Faking It with the Billionaire Next Door: An Enemies-to-Lovers Romantic Comedy

by Jolie Day

  Helen continued to smile, looking at me in open curiosity. So was Mr. Humphries. That was perfectly normal. I assumed they were trying to get a good read (hopefully not all the way down to the depths of my soul), and I tried to remain in character. I should try and not take things too lightly, I reminded myself, his mother would know, “bullshit antennas” and all. Even though Miles had said we needn’t worry about her, somehow I had a feeling we did.

  So, I steeled my nerves and dived into the conversation, reminding myself to make sure that I seemed fully in love with my boyfriend.

  “Miles tells me that you two are the most in love and happy couple he’s ever known,” I said, and I could see straight away that Mr. Humphries held onto his wife’s waist a little more tightly, as if he was mighty proud.

  “That’s a nice thing to say about his parents,” Helen said, giving Miles a quick glance.

  “Looks like we taught him well,” Mr. Humphries nodded.

  “I must say,” I continued, “I can see what he means. You two suit each other well.”

  Helen laughed delightfully and looked up at her husband before answering, “Oh, trust me, darling, we have our bad days. But we push through it because we know the good times are greater than the bad.” She kept staring into Mr. Humphries’ eyes, and he stared right back into hers with a small, content smile.

  “Us old people have to teach you kids the important things in life in some way or another,” Mr. Humphries said before leaning down to kiss his wife’s cheek.

  “Well, guys, I think we’ve seen enough of that,” Miles interjected, obviously not comfortable with his parents’ display of affection.

  “And, oh my goodness, talking about suiting each other well, I just realized,” his mom chimed and beamed at me. “It’s my son’s favorite color!”

  I was glad I’d questioned Miles earlier, as I realized that she was referring to my dress, “That’s why I’m wearing it.” I leaned in closer to her, saying, “It helps that it’s my favorite color, too.” Helen snorted and patted my arm.

  I couldn’t help but throw Miles a small victory glance.

  He nodded knowingly, a smirk on his face.

  Twenty Questions had just saved the inheritance.

  Miles’ mother tilted her head to me and lowered her voice, so only I could hear. “Before you wonder why on Earth I know my son’s favorite color, it came up during a game evening at our house recently. I promise I’m not the overprotective clucking mother hen who still buys her son’s underwear and socks.”

  “Oh, I would never think that.” I couldn’t help but giggle. I already loved her.

  “Well then,” Helen continued, standing straight again, “What about you two? How did you meet?” She had hope and excitement in her eyes, staring at us each, curious to hear our reply.

  There it was.

  The first relationship question.

  Heavens. What was it again we agreed upon?

  It was a couple days ago already that we’d had the talk at the pier, and with the campaign, move, and other stuff, I’ve had so many things on my mind. I was hoping Miles would take this one.

  “I’d bet sparks just flew from the first moment, didn’t they?” his mom added, brightly.

  Miles looked down at me. “Something like that, yes. Why don’t you go ahead and tell them, Sweet Cheeks?”

  He smiled at me when he added the “Sweet Cheeks.”

  It goes without saying, I felt nervous about being put on the spot, but even though I’d hoped he’d answer, we’d discussed the topic, at least somewhat, and our story wasn’t far from the truth. I just needed to make it seem genuine and natural.

  “Sure, I’d love to, Ducky,” I beamed at Miles.

  He almost choked on his drink, but recovered quickly.

  Oh.

  Oh no.

  Oh no!

  Honestly, I didn’t mean to say “Ducky,” but it just came out—you know, my nervousness and all. It was the first thing that popped into my mind.

  I gave him “OMG, OMG, I promise that honestly slipped out, pinky promise!” eyes.

  He gave me “I don’t believe you” eyes back.

  I couldn’t blame him, sigh. When Daisy slipped into his apartment back then he didn’t believe me, either. Oh well. That’ll teach him to surprise attack me like that.

  He gave me “Go on, stay in character, don’t mess this up” eyes.

  I gave him “All right, all right” eyes.

  The silent eye interaction between us was quick and subtle enough that nobody noticed.

  At least the parents seemed amused about the term of endearment—they definitely bought it. Or did they not? His mom did, for sure. She loved it, I could tell. As far as his dad went, I thought I detected astonishment in his expression by the way he slightly raised an eyebrow, but if he really bought it, I couldn’t tell.

  Trying to think quickly about how to form the next words, I took a moment to collect myself.

  “Well, it’s a funny story,” I finally said. “We’re actually neighbors.” We’d agreed earlier to wait telling them that I’d already moved in. I needed to be careful that that didn’t slip out accidentally.

  Helen gasped. “Really now?” She seemed very intrigued. “Neighbors? On the same floor?”

  “Yes,” I nodded, “and we’d seen each other around.”

  “How exciting! And was it love at first sight?” she asked, her eyes full of hope.

  I wasn’t sure what to say. “Well…”

  “Not really,” Miles helped.

  Helen looked somewhat disappointed.

  “But one day, I’d had a particularly bad day,” I said quickly, trying to help, “and I just wanted to go home and bake brownies to relax my nerves.” I saw Miles’ mom’s eyes light up at my mentioning of liking to bake. “Well, I was standing in the elevator, crying, just as Miles walked in.”

  Both parents stood still, watching me in suspense. I decided to get as real as I could, otherwise they might just smell a rat.

  “So, of course, Miles had never seen me cry, and he was completely dumbstruck—being the rather… ‘emotionally unpracticed man’ that he is.” I gave Miles a sideways look as his parents laughed. Miles stood still, watching me in almost disbelief. His smile widened, however, and he shook his head with a low chuckle.

  “We know that all too well,” Mr. Humphries’ smooth voice confirmed for me.

  “Yes, dear.” Helen nodded.

  I carried on. “He had no idea what to say. He just stood there, asking what was wrong, and if he could do anything.” I looked over at Helen specifically and lowered my voice, “Boys, right?”

  “Oh dear, yes, this one’s”—she gestured to her husband with her head—“exactly the same.” She paused. “The apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree.” We both rolled ours eyes sarcastically, keeping the joke going.

  The men chuckled at this knowingly, shaking their heads at us.

  “So, I tell him that I’m fine,” I said, “and that I just want to go home. But, of course, the man doesn’t give up. Only a few minutes later, he’s at my door with an expensive bottle of red. Now, this I have to give him credit for.” I looked at Miles, beaming at him.

  “To know when a woman needs wine is a great skill indeed,” he said.

  All four of us laughed at that. Miles winked at me, nudging me closer to his side—playing his part well.

  “I remember that day as if it happened just last week,” he added, and for a moment I felt as if he intended to bend and kiss my head or my cheek, but he seemed to decide otherwise.

  “And that’s when you fell in love?” Helen asked. “That very day?”

  Just as I was scrambling in my brain for a reply, we heard a voice behind us, “Well, well, of course it’s my family that’s the loudest in the room.”

  Turning, I saw a very handsome-looking man with dirty blonde hair and brown eyes.

  “Oliver,” Mr. Humphries said, “We were just listening to Miles’ girlfriend�
��s interesting story about how they met. Rose, please meet Oliver, Miles’ brother.”

  “Girlfriend?” Oliver asked. “No way. Really?”

  I smiled at him, and we shook hands. “Girlfriend and neighbor,” I said. I recognized him as one of the biker buddies I’d seen hang out with Miles, but we’d never been introduced.

  “Rose, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Oliver said. “Miles has mentioned his beautiful neighbor in passing.” He looked at me closely, before turning to Miles and giving him a brotherly hug. “Brother, well done. You’ve finally been able to pin her down, huh?”

  He was teasing Miles, of course, joking with him. He assumed Miles finally manned up and asked me out. He turned to me while Miles raised an eyebrow at him.

  “It’s great to meet you, too, Oliver,” I said.

  “So? What’s the rest of the story?” Helen asked eagerly. “When did you fall in love?”

  “I’m dying to hear it, too,” Oliver said, and Miles glared at him.

  “Well,” I moved closer to Miles, putting my hand on his arm. “Why don’t you tell the rest, Ducky?” I looked up at him, adoringly. Honestly, it was so much fun calling him “Ducky.” I’d already said it, now I could just go with it. You know, own it, really own it.

  Oliver laughed out loud. “Ducky?!”

  “Yeah,” Miles said, shaking his head. “She’s the only woman in a long time who has managed to quack my tough exterior.”

  The group around us erupted into laughter at Miles’ deadpan explanation and terrible, terrible pun—one that for some odd reason seemed to make the whole thing more believable—although I could tell his mom loved the idea of someone finally getting through to her party-loving son. Meanwhile, Miles looked back at me, and I could clearly see that it was a “I’ll get you back for this” gaze in disguise.

  “Well,” Miles returned to the initial question, “she decided to let me into her place, of course. And, guess what, the minute I walked in, she had her hands all over me.”

  Oliver laughed, and his parents shook their heads, not unamused, though.

  “Miles! That’s not how it was,” I elbowed him, playfully, trying to stop him, but his family knew that he was only teasing. Good role playing, I thought. It was funny. He’s acting all Miles. Of course, there was no depth to be expected. He couldn’t admit how and when he fake-fell in love.

  That would go against his true character.

  “She’s right, I’m just teasing. That’s not how it was,” Miles said, and he placed my hand back on his arm, keeping his hand on top of mine, and caressing it. My belly fluttered.

  “She was a tough cookie, that one—still is—but I decided to be there for her. She didn’t want to talk at first, but I didn’t take no for an answer. For a reason I still can’t grasp, I got her to open up to me. She trusted me, and I trusted her. We talked about our thoughts and hopes. So much so that I fell for her on the spot. She took my heart by storm. From that moment on, I knew she was the one. And since I’ve got her in my life, she’s made it better. She came when I needed it most. I don’t ever want to be without her.”

  Dead silence.

  Nobody said a word.

  I stared at him.

  He said exactly what I’d told him at the pier, and so much more.

  How romantic!

  My mind whirred. He remembered all that? I wanted to cry.

  I’d told him it was the fake reason we’d use for why I fell for him, but, oh my God, the way he was looking at me now. And all those heart-melting things! It was working, because my heart was melting. He was acting—of course—there wasn’t meaning behind his eyes. Or was there? There was no way he was being truthful about me.

  Either way, I had to say, his acting skills were Oscar-worthy.

  The truth was that what I’d said to him at the pier wasn’t fully a lie. He had been there for me that day, I had opened up to him, and he had made me feel better. My smile faltered as I processed the information, and I looked down for a moment, swallowing deeply.

  “Awww, children. That’s beautiful! Miles, dear, you’ve done wonderfully,” Helen said, smiling fondly at her son, then looking back at me with so much warmth, I wasn’t sure how to react. I returned her warm smile, while still holding onto Miles’ arm.

  “Thank you, Mom,” Miles replied.

  “You’re welcome, honey. That’s a wonderful love story. I’m proud of you, son. I really am.”

  “We’re going to get a drink, if you don’t mind,” Miles said, suddenly more than keen to end this conversation. “We’ll see you at the table?”

  “Wait, who said I love you first?” Oliver asked.

  19

  MILES

  “Wait, who said I love you first?” I heard Oliver ask, again.

  I gave him a death stare—An “I’ll cut your fucking dick off” death stare.

  “I’m dying to hear all about it,” he pressed.

  I turned to my father. “Pops?” I repeated, ignoring my brother, ready to get us out of the heat, “We’ll see you at the table later? Sweet Cheeks, you coming?”

  Oliver grabbed my arm. “Who said I love you first?”

  “I did!” I snapped, eager to get him off our backs. Why was he being so fucking pushy? I half expected him to ask “When?” but luckily, he didn’t.

  Somebody else did.

  “When?” Mom asked, all innocently.

  I sighed.

  “During our first bike ride, a little while back,” I heard Rose say next to me. “Ducky and I went to the pier, just us, and we saw a marvelous sunset.”

  I felt her hand slide into mine and caress my thumb with hers. Just that little soft touch felt electric, and it almost made me forget that she’d called me “Ducky” multiple times now, that comical pet name she’d come up with at the pier and which I’d explicitly told her not to use. Well, I admit, it was gutsy and actually hilarious—still, it deserved punishment at a more opportune moment.

  Everyone was staring at us, transfixed by her answer.

  I squeezed her hand, raised it to my lips, and breathed a kiss on her knuckles.

  “It was wonderfully romantic,” she continued, slightly breathlessly. I liked how my touch affected her. “And then Miles gave me the best kiss of my life.”

  The way Rose was looking at me now was soft and tender, and I felt myself getting lost in the moment. My eyes dropped to her soft lips. She acted well. She acted as if I’d really kissed her, and I really fucking should have kissed her. It would have been the best kiss of her life. No doubt.

  “That’s truly wonderful! What a delight!” Mom sang and woke me from my thoughts.

  I placed another kiss on Rose’s hand and looked back to Dad. “We’re going to get a drink. We’ll see you at the table?”

  “Sure, son, go right ahead. We’ll see you there then,” Dad said, and then whispered to me, “Treat that woman well…she’s certainly a smart choice.” I gave him a pleased nod—happy that he didn’t suspect a thing, and that my plan was working, just as I’d known it would.

  My dad turned toward Mom. “My dear, our friends are already seated. I think we should join them. Oliver? What’s your move?”

  “I’ll get a drink with Miles and his new girlfriend,” he gave me a shit-eating grin. “Join you soon. Thanks, Dad.”

  “See you soon, dears!” My mom chirped, with a small lift of her shoulders and an excited smile.

  My dad put his arm out for Mom, and they walked off.

  Once they had gone, Rose, Oliver, and I walked over to the open bar. Rose took a seat on one of the high stools, while my brother and I stood on either side of her, leaning against the counter.

  “Rose,” Oliver said. “I want to say thank you.”

  “Thank you? For what?” she asked, and I looked at him, curious what he was getting at.

  “Even though my brother here—Ducky,” he grinned, “can be a duckhead,” he glanced at me with an entertained expression. Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, dickhead. “You se
em to have him under control. Whatever brought the two of you together, I’m just glad that he finally found an intelligent woman.”

  I reached around her and punched my brother’s arm. “Fucknut.”

  Rose chuckled and softly pushed my arm back down. Oliver grinned at me and wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

  “Thank you, Oliver,” Rose said politely. “I appreciate that. Your brother is certainly one of a kind.” She looked sideways at me as she said that, and I liked the double meaning in her words.

  The bartender took our drink orders.

  “So, Miles tells me that you guys work together at the family company,” Rose commented, obviously trying her best to make pleasant conversation.

  “We do,” Oliver replied. “No matter how much we protest, Daddy expects us there.”

  He and I grinned at that, knowing that we both loved our jobs, but that our father could be “strict” about the company. Obviously, I knew that better than anyone did. I felt more relaxed now that my parents weren’t in earshot, and so was Rose. She was doing great, by the way, better than I’d expected. The way my mom had lit up the moment she met my girlfriend—we had this in the bag. The ease in which Rose had slipped in the fact that she loved baking, brilliant.

  And also, no way they were going to expect that her calling me “Ducky” was fake, ever. Thinking of it, that had been a stroke of genius, really. If they ever suspected this all was a lie, it crumbled to dust the moment she’d called me “Ducky.” Nobody in the world can make up that ludicrous, laughable shit. Still, she would get her punishment, no worries. When she least expected it. I would spank her bare ass. Images of me wrapping her hair around my fist, pulling her closer and thrusting deep into her body rushed through my brain.

  Luckily, our drinks arrived, and Oliver jumped right in, asking questions, grilling her.

  “So, Rose, what is it that you do?”

  Rose answered every question with grace, explaining the company she worked for and telling him about her current marketing campaign. But the formalities didn’t last long.