On Your Knees

by Liz Bradford

  Adam nodded. “Well, that would explain what happened to the DNA and other evidence seventeen years ago.”

  Ella half listened as Amelia and Adam continued to discuss the case, but she went back to attending to dinner. She turned the stove off and stirred the sauce one last time. The spoon was still in her hand when Adam touched her back causing her to jump. The sauce went flying off the spoon and landed square on Adam’s chest. “Oh, my goodness, I’m so sorry.”

  He laughed, “It’s okay. I’m sorry I startled you!”

  “It doesn’t take much right now.”

  “I should have known better.” He unbuttoned his shirt.

  “Let me throw that in the wash for you,” Amelia said.

  “At least it wasn’t a red sauce.” Ella let out a dry chuckle.

  “Thanks, here.” He pulled the shirt off and handed it to Amelia.

  Ella smiled at his t-shirt. “Really? Captain America under your work shirt? Someone thinks highly of himself.”

  He joined her laughter. “I need to do laundry.”

  She reached out and squeezed his arm. Heat rushed up her arm and filled her cheeks from the contact. His arm was strong, significantly more built than it had been when they were just preteens. He had been a rail, nothin’ but skin and bones, now he was quite muscular while still thin and lean. Her entire face felt like it was on fire. She looked away; afraid her face was actually going to burst into flames. She busied herself pulling out plates for dinner.

  They set the dining room table, and Amelia and the kids joined them. They all sat down and enjoyed a nice meal sans Caleb, who was working. Ella got the full run down about today’s sub from Molly. She hadn’t asked any questions about why Ella hadn’t been at school, for which Ella was very grateful.

  “Will you be back tomorrow?”

  “No, Molly, but I should be there Monday.”

  “Oh good. The boys just won’t listen to Mrs. Fredrick. She’s nice and all, but maybe she’s too nice to them.”

  “You’re a good student, Molly. Why don’t you tell those boys that I told them to behave for Mrs. Fredrick tomorrow?”

  The girl’s face beamed as if a rock star had told her something very important. Ella smiled at her.

  “Okay, kids,” Amelia said, “Time to head to Grandma and Grandpa’s.”

  The kids took off up the stairs to grab their things for the night, and the adults cleared the table.

  Ella looked at Amelia. “I feel bad that they’ve been so displaced from their own home.”

  “Don’t, Ella; they’re fine. They spend at least one night a week over there anymore, and it’ll probably increase a little bit once the baby comes, at least on the nights Caleb has to work overnight.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes, stop worrying about it. Now, I’m going to take them over there and then go to the grocery store. Anything else you need?”

  “Nope.”

  “Adam, I’m assuming you’re okay with hanging out with our dear friend here for the rest of the evening.”

  “You bet.”

  Ella blushed. He hadn’t hesitated at all to say yes!

  Adam helped her clean up the dinner mess, and shortly after Amelia and the kids left, a loud crack of thunder shook the whole house. Ella jumped. Another bright flash of lightning flash with a huge crack sounded in quick succession.

  “That one was close.” She tried to make light of the situation and ignore her jumpy nerves.

  Another clap sounded before Adam could reply. The lights flickered but stayed on.

  Adam reached out for Ella and touched her shoulder. She saw it coming, so she didn’t jump at his touch, but she pulled away and moved to the other side of the kitchen as fast as she could.

  “I’m okay.” She put the last of the leftovers in the fridge.

  “But I’m not. I need to hold you.”

  She looked up at him. The fear she had seen in his eyes was stronger now. She knew it wasn’t the storm that he was afraid of.

  “I know, Adam. But I’m afraid. I’m scared of the flashbacks. I’ve been fighting them off all day. Every time you touch me, they threaten to take over.”

  “I know. But I need you to trust me. I’ll help you. Let me help you create new memories of touch.”

  She took a step closer to him and kept her eyes locked with his. He smiled. She took in a wobbly breath. Her heart palpitated. Why was she so afraid? His hand came to rest on her upper arm. He pulled her into his chest and started to sing softly. The words to Jack Johnson’s “I Got You” washed over her. She didn’t know the words very well but listened as Adam sang them. Focusing on the words and the tender sound of Adam’s voice kept her in the here and now. The warmth of his body and the gentleness of his touch helped her relax into his arms. She cautiously wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He rested his chin on her head and continued to sing. He led them in swaying to the rhythm of the song.

  She squeezed him a bit tighter. And he stroked her back and her hair. So far, she was okay. Instead of remembering that awful night that had driven her away from touch, she was present, right here, right now in Adam’s arms. Adam’s arms!

  When he had finished the song, she pulled him back to arm’s length without letting go to see his face. He smiled down at her. “You did it! Any shadows creep in?”

  She smiled at him. “No. Thank you.”

  “Looks like we’ve figured out exactly how to help you with the flashbacks.”

  Another loud crash of thunder sounded outside, and the lights went out. Ella jumped back into Adam’s arms. His arms encircled her again. “Guess we can’t continue our Netflix marathon tonight… and I don’t even know where Amelia and Caleb keep flashlights or candles.”

  “No worries. We’ll just sit on the couch and talk. We don’t need light for that.” While keeping one arm around her, he pulled his phone off his belt and turned the flashlight on. The little light chased the darkness away. He slid his hand down her arm and hand in hand they made their way to the couch.

  Ella leaned her head against Adam’s shoulder. They had been sitting on the couch talking for quite a while. The lights still hadn’t come back on, but that was okay with Ella, she was enjoying Adam’s nearness and the ability to talk without other distractions. They were snuggled together with Adam’s arm wrapped around her. She wanted to take their conversation a little deeper, but she was uncertain how he would react to the question she wanted to ask. She ran her finger along the emblem on his shirt and mulled over how to word it.

  “You’ve gotten awfully quiet.” Adam broke into her thoughts.

  “Sorry, I was just thinking,” she said without moving her head from his shoulder.

  “About what?”

  She took in a slow breath and lifted her head and looked deep into his eyes. “Well, I wanted to ask you how you were doing regarding your partner’s death? Caleb mentioned it a couple of weeks ago and in all our conversations we haven’t talked about it.”

  Adam dropped his feet from where they were resting on the table and sat up straighter, pulling away from her. A dark shadow filled his eyes.

  “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to pry…”

  He pulled his arm out from around her and leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees. She had been worried about his reaction, but she hadn’t expected it to be this bad. Her heart constricted. She didn’t want to push him away; she wanted to draw him closer.

  “It’s okay.” He rubbed his face.

  She slid her feet off the couch and onto the floor and leaned close to him putting her hand on his back. “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, I’ve managed to keep myself focused on you the last couple of weeks and have avoided thinking about it.”

  “Can I ask what happened?”

  He folded his arms across his knees and turned his head to look at her. He told her the whole story about tagging along, about rock-paper-scissors, about how Rick died in his arms, and about how he fel
t responsible. A flash of lightning filled the room, and Ella saw the tears running down Adam’s cheeks.

  “Adam….” She reached up and turned his face back towards hers. She wiped the tears from his face with her thumbs. “From what you just told me, it wasn’t your fault at all.”

  “That’s what everyone says, but no matter how much I hear it, the words don’t take away the guilt I feel. It should have been me in that casket, not him.”

  “It may be super selfish of me to say, but I’m so glad it wasn’t you.” A few tears broke loose from her eyes.

  The corners of his lips turned up.

  She slid the hand on his back up and stroked his hair. Oh, Jesus, help Adam. Free him from the guilt he’s feeling. Help him to turn to you in this and let you take it from him. And thank you so much that it wasn’t him. Thank you for sparing him.

  “I can’t believe I left you alone last night. I just can’t handle the idea of anything happening to you. I was supposed to be there to protect you, but I got stupid. If you hadn’t been able to get the upper hand... I’m so sorry.”

  “Adam, we’ve gone over this already.”

  “I know, but again, the guilt is too heavy.”

  “Let it go.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “If you give it to Jesus, it is.”

  He sighed and sat up straighter.

  Shoot! Jesus, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Deep in her being, as if God himself was impressing the thought into her, she knew that uncomfortable was exactly what he needed to be. But how much do I push him?

  “Jesus can heal your heart and take on the guilt for you. Like He said, He will take your burden and give you rest.”

  He stood up and walked across the room. Maybe she had said too much.

  “I don’t know, Ella. Do you want something to drink?”

  “A glass of water would be nice.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back.” He disappeared into the dark.

  She prayed for Adam the entire time he was in the kitchen. His shoulders had relaxed by the time he came back with their drinks. She eyed the beer in his hand. After seeing him hung over that day at the police station she added a new item to her worry list for the evening.

  “I’m sorry I pulled away, but can we talk about something else now?” He sat down close to her.

  “Of course. But please know you can talk to me any time about anything.”

  He put his arm back around her. “I know. Thank you.”

  She settled back against his chest and sighed in relief that no flashbacks were even on the sidelines as she snuggled close to Adam.

  “What do you mean it’s missing?!” Fire coursed through Adam’s veins, but he tried to keep his voice calm Monday morning.

  “Well, Detective, I mean, it’s not here. It was here when I left Saturday. I logged it away, see.” Mike, the lab tech, lifted the clipboard and all but shoved it in Adam’s face. “I promise we followed all procedures. It should be in here. The lab was locked when I came in this morning so there’s no way anyone came in.”

  “But obviously someone did!” He pulled his phone off his belt and dialed Amelia’s phone.

  He had simply come down to the lab to check on their progress. He had not expected to find the technician running around frantic, looking for the evidence.

  When Amelia answered the phone he said, “We have a problem. Get the Sergeant and come down to the lab.”

  In a matter of minutes Jared and Amelia showed up. Jared crossed his arms. “What’s up?”

  “You want to tell them how you screwed up?” Adam jabbed his finger into Mike’s shoulder.

  “It’s not my fault, I swear! Sergeant, when I left on Saturday, I properly put all the evidence, the knife, the samples I had collected, the flowers, the note, everything from Wednesday and Thursday, I put it in the box. I put it back into the evidence locker. It was all right where it was supposed to be. I locked it up. And then I locked the lab. There’s no way some random person just came in and took it.”

  Amelia gasped. “Oh, no.”

  “Hadn’t you started running tests already? Aren’t the results in the computer? We still have something, right?” Jared asked.

  The three followed the technician over to the computer. “I hope so. I had already put the DNA into the system, but that takes time to process and there’s a backlog…” Mike typed away at the computer. “Oh no…”

  “WHAT!?” Adam clenched his hands.

  “It’s gone. Everything I worked on for three days is gone.” Mike’s face had gone from flushed to ashen. He looked as if he might be sick. “Someone had to have tampered with it. There’s no other way for all my findings and notes to be completely gone.”

  Adam rubbed the back of his neck. Maybe it wasn’t this guy’s fault that everything was gone. Maybe there was something more nefarious at hand.

  Amelia’s voice cracked, “So we really are dealing with someone on the inside…”

  “Either that or a hacker and master thief,” Adam said.

  Mike snorted, “He’d have to be a brilliant hacker. The police station’s firewall is tight. And the alarm on the door. You’d have to go in the system and take out the evidence that you were in here. Because look”—he pointed to the screen—“there’s no record of anyone coming in or out of the lab from the time I left Saturday until I arrived this morning.”

  “So, what do we do now, boss?” Adam turned to Jared.

  “We get to the bottom of it. If he’s inside the department, that narrows our suspect list significantly. First, we find out who was around this weekend, but we don’t limit our list by that, that just narrows down who we talk to about what they saw. Next, we look back at your profile, Jamison, and see who could fit it that would have had access to this area at all. If he wasn’t from inside, surely someone would have noticed him lurking about.”

  Chapter 17

  Adam walked to his front door, his spirit was light, the craziness of the missing evidence forgotten for a moment. For at this very second life was as it should be, and he could get used to it. In fact, he was starting to. Once again, he had left the station early, leaving everyone else to search for the person who had stolen the missing evidence, and picked up Ella after school. They had come back to his place for a nice evening together. His smile widened as he unlocked the door to the sound of Rusty’s barking. The dog barely let him open the door before he was jumping up at them, begging for attention.

  “Let us in, Rusty!”

  Ella giggled; the sweet sound sent an electrical current though his whole body. It was definitely his favorite sound in the world. Despite Rusty’s jumping, they finally made it into the house.

  Ella put her school bag on the couch and dropped to the floor to play with Rusty. Adam hung his hat and messenger bag on the coat rack and went to the kitchen to start dinner. Ella joined him a few moments later as he was pulling the frying pan out of the cabinet.

  “Hey, Adam, you have a new voice mail on your machine.”

  He glanced across the kitchen to where the answering machine sat on the counter. “Huh. Wonder who it’s from. Not many people would call me on that line, sometimes I wonder why I even have it.”

  “To keep telemarketers from interfering with important police business.” Her teasing smile lit up her whole face.

  “Something like that.” He smiled back. He turned and opened the fridge and said, “Go ahead and play it. Doubt it’s anything important.”

  “K.”

  Adam wanted to keep watching Ella as she reached across the counter and pressed the play button but managed to turn and open the fridge.

  “Hi, Adam,” a disdainful female voice came out of the speaker. “I found your number in the phone book. It’s Jenifer by the way. You know, the girl you abandoned three weeks ago. I can’t believe you just took off like that. And didn’t even bother calling me. My friends all tried to vouch for you. ‘Oh, Adam Jamison, he’s an upstanding guy.’ ‘He proba
bly had to run off to work early.’ ‘He’s a great guy.’ They all said. So, I gave you a bit. Surely if you were such a great guy you wouldn’t just leave me as a one-night stand. But have I heard from you? NO! They said you were a quality guy; well I know that’s a bunch of bull. Complete hogwash.” Expletives filled the message before a click ended the call and the machine stated the time and date. A beep sounded as Ella pushed a button.

  His heart dropped like a bad transmission. He stood there frozen, the fridge door in his hand. He was going to be sick to his stomach. Ella had just heard about his darkest hour from a message on his machine. He was mortified. He stared into the fridge; his heart rate skyrocketed. How was he going to explain this? “Umm… Uh…” he couldn’t. Nothing intelligent was coming to his mind.

  “You don’t have to explain, Adam.”

  “But I do. Ella, that’s not who I am. Really, it’s not. I don’t just sleep with anyone. And I don’t normally get so drunk that I don’t remember the night before. Really.”

  “I believe you.”

  “I’m so sorry.” He dropped his head; he could barely look at her.

  “I’m not the one you should apologize to.”

  The air vanished from his lungs. He looked up at her. “You think I should call her after she told me off on my machine?”

  “That’s not what I meant. Although…” her voice trailed off.

  “Oh. You mean God?”

  “He’s the one you’ve sinned against.”

  As if he didn’t feel uncomfortable enough. “Yeah, I know…”

  Silence filled the room, and he pulled the food for dinner out of the refrigerator.

  “Should I call her? I don’t want to be a jerk. Or is it too late for that?” He gave Ella a weak smile.

  She set the plates she had pulled from the cupboard on the counter and smiled back at him. “It may be a little late…” She placed her hand on his elbow. “Anyway, I deleted her message.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously despite her attempt at sheepish.

  An ounce of joy crept in, especially as her hand lingered on his arm. But it quickly faded. “I know you say I don’t have to apologize to you, but it feels as if I do. I really am sorry.”