The Stand-In Boyfriend

by Doherty, Emma

  Chase stiffens beside me. “Be careful, Stephenson.” His voice has a warning in it.

  I summon up enough energy to turn to face him. The last thing I need is these two fighting right now. “It’s just…” I start before having to pause and swallow a couple of times because my throat is that dry. “It’s just I have this horrible headache and moving makes me feel like I’m going to be sick.” I glance over a Jessie, who is still glaring at Chase as Sophie glances warily between the two of them. “Jessie’s just being protective.”

  Chase’s eyes flash with something—anger, perhaps annoyance, I’m not entirely sure—but he nods slightly and slides a bit farther away from me, giving me some room.

  Jessie makes some sort of noise of irritation then abruptly stands and leaves the table. I don’t even have enough energy to glance his way.

  “What’s wrong?” Chase asks quietly, and I feel awful that he seems cautious around me now, like he’s unsure if he can ask me something after I’ve sided with Jessie.

  “My head,” I manage to mutter, “and my whole body is aching. Literally everything hurts.”

  His face creases in sympathy and he shakes his head. “You shouldn’t have come to school.”

  He’s right, I shouldn’t have, but I really don’t have the energy right now to explain that I managed to get myself so worked up about missing a stupid test that I was convinced skipping today would mean I wouldn’t get a scholarship. Even I can see how ridiculous that sounds right now.

  “Come on,” he tells me, going to stand. “I’ll take you—”

  “I’m already doing it,” Jessie cuts in. He’s suddenly behind me and places a bottle of chocolate milk down in front of me, having already unscrewed the lid. I actually manage to smile and turn to face him. It’s the only thing I like when I’m sick, and he’s been buying me chocolate milk when I’m sick or fed up for as long as I can remember. I take a sip and, as always, as soon as the liquid hits my lips, I feel marginally better. Jessie bends down and picks up my bag off the floor, along with my gym bag, throwing it over his shoulder. “What time later?”

  “Uh…” It takes me a second to think of what he’s referring to. I manage to glance over at Sophie, who’s watching us. “I’m gonna sleep for a bit, so around 7?”

  Sophie nods and glances over at Chase. “We do it every time one of us is sick,” she tells him, almost apologetically, and I realize Jessie and I have shut him out and I didn’t even realize. “We go over to their house, watch Disney movies, and eat apple pie.”

  “Yeah, um…” I start, thinking I should probably invite Chase to join.

  “Sounds like fun,” he tells me. “I’ll see you when you’re feeling better then.”

  I nod my head, relief flooding me. As much as Chase and I are friends now, I just want to get home, sleep, and then pig out with my best friends tonight. I don’t want to have to deal with the Jessie versus Chase show. Jessie reaches out his hand and I gratefully take it, slowly standing up from the table and letting him lead me out of the cafeteria and into his car.

  A crappy day turns into a crappy week, and I have the full-blown flu. I’m so out of it I don’t even stress about missing school or practice. All I do all week is sleep, try to force a little bit of food down my throat, and then watch Disney movies with Jessie and Sophie before sleeping some more. It’s not until Sunday afternoon that I start to feel slightly more human.

  My mom appears at my door. “How you feeling, Livipops?”

  I smile at that old nickname. She only uses it on special occasions, and apparently me being sick is one of them. “I feel better.”

  “It’s taking everything I have to keep Scotty out of here.”

  I chuckle. “He can come in.”

  She raises an eyebrow. “You might regret that. He’s even more hyper than usual this week. He’s out with Ray right now anyway.”

  I grin at her. I miss my crazy, hyper, adorable little brother. Usually he’s throwing himself all over me at all times, but my mom has insisted he give me some space this week so he’s taken to babbling at me outside my door, talking in his incomprehensible toddler language and singing songs.

  She screws up her face and walks over to my window, opening it up wide and letting some fresh air into the room. “When was the last time you showered?”

  I scrunch my nose up. It’s been five days and I definitely stink, but I haven’t had the energy to undress and bathe.

  “Get in the shower and then come downstairs. I made brownies and I’ll order you a pizza for lunch if you’re up to eating.”

  My stomach actually clenches at the thought of pizza, and that’s when I know I’m feeling better. I haven’t wanted to eat all week, but now that she’s said it, I realize I’m starving. I start to push back the covers from my bed. “I’ll just come down now.”

  She shakes her head and turns to walk out the door. “Trust me, you’re going to want to shower.”

  I roll my eyes and sniff my shirt. It’s not so bad that she can’t deal with me for a couple of hours. I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror and while I definitely have more color in my face than I’ve had all week, my hair is a greasy mess hanging around my face.

  I go downstairs anyway—and want to die on the spot when I see Chase standing in my kitchen, hovering by the table while he talks to my mom.

  He smiles when he sees me. “Hey, how you feeling?”

  I swallow loudly and look over at my mom smirking by the fridge. I glare at her, suddenly mortified by my appearance, and she starts to chuckle as she strolls toward me, passing me in the doorway and murmuring, “Told you you’d want to shower.”

  I close my eyes at how humiliating this is. Now that I’m not in the cesspool my room has become over the last couple of days, I know how ridiculous I must look right now. I’m wearing an old University of California shirt of my dad’s and oversized basketball shorts that fall down my hips.

  When I look back at Chase, he’s looking at me nervously. “Sorry…I shouldn’t have come. It’s just you haven’t been at school all week and I know you’ve texted a couple of times, but I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” He pauses briefly. “Look, I’ll go.”

  “No!” I feel terrible that he must think he’s not welcome here. “Thank you for coming—really. I feel a lot better now, and I think I’ll be back at school tomorrow.”

  “You sure?” He takes a step closer to me. “You don’t seem—”

  “Stop!” He looks horrified at my tone, and a snort of laughter breaks out of me. I glance away, feeling my face blush red before looking back at him. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”

  “Look, I’ll go. I didn’t mean to intrude, and you’re obviously feeling better.”

  I start to laugh, real laughter this time. He thinks I don’t want him here. “Chase, I stink okay?” He looks completely perplexed, which just makes me laugh more. “I’ve barely been out of my bed since Tuesday, and I haven’t showered since that morning. I totally stink. I just don’t want you to get close enough to smell me because there’s a very real possibility you may pass out.”

  Understanding fills his face and he crosses his arms over his chest, grinning back at me. “I mean, I didn’t want to say anything, Chapman. I just figured your mom hadn’t taken the garbage out today.”

  I can’t help chuckling. It’s only been five days, but I’d forgotten how carefree and easy he is to be around, how he makes me feel like that. “Stay here,” I tell him, turning to run back upstairs. “And don’t eat all of those brownies before I get back.”

  Twenty minutes later, I’ve scrubbed my body clean and even shampooed my hair twice to make sure it’s as clean as possible. I’ve thrown my bedroom window open even wider, stripped my bed, and dumped my bedding into the laundry along with my sick clothes. I’ve pulled on a clean pair of sweats and a fresh shirt and have towel-dried my hair. I run back downstairs to find my mom sitting with Chase at the kitchen table.

  She grins as I walk in. �
�There she is. That’s the daughter I love and adore.”

  I mock glare at her, not completely forgiving her for not warning me about Chase, but when I see that’s she’s poured Chase a drink and he’s completely at ease, I stop, knowing she’s made him feel welcome. My mom’s great at that stuff.

  “Hey.” I smile at Chase. “So you’ve met my mom.”

  He grins. “Yeah, we’ve just been talking about school and soccer.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yes. You didn’t tell me your new friend was the star of the soccer team and is about to compete in the state championships.” I nearly laugh at the fact that she called him my new friend. She’s been asking who it is I’ve been hanging out with but I haven’t gone into detail. Clearly she now thinks we’re dating, and by the smile on her face she’s happy about it. She’s always going on about my lack of a love life.

  I glance at Chase, who is looking earnestly at my mom, not chill and laid back like he usually is but like he actually cares about her opinion and wants to make a good impression.

  “Oh yeah.” I smirk at him. “He’s kind of a big deal. I’m honored he’s even here at all, gracing me with his presence.”

  He smirks right back at me, shaking his head in amusement, and when I look at my mom, her face is beaming.

  “What?” I ask her, taking a seat next to Chase.

  She shakes her head. “Nothing, nothing at all.”

  I frown in her direction. She’s acting strangely.

  “Now, Chase, can I tempt you with one of my brownies?”

  “Actually, I, um…” He clears his throat and actually blushes a little. “I brought you an apple pie.” He reaches quickly into his bag and pulls it out onto the table. “Sophie said it’s all you want when you’re sick.”

  I stare at it and the warmest feeling comes over me. He remembered what Sophie said in the cafeteria and brought me an apple pie. I grin over at him. “Thanks, Chase.”

  “That’s very sweet of you,” my mom tells him, glancing over at me, “but she’s had enough apple pie to last her a lifetime. I think it’s time for something new, don’t you, Liv?”

  She has her eyebrows raised, staring at me expectantly, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out she’s not talking about brownies and apple pie anymore. She’s referring to my monster crush on Jessie. I’m not about to explain to her about our little plan—she’ll just think it’s ridiculous—so I decide to humor her.

  “Sure, Mom. New is good.”

  Chase spends the whole afternoon and evening at my house and I educate him on Disney movies, absolutely horrified to learn he’s never watched The Lion King. We watch that, and then we watch the original Beauty and the Beast and Moana. He pretends to not be into it, but I swear I see a tear in his eye when Mufasa dies, and he’s even humming along to the tunes by the time we get to the end of Moana.

  He briefly asks at one point if Sophie and Jessie are coming over, and when I tell him they’re not, saying even they’ve had enough of watching Disney movies with me, he tries to act like he doesn’t care, but I can tell he’s relieved. To be honest, I’m happy about it too. It’s nice to hang out with Chase after not seeing him for a week.

  I introduce him to Scotty when he runs into the den where we’ve set up camp and promptly throws himself on me, covering me in dirt since he’s been playing soccer with my stepdad all afternoon. Scotty’s face lights up when he sees Chase, and I burst out laughing when he clambers onto him, clearly to Chase’s horror. Scotty looks at me sheepishly when I pick him up and hand him over to my mom, who presumably takes him to get cleaned up.

  “So that’s your kid brother.”

  “Uh huh.”

  “He’s cute.”

  I smirk. “He is cute.”

  Chase looks at me like he wants to say something, and I bite my lip to stop from smiling. I’m used to this when people meet my brother.

  “You can say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “That we’ve obviously got different dads.”

  “I didn’t notice—I mean, I…”

  I burst out laughing. Scotty is mixed race; Ray, my stepdad, is black. Scotty has the same shaped eyes as me and I think he’ll probably be tall like me, but that’s where our physical similarities end. His dad and my mom got married when I was fourteen, and Scotty came along a year later. I honestly can’t remember what it’s like to not have him around, and I try not to think about next year when I’m away at college.

  “His dad and my mom got married a few years ago. Ray used to be my soccer coach when I was a kid.”

  “Coach Saunders?”

  I nod. I’d forgotten that Chase and I both played under Ray for a while. After my dad left, he started coming into my mom’s bakery every day and eventually plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date, genuinely worried that he was going to get fat if he didn’t admit his feelings and continued to just buy pastries as an excuse to see her. “Yeah, he’s great. He still teaches kids soccer down at the rec center, and he’s a gym coach at my old middle school now too.”

  “Really? Wow. I always liked Coach Saunders.”

  “Yeah, he’s the best, and he and my mom are crazy in love. It’s pretty nauseating most of the time.” I don’t mean that; I love seeing my mom so happy. I still remember how devastated she was after my dad left, and Ray treats me like his own daughter. He’s the best thing that ever happened to our little family, and I love him more than he’d ever believe.

  “Your mom seems pretty cool.”

  I nod. “She is.” She’s the strongest person I know. She’d do anything for anyone, and if I grow up to be half the person she is, I’ll be happy.

  Chase presses his lips together and I know he wants to ask another question, know he’s thinking about how to word it, and even before he does, my heart drops in the familiar way I’ve gotten used to since my dad walked out of my life. “What about your dad?”

  “Um…he lives in California now, near San Diego.” About as far away from me as he could be while still staying in the States.

  “Oh.”

  I nod, trying to stop the emotions overwhelming me like they do every time I think about my dad.

  “Still…awesome vacations, right? When you go to visit him?”

  I pause. “I’ve never visited him. He hasn’t invited me.” Chase’s eyes widen for just a second and I bite down hard on the inside of my mouth. I am not going to cry. “He has a new wife now and twin daughters. They’re almost five I think.”

  He nods. I don’t know why I just told him that. Only Sophie and Jessie know. Usually when someone mentions my dad, I just let them assume I see him and don’t go into details. For some reason, though, I want Chase to know the truth.

  “That’s so shitty, Liv.”

  I nod. It is shitty. There’s no denying it. I loved my dad more than anything in the world and he doesn’t want me. That’s the truth of it. I know he sends my mom money for me occasionally, but that’s because the courts told him to, not because he wants to. It’s like he wishes he could wipe me and my mom completely from his memory. I haven’t gotten a birthday card from him since I turned twelve.

  “Do you speak to him at all?”

  I shake my head. “No, not anymore. He used to call every now and then, but he hasn’t called me in years and I don’t know his number anymore. He changed it and didn’t tell me his new one.” I swallow hard and try to control my emotions. “He was over in California on business and had an affair with this woman he’s with now. He told my mom he hadn’t been happy with us and then just moved away.”

  “When was this?”

  “Just after I started middle school.” I manage a weak smile. “It kinda messed me up for a while. I think that’s why I get so anxious and panicky about stuff.”

  He nods. “It makes sense. I’d say you’ve got a reason for it.”

  I smile at him, grateful that he’s not making light of it or dismissing this major thing that happened to me and that
has changed me completely.

  “I had a full-on meltdown,” I tell him. “I just woke up one day and my dad was gone. I couldn’t handle it.” I manage a wry smile, thinking back to that time in my life and how devastated I was.

  “I’m sorry, Livy.”

  I shrug. “I got scared that my mom was going to leave too. It got to the point where I couldn’t go anywhere without her. I used to cry when she dropped me off at school because I was so scared she wouldn’t be there to get me afterward. They call it separation anxiety.”

  His face is full of concern. “That must have been so tough.”

  “Eventually it got to the point where I’d refuse to leave the house without her. I didn’t want to go to school, didn’t want to go anywhere she wasn’t.” I shake my head, thinking back on how scared my mom would always look when I was having one of my freak-outs. She had so much to worry about anyway and then there was me slowly losing my mind on top of it all. “Even Sophie couldn’t talk me down, and you know she can get anyone to do anything.”

  He offers me a small smile but it doesn’t reach his eyes.

  “Anyway, the school eventually arranged for me to see a child psychologist, and we talked things through and then I eventually started to feel better. She taught me all these different breathing techniques to use when I start getting worked up. I still use them today.”

  “And that’s why you got so stressed after I pulled you out of the cafeteria that time?”

  I nod. “Yeah. I don’t like being the center of attention or feeling like things are changing and I have no control. I’m definitely getting better at dealing with it, but sometimes I still freak out.”

  He nods. “I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you too much and stressed you out.”

  “No!” I shake my head rapidly. “I didn’t mean that. No, you haven’t done anything.” I should tell him he makes me feel more relaxed and carefree than I have in a long time, but for whatever reason, something stops me.

  “I remember you when we were kids and played soccer—you seemed pretty happy then.”