted the first definition, I could take not only eggs, but329 fish also. But I was convinced that my mother’s definition was the definition binding on me. If, therefore, I would observe the vow I had taken, I must abjure eggs. I therefore did so. This was a hardship inasmuch as inquiry showed that even in vegetarian restaurants many courses used to contain eggs. This meant that unlessM7 I knew what was what, I had to go through the awkward330 process of ascertaining whether a particular course contained eggs or no, for many puddings331 and cakes332 were not free from them. But though the revelation of my duty caused this difficulty, it simplified my food. The simplification in its turn brought me annoyance in that I had to give up several dishes I had come to relish. These difficulties were only passing, for the strict observance of the vow produced an inward relish distinctly more healthy, delicate and permanent.333

  The real ordeal, however, was still to come, and that was in respect of the other vow. But who dare harm whom God protects?

  A few observations about the interpretation of vows or pledges may not be out of place here.M8 Interpretation of pledgesM9 has been a fruitful source of strife all the world over. No matter how explicit the pledge, people will turn and twist the text to suit their own purposes. They are to be met with among all classes of society, from the rich down to the poor, from the prince down to the peasant. Selfishness turns them blind, and by a use of the ambiguous middle they deceive themselves and seek to deceive the world and God.M10 One golden rule is to accept the interpretation honestly put on the pledgeM11 by the party administering it.334 Another335 is to accept the interpretation of the weaker party, where there are two interpretations possible. Rejection of these two rules gives rise to strife and iniquity, which are rooted inM12 untruthfulness. He who seeks truth alone easily follows the golden rule. He need not seek learned advice for interpretation.M13 My mother’s interpretation of meat was, according to the golden rule,336 the only true one for me, and not the one my wider experience or my pride of better knowledge might have taught me.

  My experiments in EnglandM14 were conducted from the point of view of economy and hygiene. The religious aspect of the question was not considered until I went to South Africa where I undertook strenuous experimentsM15 which will be narrated later. The seed, however, for all of them was sown in England.

  A convert’s enthusiasm for337 his new religion is greater than that of a person who is born in it. Vegetarianism was then a new cult in England, and likewise for me, because, as we have seen, I had gone there a convinced meat-eater, and was intellectually converted to vegetarianism later.338 Full of the neophyte’s zeal for vegetarianism, I decided to start a vegetarian club in my locality, Bayswater.339 I invited Sir Edwin Arnold,340 who lived there, to be Vice-President. Dr. Oldfield341 who was Editor of The Vegetarian became President. I myself became the Secretary. The club went well for a while, but came to an end in the course of a few months. For I left the locality, according to my custom of moving from place to place periodically. But this brief and modest experience gave me some little training in organizing and conducting institutions.

  XVIII

  SHYNESS MY SHIELD

  I was elected to the Executive Committee of the Vegetarian Society, and made it a point to attend every one of its meetings, but I always felt tongue-tied. Dr. Oldfield once said to me, ‘You talk to me quite all right, but why is it that you never open your lips at a committee meeting? You are a drone.’ I appreciated the banter. The bees are ever busy, the drone is a thorough idler. And it was not a little curious that whilst others expressed their opinions at these meetings, I sat quite silent. Not that I never felt tempted to speak. But I was at a loss to know how to express myself. All the rest of the members appeared to me to be better informed than I. Then it often happened that just when I had mustered up courage to speak, a fresh subject would be started. This went on for a long time.

  Meantime a serious question came up for discussion. I thought it wrong to be absent,M1 and felt it cowardice to register a silent vote. The discussion arose somewhat in this wise.342 The President of the Society was Mr. Hills,343 proprietor of the Thames Iron Works. He was a puritan. It may344 be said that the existence of the Society depended practically on his financial assistance. Many members of the Committee were more or less his proteges. Dr. Allinson of vegetarian fame345 was also a member of the Committee.346 He was an advocate of the then new birth-control movement, and preached its methods among the working classes.347 Mr. Hills regarded these methods as cutting at the root of morals. He thought that the Vegetarian Society had for its object not only dietetic but also moral reform, and that a man of Dr. Allinson’s anti-puritanic viewsM2 should not be allowed to remain in the Society. A motion was therefore brought for his removal. The question deeply interested me. I considered Dr. Allinson’s views regarding artificial methods of birth control as dangerous, and I believed that Mr. Hills was entitled, as a puritan, to oppose him.M3 I had also a high regard for Mr. Hills and his generosity. But I thought it was quite improper to exclude a man from a vegetarian society simply because he refused to regard puritan morals as one of the objects of the Society. Mr. Hills’s view regarding the exclusion of anti-puritans from the Society was personal to himself,M4 and it had nothing to do with the declared object of the Society, which was simply the promotion of vegetarianism and not of any system of morality. I therefore held that any vegetarian could be a member of the Society irrespective of his views on other morals.M5

  There were in the Committee others also who shared my view, but I felt myself personally called upon to express my own. How to do it was the question. I had not the courage to speak and I therefore decided to set down my thoughts in writing.348 I went to the meeting with the document in my pocket.349 So far as I recollect, I did not find myself equal even to reading it, and the President had it read by someone else. Dr. Allinson350 lost the day.351 Thus in the very first battle of the kind I found myself siding with the losing party. But I had comfort in the thought that the cause was right. I have a faint recollection that, after this incident, I resigned from the Committee.352

  This shyness I retained throughout my stay in England. Even when I paid a social call the presence of half a dozen or moreM6 people would strike me dumb.

  I once went to Ventnor with Sjt. Mazmudar. We stayed there with a vegetarian family.353 Mr. Howard,354 the author of The Ethics of Diet, was also staying at the same watering-place.M7 We met him, and he invited us to speak at a meeting for the promotion of vegetarianism.355 I had ascertained that it was not considered incorrect to read one’s speech. I knew that many did so to express themselves coherently and briefly. To speak extempore would have been out of the question for me.356 I had therefore written down my speech. I stood up to read it, but could not. My vision became blurred and I trembled, though the speech hardly covered a sheet of foolscap.357 Sjt. Mazmudar had to read it for me. His own speech was of course excellent and was received with applause. I was ashamed of myself and sad at heart for my incapacity.358

  My last effort to make a public speech in England was on the eve of my departure for home.359 But this time too I only succeeded in making myself ridiculous.360 I invited my vegetarian friends to dinner in the Holborn Restaurant referred to in these chapters.361 ‘A vegetarian dinner could be had,’ I said to myself, ‘in vegetarian restaurants as a matter of course. But why should it not be possible in a non-vegetarian restaurant too?’ And I arranged with the manager
of the Holborn Restaurant to provide a strictly vegetarian meal. The vegetarians hailed the new experiment with delight.362 All dinners are meant for enjoyment, but the West has developed the thing into an art. They are celebrated with great éclat, music and speeches. And the little dinner party that I gave was also not unaccompanied by some such display. Speeches, therefore, there had to be.363 When my turn for speaking came, I stood up to make a speech. I had with great care thought out one which would consist of a very few sentences. But I could not proceed beyond the first sentence. I had read of Addison that he began his maiden speech in the House of Commons, repeating ‘I conceive’ three times, and when he could proceed no further, a wag stood up and said, ‘The gentleman conceived thrice but brought forth nothing.’ I had thought of making a humorous speech taking this anecdote as the text. I therefore began with it and stuck there. My memory entirely failed me and in attempting a humorous364 speech I made myself ridiculous. ‘I thank you, gentlemen, for having kindly responded to my invitation,’ I said abruptly, and sat down.365

  It was only in South Africa that I got over this shyness, though I never completely overcame it. It was impossible for me to speak impromptu.M8 I hesitated whenever I had to face strange audiences and avoided making a speech whenever I could. Even today I do not think I could or would even be inclined to keep a meeting of friends engaged in idle talk.