Always Another Side

by Annabelle Jacobs

  “Hello?”

  “Is that you parked outside on the road?”

  Tyler’s cheeks heated with embarrassment. “No.”

  “You are such a liar. I can see it’s you.”

  Jack’s laughter sounded loud in his ear, making Tyler smile despite himself.

  “Then why did you ask?”

  “I was being polite.”

  Tyler rolled his eyes, but at least he didn’t feel so embarrassed anymore. “I guess I should get out of my car, then.”

  “Yes. Unless you want to drive.” It hadn’t sounded as though Jack was asking him to, but Tyler was already in his car, and if Jack was ready to go, it seemed silly to trade one car for another.

  “Actually I might as well, if you’re not bothered about driving.”

  “Oh, okay. If you’re sure?” Jack sounded a little breathless.

  Tyler heard rustling in the background. God, Jack probably wasn’t even ready and there Tyler was hassling him to hurry up. How rude?

  He unbuckled his seat belt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to arrive this early and rush you.”

  “No, no, it’s fine. Honestly.” The sound of a door closing was then followed by more rustling. “I’m done.”

  Tyler glanced up to see a smiling Jack walking towards him. He wore a long-sleeved T-shirt, jeans, and boots, and had a jacket in his hand. His hair was messier than usual, and the overall look was incredibly sexy. Tyler was tempted to get out and usher him back inside his flat. A small rucksack hung off one shoulder, and Tyler wondered what was in it. He hadn’t thought to bring any supplies.

  Jack got in the passenger side and turned to him. “Hey.”

  His gaze dropped to Tyler’s mouth, then quickly snapped back up again.

  Should Tyler give him a kiss hello? Were they at that stage? He was so worried about messing this up, he’d begun to overthink every little action. It shouldn’t be this difficult, surely. And now too much time had passed, and it would probably look weird if he leant over and kissed him.

  Oh, for fuck’s sake.

  “Hey.” Tyler smiled at him, put a hand on Jack’s neck, and drew him in for a quick kiss. There, done.

  Tyler sat back in his seat as though nothing was wrong and pretended he hadn’t agonised over something as simple as a kiss hello. When he looked over at Jack, his stomach flip-flopped, because Jack’s answering smile was huge. Definitely the right move, then. “So.” He started the engine and fastened his seat belt again. “Where to?”

  “Since it’s already afternoon, I thought we’d stay local and go to Leigh Woods. If we take the red trail, then that should take us about an hour or so. We can veer off it a bit if we want, have a look at the suspension bridge. How does that sound?”

  Tyler nodded. “Sounds great.” He knew Leigh Woods well enough, although it had been a few years since he’d been there. That also meant they’d be back at Jack’s flat relatively early, and Tyler was all in favour of that.

  “Do you know where you’re going? Or do you need me—?”

  “I know the way.” He indicated and pulled away from the kerb. “How long have you lived here, then?” Tyler glanced at the flats in his rear-view mirror. The three-storey building looked relatively new, with modern brickwork and windows, but Tyler had imagined Jack living somewhere more… well, not in a flat. Maybe somewhere with outdoor space, considering what he did for a living.

  Jack settled back in his seat with a sigh. “About six months.”

  Oh. Of course.

  Tyler wanted to slap himself. Of course Jack would have moved in after the split. Should he change the subject? Tyler didn’t want to ruin the mood, but Jack’s relationship and subsequent break-up with Simon was such a big part of his life, Tyler figured they would have to talk about it sooner or later. “I have to say I pictured you living somewhere with a huge garden.” He bit his lip, hoping he’d done the right thing by carrying on the conversation.

  “I used to.” Jack sighed again, but much to Tyler’s relief, he didn’t seem upset or annoyed, mostly wistful. “The house I shared with Simon backed onto a small stream, and the garden was big enough to really do something with.” He glanced over at Tyler, his expression bittersweet. “I would say I wish you could’ve seen it. But then we wouldn’t be here, would we?”

  “No, I guess not.” Tyler gripped the steering wheel, his hands a little sweaty all of a sudden. Did that mean Jack was happy to be there with Tyler, or was he still wishing he was back in that house with Simon? Tyler didn’t know him well enough to gauge his mood. But he wanted to change that.

  Silence stretched between them, and Tyler concentrated on driving to take his mind off it. It wasn’t awkward, but he had the feeling it would be far too easy for him to say the wrong thing and put his foot in it. So he held his tongue. Fortunately, Jack didn’t.

  “Actually, I came to a decision last night.”

  “Oh?” Tyler stole a glance at him as his heart rate picked up and his mind raced through the possible connotations of that sentence. “About?”

  Jack sat up a little straighter, seeming to shake off any lingering melancholy. It made Tyler relax too. “I think I’m going to look for a house.”

  Tyler grinned. “You think?”

  “You know what I mean.” He slapped Tyler playfully on the arm, and smiled. “The flat’s nice enough, but it’s never felt like home. I know that’s partly because I haven’t made much effort in that regard, but I’ve always thought of it as temporary. I miss having an outdoor space where I can have friends round for barbecues and drinks. It’s time to move on.”

  Oh. Well, that sounded promising. The worry of what would happen if Simon came back on the scene sat in the back of Tyler’s mind. He kept it under wraps for the most part, but it was always there nevertheless. Jack and Simon had been together ages; it wasn’t unreasonable to think Jack still had feelings for his ex. But if Jack was planning to buy himself somewhere new on his own, then maybe Tyler had nothing to worry about, after all.

  “Have you had any thoughts about where you’d want to live?” Buying a house was one of the most stressful things Tyler had done, and as much as he didn’t envy Jack all the paperwork and tedious back and forth with solicitors, he was also excited for him. A new home meant a fresh start, somewhere to make your own that was worth all the form filling to get there.

  Jack blew out a breath and laughed. “God, no. I only decided last night. I haven’t had chance to even think about where or what sort of house.”

  Tyler’s smile spread wide at Jack’s confession—he’d made the decision after spending the night with Tyler.

  Obviously he wasn’t the main reason Jack had decided to look for a home, but he liked to think he’d played a part in it. In Tyler’s experience, having something to look forward to, something to take your mind off things was the best way to get over a painful experience. Jack was definitely doing it for him; Tyler hadn’t thought about James much these past couple of days, too caught up with Jack and their budding relationship.

  He wanted to be the same for Jack, and by the sounds of it, maybe he was.

  They arrived at Leigh Woods with the sun still shining and the day pleasantly warm. Tyler didn’t think they’d need waterproofs, but Jack insisted on rolling them up and shoving them in his rucksack. The car park was relatively full, hardly surprising since it was such a beautiful day. But they didn’t meet many people as they set off.

  “The red path is about an hour’s easy walk, but we can choose our own route to make it last longer.” Jack pointed to the large wooden map showing various trails splitting off from the main paths. “What do you reckon?”

  Tyler shrugged. “I’m easy.”

  Jack leaned closer to him, whispering in his ear. “I guess I’ll find out later.”

  Tyler shivered, from both the words and Jack’s hot breath against the side of his neck. Words failed him as he struggled to find a suitable response. Jack had caught him off guard and had gone before Tyler though
t of anything, striding off and shouting over his shoulder.

  “Come on, then. We haven’t got all day.”

  This side of Jack—playful, positive—was one Tyler hadn’t seen much of so far, but he liked it. The decision to buy a house and move on with his life must have taken a weight off Jack’s mind. He seemed more carefree today than ever. Tyler grinned and hurried after him with a spring in his step.

  Jack waited for him to catch up, then carried on walking. “Tell me about your house. How long have you lived there?”

  Tyler counted the years in his head. Turned out it was longer than he thought. “Coming up for ten years this October.” He pushed his hair out of eyes where it had fallen forward. “Wow. I didn’t think I’d been there that long.” Time flew once you got past thirty. Well, it felt like it anyway. Tyler couldn’t believe it had been ten years since he bought the place.

  Jack cleared his throat, causing Tyler to glance at him. “Have you always lived there on your own?”

  Oh.

  Tyler thought of the men he’d been with since he’d bought the house. Each time he’d wondered if finally he’d have someone to share his home, but none of the relationships had lasted. He frowned, worrying what that said about him.

  Jack put a hand on his arm, startling him. “Sorry. It’s none of my business. I shouldn’t—”

  “No, it’s fine. There were times when I thought—” Probably best if he didn’t finish that sentence. Jack didn’t need to know how many times he’d failed at life. “Yes, I’ve always lived there on my own.”

  “It’s a lovely house.” Jack gave his arm a gentle squeeze and then let go.

  “Thanks.”

  They walked in companionable silence for a while. Tyler tilted his face to the sun, smiling as it warmed his skin. Jack nudged him in the arm to get his attention, and Tyler blinked a couple of times to focus on him.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  Tyler smirked. “Well, technically—”

  Jack rolled his eyes, “Yes, I know, technically I already did, but can I ask something personal?” He spread his hands out wide and turned to walk backwards, facing Tyler. “I feel as though I’ve turned a corner, and I want to finally put the past behind me. I’m aware we both have ex issues.” Tyler huffed out a laugh. That was one way to put it. “I’m curious, I won’t lie, and I’m sure you are too. I want to get it out in the open, so it’s not an issue anymore. Does that make sense?” He faced forward again, guiding Tyler along a rough-looking trail on the left. “Down here.”

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Tyler wasn’t keen to tell Jack how naive and gullible he’d been with James, but he did want to know about Simon. Who in their right mind would let someone like Jack go, especially after being together for all that time? Yeah, Tyler had plenty of questions about that. And he also didn’t want to make the same mistakes. “Today seems to be the day for clean slates.”

  Jack smiled. “Want me to go first?”

  Tyler nodded, his curiosity building exponentially. “Why did you and Simon break up?”

  “He cheated on me.”

  Tyler’s blood went cold and he stumbled over nothing.

  Oh God. I knew it had to be something like that, but…. Fuck.

  Jack huffed out a breath. “And that wasn’t the worst part. Well, I guess it was, but… he lied about it. For four months he went out with other men and lied to my face.” He shook his head, his voice still matter-of-fact. “Sixteen years together and it was so easy for him to throw it all away as though it meant nothing.”

  Tyler swallowed past the lump in his throat. “Was there more than one?”

  Jack glanced at him with a sigh. “I think so. I saw a message on his phone that was pretty damning. But when I confronted him, he admitted he’d been seeing someone with a totally different name. So yeah, I’m pretty sure there was more than one.”

  “Wow.” Tyler said, figuring Jack was expecting him to comment. “What an arsehole.”

  Jack hummed in agreement. “The thing I can’t get my head round is if he was that unhappy, why the fuck didn’t he talk to me? Why not…. Whatever, it doesn’t matter now.”

  Tyler bit his lip; his heart rate went through the roof as he thought about how to phrase the question he was dying to ask next. “Do you think they knew?”

  “Who?” Jack frowned as he looked up.

  “The other men. Do you think they knew Simon had a long-term partner he was cheating on?”

  Jack scoffed then—an ugly sound that made Tyler bristle. “I don’t give a shit about them, to be honest. I think he’d been seeing the last guy for four, maybe six weeks, so I find it hard to believe the guy didn’t know, what with all the sneaking around Simon had to do. If he was stupid enough not to realise, then more fool him. I have no sympathy whatsoever.”

  All the warmth of the day disappeared, and Tyler shuddered as a cold chill ran down his back. He knew Jack had been badly hurt by Simon, but his words still stung because he clearly meant every one of them. “Are they together now?”

  Jack narrowed his eyes. “I don’t think so, but I don’t keep tabs on him. Why the interest in Simon’s other men?”

  Tyler squirmed, uncomfortable under Jack’s scrutiny. “No reason. I just think there’s always two sides to these things.”

  “Simon cheated on me and lied about it. Don’t tell me you think I should sympathise with the guys he did it with?”

  “No, I—”

  “Tyler, why did your last relationship end?” Jack cocked his head to one side, and Tyler could see the wheels turning in his mind. Realisation dawned slowly and Tyler felt bile rise in the back of his throat.

  He didn’t want to discuss this anymore, not with the way Jack was looking him—a frown creasing his forehead as he slowly put the pieces together. Jack was already angry, riled up from Tyler stupidly pressing the point and trying to get Jack to see another point of view. He should have left it well alone and brought it up later when Jack wasn’t feeling raw and exposed. Nothing good could come of talking about it now, but it looked as though he didn’t have a choice.

  Jack steered them off the main path. After a few minutes, the small trail opened up into a wide area, and Tyler realised they were at the edge of the wood. The Clifton Suspension Bridge made a spectacular backdrop, but Tyler found it hard to appreciate the view with a glowering Jack standing staring at him expectantly.

  When Jack spoke, his voice was quiet but edged with steel—not a tone he’d ever used with Tyler before. Shit. “I told you what happened with me and Simon. Come on, Tyler. How bad can it be?”

  He raised an eyebrow, and Tyler got the impression it was more mocking than questioning. Jack knew what Tyler was going to say, and from the tense set of his shoulders, was already judging him.

  Well, fuck him. Tyler felt shitty enough about what happened. But I didn’t know.

  Jack had no right to look at him as though he was at fault. Tyler stood up straight and tilted his chin up in defiance. “Me and James were together for six weeks.”

  Jack scoffed, and Tyler clenched his fists. He didn’t like this side to him. “I know that’s not long in your book, but I lo—, I liked him a lot.”

  Even months later, Tyler didn’t want to admit how fast and hard he’d fallen for James and his lies. He felt the hot rush of shame as if it were yesterday—so fucking stupid. He met Jack’s gaze as he said the rest of it, wanting to see his reaction. Whatever progress they’d made, Tyler felt it slipping away with each word out of his mouth. “Turns out he didn’t feel the same. At all, really. I wasn’t his boyfriend. I was the one he cheated on his boyfriend with.”

  There. The truth he’d dreaded bringing up was finally out there. Tyler let out a harsh breath, and glanced up at the blue sky, unable to keep eye contact any longer. Jack hadn’t said anything yet, but Tyler hadn’t missed the flash of hurt in his eyes. Clearly this brought up shitty memories, and Tyler didn’t want to be the one to remind Jack of those. But it wa
sn’t his fault. His friends had said that to him so many times, but for once he actually believed it was true. James had deceived him as much as anyone else had. All Tyler was guilty of was trusting someone.

  If Jack couldn’t get past that, then they were done.

  When Jack remained silent, Tyler sighed and walked past him to the edge of the gorge. The bridge looked an impossible feat of engineering from where he stood. He would never admit it, but driving over it always made him shudder, and he wasn’t keen on walking over it either.

  I wonder if Jack’s walked across it much?

  That seemed like something Jack would do, and Tyler half turned to ask, before remembering they weren’t speaking. He turned back around and stared at the grass, toeing at the clover mixed in with it.

  Shit. What the hell do I do now?

  They still had to walk back to the car and then endure a thirty-minute drive. Tyler wished he were anywhere but here. Slipping his hands into his pockets, he sighed again, wondering how long he should leave it before suggesting they head back.

  “How did you find out?” Jack’s voice startled Tyler so badly he jerked and a sharp pain shot down the back of his neck. The accusatory tone from before had gone, replaced by something a lot softer. Jack had moved closer. Tyler sensed him standing behind him, but he didn’t turn round.

  Some of the tension eased, though not all of it, and Tyler’s shoulders remained rigid. “I told him I loved him.” Tyler flushed at the memory. It wasn’t the first time he’d said those words to someone, but it was the first time the other person had laughed and then looked at him as though he were insane.

  James stopped and stared at him. “Wait, you’re serious?”