by Jason Vale
Will this pose any problem? Is this simply a way to fight a genuine desire to drink? Will this happen all the time? Is this just like ‘recovery’? No, far from it. In reality, these moments go as quickly as they come, if they come at all. This is not a genuine desire to drink at all. To be honest, I am only putting this in the book to make certain you understand the trap fully so, should anything like that arise, you don’t question it or worry about it. You will simply recognise it as a reality check or action signal and once again rejoice in your freedom from that drug.
There are people in really bad relationships, some of whom have been physically and mentally abused for years, and are locked in that relationship through fear. One day they reach the end of their tether and finally pluck up the courage to break free. Once free they might feel a slight emptiness or feel lonely one evening and make the big mistake of forgetting what life was really like by reminiscing about the good times. They then pick up the phone to their ex and, wham, they are back exactly where they started. They can see clearly they are trapped again but now find it even harder to get out. With alcohol, you should remember that there were never any good times. You were happy because of the company, the dancing, the party, the holiday, Christmas or the fact that it was your birthday, not because you were drinking. It was one big illusion designed to keep you trapped.
If you are bored one day it doesn’t mean you are low on alcohol. If you do get stressed about something after you stop, the cause of this problem is not an alcohol deficiency. Life is not always a bed of roses whether or not you drink but, because you will be physically and mentally so much stronger, the highs will be much higher and the lows will be nowhere near as low as they were before you stopped.
By this stage in the book you should clearly see that there is absolutely nothing to give up and that you are making no sacrifice at all by quitting alcohol. You now know that the craving was purely psychological and never physical. You also realise that it is the poor drinker who will be deprived and missing out, not you. You know for certain that all traces of alcohol leave the body within three to ten days and, if you have really opened your mind, you will realise that there is no such thing as an alcoholic and that each drinker is hooked like everybody else. Now that you know all this, when exactly is the best time to finally call …
‘Time Please, Ladies and Gentlemen’
So when exactly is the best time to call ‘Time please’ to put an end to this addiction once and for all? When is the best time to free yourself of a slow and progressive disease? Just when is it right to stop?
RIGHT NOW.
As people’s lives slowly deteriorate because of the effects of alcohol, they react by taking more. Those around them try to persuade them to stop and tell them they are out of control which makes them feel even more insecure. So what do they turn to? When will it stop? The answer is ‘never’ if nobody points out what is really happening. It can and will just get worse and worse and worse.
It is only fear that keeps people hooked.
You have already made up your mind that you are not going to spend the rest of your life as a drinker, so at some point you are going to stop whether you find it easy or difficult. It is only fear that keeps people hooked so don’t allow this false fear to keep you imprisoned for the rest of your life. That is exactly what these fears are anyway. The nature of the drug is to fool you. Your problem was that you genuinely thought alcohol gave you some kind of genuine pleasure or a crutch and your fear was not being able to enjoy life or cope without it. The reason you thought this is because you had evidence to back up your fears. Even going on the wagon gave you the evidence to support your fear that you would be miserable without a drink but the fears you have are all false. They only appear real because of past attempts to stop or cut down. These fears will not recreate themselves because they were only a result of failing to understand the nature of the disease and suffering from the CAN’T syndrome (Constant And Never-ending Torture). In other words, the fears created by alcohol mean,
FALSE EVIDENCE THAT APPEARS REAL.
That is to say that the FEAR people have of stopping drinking Appears Real because of the illusory effects of alcohol giving you False Evidence.
Going back to the wonderful Wizard of Oz, if you recall, the evil wizard never actually existed. In reality, the scary booming voice which created such incredible fears for Dorothy, the Tin Man, the Scarecrow and the Lion was completely false. Because they couldn’t see the reality, the false impression that the voice must belong to something that could destroy them appeared real and created a false fear which prevented them from moving forward and finding their true selves. Yet all it took for their fears to be removed was to see the truth. They push a button which opens some curtains to reveal a little old man speaking into a microphone and moving some machinery in order to create that illusion. Once they see this, there is just no way that the voice could ever create the fear in them again and the minute they know there is nothing to fear, they move forward.
Just like the Wizard, there has never been anything to fear. The truth is that there is nothing at all to fear by stopping drinking and everything to fear by continuing. So what is the best time to get free from any disease or mental and physical slavery? What is really the best time to quit alcohol? The answer is obvious.
ASAP.
It’s similar to taking your driving test. You feel nervous for sure but once you have passed, you are euphoric. At what point does the drinker know they are free? It’s the very second they see it for what it is, finish their final drink and say, ‘That’s it. It’s over, it’s finished. I am now free.’ If they do this they are not in remission or recovery, they really are free.
The beauty of being free is that you don’t need to wait for anything to happen, because nothing is going to happen. It is the waiting that creates doubts and fears. Once you have decided never to drink again then that’s it; it is over from that point and you can jump for joy.
The key to lifelong success is to make the decision, not to hope or think ‘would,’ ‘should’ or ‘could’ but know for certain that you will never drink again. If you hope you are going on holiday it doesn’t mean you are going anywhere but if you know for certain, then you will definitely go. Once you make a firm decision, you cut off any other possibility and doubt; so whatever happens in your future life, drinking alcohol is not just not an option but something that you have no interest in doing. You have moved on and are free.
Let’s make something very clear: the decision never to drink again is, without doubt, one of the most important decisions you will ever make. The reality is that both the length and the daily quality of your future life will depend on this decision. Some people say to me, ‘Oh yeah, but you can get run over by a bus next week.’ Of course you can, but would you take heroin because you could get run over by a bus next week and would you deliberately keep jumping in front of buses? Of course you wouldn’t. There is a bus coming along for all of us but, in the meantime, it’s the daily quality of our lives that counts, making sure we have our true courage, confidence and freedom every day.
Alcohol created so much fear in my mind that I simply thought there would be no point in living if I could not drink. Once I realised that I was, in a sense, my own jailer, the fears that had seemed so real and so strong proved to be false. Once it began to dawn on me that those unreal fears and insecurities were caused by alcohol, the decision never to drink again became the easiest I have ever made. I knew I was free even before I had my final drink and once I finished my last ever alcoholic drink, I jumped for joy. I had been questioning my drinking habit for weeks beforehand, asking myself if it was the drink that made the evening or the company. I watched other drinkers trying to justify why they needed that particular drink, even though it was only Monday night. I knew that it didn’t do anything for me and I could see this clearly even before I stopped. On the morning after my final drink I felt terrible but, as I slowly awoke, the first thing I thought was
‘I’m free!’ It was one of the best feelings I have ever had and I have never lost it. I thought that it would be difficult for a few weeks but, far from it; I had made the concrete decision never to be dependent on alcohol again. Once you make that commitment, you’re free.
I cannot stress enough just how easy it is to stop drinking and, when simplified, it really only comes down to a few things:
Decide never to drink alcohol again.
Don’t sit around moping about it – celebrate your freedom.
Get some live nutrients flowing through your system in the first week.
That’s it. It really can be that simple. It is only the indecision and regret that makes it difficult. The withdrawal from alcohol is no more than a hangover lasting a little longer than a day and we have all dealt with many of those in the past, although perhaps become immune to recently. If you start with a feeling of excitement and freedom you won’t even be aware of it. You will be too relieved and happy to be bothered about any brief physical withdrawal. It is the doubt and uncertainty that causes the pangs which some people describe as withdrawal but it is all in the mind. This is why it is so important to start in a happy frame of mind so that the period of adjustment will be easy and enjoyable. I have said that it is important to read this entire book as that way you will find freedom not only easy and enjoyable to achieve but, most importantly, it will be permanent. If you have understood the trap at this stage I cannot blame you for being like Mr Itch of Itching Town to break free, but please wait. It is essential that you fully understand …
The Adjustment Period
Some people call this the withdrawal period but withdrawal from what? Your body has never craved alcohol and never will. It has only ever wanted to get rid of the poison. The word ‘withdrawal’ itself can give the impression of trauma and a degree of pain. That is what a hangover is, the body doing its best to get rid of the poison for you. It is simply a way of keeping you alive. In truth the physical withdrawal is a good thing too as it is the body’s way of healing itself. First it throws out the poison in the gut and liver, then, as time goes on, it releases all the toxins collected from alcohol that it has stored out of harm’s way in its cells. It is purging the poison from your body and with it goes any remaining brainwashing from your mind. If you are a heavy drinker and your body shakes slightly after you stop, this is just a part of the process of eliminating the poison which happens incredibly quickly. If you see it for what it is you may even enjoy the process as it is evidence of your body healing itself. We now know that any physical aggravation after the first morning is very subtle and will be gone within ten days but for most people it is only three days. The mental adjustment lasts slightly longer but, in reality, can be the most enjoyable part of stopping drinking.
Let me explain. If you have a car for a few years and the indicators are on one side of the steering column and windscreen wipers on the other, isn’t it true that when you buy another car they always seem to be on the opposite side? It’s sod’s law. What happens when you want to indicate? The windscreen wipers come on. Did you want to turn them on? No, you wanted to indicate. So why didn’t you? It is because your brain has been conditioned for so long that it does it automatically. It just needs a little while to adjust and this takes from one to three weeks. After that, things become even clearer. This happens when you are mentally and physically completely outside the trap.
Let me ask you a question. If you made the mistake of putting on your wipers instead of indicating, would you stare at the wipers and say to yourself, ‘Oh no, I can’t get the hang of this new car. I will never adjust. I must get my old car back’? Of course you wouldn’t. Would you even worry about it? Would you give it a second thought? The reality is that you laugh when you put the wipers on instead of the indicators and do it every ten minutes the first day. Does it bother you? Of course not. It simply comes down to the fact that you are not just hoping that your brain and body will adjust, you know for certain that they will. The knowing for certain has destroyed any doubt and that is why it doesn’t bother you in the slightest. That is how powerful a sense of certainty really is. That is why, after you finish your final drink, you will know it is over rather than hope that it might be over. Whether you find it easy or not depends on how you think.
You have been conditioned to take drink at certain times depending on just how far into the trap you are. It can range from first thing in the morning to weekends, lunchtime, with dinner, when you come in from work, at celebrations or any other time. The point I am making is that, after you stop, you will still be coming home from work, still socialising, still eating (of course) and still waking up. That is why you need to understand that your brain and body will easily adjust, providing you let them and providing you don’t worry about it. Any triggers that may occur over the first few weeks work in exactly the same way as the wiper-indicator situation. These are times to feel relieved and excited.
Every now and then you may get ‘I want a drink’ thoughts. They are nothing to worry about and are only thoughts. We do not act on all our thoughts as, if we did, most of us would be in jail! It is just understanding these thoughts that makes the whole business of stopping easy, enjoyable and permanent. If you ever think you want a drink it doesn’t mean that something is going wrong; it is just the mental windscreen wipers flicking back to the old pattern for a split second. If you say to yourself ‘I mustn’t have one,’ ‘I can’t have one’ or ‘When will I be free?’ you will be defeating the whole object of the exercise and become a whinging ex-drinker. Just indicate, adjust, rejoice and move on. This is one of the most enjoyable aspects of stopping. These are the times when you can remind yourself that you don’t need to do that any more because you’re free. You can and will enjoy these moments if or when triggers occur over the first couple of weeks. This is adjustment and not willpower. Do not confuse them.
Willpower involves constantly fighting a desire to do something that you still want to do. If you allow yourself to think for one second that you are using willpower, you will start to doubt and where there is doubt there is uncertainty and where there is uncertainty there is always an element of willpower. Now this is really important. If you experience the trigger ‘I want a drink’ and you believe that the alcohol itself will benefit you in any way, then you have missed the point. You will switch on to willpower and be back in the pit in no time at all. If you experience the trigger ‘I want a drink’ and you know that there are genuinely no benefits, you will understand that it is simply a trigger that will be dismissed as quickly as you would turn off your wipers and put on the indicator. Will I have to do this all of my life? Of course not. You will retune yourself easily many times during the first couple of weeks and will love the process so much that it will become automatic. Using willpower is only necessary when you have to resist what you want.
See this adjustment for what it is. You are starving a disease to death. You are now in charge of something that was controlling you. That is exactly how I saw it. I had been feeding a disease that was controlling many aspects of my life because I was fooled into thinking that it was my friend. I thought it was helping me to enjoy life more and to cope with stress. When I realised that it always did the complete opposite and that it created the feelings of insecurity, I rejoiced in starving it to death. I did not use willpower, because I did not want to feed it. I wanted it out of my life for good. If you see it like this you will love the adjustment period because what is there to feel miserable about? Nothing. The sad reality of any drug addiction is that it is the addict who has to use ongoing willpower, discipline and control and it can last for life. Once the nature of this drug is fully understood there is no need for willpower, discipline or control. You will finally be free from having to exercise control.
At the beginning of one of my consultations a man said, ‘It would be so nice if you could just put me a couple of weeks into the future, so that the worst is over.’ By the end of the session he wanted the adjustment
period just so that he could witness the disease starving to death. He wanted to kill it as he wanted some revenge. He realised that the worst was already over and he didn’t need or want drink any more. As he put it, ‘What would be the point?’ Another common misconception is that if you are truly free from alcohol then you should no longer even think about drinking. This can also create doubt if not fully understood. So let me now cover the very important point which is that you will definitely …
Think Drink
You will be thinking about drinking quite a lot over the first few weeks but it is what you think that makes the difference. I remember on one of my many attempts to abstain for a week, all I could think about was drink and the day I could start drinking again. I felt miserable and deprived and had a mental tantrum all week. Thinking about drinking was not the problem; it was how I was thinking. When I did finally stop completely I also thought about drinking but did so from a new perspective. I did not have a mental tantrum and was not staying in and complaining. Every time I thought about drinking I was elated to be free and couldn’t wait to go out and prove, not only to myself but to the world, that I did not need alcohol.
A very common mistake that people make when attempting to kick the drink is trying not to think of alcohol or worrying about it if they are. Have you ever tried to do that? Have you ever tried not to think of something? It is impossible. The fact that you are trying not to means that you are thinking about it. Let me try an experiment. Try not to think of Michael Jackson. What are you thinking about right now? The point I’m making is that you will think about alcohol after you stop but it really is only what you think that makes the difference. Do you believe that Nelson Mandela never thought about the prison he was in for twenty-seven years after he was released? Of course he did. In fact he probably thought about it a lot more during the first few weeks after his release but does it mean that if he thought about it he must have secretly missed it? Of course not. Do you believe he ever thought, ‘Oh I’d love to go back there, just for my birthday; what a shame I can’t’? You must be joking! Especially if he knew that, if he did, it would be to spend the rest of his life there. Every time he thought about prison it must have been ‘Isn’t it wonderful, I’m free’ and sheer relief to know that he was no longer being controlled but in control.