Kick the Drink Easily!

by Jason Vale

  I read Frank Skinner’s excellent and, as you’d expect, very funny autobiography. In it were a couple of things that illustrated just how some people are never mentally free from alcohol and remain in a permanent state of recovery. Sometimes he’s asked after a performance, ‘Were you happy with that?’ His reply? ‘No I haven’t been happy since September 24, 1986.’ This was the last time he had an alcoholic drink. I must say I love Frank Skinner. I think he’s really funny and sharper than Mr Sharp of Sharpsville (each to their own!) but, after reading that, I felt really sorry for him. He, like so many other members of the ‘recovery gang,’ is in a no-win situation. Does he spend the rest of his life wishing he could have something which he hopes he will never touch again or does he give in to his own frustration and become the lab mouse once more? What a choice. He has simply opted for what he believes is the lesser of two evils called ‘recovery.’

  People who stop drinking for a couple of weeks also suffer from this mental deprivation as they have to exercise immense willpower, discipline and control in order to ‘give up’ for just a short time. Are these people in recovery? After all, they are going through exactly the same thing as the people in AA – mental deprivation. They cannot say it’s recovery otherwise they would be seen as an alcoholic and that would mean their having to admit, for the first time, that alcohol is a drug like any other and that they are simply hooked.

  I have repeatedly emphasised throughout this book that it’s easy to stop drinking and, more importantly, to stay happily stopped for the rest of your life. People only disbelieve this because of the brainwashing, largely perpetuated by other people’s attempts to stop or by watching others who have tried to stop by going about it in the wrong way and feeling miserable. This gives the impression that it is difficult or impossible to achieve freedom. There are, after all, whinging ex-drinkers who moan because they have a disease from which they can’t be cured. You have seen people off the drink for two weeks telling you every day that they haven’t had a drink for x number of days. At the same time they opt out of their normal lives by saying they would love to go out but just can’t as they are not drinking. This simply perpetuates the false belief that people cannot enjoy themselves in the same way without a drink.

  People, possibly even you, who cannot drink just for one evening because they are driving have been heard saying that the evening was pretty lousy because of it. So you think, ‘If it’s like that for a day, then what the hell would it be like forever?’ If you have been conditioned to believe that you are an alcoholic, then you begin your attempt to stop with the knowledge that you will never be free. Isn’t that at the root of the fear that keeps people hooked? The fear is that you will always be missing out so it’s no wonder people don’t start off with a feeling of excitement, elation and freedom. We have been so brainwashed into believing that we can never get free or that it is not normal to be sober, that we begin our attempt to stop drinking with a sense of doom and gloom, as though we have just made a real sacrifice. Instead of feeling elated, liberated and joyful at the knowledge that we have just freed ourselves from one of the worst slaveries ever, that we have just stopped a progressive disease in its tracks and will never have to suffer again, we are led to believe that it is the end of nothing more than a disease and not the beginning of something great.

  Let me ask a question – at what point did Nelson Mandela realise that he was free from his imprisonment? At what point was he free, never to return? Was it a year after he was released from that prison, a few months, a week, a day or was it the very second he was released? It was, of course, the very second he was let out, the very second he stepped outside to freedom. Do you think he ever had a craving to go back in? No, he knew for certain that he was free the moment he stepped out but at what point can the poor ex-drinker say, ‘Have you heard the news, I’ve done it, I’m free. I never have to drink alcohol again, isn’t it marvellous!’ At what point can they become elated to be free. At what point will the craving go? The answer is never, or at least not while they still believe they are making a sacrifice.

  I accept that, in order to free yourself from any disease, you have to accept that you have the disease but it’s just as important to realise when you don’t have it any more. There is nothing sadder than a person who has freed themselves from a slavery, an addiction or a disease but has no idea that they have. The problem is that society gives you the impression that you have indeed made a genuine sacrifice and that you will be the one missing out. So, when people stop drinking they don’t start with a celebration of their freedom from an awful addiction but with a sense of doom and gloom, wondering when they will fail. If the poor drinker believes that he or she can never escape, they never will. Even if they don’t drink for the rest of their lives, they will simply be waiting to see whether or not they will fail.

  The trauma that ex-drinkers suffer when they stop is not caused by the awful physical pain of the drug leaving the body or by anything in their genes, but by the mental deprivation. It feels like a child being deprived of a toy. Our theory is that if we suffer the misery of this frustration for long enough then, eventually, we might be able to reach the stage where we can say, ‘I’ve done it. I’m free.’ However, true freedom is impossible that way. While you still believe you have made a sacrifice the frustration will be there forever as, unless all the brainwashing is removed, the sense of deprivation will always remain. This is not recovery or remission, it is simply mental deprivation which results in a feeling of missing out. Exactly what is there to be deprived of? What does alcohol do for you or anybody for that matter? The answer is absolutely nothing. It’s just one massive confidence trick. Once I stopped for three months and whinged constantly. Looking back now, I see that it was all unnecessary as I was moping about something that did not exist.

  In order to succeed, it must be clear in your mind that nobody is ever born an alcohol addict, any more than anyone is born a coffee drinker or Mars Bar eater for that matter. There is only one reason why people get hooked on alcohol and that is the brainwashing, or to put it another way …

  The Advertising

  There are only two kinds of advertising that get us hooked in the first place, or that keep us hankering for a drink after we have stopped. They are:

  Direct and commercial advertising

  Other drinkers

  Let’s not underestimate the power of advertising. It works, which is why the alcohol industry spends over £200 million every year advertising their drug in the UK alone. Add that to the spend on indirect promotional activities and sponsorship, the total value of these marketing activities probably exceeds £800 million.

  If this drug were launched today, nobody would go near it. Alcohol would never be legal, that’s for sure. If you believe that you would be drinking alcohol without the influence of advertising and other drinkers, then imagine visiting another country which knows absolutely nothing about alcohol and trying to sell the stuff to them. It would not so much be difficult as damn near impossible.

  Today if you tried to sell alcohol to people who have never come across it, you couldn’t. It would be virtually impossible as it would just sound too ridiculous. Imagine telling them that they would have to spend quite a lot to buy a liquid that made them confused, silly, rude, argumentative, sick and that they would need more and more of it to alleviate the unpleasant effects of the previous day’s drinking. It is extremely unlikely that anyone would choose consciously to take this product which is my point exactly. Nobody is drinking out of choice because, either they have to or they are miserable and cannot cope. That is why the thought of quitting sends people into a panic. But why should it?

  At the start of this book I said that I would like you to open your mind, so let me now try to persuade you to take this brand new drug that I have just been handed. Forget about alcohol for a second, this is a new drug. Think about it as though it were something like heroin or crack. First I will give you a complete list of all the disadvantages o
f taking this drug, then a very comprehensive list of the advantages.

  Finally, I will pose a question which I would like you to answer honestly.

  First, here are the disadvantages:

  The drug comes in liquid form which is the result of a process of decay.

  It tastes disgusting.

  It is very addictive and the chances are that you will remain hooked for the rest of your life.

  It will cost you at least £100,000 in your lifetime.

  It is a powerful poison.

  Every fix will destroy thousands of your brain cells.

  It will dehydrate your body so much that the day after imbibing it your brain will have shrunk.

  It will dull all your senses.

  It will stupefy you.

  You will not be able to hold normal conversations.

  It will slow down your reactions.

  It will impair your ability to communicate efficiently and effectively.

  It will slur your speech.

  It will remove your natural fears making you vulnerable and completely unprotected.

  It will remove the safety checkpoint between your brain and mouth and you will blurt out whatever comes into your head, no matter how stupid, offensive, obnoxious, aggressive, rude or outrageous it may be.

  It will create the illusion that you are now more confident and more courageous because you will lose your natural protection.

  Once you have experienced that illusion, you will become completely dependent on the drug and will not be able to enjoy yourself without it.

  Your body will quickly build up an immunity and tolerance, so you will need more and more to get the same illusory effect.

  The more you take, the more it drags you down; the more it drags you down, the more you take.

  It will destroy your courage.

  It will undermine your confidence.

  It will take away your self-respect.

  It will make you its slave for life.

  You will reach the stage where it drags you down so much that you end up despising yourself for being a slave to something that you will eventually hate.

  I should also warn you that, the first time you take it, you will probably be physically sick as it is so poisonous the body must get rid of it as quickly as it can, otherwise you could die.

  The drug in itself is a powerful anaesthetic, which means that it will make you fall asleep; if you are lucky that is, but chances are you will want to close your eyes but the room will spin around and make you feel sick, so you will try to keep them open but will be unable to because the drug has made you sleepy.

  When you wake up from your ordeal your head will be pounding and you will have one of the worst headaches you have ever experienced. This is caused by your blood trying to pump through a dehydrated brain.

  Your whole body will feel as if you have just been run over by a truck.

  It will take at least three days for the effects of the drug to wear off.

  Those are the disadvantages of taking this new drug. Now for the advantages:

  Nothing at all.

  Absolutely nothing.

  Nil.

  Zero.

  Zilch.

  Now ask yourself this. Would you like some of this new drug? How much money would you pay me for it? Be honest here please.

  Unfortunately, this wasn’t how alcohol was advertised when I was growing up. It isn’t today and never will be. Why not? It’s because alcohol represents a multi-trillion pound industry worldwide. The bottom line is that they want your money. Alcohol is the last recreational drug that is still allowed to be advertised on television; consequently the manufacturers do it all the time. The majority of sporting events are sponsored by the alcohol giants; there are huge billboards everywhere promoting the drug and you will see glossy magazines with full page ads for alcohol on every other page. The advertisements project images of ‘coolness’ or being ‘one of the lads’ drinking beer, of wine sophistication for the ladies or Scotch for the business executive. Just wake up to all this bollocks as it’s simply intended to keep you hooked on a drug from which trillions are earned. The government won’t stop the advertising either as it’s big business for them. Our own government earns billions of pounds a year in revenue from a drug which is known to kill around 9,000 people every year and destroys thousands of lives at the same time.

  The advertising even suggests that your love life will be enhanced by alcohol. ‘Just add the vodka’ said one campaign in which two girls were getting, well, let’s say very close. We are also bombarded by images of the ‘fine’ bottle of wine, open fire, nice music and sweet lovemaking. What a romantic scenario, and the fact is that without the alcohol you would remember everything and feel every touch, sensation and moment. The reality of alcohol is usually anything but that. Alcohol dulls all your senses, so you cannot feel anything anyway. Too much of the stuff and men know all too well what can happen – it isn’t called ‘brewer’s droop’ for nothing. The only ‘stiff one’ you can fix is the drink and sometimes all the scaffolding in the world won’t keep it up. The opposite can happen too where your senses are blown so much that you cannot focus on what you are doing; you simply cannot reach a climax no matter how hard you try, so bear that in mind boys!

  This book is about reality, not lies and advertising and, although I hate to admit it, I can honestly say that sometimes I couldn’t even remember having sex! At other times I could remember up to a certain point and the next thing I knew, the alarm was going off. My mouth would feel like dirt and my breath stank of alcohol at 8 a.m. How romantic is that? It’s funny how they don’t advertise that to the kids when they are growing up. I was so trapped that I honestly thought that sex was better after a few drinks. What rubbish. The best sex or lovemaking for men and for women takes place when you are sober, clear-headed and, above all, have all your senses about you. Some people dispute this but it is only because they have drunk alcohol virtually every time they’ve made love, so have simply forgotten how wonderful it can be when sober. Making love is a happy situation, it is not the drink. Think about it: would you rather make love to a drunk or a person who knows what they are doing? If you know what you are doing, at the very least you won’t wake up in the morning wondering who is next to you.

  Every television programme, film and even plays portray alcohol as a social pastime, perpetuating the illusion that it gives courage, confidence, relaxation and happiness. The truth behind the drug is never advertised. Even in pubs like the Rovers Return and The Queen Vic where the entire cast of Corrie and EastEnders seem to live, nobody is drunk. In fact if you were hooked, of all the pubs in the world, these are the ones you would do your utmost to avoid. When someone in these soaps does get drunk, they are seen as alcoholics and told to leave the pub. It is exactly the same in real life. Huge amounts of money are spent advertising alcohol and most pubs and clubs will try to tempt you with ‘happy hour’ promotions but the minute you get drunk you will be thrown out for taking up those same offers. They sell you a drug which stupefies you, makes you act irrationally, obnoxiously or violently and which compels you to have more and more yet, the minute it takes effect, they want you out of their establishment. What hypocrisy!

  Anyway, how do these people in the soaps afford to drink from morning till night? Many of them are unemployed, so the soap pubs must be the cheapest in the world. After all it is a very expensive drug. All this subliminal advertising has a powerful brainwashing effect, whether or not we are aware of it. We see images every day presenting it as normal and natural to drink every lunchtime and evening. We become immune to the fact that it is completely unnatural to destroy our brain cells, courage and confidence on a weekly if not daily basis. Consequently we end up believing that it’s normal to drink.

  It is not normal or natural to drink alcohol.

  Sport and alcohol now go hand in hand, from beer or lager for football to champagne for tennis. During ‘France 98’ (the football World Cup) Carling, the m
ain sponsors of UK football at the time, put a St George’s Cross on each can during the competition. For the South Africa World Cup in 2010, they did it again. The association they wanted drinkers to make was England = Carling. Such is the power of advertising that it worked. Also, the major supermarkets advertised three 15-packs of beer at silly prices as low as £18. Imagine the number of comatose fans there must have been in front of their TVs watching the matches.

  Drinking alcohol is frequently advertised as rebellious. ‘Go to the dark side’ one advertising slogan suggests and ‘94.7 per cent Good’ proclaims another. Advertisers always challenge us to be different, to rebel and say ‘let’s live,’ ‘I don’t care’ or ‘sod it’ to society. Let’s get something very clear, there is nothing different or rebellious about doing the same thing as around 80 per cent of the population. If you really want to be a rebel or be different, become a person who doesn’t need to take alcohol in order to enjoy or cope with life.

  Just look at the way in which alcohol is advertised as refreshing. It is just lie after lie. There is one old ad that showed a world that has run out of water. The sun is blazing and H2O is the most sought after commodity in this world; so much so that dealing in water is big business in the underworld. The ad shows a hunky man (what else, as they wouldn’t feature someone with an enormous beer gut) walking through this world where everyone is dying of thirst. He then goes into a building, climbs the stairs and there is a beautiful woman (of course) pouring him a pint. It ends with the slogan: ‘In a world that is losing its head, a lager that doesn’t.’ The lager might not ‘lose its head’ but if you drank it, you would. You might not only lose your head but also your family, home, money, brain cells, self-respect, courage, confidence and, as in 9,000 cases in the UK every year, your life. If there were no water in the world, the last thing you would do would be to drink alcohol as it would drain any fluid you did have from your body.