An Autobiography or the Story of My Experiments with Truth

by M K Gandhi

  Our stay in Shantiniketan had taught us that the scavenger’s work would be our special function in India. Now for the volunteers in Hardvar tents had been pitched in a dharmsala, and Dr. Dev had dug some pits to be used as latrines. He had had to depend on paid scavengers for looking after these. Here was work for the Phoenix party.92 WeM4 offered to cover up the excreta with earth and to see to their disposal, and Dr. Dev gladly accepted our offer. The offer was naturally made by me, but it was Maganlal Gandhi who had to93 execute it. My business was mostly to keep sitting in the tent giving darshan and holding religious and other discussions with numerous pilgrims who called on me.94 This left me not a minute which I could call my own. I was followed even to the bathing ghat by these darshan-seekers, nor did they leave me alone whilst I was having my meals.95 Thus it was in Hardvar that I realized what a deep impression my humble services in South Africa had made throughout the whole of India.

  But this was no enviable position to be in.96 I felt as though I was between the devil and the deep sea.M5 Where no one recognized me, I had to put up with the hardships that fall to the lot of the millions in this land, e.g., in railway travelling. Where I was surrounded by people who had heard of me I was the victim of their craze for darshan.M6 Which of the two conditions was more pitiable, I have often been at a loss to determine. This at least I know that the darshan-walas’ blind love has often made me angry, and more often sore at heart. Whereas travelling, though often trying, has been uplifting and has hardly ever roused me to anger.

  I was in those days strong enough to roam about a lot, and was fortunately not so known as not to be able to go in the streets without creating much fuss. During these roamings I came to observe more of the pilgrims’ absent-mindedness, hypocrisy and slovenliness, than of their piety. The swarm of sadhus, who had descended there, seemed to have been born but to enjoy the good things of life.M7

  Here I saw a cow with five feet! I was astonished, but knowing men soon disillusioned me. The poor five-footed cow was a sacrifice to the greed of the wicked. I learnt that the fifth foot was nothing else but a foot cut off from a live calf and grafted upon the shoulder of the cow! The result of this double cruelty was exploited to fleece the ignorant of their money. There was no Hindu but would be attracted by a five-footed cow, and no Hindu but would lavish his charity on such a miraculous cow.

  The day of the fairM8 was now upon us. It proved a red-letter day for me.M9 I had not gone to Hardvar with the sentiments of a pilgrim. I have never thoughtM10 of frequenting places of pilgrimage in search of piety. But the seventeen lakhs of men that were reported to be there could not all be hypocrites or mere sight-seers. I had no doubt that countless people amongst them had gone there to earn merit and for self-purification. It is difficult, if not impossible, to say to what extent this kind of faith uplifts the soul.

  I therefore passed the whole night immersed in deep thought. There were those pious souls in the midst of the hypocrisy that surrounded them. They would be free of guilt before their Maker.M11 If the visit to Hardvar was in itself a sin, I must publicly protest against it, and leave Hardvar on the day of Kumbha. If the pilgrimage to Hardvar and to the Kumbha fair was not sinful, I must impose some act of self-denial on myself in atonement for the iniquity prevailing there and purify myself. This was quite natural for me. My life is based on disciplinary resolutions.M12 I thought of the unnecessary trouble I had caused to my hosts at Calcutta and Rangoon, who had so lavishly entertained me.97 I therefore decided to limit the articles of my daily98 diet and to have my final meal before sunset. I was convinced that, if I did not impose these restrictions on myself, I should put my future hosts to considerable inconvenience and should engage them in serving me rather than engage myself in service. So I pledged myself never whilst in India99 to take more than five articles in twenty-four hours, and never to eat after dark.100 I gave the fullest thought to the difficulties I might have to face. But I wanted to leave no loophole. I rehearsed to myself what would happen during an illness, if I counted medicine among the five articles, and made no exception in favour of special articles of diet. I finally decided that there should be no exception on any account whatsoever.

  I have been under these vows for now thirteen years. They have subjected me to a severe test, but I am able to testify that101 they have also served as my shield. I am of opinion that they have added a few years toM13 my life and saved me from many an illness.

  VIII

  LAKSHMAN JHULA

  It was a positive relief to reach the Gurukul and meet Mahatma Munshiramji with his giant frame.M1 I at once felt the wonderful contrast between the peace of the Gurukul and the din and noise of Hardvar.

  The Mahatma overwhelmed me with affection. The brahmacharis were all attention. It was here that I was first introduced to Acharya Ramadevji,102 and I could immediately see what a force and a power he must be. We103 had different viewpoints in several matters, nevertheless our acquaintance soon ripened into friendship.

  I had long discussions with Acharya Ramadevji and other professorsM2 about the necessity of introducing industrial training into the Gurukul. When the time came for going away it was a wrench to leave the place. I had heard much in praise of the Lakshman Jhula (a hanging bridge over the Ganges) some distance from Hrishikesh,104 and many friends pressed me not to leave Hardvar without having gone as far as the bridge.M3 I wanted to do this pilgrimage on foot and so I did it in two stages.

  Many sannyasis called on me at Hrishikesh. One of them105 was particularly attracted towards me. The Phoenix party was there and their presence drew from the Swami many questions.

  We had discussions about religion and he realized that I felt deeply about matters of religion.M4 He saw me bare-headed and shirtless as I had returned from my bath in the Ganges. He was pained to miss the shikha (tuft of hair)106 on my head and the sacred thread about my neckM5 and said:

  ‘It pains me to see you, a believing Hindu, going without a sacred thread and the shikha. These are the two external symbols of Hinduism and every Hindu ought to wear them.’

  Now there is a history as to how I came to dispense with both.107 When I was an urchin of108 ten, I envied the Brahmin ladsM6 sporting bunches of keys tied to their sacred threads, and I wished I could do likewise. The practice of wearing the sacred thread was not then common among the Vaishya families in Kathiawad. But a movement had just been started for making it obligatory for the first three varnas.109 As a result several members of the Gandhi clan adopted the sacred thread. The Brahmin who was teaching two or three of us boys Ram Raksha110 invested us with the thread, and although I had no occasion to possess a bunch of keys, I got one and began to sport it. Later, when the thread gave way, I do not remember whether I missed it very much.M7 But I know that I did not go in for a fresh one.

  As I grew up several well-meaning111 attempts were made both in India and South Africa to reinvest me with the sacred thread, but with little success. If the Shudras may not wear it, I argued, what right have the other varnas to do so? And I saw no adequate reason for adopting what was to me an unnecessary custom.M8 I had no objection to the thread as such, but the reasons for wearing it were lacking.

  As a Vaishnava I had naturally112 worn round my neck the kanthi, and the shikha was considered obligatory by elders.113 On the eve of my going to England, however, I got rid of the shikha, lest when I was bare-headed it should expose me to ridicule and make me look, as I then thought, a barbarian in the eyes of the Englishmen. In fact this cowardly feeling carried me so far that114 in South Africa I got my cousinM9 Chhaganlal Gandhi who was religiously wearing the shikha, to do away with it. I feared that it might come in the way of his public work and so, even at the risk of paining him, I made him get rid of it.115

  I therefore made a clean breast of the whole matter to the Swami and said:

  ‘I will not wear the sacred thread, for I see no necessity for it, when countless Hindus can go without it and yet remain Hindus. Moreover, the sacred thread should be a symbol
of spiritual regeneration,M10 presupposing a deliberate attempt on the part of the wearer at a higher and purer life. I doubt whether in the present state of Hinduism and of India, Hindus can vindicate the right to wear a symbol charged with such a meaning.M11 That right can come only after Hinduism has purged itself of untouchability, has removed all distinctions of superiority and inferiority, and shed a host of other evils and shames that have become rampant in it. My mind therefore rebels against the ideaM12 of wearing the sacred thread. But I am sure your suggestion about the shikha is worth considering. I once used to have it, and I discarded it from a false116 sense of shame.117 And so I feel that I should start growing it again. I shall discuss the matter with my comrades.’

  The Swami did not appreciate my position with regard to the sacred thread. The very reasons that seemed to me to point to not wearing it appeared to him to favour its wearing. Even today my position remains about the same as it was at Hrishikesh. So long as there are different religions, every one of them may need some outward distinctive symbol. But when the symbol is made into a fetish and an instrument of proving the superiority of one’s religion over others’, it is fit only to be discarded. The sacred thread does not appear to me today to be a means of uplifting Hinduism. I am therefore indifferent to it.

  As for the shikha, cowardice having been the reason for discarding it,M13 after consultation with friends I decided to re-grow it.

  But to return to Lakshman Jhula. I was charmed with the natural scenery about Hrishikesh and the Lakshman Jhula, and bowed my head in reverence to our ancestors for their sense of the beautiful in Nature, and for their foresight in investing beautiful manifestations of Nature with a religious significance.

  But the way in which men were using these beauty spots was far from giving me peace.M14 As at Hardvar, so at Hrishikesh, people dirtied the roads and the fair banks of the Ganges. They did not even hesitate to desecrate the sacred water of the Ganges. It filled me with agony to see people performing natural functions on the thoroughfares and river banks, when they could easily have gone a little farther away from public haunts.

  Lakshman Jhula was, I saw, nothing but an iron suspension bridge over the Ganges.M15 I was told that originally there had been a fine118 rope-bridge.119 But a philanthropic Marwadi got it into his head to destroy the rope-bridge and erect an iron one at a heavy cost and then entrusted the keys to the Government! I am at a loss to say anything about the rope-bridgeM16 as I have never seen it, but the iron bridge is entirely out of place in such surroundings and mars their beauty. The making over of the keys of this pilgrims’ bridge to Government was too much even for my loyalty of those days.

  The Svargashram which one reaches after crossing the bridge was a wretched place, being nothing but a number of shabby-looking sheds of galvanized iron sheets. These, I was told, were made for sadhakas (aspirants).120 There were hardly any living there at the moment. Those who were in the main building gave one an unfavourable impression.M17

  But the Hardvar experiences proved for me to be of inestimable value. They helped me in no small wayM18 to decide where I was to live and what I was to do.

  IX

  FOUNDING OF THE ASHRAM

  The pilgrimage to the Kumbha fair was my second visit to Hardvar.

  The Satyagraha Ashram was founded on the 25th of May, 1915.121 Shraddhanandji wanted me to settle in Hardvar. Some of my Calcutta friends recommended Vaidyanathadham.122 Others strongly urged me to choose Rajkot. But when I happened to pass through Ahmedabad, many friends pressed me to settle down there, and they volunteered to find the expenses of the Ashram, as well as a house for us to live in.

  I had a predilection for Ahmedabad.M1 Being a Gujarati I thought I should be able to render the greatest service to the country through the Gujarati language. And then, as Ahmedabad was an ancient centre of handloom weaving, it was likely to be the most favourable field for the revival of the cottage industry of hand-spinning.M2 There was also the hope that, the city being the capital of Gujarat, monetary help from its wealthy citizens would be more available here than elsewhere.

  The question of untouchability was naturally123 among the subjects discussed with the Ahmedabad friends. I made it clear to them that I should take the first opportunity of admitting an untouchable candidate to the Ashram if he was otherwise worthy.

  ‘Where is the untouchable who will satisfy your condition?’ said a Vaishnava friend self-complacently.

  I finally decided to found the AshramM3 at Ahmedabad.

  So far as accommodation was concerned, Sjt. Jivanlal Desai, a barrister in Ahmedabad, was the principal man to help me. He offered to let, and we decided to hire, his Kochrab bungalow.M4 The first thing we had to settle was the name of the Ashram. I consulted friends. Amongst the names suggested were ‘Sevashram’ (the abode of service).124 ‘Tapovan’ (the abode of austerities),125 etc. I liked the name ‘Sevashram’ but for the absence of emphasis on the method of service. ‘Tapovan’ seemed to be a pretentious title, because though tapas was dear to us we could not presume to be tapasvins (men of austerity). Our creed was devotion to truth, and our business was the search for and insistence on truth.M5 I wanted to acquaint India with the method I had tried in South Africa, and I desired to test in India126 the extent to which its application might be possible. So my companions and I selected the name ‘Satyagraha Ashram’, as conveying both our goal and our method of service.

  For the conduct of the Ashram a code of rules and observances was necessary. A draft127 was therefore prepared, and friends were invited to express their opinions on it. Amongst the many opinions that were received, that of Sir Gurudas Banerji128 is still in my memory. He liked the rules, but suggested that humility should be added as one of the observances,129 as he believed that the younger generation sadly lacked humility. Though I noticed this fault, I feared humility would cease to be humility the moment it became a matter of vow. The true connotation of humility is self-effacement. Self-effacement is moksha (salvation),130 and whilst it cannot, by itself, be an observance, there may be other observances necessary for its attainment. If the acts of an aspirant after moksha or a servant have no humility or selflessness about them, there is no longing for moksha or service. Service without humility is selfishness and egotism.

  There were at this time about thirteen Tamilians in our party. Five Tamil youngsters had accompanied me from South Africa, and the rest came from different parts of the country. We were in all about twenty-five men and women.131

  This is how the Ashram was started. All had their meals in a common kitchen and strove to live as one family.

  X

  ON THE ANVIL

  The Ashram had been in existence only a few months when we were put to a test such as I had scarcely expected. I received a letter from Amritlal Thakkar132 to this effect: ‘A humble and honest untouchable family is desirous of joining your Ashram. Will you accept them?’

  I was perturbed. I had never expected that an untouchable family with an introduction from no less a man than Thakkar Bapa would so soon be seeking admission to the Ashram. I shared the letter with my companions. They welcomed it.

  I wrote to Amritlal Thakkar expressing our willingness to accept the family, provided all the members were ready to abide by the rules of the Ashram.

  The family consisted of Dudabhai, his wife Danibehn and their daughter Lakshmi133 then a mere toddling babe.M1 Dudabhai had been a teacher in Bombay. They all agreed to abide by the rules and were accepted.134

  But their admission created a flutter amongst the friends who had been helping the Ashram.135 The very first difficulty was found with regard to the use of the well, which was partly controlled by the owner of the bungalow. The man in charge of the water-lift objected that drops of water from our bucket would pollute him. So he took to swearing at us and molesting Dudabhai. I told everyone to put up with the abuse and continue drawing water at any cost.136 When he saw that we did not return his abuse, the man became ashamed and ceased to bother us.
r />   All monetary help, however, was stopped. The friend who had asked that question about an untouchable being able to follow the rules of the Ashram had never expected that any such would be forthcoming.

  With the stopping of monetary help came rumours of proposed social boycott. We were prepared for all this. I had told my companions that, if we were boycotted and denied the usual facilities, we would not leave Ahmedabad. We would rather go and stay in the untouchables’ quarter and live on whatever137 we could get by manual labour.

  Matters came to such a pass that Maganlal Gandhi one day gave me this notice: ‘We are out of funds and there is nothing for the next month.’

  I quietly replied: ‘Then we shall go to the untouchables’ quarter.’

  This was not the first time I had been faced with such a trial. On all such occasions God138 has sent help at the last moment. One morning, shortly after Maganlal had given me warning of our monetary plight, one of the children came and said that a Sheth139 who was waiting in a car outside wanted140 to see me. I went out to him. ‘I want to give the Ashram some help. Will you accept it?’ he asked.

  ‘Most certainly,’ said I. ‘And I confess I am at the present moment at the end of my resources.’

  ‘I shall come tomorrow at this time,’ he said. ‘Will you be here?’

  ‘Yes,’ said I, and he left.

  Next day, exactly at the appointed hour, the car drew up near our quarters, and the horn was blown. The children came with the news. The Sheth did not come in. I went out to see him. He placed in my hands currency notes of the value of Rs. 13,000, and drove away.

  I had never expected this help, and what a novel way of rendering it! The gentleman had never before visited the Ashram. So far as I can remember, I had met him only once. No visit, no enquiries, simply rendering help and going away! This was a unique experience for me. The help deferred the exodus to the untouchables’ quarter. We now felt quite safe for a year.