by Kat Brookes
Lucas straightened ever so slightly, as if trying to appear the young man Jackson proclaimed him to be.
“Mind if I sit here and do some thinking, too?” Jackson glanced around as if taking in his surroundings. “Seems like a good place to do some.”
The boy shrugged. “I suppose.”
“I’ll just sit here, real quiet-like, while I mull some things over.” Like what he was supposed to do next. Coloring with his niece was one thing. Dealing with a little boy so overwhelmed by grief and anger over the death of his father that he couldn’t contain his emotions was a whole different matter altogether. “Unless you feel the need to talk,” he added as he placed his cowboy hat on the bench beside him and leaned back against the winter-chilled wall, crossing his arms in imitation of the distraught young man beside him.
Silence filled the small, five-by-six fort for several minutes. Jackson had to wonder if the cold was getting to Lucas like it was to him, seeping in through the thick denim of his jeans. It was December, after all.
“I wasn’t crying,” he said defensively. “Because men don’t cry. I was just thinking really hard.”
“Men do cry, son,” he told him. “My father cried when my mom was really sick. My brother Tucker cried when he and his wife had their baby boy.” He’d cried the day Lainie wed, he thought, the pain of it feeling as if it had just happened. No one had seen him do so, of course. It would only have led to questions he’d just as soon not have to answer. Questions like the ones he’d answered before leaving the ranch to go check on Lainie and her son.
“I cried when my dad died.”
“Understandable,” Jackson said quietly.
“And when my mom said we had to move away.” Scuffing the heel of one of his booted feet atop the floorboards, Lucas added with a mutter, “I don’t like it here.”
Jackson took a moment before responding, wanting to gather his thoughts. “No shame in feeling the way you do,” he finally said. “A move is a big thing, saying goodbye to old friends and all. But it also brings new friends into your life. New opportunities. And you might hold off passing judgment on Bent Creek until you’ve had a chance to really see what living here is like.” He prayed both Lucas and Lainie would find the happiness they were seeking here in Bent Creek.
“I want everything to be the way it used to be,” Lucas said, a small sob escaping his lips.
He couldn’t put himself in Lainie’s son’s shoes where the move was concerned. He’d lived his whole life in Bent Creek. But he did know a thing or two about grief. The hurt from losing his little sister still ran deep. He couldn’t even imagine what it felt like to be Lucas’s age and lose a father.
Jackson looked to Lainie’s little boy, who looked so much like his mother, from his dark brown hair to the slight sprinkling of freckles across the bridge of his nose. “Change can be hard,” he admitted. “Sometimes painfully so.” Especially when that change had involved hurting Lainie all those years ago, something she had never forgiven him for. But her happiness had meant the world to him, still did, in fact, and he knew that if she had given up the opportunity for him, Lainie would have come to resent him for it. So he’d done the only thing he could—he’d shut her out emotionally. The hurt he’d seen on her face that night, hurt he’d put there, had nearly broken him. He’d hoped that someday, once she’d finished college, he and Lainie might be at a better place to see where things might go between them. Only Lainie had moved on, finding the love he’d denied her, much to his regret. When she’d called to tell him that she had gotten engaged, it sent his entire life into a complete tailspin. And he had no one to blame but himself for his heart’s loss. “I can tell you this,” he added with a gentle smile. “Your mom wants you to be happy more than anything in the world. That’s why she brought you back to the place she grew up in, where you will have family and new friends.” He glanced up. “And this really cool fort.”
“Lucas!” Lainie’s voice rang out. A second later, the fort’s door squeaked open and she appeared in the undersized doorway. Her reddened eyes told Jackson that, like her son, she’d been crying, too. “Jackson?” she gasped in surprise, an immediate frown pulling at her pink lips.
He stood so abruptly, he struck the top of his head on the low-hanging ceiling—one meant for children, not full-grown men—with a loud thwack. “Lainie,” he replied with a grimace. Looking down into her pretty, tear-streaked face, his heart went out to her. He understood the tension he’d felt between her and her son a little better. Lucas was clearly struggling with being uprooted and he blamed his mother, who was doing what she felt best for him.
Worry pulled at Lainie’s features as her gaze zeroed in on the top of his head. “Jackson,” she said with a fretful groan. “Are you all right?” she asked, her hand lifting as if to see for herself. But then she drew back, letting her hand fall back down to her side.
Something sparked inside of him at that small gesture of concern, even if she had caught herself before acting upon it. It told him that a part of Lainie still cared about him, despite her determination to have him believe otherwise. Jackson rubbed the tender spot on the crown of his head as he hunkered just low enough to avoid any more contact with the wood planks above. “If this skull can take hitting a dirt-packed rodeo arena floor after getting bucked off a couple-thousand-pound bull, a little bump on the noggin isn’t going to do much harm.”
Contrary to the nod she gave him, the sadness in her hazel eyes seemed to deepen. Not that he would have thought that even possible. It was then Jackson realized he’d brought up the one thing that had put a wedge between them all those years ago, at least in her mind—his rodeo career. His heart suddenly felt like it was lodged in his gut. He hadn’t meant to bring up something that would only serve to add to her emotional hurts.
Memories of that evening, of the special dance they’d shared outside in the moonlight and all that had followed, came rushing to the surface of his mind. The choice he’d had to make that night had changed their relationship irrevocably, but he’d done it for Lainie. I love you, she’d said. And then he’d broken her heart. He’d never forget the intense regret that filled him at that moment, or the effort it took not to pull her back into his arms and tell her that he loved her, too. Instead, he’d stood silent, watching as Lainie lifted her chin, and then turned and walked away, out of his life without another word. His brave, sweet Lainie. No, not his, Jackson had to remind himself. He’d thrown that chance away a long time ago.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded, bringing Jackson back from his troubled thoughts.
He glanced back at her son. “Lucas and I were just sitting here, doing some thinking.”
Lucas nodded in agreement, keeping his gaze firmly averted from his mother. “It’s what men do,” her son told her, his arms still crossed in front of him.
“I just wanted to let you know that lunch is ready,” she said, the tension between them thick in the air.
That had Jackson’s own frown deepening. His gaze swung back around to Lainie. “Would it be all right if Lucas and I took a couple more minutes to mull life over?”
She bit at her bottom lip in indecision and then nodded. “But not too long. It’s cold out.”
“I have my coat and gloves on,” her son pointed out. “And Mr. Wade and me are men. We don’t get cold.”
Lainie offered up a soft smile. “I suppose you are. But lunch won’t stay warm for long.”
“He’ll be right in,” Jackson said, making the decision for Lucas, whose chin lifted in a way that reminded him so much of Lainie. “Wouldn’t want to waste a good meal.”
“Can Jackson eat lunch with us?” Lucas asked, his request taking Jackson by surprise.
“Sweetie, I don’t think—”
“That’s okay. I really should get going,” Jackson cut in, saving Lainie from having to refuse her son’s unexpected request, which he knew she
would have. Lainie hadn’t avoided him for so many years only to come home and invite him to lunch. He should have considered that before giving his friend his promise to help out. In doing Justin a favor, he was putting Lainie in an uncomfortable position. But Lucas needed help finding his way back to the carefree, happy path in life every child deserved to travel. Jackson knew at that moment, as he stood between two people in great pain, people he cared a great deal about, that he would do anything he could, no matter how big or how small, to help make things right.
“Please stay,” Lucas pleaded, and then finally looked to his mother. “It’s okay, isn’t it?”
She smiled again, but Jackson was pretty sure it was only for her son’s benefit. “You’re here,” she told Jackson. “You might as well stay for a bite to eat.”
Jackson returned her grin, offering up a charming one of his own. “Well, all right then.” Looking to Lucas, he said, “Looks like I’ll be staying.”
“Okay, then,” Lainie said. “While the two of you finish ‘mulling’ things over, I’ll go inside and set another place at the table.” Before either of them had a chance to respond, she was gone.
Jackson was still staring at the empty doorway when Lucas said, “I didn’t really like it in California either. Not anymore.”
Understandable, Jackson thought. California had to hold some very painful memories for him with the loss of his father. “Well, I truly do hope you’ll at least give Bent Creek a chance. I think you’ll come to like living here,” Jackson said as he settled his large frame back down onto the bench next to Lucas. “Bent Creek is a pretty special place to grow up in. I should know. I’ve been here all of my life. In fact, your mom and your uncle Justin and I have been friends since we were barely out of diapers.”
“Were you friends with my dad, too?”
He shook his head. “Your dad wasn’t from around here. Your mom met him when she was away at college.” A twinge of jealousy pinched at his gut at the memory of that call he’d received from Lainie right before he was set to compete in the Vegas finals. A call that had not only ended his rodeo career, but any chance there might have been for the two of them to find their way back to each other.
“My mom doesn’t talk about him anymore.”
Jackson could hear the pain in Lucas’s softly spoken words and his heart went out to him. He never expected to be discussing Lainie’s love for another man with anyone, but at that moment it felt important to do so. “I would imagine it’s hard for your mom to talk about him. She loved your dad. Just like you did.”
Lord, please help me to find a way to help Lainie and her son in their time of need, Jackson thought as everything he’d just learned settled in.
* * *
“Thank you for lunch,” Jackson said to Lainie later that afternoon. He cast a glance in her direction as she walked him outside, something she had insisted on doing when he’d announced it was time for him to take his leave.
“You’re welcome,” she replied, trying to push down all the old feelings being around Jackson again had stirred up and failing miserably. But she would fight it. For her son, who needed her attention focused solely on him. And for herself, because her heart was far too weary to take on any more hurt.
“Something on your mind?” he asked as they neared his truck.
Forcing herself to look up at him, into a face that had grown even more handsome with age, Lainie said, “I don’t want you coming out here anymore. At least, not when Justin isn’t here.” She didn’t want Jackson to witness any more friction between her and her son than he already had. Although surprisingly, during lunch her son had seemed more like the little boy he was before the accident, before his grief had surfaced and the anger had settled in. He’d been talking Jackson’s ear off, asking him all about his ranch and his horses. And Lainie had to admit she’d been a little envious of Jackson for his ability to draw her son out of his shell in such a positive way, something she no longer seemed to be able to do.
He stopped walking, bringing her own steps to a halt as he turned to face her. “I’m here because your brother can’t be.”
“That’s not his decision to make,” she told him with a frown. “Lucas and I don’t need a babysitter.”
“I’m not a babysitter,” he said with a tenderness that made her want to cry. “I’m here because my best friend asked me to be. Because I gave my word to Justin, something I stand by. And because no matter how you feel about me, I will always care about you. I want you and your son to be happy.”
Jackson became a blur before her as hot tears pooled in her eyes. Lainie turned away. “I don’t want you to care about me.” She had only loved two men in her life. One had died because of her. The other had nearly died because of her. Not that anyone had ever put the blame for Jackson’s rodeo-career-ending fall on her, but she knew the truth. Deep down, in her heart. She hadn’t known he was in Vegas competing in the National Finals Rodeo when she’d called to tell him she was getting married. She didn’t even know why she’d called him. She just had. She supposed that she’d wanted to let him know that someone had come along who wanted to spend their life with her. And there was still a very small part of her that wanted to see if her news sparked anything inside him. Lord forgive her for her actions. She’d had no right to care about Jackson’s feelings for her, not when she was going to be marrying Will. Jackson had fallen silent for several heartbeats before finally congratulating her and wishing her all the happiness in the world. Happiness that he might have given her, had he loved her the way she had once loved him.
A gentle hand came to rest atop her shoulder and a small sob escaped her lips. “Lainie,” Jackson said, empathy filling his husky voice.
She held up a staying hand. “Jackson, don’t.” Don’t what she didn’t know. She just couldn’t do this. Not here. Not now.
His hand fell away. “All right,” he said. “I accept that you don’t want my help. Can barely stand to be around me. But I’m asking you to do this for your son. Let me help you get your little boy back.”
Do this for your son. If he had said anything but that, she would have sent him away, holding firm to her resolve to keep Jackson Wade at a safe distance, both physically and emotionally. But he was right. Her moving home was about her son. Jackson’s being there had sparked something positive in Lucas. Could the man who had crushed her tender heart so many years ago truly be the answer to her prayers where her son’s happiness was concerned? It seemed there was only one way to find out, even if it meant risking the emotional pain all over again.
Chapter Four
“Am I forgiven yet?”
Lainie lowered the book she was reading, or at least trying to read as her mind kept drifting off to thoughts of Jackson. She met her brother’s unapologetic grin from where he sat watching an NFL football game on his oversize flat-screen TV. “If you were truly remorseful for what you’ve done, then I might consider forgiving you. But we both know you’re not.”
“No,” he said, his expression sobering. “I suppose I’m not. If I can’t be there for you, then I need to know that you and Lucas are in good hands. Jackson is my best friend. I would trust him with my life. You could do the same.”
Maybe so, she thought in silent response, but what about my heart? Not that there was any chance she was going to risk the hurt that came with loving someone ever again. She had loved Jackson and so naively thought he’d loved her, too. Maybe his feelings were not as deep as hers, but she had been so certain there was a spark of something that had flickered to life the year she was preparing to leave for college. Apparently, she had been wrong. And then came Will, who had been a comfortable fit, the kind of man born to be a husband and a father. Hardworking, loving and now gone because of her. She should be thinking of him whenever her thoughts drifted. Not Jackson.
“Lainie,” her brother said with a sigh as he muted the game and shifted in the chair to face h
er, “I don’t know what happened between you and Jackson to cause such a rift, but I do know that he cares about you. Always has.”
The snort was out before she could think better of it. And, sure enough, her brother latched on to her far too honest reaction.
“This is exactly why the two of you need to talk. To work through whatever misunderstanding is responsible for putting this emotional distance between you and Jackson. Because if you think he doesn’t care about you, you’re wrong. After you’d gone off to school, and even later, after you’d married and started your family with Will, every time I mentioned speaking to you, he would ask me how you were doing. Even when he’d nearly died after that bull ground him into the arena floor, you were the first thing he spoke of when I went to visit him at the hospital. He said that all he wanted was for you to be happy and if Will was able to give you that then he wished you both well.” His brows drew together in consternation before he added, “Although I’m not sure how he even knew about your engagement when we didn’t even know about it at that point.”
Lainie felt the hot surge of tears at her brother’s words. Jackson knew because she had called to tell him. His rejection of her had allowed her to move down a new path in her life, where she found Will, a man willing to give his heart completely to her. If only she’d been able to give all of her heart to her husband. Emotions so raw and deep pushed upward, making it impossible to respond. Dropping the book she’d been reading onto her lap, she brought her hands up to cover her face as the first choked sob escaped.
“Lainie,” her brother gasped. There was a loud clunk as he shoved the recliner’s footrest closed and a second later he was seated next to her, holding her close. “I’m sorry. I never should have brought Will up.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that.”
“Jackson?” he asked hesitantly.
“Yes,” she said with a soft sniffle.
“I thought things were going well. You’ve spent time with him every day since coming home more than a week ago, even going with him over to his place. If I had known that bringing the two of you back together would make you this miserable, I never would have asked Jackson for his help. I’ll talk to him tomorrow and let him know this isn’t working out.”