You Know I Love You: Book 1, You Know Me duet (You Are Mine 3)

by Willow Winters

  I could fight this, but it’s not worth it to upset her. I wait, giving her a moment to calm down and forget about that asshole. For now.

  I sit back in the seat, watching the steam rise from her cup as she slips the lid off and grabs a packet of sugar from the center of the table.

  The packet makes a flapping sound as she shakes it back and forth between her forefinger and thumb to get the sugar down. The motion is forceful and she stares at it as she does it, before finally ripping it open and dumping the sugar into the cup.

  “I don’t tell you everything.” The words slip out as the need to win her back takes over everything else.

  She’s still for a moment, waiting for more, but not looking me in the eyes.

  “It’s not like I do anything that’s … that I want to hide from you. You know what it’s like when I go to work.”

  “I know,” Kat says with zero trace of a fight in her voice. “I remember.”

  “I loved it when you came out with me. You know that, right?”

  She finally looks up at me, but only for a moment before she nods her head then slips on the cap to her coffee cup. Her voice is full of remorse as she tells me, “I don’t have time for that anymore.”

  I love that her mind immediately went to the thought of me asking her to come with me. At the beginning of this year, that’s all I wanted from her. So we could spend more time together and I could show her off. But the answer was always “no, I can’t take time off” so I stopped asking. My heart thumps hard in my chest, remembering how we got into a fight over her not wanting to come with me to Rome a few months back.

  “I gave my notice,” I tell her and her eyes fly to mine, looking accusing more than anything. “Because you wanted me to.” I say the words as if they’re the truth and for a moment it feels like they are. But then I remember that’s not the reason. I remember what happened. I remember everything in a flood and I have to turn away to breathe in deep and focus on keeping Kat. That’s the only thing I care about while everything else collapses around me.

  “And because I want to quit too.”

  “When’s your last day?” There’s a small bit of hope in her voice, and I watch it shatter as I hesitate to answer.

  “I don’t know. He … umm. James.” I run my hand down the back of my head and I hate how Kat sees through it all. Her head shakes with disappointment. “It’s not finalized.”

  I nearly forget everything I planned on telling her, but somehow I hold on to it and continue, “I regret a lot of the things I’ve done this year and maybe for a while now—”

  “For a while?” Kat repeats and her eyes reflect the pain that’s in her voice.

  “I didn’t cheat on you, Kat. It’s not what you think,” I tell her and feel like a liar. “I told you, you’re the only one for me.”

  Before I can say anything else, she shakes her head and that false smile mars her face. “I don’t know what you did. But I don’t want to know anymore,” she says quietly, staring at the cup in her hands before looking back up at me. “We’re different people and I think it was only a matter of time before something like this …” her voice cracks, but she doesn’t cry. She simply looks away.

  My heartbeat slows. So slow that it’s painful.

  “Where are you sleeping tonight?” Kat asks me and I have to swallow the spiked lump deep down in my throat before I can answer.

  “You still don’t want me to come home?”

  “It would be easier if you didn’t.”

  “Easier for what?”

  “Easier for the breakup, Evan.” Her lips part and then she adds, “It’s not about love anymore or about what we had. It’s about trust and what we’ve become. I need a fresh start and a life I’m proud of. And I don’t think it includes you in it.”

  “It does,” I answer her instantly. “And I want the same.”

  She stares back at me with an expression that shows how vulnerable she is. How much she wants to believe what I’m telling her.

  I take her hand in mine and tell her, “I’ll do whatever you want, so long as when it’s all said and done I get to keep you.”

  I stare in her eyes knowing I’ve never said anything more truthful, but something deep down inside tells me that’s not how this story will end.

  “It’s too little, too late, Evan. I’m sorry.”

  Kat

  The bed groans and dips as I turn back onto my right shoulder, pushing the pillow between my knees and trying to force myself to sleep. My mind won’t stop playing back every minute of the coffee shop. Every little moment. Even sleeping pills aren’t working.

  I’ve been alone all my life. Until Evan. When he first started sleeping over, it was hard to fall asleep. Unless he fucked me to the point of exhaustion, which was often.

  You’d think it’d be easy going back to being alone. I was a pro at it for years and worse yet, I was proud of it. The train goes by and the sound cuts through the white noise of the city. The windows are closed, but I still hear it. I can even feel the rumble and vibrations as I try to lie still on the bed. And that’s when I get a hint of Evan’s scent. When I’m alone, missing him, I sleep on his side of the bed. It’s easiest the first night he’s gone. It smells just like him. Each day it gets a little harder and working late nights gets more appealing. But even the masculine scent that drifts toward me as I inch my head closer to his pillow isn’t enough to comfort me. Why would it? I’m losing him and everything we had.

  I toss the heavy comforter off my body and sit up, wiping the sleep from my eyes and dangling my feet over the side of the bed. It’s nearly 1:00 a.m. and pitch black in the room. I should be sleeping, considering the fatigue plaguing my body and all too conscious it should come easy.

  My fingers run through my long hair, separating it and braiding it loosely before I take a sip of water from the glass on the nightstand. If I get up and start working, I know I won’t sleep at all tonight. The very thought makes my heart thump harder. Work is killing me, lack of sleep is destroying me. But both are because I’m completely and utterly alone.

  Just breathe. I let my head fall back and slowly creep back under the covers. All I need to do is breathe.

  But that hope is short lived as I hear Evan climb the stairs. I had one condition to him coming home, and that was leaving me the bedroom. Even if it hurts me, I’d rather feel pain in his absence than a fraction of that pain in his presence.

  I close my eyes as I hear the door open. For a moment I think I should pretend to be asleep, but I don’t want any more lies in our relationship. Whatever our relationship even is now.

  “I thought you were going to sleep on the sofa?” I ask him and then hold my breath. I should want him to leave. That’s what a sane woman who’s getting a divorce should want. But there isn’t an ounce of me that wants to see him walk out that door.

  “I was going to,” Evan answers and then slips his shirt off over his head. He keeps his eyes on me, daring me to say something, but my eyes focus on his broad chest.

  In six years his body has changed, as has mine. But he’s still lean and muscular. My body heats and my thighs clench, but I play it off, turning my back to him to lie on my left shoulder.

  “Is this all right?” he asks me, his voice carrying through the dark night and cutting me down to my deepest insecurity. It’s not all right and nothing about this situation is, but those aren’t the words that come out of my mouth.

  My eyes squeeze shut tight and I give in to what I want, slowly moving my body toward his. Wouldn’t it be a lie to deny it?

  “I’m afraid I’ll like it too much if you stay,” I finally answer with my eyes closed as the bed dips. I stay perfectly still as I lay out the bare truth. “I’m afraid I’ll forgive you and I’ll forget why we shouldn’t be together.” All the words pour out from deep down in my soul, leaving my lips in a rush.

  A rough sound comes from deep in his throat as the comforter pulls just slightly. “You don’t know what you want, Kat,”
Evan tells me although the confidence is missing. “You want me to leave because you’re afraid. You won’t fight for me to stay because you know I will regardless of what you say, isn’t that right?”

  My brow furrows as I take in his assessment. He scoots closer to me, making the bed shift beneath my still body. When I turn to meet him, still under the covers, his dark gaze stares at me as if I’m his prey and that’s just how I feel. “No. I want you to leave because we’re leading different lives.” I have to second-guess my words.

  “Then let’s get back on track. Let’s start over,” he whispers and then leans closer to me. As if testing my boundaries, he rests his hand on the pillow above my head. I don’t push him away, but I don’t move toward him either.

  I’m fucked no matter what I do.

  I’m empty and hollow. All the sadness and regret has been shed from me, leaving nothing behind but faint memories of what we had and the hint of all the hopes and dreams I had so long ago to make my heart flutter. As I close my eyes and swallow the lump in my throat, Evan lies next to me, gently resting his hand on my hip. He’s silent but I can hear his steady breath and smell a hint of his scent. I inhale deeper. God, what that scent does to me. My head dips further into the pillow as I readjust under the covers and when I do, Evan lifts his hand slightly. Waiting to see which way I’ll turn.

  And I turn toward him.

  “You make me a foolish woman,” I tell him as my eyes slowly open. His hazel eyes are so clear at this angle. Maybe it’s the moon creeping in from the slit between the curtains.

  He smirks at me, although there’s a sadness in his smile as he brushes my hair from my face.

  “Tell me you’ll stay with me.”

  “Tell me why I should,” I reply instantly and the soft look of longing in his eyes fades away as the soothing motion of his thumb rubbing along my temple falters. My eyes drop to his chest and my heart plummets to the pit of my stomach. “You said you didn’t cheat,” I tell him, but mostly I make a promise to myself. “So I believe you.”

  “Thank you,” he says so softly beneath his breath I hardly hear him. His shoulders sag slightly and it makes the bed creak with relief.

  I want to say more. I want to make some sort of demand or ultimatum ... or ask why he was there in that hotel lobby in the middle of the night. Why he lied to the world. Why he’s lying to me. But instead I curl into him.

  “Don’t leave me,” he says, giving me the request and wraps his arms around me, pulling me closer to him. Closer to his scent, his warmth, to the man I’ve been desperate to be with for so damn long. His heat wraps around me in the most comforting of ways.

  “I won’t promise you that,” I answer with honesty with my eyes open, staring at a small scar on his left shoulder. I lift my hand up and let my fingers play along the silvery indent of it. “You’re right that I don’t know what I want. So we’ll just have to find out.”

  He’s quiet for a long time. And part of my heart, a very large part of it aches. It’s a horrible feeling and it makes my eyes sting. But I won’t mourn what I’m not even sure I’ve lost. It’s just the threat of ending something I’ve valued so dearly and for so long that hurts.

  My shoulders shake slightly as I take in a shuddering breath, and that’s when he cups my chin and forces me to look at him.

  “You know I love you,” he says with a ragged breath. “More than anything, anything in the world.”

  I sniffle and try to ignore how the pain grows. “I do,” I tell him and then try to hide my face, but his grip on my chin is too strong and I can only close my eyes, feeling the smallest bit of tears threaten to spill over and soak into my lashes.

  “Don’t cry, Kat,” Evan whispers as he rests his forehead against mine. “I love you, and that’s all that matters.” For some reason it seems so obvious to me in this moment that those words were more for him than they were for me. My eyes open to find his still closed. To see the pain there. To see how desperate he is.

  That’s what I can blame it on. And it’s my undoing.

  It always has been. He needs me, and I crave it.

  “Kiss me—” Before the command leaves my lips, his are on mine. Devouring me and taking every little piece I’m willing to give. I crumble underneath him. My hands fly to his hair as he deepens the kiss. The air turns hotter as my skin heats and our breathing quickens.

  “Kat.” He barely breaks away from me to whisper my name and then presses his lips harder against mine as he grabs my hips and pulls me toward him.

  My gasp is muted as his tongue dives into my mouth. My back arches and my breasts push against his hard chest as he climbs on top of me.

  Every second I’m acutely aware that I’m falling backward. It pains my heart as I pull away from him, digging my head into the pillow to feel the cool air. But I can’t stop this. I never could. He nips along my neck and my body clenches with need as my legs wrap around his waist.

  My heels dig into his ass while I close my eyes tight and let my body do what it wants. It’s only ever wanted him and I won’t deny my own needs.

  Not when he worships my body like this, kissing his way down my body as he strips the clothes from me. The only sound is our breathing as I cautiously open my eyes to watch.

  His fingertips brush against my skin as he takes off the last piece and stares at my glistening sex.

  “You’re wet for me.” He says the words out loud, although I don’t think he meant for me to hear. Another time, I’d blush. But there’s no shame or embarrassment right now. It’s desperation.

  He parts from his clothes faster than I can steady my breath. The moonlight casts shadows on his chiseled chest and every sensitive bit of me is on fire and singing with need. My eyes are drawn to his hands as he strokes his length. When he does it again I can’t help how my lips part with desire and my legs spread wider. My body’s ready, willing and aching for him to take me.

  “I’m the only one who can satisfy you like this, Kat.” My gaze shifts to Evan and he captures it with an intensity that pins me down. “Don’t ever forget that.”

  I can’t respond, I don’t have time. In one swift motion he’s buried to the hilt inside of me. Stretching my walls and sending a spike of heat, desire and bit of pain through me. Every nerve ending screams to life as a strangled moan tears through me.

  It’s nothing but pleasure as he stills deep inside of me. Waiting for me to adjust to his girth. He takes his time kissing his way up my collarbone to my lips.

  The touches are softer now. Small pecks and nips until I open my eyes and he brings them to a halt.

  “I love you,” he whispers. My legs wrap around his waist and my fingers dig into his strong shoulders as he moves slowly at first. Burying his head into my neck before I can tell him the same.

  He rocks his hips, his rough pubic hair rubbing against my clit with each small movement and bringing me higher and higher. My release feels so close but so far away just the same.

  I can only make small whimpers as he speeds up, knowing he’s going to send me crashing in the end. All the while he rides through my orgasm, fueled by my cries of pleasure. I cling to him for dear life as my body seems paralyzed and he continues to take from me. Pounding into me, harder and harder. Pistoning his hips until the headboard slams against the wall rhythmically in time with his relentless thrusts. He has his way with me, and then he holds me. I would do it all again just for this moment in time. Just to be held by him, as if he’ll never let me go.

  Evan

  It’s been a long damn time since I’ve made breakfast for Kat. It’s probably been a year or more since we’ve woken up together, that’s how fucked our schedules have become.

  Her bare feet pad down the stairs as I set the last plate on the table. It’s brimming with fresh diced pineapple and strawberries. Bacon’s still the prominent scent, though. Bacon and eggs for breakfast. Plus a platter of hotcakes with fruit in the center and of course, her coffee.

  I grab her mug from her spot on
the table. It’s still burning hot but I make sure to put it handle out as I turn around to face her. Maybe I’m pussywhipped. Maybe I’m sucking up. Either way, I don’t give a fuck.

  The sight of her messy halo of hair and wide eyes with a bit of mascara still lingering from yesterday makes my heart pump hard in my chest. She’s gorgeous even when she’s a mess. She’s got nothing on but a baggy Henley of mine and it makes her seem even more petite than she already is. My Kat’s never been an early riser. Only when she has to, or apparently when the smell of breakfast is in the air.

  “You have good timing,” I tell her as she hesitantly grabs the coffee. I can see her shoulders sag just a bit and her eyes close as she takes in the smell, though. It gives me a sense of pride. Even if it’s just for the moment.

  “Good morning,” she says with a soft smile, but it’s barely hiding her true feelings. I force a smile back and pull out her chair.

  “I don’t know the last time I had an actual breakfast,” she says as she takes the seat and then looks up at me. “Thank you.” It’s genuine, but with her shoulders hunched and that sad look in her eyes, I don’t give her a response.

  I wish I could hold on to last night forever. But the sun had to rise, and I need to come clean to her. She deserves that much.

  The chair legs scratch on the wooden floor as I pull out my seat. I grimace slightly and then clear my throat as I sit down, noticing how Kat doesn’t seem to care. She’s not nearly awake enough; sleep still dominates her expression.

  With both hands cradling her mug, she leans back in her seat and gives me a small smile but doesn’t reach for any food. She doesn’t say anything either. All she does is wait. I wish I had something better to offer her than what’s going to come out of my mouth.

  “I want a fresh start … and the marriage we were supposed to have,” I say as I push a fork through the pancake on my plate, but I don’t eat it. I’m already sick to my stomach.