Heroes

by Stephen Fry

  ‘So,’ he said, ‘you come for the Fleece, do you? I wondered if the day might dawn when someone would. I prayed to the gods for guidance many years ago on this very matter. They told me that the Fleece could only be taken by one prepared to undergo three tests.’

  ‘Tests?’ said Jason.

  ‘If you agree to undertake them, the Fleece will be yours.’

  ‘May I know what they are?’

  ‘First you must agree. And your men must swear not to aid you in any way.’

  Jason could see no other choice. ‘Very well. Name them.’

  ‘You swear before the gods to accept these trials as the only way to take the Fleece?’

  ‘I swear before the gods.’

  ‘And your men?’

  Jason turned and indicated to the Argonauts that they too must assent. They went down on one knee, struck their breasts and pledged their oath.

  Aeëtes concealed his delight very well. ‘Now. The great god Hephaestus made a gift to me. A pair of bulls with mouths and hoofs of bronze – the fire-breathing Oxen of Colchis, the Khalkotauroi.’

  ‘I have heard of them.’

  ‘Doubtless you have. They are very famous. Your first task is to yoke these two great beasts together and plough a field with them.’

  ‘Consider it done.’

  ‘Good. I am a collector of antiquities and objects of curiosity and historical interest. I have in my possession some of the dragon’s teeth that Cadmus used when he founded Thebes. You will sow the furrows you have ploughed with the oxen of Hephaestus with these teeth. When this is done, armed men will rise up from the earth. You must defeat them. That will be task number two.’

  ‘Splendid,’ said Jason picking an invisible thread from the sleeve of his tunic. ‘A chance to get some exercise.’

  ‘Thirdly, you will go to the Grove of Ares where the Fleece hangs on the branches of a sacred oak. A dragon that never sleeps is coiled around its trunk. Overpower the dragon and the Fleece will be yours.

  ‘Phew,’ said Jason. ‘For a moment there I was worried that you were going to make it something difficult.’

  Aeëtes smiled a thin smile. He knew bravado when he saw it. He knew he was safe.

  Jason felt none of the confidence he had publicly shown.

  In an ever-darkening mood he followed the servants that led him to his guest room. When he was alone he threw himself on the bed.

  ‘Why, gods,’ he groaned, ‘why did you get me all the way here only to place such an insuperable barrier before me? First Pelias sends me on one impossible quest and now, when I am close, another king sets me more unachievable tasks. Am I a mouse, gods, to be batted back and forth in your cruel catlike claws?’

  THREE GODDESSES

  Jason’s anguished complaints rose into the heavens where they reached the ears of Athena and Hera on Mount Olympus.

  ‘He has a point,’ said Athena.

  ‘Until now I greatly admired his spirit,’ said Hera. ‘This whining self-pity is a disappointment. Comparing us to cats playing with mice. That is hardly proper.’

  ‘He has some cause,’ countered Athena. ‘To have got so far and now be trapped into promising the impossible.’

  Hera arched an eyebrow. ‘Nothing is impossible.’

  ‘You are suggesting we intervene? Go down and assist him?’

  ‘That would hardly do. Zeus has made it clear that he frowns on too much of that sort of thing. And heaven knows I have tried to make clear my views of his mortal entanglements. No, one rarely if ever makes appearances these days. We could send a plague to kill Aeëtes, perhaps?’

  ‘But Jason has already sworn an oath to undergo the three trials. It makes no difference whether Aeëtes is alive or dead.’

  ‘This is all most vexing,’ said Hera. ‘I am beginning to think my plan to use the young man as a means to punish Pelias for daring to violate my temple is too elaborate, too indirect. Perhaps Jason is not the right vessel. So young. So cocky and headstrong.’

  Athena stroked the chest of the owl that sat on her shoulder. ‘Ah, I think I have it. The daughter of Aeëtes …’

  ‘Chalciope?’

  ‘No, the other – Medea.’

  ‘What of her?’

  ‘It happens that she is a worshipper of HECATE and skilled in her arts.’fn62

  ‘Is she now?’

  ‘None more so, they say. She could help Jason.’

  ‘But why should she?’

  ‘What is it that drives mortals more than anything? More than power or gold?’

  ‘Ah!’ said Hera, nodding her head. ‘How wise you are, Athena. Seek Aphrodite out.’

  Athena found the goddess of love in Cyprus.

  ‘How may I help you?’ asked Aphrodite.

  ‘Hera and I need a Princess of Colchis called Medea to fall in love with a Prince of Iolcos called Jason. You see, Hera intends this Jason to …’

  ‘I really don’t need the reason,’ said Aphrodite. ‘I know this Medea. It has long irritated me to see how she devotes herself to Hecate while neglecting me. I shall send my boy to her at once.’

  MEDEA

  Medea was sitting and reading a clay tablet on a window seat in the corridor of the palace when Eros arrived in the early morning. She did not see him, for the god of desire was invisible. He stood there, his quiverful of arrows over his shoulder and his silver bow strung and ready.

  ‘What a beautiful young woman,’ he thought to himself. ‘No wonder mother is annoyed that she has remained single all her life. Lucky Jason.’

  He turned his head towards the entrance to the palace’s guest wing and blew.

  Jason woke suddenly in his bed. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. Strange dream. Eros had whispered in his ear and commanded him to …

  It was all nonsense. He had other things to think of than the sport of love. He must see if there was a way to defeat these oxen. No reason not to explore the palace; he might find something that could help.

  Eros shot his arrow into Medea’s chest and stepped back. She looked up from her tablet. The young prince Jason was walking along the corridor in her direction. Why had she not noticed how handsome he was? Oh my heavens, he was more than handsome, he was beautiful! That hair, that walk, those eyes, that slim but muscled frame. She stood.

  ‘Jason!’

  He saw her.

  ‘Ah, Princess Medea, isn’t it? I wonder if you can help me. I’m looking for –’

  ‘I can help you. Come, come with me.’

  She led him by the hand to the corner of the palace where she kept her shrine to Hecate. She turned to him, her green eyes alight.

  ‘I am going to help you with your three trials.’

  ‘That’s wonderful. Why?’

  ‘Why? Because I love you, Jason. I love you and will come with you when you return to Greece. I will be by your side, always.’

  This could only be the work of Eros. That must be what his dream had meant. Jason knew that his prayers had been heard. And how wonderful a way to answer them. This Medea was very beautiful indeed.

  ‘I am going to prepare a salve, an ointment,’ she said. ‘In the morning you must rub yourself all over with it. Every part of you, from the crown of your head to the soles of your feet.’

  ‘Why?

  ‘It will protect you from the fire of the bulls. You will be invulnerable for the course of one day. As you anoint yourself, pray to Hecate. That is important. I’ll teach you the right words. You must learn them.’

  ‘I will.’

  ‘I love you, Jason. I would do anything for you. Anything.’

  Anything.

  She meant it.

  THE KHALKOTAUROI

  At one side of a broad hedged field King Aeëtes and his court were gathered on a platform under a large canopy that shaded them from the heat and glare of the noonday sun. A crowd of excited spectators pressed in around the other three sides of the field.

  ‘It’s going to be rather bloody,’ Aeëtes warned his wife.

/>   ‘I enjoy a good spectacle,’ said Idyia, stifling a yawn.

  ‘What about you, my dear?’ said Aeëtes, turning to his daughter Chalciope. ‘Think you can take a bit of a gore?’

  She nodded listlessly.

  Still fretting herself about those sons of hers, thought Aeëtes. Good riddance to them. Phrixus was gone, those boys of his were gone and soon this Jason would be gone. All who threatened him would be gone.

  Now his daughter Medea joined them.

  ‘Ah, you don’t mind some blood and guts, do you?’

  Medea smiled. ‘I am so looking forward to this, papa.’

  Absyrtus clambered up onto the dais.

  ‘No, my darling …’ said Aeëtes firmly, but with a soft affection he reserved only for his youngest child, the ‘consolation for my old age’ as he called him.

  ‘But papa!’

  ‘You’re too young. Tell him, Idyia.’

  ‘Obey your father, child,’ said Idyia without turning round.

  ‘It’s not something fit for a boy of your age to see,’ said Aeëtes. I’ll make it up to you, I promise. We’ll go and see the dragon tomorrow. How’s that?’

  Absyrtus swung moodily round and clambered down.

  Aeëtes clapped his hands and nodded to his steward who signalled to the musicians.

  Trumpets sounded, the crowd of Colchians cheered and Jason stepped forward, holding a yoke and harness.

  He presented the most magnificent sight. He was naked but for a shield and sword and his whole body gleamed.

  ‘Ha! The fool’s rubbed oil all over himself. That’ll only make matters much worse. One blast from the bulls and his skin will catch fire. Oh, this is going to be good!’

  Another fanfare and gates at the far end of the field opened.

  Two enormous bulls trotted out. They stopped for a moment, pawing the ground with their bronze hoofs.

  Medea gazed at Jason, trying to keep the look of love out of her eyes.

  Aeëtes glanced across at her. She really is a bloodthirsty little thing, he thought to himself. Quite my favourite daughter.

  In the centre of the field Jason dropped the yoke and harness and began to beat his sword against his shield. The crowd roared their approval. The bulls looked up and bellowed. With flames bursting from their mouths and smoke pouring from their nostrils, they charged.

  Jason held his ground. ‘By the gods, this ointment better work,’ he muttered to himself, as the bulls galloped towards him.

  The flames enveloped him as they approached, but he felt nothing. Leaping to one side he slammed his shield into the first bull, which stumbled. The other turned on him and directed a ball of fire directly into his face. Jason stabbed its side with his sword and its bellow turned to a shriek.

  The bulls had never had to fight before. Their flames had always been weapon enough. On Jason they had no effect and it demoralised them. They circled him, puffing smoke and jetting out ever more feeble spears of fire.

  The crowd stood to their feet as Jason picked up the yoke and attached it to the bulls who bowed their heads, humbly submissive to his touch.

  The royal steward approached Jason with a wooden ploughshare. He skirted the yoked bulls with evident fear, which set the crowd jeering.

  The ploughing itself was easy enough. The bulls were subdued and obedient and the furrows they ploughed straight and deep.

  Jason turned towards Aeëtes.

  ‘One!’ he shouted.

  ‘One!’ echoed the crowd.

  Aeëtes swept his hand in a gesture that was supposed to combine impassive acceptance, a modicum of admiration and an air of regal graciousness. It succeeded only in looking petulant.

  A trumpet sounded and the steward approached Jason again, bearing this time a silver box high above his head. Jason took it and gave it a shake. He heard the rattle of the dragon’s teeth.

  Aeëtes watched with a frown. How this conceited youth could have withstood the blast of the oxens’ breath was more than he could understand. It was displeasing too that the crowd should be so loudly and unmistakably on his side. Well, it was one thing to tame the bulls, quite another to defeat the armed men that would spring from the soil.

  Jason walked the furrows, sowing the long, sharp yellow dragon’s teeth in the grooves. When he had finished he stood back and looked for a suitable stone. Medea had told him that the way to defeat the Spartoi, the ‘sown men’ that would rise up fully armed from the earth, would be to throw a large stone into their ranks.

  He saw a jagged boulder that was big but not too heavy for him to lift and edged round to it. He looked across the field. The eyes of the king and the crowd were on the ploughed earth, from which the tips of spears were beginning to sprout. The green eyes of Medea were on him. He nodded and leaned down to pick up the boulder.

  The spear tips were followed by helmets, then shoulders, trunks and legs. The field was now filled with row on row of rough, virile soldiers. They roared in unison, grunting out war cries and brandishing their weapons. The sight and sound of them was terrible.

  Jason raised the boulder above his head and hurled it with all his might. It landed on two of the Spartoi in the middle of the field and bounced off onto the shoulder of another. Immediately they turned on each other with a snarl and started to fight. Others joined in, and soon they were all stabbing, roaring, thrusting and throttling each other.

  One by one they fell, until only one was standing. The lone soldier staggered groggily about the field of his slain companions. Jason marched smartly up to him and with one sweep of his sword, cut off his head.

  He held the head high as he turned to Aeëtes and shouted.

  ‘Two!’

  ‘Two!’ yelled the crowd.

  Aeëtes stood, turned his back on the field and left. The rest of the court went with him, but the crowd stayed to chant Jason’s praises.

  He knelt down and thanked Hecate, Hera, Athena, Aphrodite and all the gods he could think of for his deliverance.

  ‘And thank you, Eros,’ he added, ‘for sending me Medea.’

  THE GROVE OF ARES

  Late that afternoon Aeëtes called a council of his leading warriors, chieftains and nobles.

  ‘This kingdom will be humiliated in the eyes of the world if we let Jason leave Colchis with the Fleece. It cannot be allowed to happen.’

  The council murmured assent.

  ‘But how did he defeat the Khalkotauroi?’ asked one of the noblemen.

  ‘Yes, that’s what I want to know.’

  ‘Perhaps I can help,’ came a female voice.

  They all turned to see Idyia, Aeëtes’ wife, standing in the doorway

  ‘Really, my dear,’ said Aeëtes, ‘this is a royal council. We cannot have women walking in and –’

  ‘Oh well, if you don’t wish to know who is responsible for helping this Jason, it really makes no difference to me,’ she said, turning away with a shrug of the shoulders.

  ‘You know? Then you must tell us.’

  ‘Our daughter Medea,’ said Idyia. ‘Who else is versed enough in witchcraft? Besides, I saw them together yesterday afternoon. She was kissing him.’

  Aeëtes barked orders everywhere. ‘Find her! Arrest her! Imprison her!’

  ‘But what if Jason gets away with the Fleece?’ said one of the generals of Aeëtes’ army.

  ‘I ordered that his ship be found. He won’t get too far without that.’

  ‘Yes, my lord, but we have scoured the countryside far and wide without success. One party searched all the way to Phasis. The vessel must be out to sea.’

  ‘Well in that case they’ll have to follow the river to join it. We can cut them to pieces if they try.’

  We leave Aeëtes to his council and turn our attention back to Jason. We find him, having reunited with the four grandsons of Aeëtes, being led by them through the dusk of evening to the Grove of Ares. They were soon joined by Medea, who pulled up short at the sight of the nephews.

  ‘You!’


  ‘Yes, it’s us, Aunt Medea! Jason has told us you’re are on our side. We’re with him too.’

  ‘I’m glad to hear it.’

  ‘Wasn’t it fantastic, the way that he dealt with the Khalkotauroi!’

  ‘We watched the whole thing with Absyrtus through a gap in the hedge, didn’t we Absyrtus?’

  Medea’s young brother, who had been hiding behind his nephews, came forward and smiled up at his sister. ‘Hey there, Medea.’

  ‘You as well?’

  ‘Let’s face it,’ said Melas. ‘None of us ever liked the old man, did we? He’s grown so cruel with age. And as for grandmother – she’s a dead fish.’

  ‘Yes, yes,’ said Jason. ‘This is all very charming, but you must go now. Round up the crew and accompany them to the Argo. If I don’t join you tonight with the Fleece you are all to leave without me, you understand?’

  ‘But –’

  ‘This is not a subject for debate. Go!’

  The four brothers and young Absyrtus left.

  Medea fell into Jason’s arms. ‘They are searching for me. My father must have guessed at my part in your victory. Oh darling, you were so splendid!’

  They kissed.

  ‘We must hurry, my love,’ she said. ‘The grove is just there …’

  Medea pulled Jason along with her and they hurried through a long avenue of trees. At the end stood a great oak. Moonlight streamed down upon it, illuminating the golden-scales of thick coils that wound around the trunk. As they approached, the head of a great dragon came round from the other side of the tree and opened its mouth with a hiss.

  ‘Whatever I do,’ Medea said quietly, ‘you are not to interfere. You promise?’