Always Another Side

by Annabelle Jacobs

  Tyler handed Aaron a mug of coffee.

  “Thanks.” Aaron took a sip and sighed happily. “For a tea drinker, you don’t make a bad coffee.”

  Tyler shrugged and pointed at the new Tassimo he’d bought himself for Christmas. “I like to drink it now and again. Where are you off to today?”

  Aaron took another couple of sips before setting the mug down on the counter. “I’m meeting someone for lunch.”

  He looked down at the floor in an uncharacteristic fashion. Tyler thought he even saw Aaron’s cheeks colour.

  “Oh?” Tyler perked up with interest. “A friend or…?”

  Aaron had a lot of friends, some Tyler knew well, others not so much, but he rarely mentioned anyone he was seeing. Tyler could probably count on one hand the number of Aaron’s boyfriends he’d met over the years.

  “Sort of a date.”

  Tyler laughed. “Sort of? Don’t you know?”

  Aaron waved a hand at him. “I’ll let you know afterwards.” He glanced at the pan behind Tyler. “Shouldn’t you be keeping an eye on that?”

  “Oh shit.” Tyler spun round and hastily poked at the scrambled eggs to make sure they hadn’t stuck to the pan. “That’s your fault for surprising me.”

  Aaron grinned at him but didn’t comment further.

  After they’d eaten, Tyler glanced at his watch and attempted to calculate how long he had before he needed to leave. He looked up to find Aaron watching him.

  “Somewhere to be?”

  “Yeah, my auntie Deb’s. She’s got the landscape gardeners round today, and I want to get there a bit earlier to have a cup of tea and a chat before they arrive.”

  “Will Jack be there? I seem to remember you mentioning him sorting it out for her.”

  Tyler frowned. “Um….” He’d assumed not, since they were having a few days break from each other, but knowing Jack…. “I’m not sure. I mean, he said he would be, but that was before. He didn’t mention it when I spoke to him last night.”

  “From what you’ve told me, he doesn’t sound the type to go back on his word.”

  Aaron had a point. Jack would never let anyone down if he could help it. Even so, Tyler wasn’t certain whether he’d be there or not.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t go?”

  “Are you asking me or telling me?”

  Tyler bit his lip and ignored Aaron’s raised eyebrow. Deb was his auntie, though, and as much as he didn’t want Jack to think he was forcing the issue by being there, Tyler wasn’t going to not visit her on the off-chance Jack might be there. Fuck, why was he even considering it? They were both adults, for God’s sake. “I’m going to get to Deb’s house for about one o'clock.”

  Aaron smiled at him. “Good. Remember what I said—you have nothing to apologise for, so stop feeling like you have to treat him with kid gloves. Give him the space he’s asked for? Absolutely. But don’t skulk around like you’re the guilty party in all this.” By the time he’d finished speaking, Aaron was leaning on the table, looking down at Tyler.

  “Are you done?” Tyler grinned and put a hand on top of Aaron’s in silent thanks.

  “I think so.”

  “Okay, then.”

  Aaron had to leave pretty much straightaway after breakfast, and he pulled Tyler into a hug at the front door. “Make sure you don’t take any shit.”

  “It’s only Jack. You’ve met him. He’s not going to be an arse about this.” Tyler smiled. Things might be a little awkward between them, but he was looking forward to seeing Jack.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “I am, so thanks for your concern, but you can stop worrying.”

  Three hours later, Tyler pulled into his aunt’s driveway to find Jack’s car already parked in front of the house. Obviously, Jack had had a similar idea about getting there early. Butterflies filled Tyler’s belly as he walked towards the front door, and he tried to ignore that he was nervous. What was there to be nervous about? He’d spoken to Jack the day before, and it was fine. They were fine, considering.

  Despite trying to convince himself of that fact as he walked up to the front door, the butterflies remained in Tyler’s stomach. He knocked.

  A shriek followed by laughter had him frowning.

  What the hell’s going on in there?

  Thirty seconds later, Deb opened the door, a huge smile on her face. “Hey, come in, Tyler. You’re just in time.”

  “For what?” He closed the door behind him and followed her down the hallway.

  Deb turned to him as he entered the kitchen. “To meet the newest addition to my house.”

  “I don’t…” Then he looked where Deb was pointing and couldn’t help the smile that broke out.

  Jack leaned against the kitchen counter, his head cocked at an uncomfortable-looking angle, with a creamy-white kitten clinging to his shoulder. The kitten had its claws hooked into Jack’s T-shirt, and judging by the pained look on his face, possibly his skin too.

  Tyler laughed.

  “They’re like tiny needles,” Jack hissed, and Tyler winced in sympathy. But then Jack tickled the kitten under the chin and grinned as it bumped its head on his cheek, and Tyler lost any and all sympathy for him.

  Deb walked over to stand next to Jack. The kitten immediately hopped from his shoulder to hers. Unfortunately it slipped while making the manoeuvre and Jack reached out quickly to give it a hand up. Deb yelped, then bit her lip so as not to scare it further.

  “So, the shrieking…?”

  “That would be me.” Deb smiled and stroked her knew parrot-cat. “Jasper here likes to climb up things. Or people.” She cooed at him some more, and Jasper began to knead his paws in her jumper. “I’m going to put him down in the living room. I bought one of those climbing-scratch-post things.” She disappeared out of the room, leaving Tyler alone with Jack for the first time since Sunday morning.

  With Deb and Jasper no longer a buffer between them, Tyler felt the awkwardness creep in. He glanced up to find Jack watching him. “I wasn’t sure whether you’d be here today.”

  “Really?” Jack raised an eyebrow. “You know me better than that, don’t you? I gave her my word.”

  He smiled, taking the sting out of his words; the warmth was still there in his eyes, and Tyler’s chest tightened.

  “Yeah.” Returning Jack’s smile, Tyler walked farther into the kitchen and leaned against the counter next to him. He glanced down at his feet, a little embarrassed. “Sorry.”

  Jack nudged him with his elbow but stayed pressed up against Tyler’s side. The warmth of his body seeped in through the thin material of Tyler’s T-shirt, causing him to shiver. “It’s only been a week since I saw you, surely we’ve not regressed that much?”

  Tyler flushed. “No. I just—”

  “Hey, I’m only teasing. I know it’s awkward with everything that’s happened. And a big part of that’s my fault for keeping you at arm’s length this past week.”

  With a sigh, Tyler looked up to meet Jack’s gaze. His open and vulnerable expression made Tyler’s breath catch, and he ached to lean forward a couple of inches and kiss him. But he held tight to the countertop instead and willed himself to stay still. “I understand.”

  Jack broke eye contact as he spoke, staring up at the ceiling. “I know you do, and I’m grateful for that.” He let out a long breath before facing Tyler again. “I’m not sure space is going to help our situation, though.”

  Oh God.

  Jack’s words were like a bucket of cold water and Tyler’s whole body froze. “But I thought—”

  His thoughts must be written all over his face, because Jack frowned and quickly grabbed Tyler’s forearm. “God, I’m sorry, that came out wrong.” Jack rubbed his thumb back and forth, soothing Tyler’s panic. “What I was trying to say—and obviously failing miserably—was that the facts of the situation aren’t going to change. It’s in the past, done with. We need to find out if we can still be together knowing what we know, and not spending time wit
h each other seems counterproductive.”

  Tyler bit his lip, his poor heart beating rapidly as his body tried to catch up with what Jack was saying. He hadn’t missed that Jack had said we throughout his speech. “We need to know,” not “I need to know.” Aaron’s words slipped into Tyler’s mind and he smiled—he was pretty sure from what Jack just said that Jack didn’t blame him. “So what you’re saying is you think we should start seeing more of each other again?”

  “Yes. I’m glad I was clearer this time.” Jack sighed and his smile turned soft. “It might take a while to get back to where we were, or we might find that we can’t get past this.”

  Tyler’s good feeling from moments before dulled, but didn’t fade away altogether. Jack was right; they still had baggage to work through.

  Jack hadn’t finished. “But I do know the only way we’re going to find out is to spend time together.”

  “Starting Monday?” Tyler asked, to be clear. He wouldn’t mind seeing Jack tonight or tomorrow, but they’d already arranged to meet for lunch on Monday, and it seemed like a good place to start again. A new week, a fresh start.

  “Yeah, if that’s okay with you?” Jack looked uncertain, as if after everything he’d said, Tyler would be annoyed at leaving it until Monday.

  “Of course it’s okay.”

  Deb chose that moment to enter the kitchen again, and Tyler hadn’t realised how close he and Jack had got until he caught the knowing smirk on her face. He found himself scooting back guiltily. His auntie Deb might not be much older than he was, but she still made him feel like a kid sometimes. “So,” she said, eyeing them both but thankfully ignoring the obvious tension in the room. “Can I get you boys a drink?”

  They chatted mainly about Deb’s garden over tea and biscuits, the atmosphere quickly changing to something relaxed and easy-going. Tyler sank farther into his chair, content to watch Jack talking and laughing with Deb and looking so at home with Tyler’s family that it made him ache with the need to get back to the closeness they had before. He wanted to hold Jack’s hand as they sat together at the table and not worry that he was pushing things too quickly.

  But most of all he wanted to take Jack home with him tonight and wake up wrapped around him in the morning. A lazy Sunday morning in bed sounded about perfect right then.

  “…Outside, Tyler?”

  Tyler startled and glanced up to see Deb and Jack looking at him expectantly. “Sorry, what?”

  Deb gave him a concerned frown but carried on without comment. “I said the gardeners have arrived and asked if you were coming outside.”

  “Oh, yeah. Of course.” He gave a sheepish smile and followed Deb and Jack outside.

  After discussing the plans for her garden, Tyler and Jack left a couple of hours later. Deb waved them off at the door, and left them to walk to their cars alone. She wasn’t stupid. She might not have asked if anything was going on between them, but she sent enough knowing looks Tyler’s way to show she knew something was up. He was grateful she’d given them this bit of privacy.

  They stood in front of Jack’s car, and all of a sudden, the awkwardness came back with a vengeance. Jack fiddled with his car keys, and Tyler shoved his hands deep in his pockets to stop himself from reaching out.

  “Oh for fuck’s sake, this is ridiculous.” Jack stepped forward and wrapped Tyler up in a tight hug. Tyler scrambled to get his hands out of his pockets so he could hug Jack back before he moved away. “I’ll see you Monday.”

  Tyler clung to him, not caring about anything but the feel of Jack in his arms. Fuck, he thought he might never get to do this again. “Yeah.” His voice came out embarrassingly rough and thick, and he swallowed before trying again. “See you on Monday.”

  He stepped back, reluctant to let Jack go, but dizzy with relief that they could still be close and Jack hadn’t flinched away from the contact.

  That has to be a good sign, right?

  Jack’s gaze dropped to Tyler’s mouth, then back up again, and Tyler’s fingers itched to reach out and draw him back in. But he backed away towards his car with a smile instead. Baby steps.

  Monday couldn’t come soon enough.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Jack ground his teeth and checked his watch for the third time in the last five minutes. The voices droned on his ear as he sent a quick text to Tyler.

  Running 10 mins late. Stuck on stupid conference call. Sorry.

  The reply was immediate. Me too. Meet at 12.30 instead?

  Jack’s shoulders relaxed. Yes, that’d be great.

  Hopefully this stupid call would be done soon and Jack could be on his way. He didn’t even know why he was on it in the first place—the only input he’d had so far was to state his name at the start. By the time the call wrapped up and Jack was on his way to the pub, he was on edge and still in danger of being late.

  His mind was stuck half in work mode, distracted by everything he’d need to do when he got back, so when he met Tyler in the pub car park, he didn’t think twice before pulling him in for a quick kiss hello. Tyler’s slightly stunned expression snapped him out of his own head, and an apology was on the tip of his tongue before Tyler’s wide smile stopped him. It had felt like the natural thing to do, so fuck it, he wasn’t going to stress over it. There were no hard-and-fast rules as to how they had to behave.

  “Hey.” Jack bumped their shoulders as they walked. “Sorry I’m late. Work was a nightmare this morning.”

  Tyler shrugged. “Same. Don’t worry about it.”

  They walked inside the pub, ordered food, and took their drinks to one of the tables at the back. Jack sipped his pint and mentally sighed as the cool beer soothed his parched throat. “I needed that.” He rolled his shoulders, trying to get rid of the ache; his office chair wasn’t the most comfortable seat to spend hours in at a time. He met Tyler’s gaze, those warm blue eyes staring back at him, and suddenly felt the need to get everything out in the open and off his chest.

  Jack had never gone into detail about his relationship with Simon, because as far as he was concerned, it had no bearing on his relationship with Tyler. But things had changed, and Jack had a strong suspicion that talking about it would go a long way to erasing the lingering hurt and guilt they were feeling.

  After setting his drink on the table, he sat back and crossed his hands in his lap. “I’ve had a lot of time over the last few months to think about what went wrong with me and Simon.”

  Tyler looked up quickly, eyes wide as he clearly realised what they were about to discuss. He swallowed his mouthful of beer and gave Jack his full attention.

  Jack sighed and averted his eyes; he couldn’t look at Tyler while he said this. “The last few days forced me to reassess the whole sorry mess, and though it pains me to admit it, our break-up wasn’t all Simon’s fault.” He huffed out a bitter laugh. “He may have been the one who cheated and lied in the end, but if I’m honest with myself, things were falling apart before that.”

  Jack smoothed his fingers over the edge of the table as he struggled to find the right words. “I spent the first few months after the split hating him and blaming him for everything. I needed to because the thought that any of it was my fault was too hard to contemplate. But it takes two people to build a relationship, and I guess it takes two to let it fail.” He ran a hand through his hair and took a moment to catch his breath. It still hurt to talk about, more than he’d expected. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Simon was right to do what he did. It was a shitty, cowardly move, and I don’t forgive him for it. He should have told me how he felt before. I know that goes both ways—I was well aware things weren’t right between us, and I ignored the signs—but maybe we could have worked something out.”

  Tyler frowned. “Like an open relationship.”

  “Don’t look so shocked. That’s how we started out in the beginning.”

  “I know, but you’d been together years. Wouldn’t that have been hard to handle? Unless you were still….”


  Jack shook his head. They hadn’t been like that in a long while. “No, we were exclusive. And you might be right; I probably would have hated the thought of him with someone else. By doing what he did, though, he never gave us the chance to try and salvage our relationship.”

  He glanced up at Tyler’s confused expression and cursed inwardly. The conversation had gone off track, and the last thing Jack wanted was to talk about how he could have fixed things with Simon. “What I’m trying to say is that you didn’t ruin my relationship with Simon. Christ, you didn’t even know about it, and you weren’t the only one he cheated with. I don’t mean to sound callous, but I suspect if it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. The truth is Simon and I were over the moment he chose lies and deceit over truth and honesty.”

  A heavy silence settled between them, and Jack took a long drink of his beer. He hadn’t spoken that much about the break-up in months, and although it was cathartic in some ways, it left him feeling drained and vulnerable.

  “Thank you.” Tyler spoke so softly Jack wondered if he’d imagined it. “I felt guilty for months after I found out about James’s… Simon’s long-term partner. Guilty, stupid, and used.” Tyler glanced down at his hands as he spoke. “I realise now he didn’t care about me—just any man would have been fine for him—and that fucking hurts. But I’ve wanted to be in a relationship for a long while, and the idea that I’d been instrumental in ruining someone else’s… well, that would have been even worse. I know some people don’t give a shit about things like that, but I’m not one of them.”

  Jack reached across the table and held Tyler’s hand. “My break-up wasn’t your fault, Tyler. I don’t blame you for any of it.”

  The words were true, but Jack hadn’t fully appreciated that he felt that way until he said them.

  Tyler looked up, his expression more resigned than Jack expected, considering. Tyler said, “But whether you blame me for it or not. I still slept with your ex-partner while you were together. And I think that’s the bigger issue. I’m more than happy to put it behind us and never mention his name again.” He squeezed Jack’s fingers tight. “Are you?”