by Jason Vale
That is exactly how I think about alcohol now and I think about alcohol a lot, as you can imagine. It’s the nature of what I do and it is my mission to cure the world of this disease but I never think I’m missing out, therefore I never have a problem. I am just so grateful that I saw it when I did and that I am now in control every day. To think that I am missing out now, I would have to lie to myself and convince myself that I was being deprived. That would be impossible because I understand the con and, once you know how any trick works, you will never be able to believe the illusion again. Nobody could ever convince me otherwise as, once you know the truth, you cannot be fooled.
As I explained in the chapter on advertising, it would be almost impossible to forget alcohol. It is the most advertised and accepted drug in the world and at the moment around 80 per cent of people in the UK alone are hooked. It is the attitude towards drinking that is the key to success in giving it up. Seeing it for what it actually is acts as a wonderful reminder of just how relieved you will feel to be free.
If you think about alcohol over the first few weeks, does it matter? You were thinking about alcohol a lot more than you realised anyway. I will repeat this a thousand times. Alcohol addicts, whether consciously or not, have to exercise willpower, discipline and some degree of control most of the time. It is only certain restrictions that prevent them from increasing their intake and making their descent to the bottom slightly slower. The rate of descent will vary from one drinker to the next because of the restrictions they impose and their body’s ability to cope with the poisonous drug. However, they are all going in one direction … down.
I think about heroin sometimes as it is frequently mentioned in the news. I simply think what a shame it is for those poor addicts. That is exactly how I think about alcohol now. I feel even sadder when I realise that most people are unaware of the fact that they are sinking and when I think about alcohol now it’s ‘How come I didn’t see it earlier as it is all so obvious?’ Alcohol is a drug like any other and, once you see it for what it is and are relieved to be free, it would not matter if you thought about alcohol twenty-four hours a day as you would still be happy.
Another big mistake people make when they stop drinking is that they try to avoid …
Tempting Situations
What tempting situations are we talking about? There aren’t any, they don’t exist. If you were pulled from quicksand would you need to avoid certain situations in case you were tempted to jump back in? If you don’t want or need to drink and are relieved to be free, why would you need to avoid these situations? The beauty of understanding the nature of the alcohol trap is that you do not have to avoid any situations. One of the key methods in this book is to make certain you don’t. Every single moment that we have is to be savoured and not avoided.
When I was on the wagon for those three months I tried to avoid certain situations where I thought I would be tempted to drink. I avoided going out and socialising and when I did, I felt even more miserable than before. I still thought that I was missing out. I felt a lot more tempted to drink at those times than at any other but if you are tempted, you are tempted. If you believe you are making a genuine sacrifice then the advice to avoid situations where you might be tempted is ridiculous anyway. For how long exactly should you avoid social occasions? Well according to organisations like AA, it’s forever. That’s a pretty daunting prospect isn’t it? It really would confirm your belief that life is dull, boring and miserable without alcohol. This will in turn create even greater feelings of deprivation causing you to feel more than tempted to have a drink, and this is what they call recovery. I call it penury. That is exactly what happened to me during those three months. The advice is even more stupid when you realise that some people are tempted to drink when they first wake up so does this mean they should never wake up again to avoid temptation? I suppose that would certainly solve their drink problem once and for all.
I cannot stress this point enough. There is no need whatsoever to avoid any situation that comes along. In fact it is important that you don’t, as it sends your brain completely the wrong message and you will start to think that life is not as enjoyable without a drink. People often ask ‘Should I avoid pubs?’ Why? That would be the same as vegetarians avoiding restaurants in case they are tempted to have a T-bone steak. Vegetarians are not tempted to eat meat even if everybody else is, regardless of where they are. They cannot be tempted because they do not want meat. There is no need at all to avoid any situation, including pubs, as the real pleasure you get is from the companionship. You may, however, find yourself no longer wanting to visit pubs all the time because when you are sober, you start to notice things like flock wallpaper and floral carpets, cigarette burns, the stench of alcohol, the mood changes and the overall dingy atmosphere of many of them. In fact, I think that many pubs should be renamed to give them a more realistic feel. For example, instead of ‘Ye Old Inn,’ ‘The White Horse’ and ‘The Crown and Anchor,’ how about ‘Ye Old Vomit Inn’ or ‘The Clown and Wanker’ and ‘The Violent Tavern’?
Am I suggesting that all pubs are like this? No, I’m not but you do need to realise that the main point of pubs is to enable people to get their drug fix. I still go to pubs, wine bars and clubs. If I am having a great time, excellent; if not, I know that a drink will not make the evening better as I realise that it is just a lousy evening or I am not in the mood. I am never genuinely tempted to drink. In fact it’s just the opposite. I go for the company, to socialise and have fun though this can sometimes be difficult in your regular run-down, dingy local. Once you are sober and physically and mentally free, you will start to see just how much more to life there really is.
Remember you stop drinking, not living. Once the poison has left your mind and body completely, it will not matter if it’s New Year, your birthday or a holiday as you simply will not miss drink. You will be able to celebrate just like you used to with dancing, good company, fireworks, good friends, laughter, having a blast. The difference will be that you will remember the entire evening and will wake up feeling refreshed and alive. The added bonus will be that you will always be able to drive yourself home.
This is another huge part of the alcohol problem, not only in this country but around the world. The brainwashing is so severe that the word ‘celebrate’ is linked to a drug; that drug being alcohol. This is because, from the moment we are born, we have been subjected to thousands of images of people celebrating all kinds of events with alcohol. Whether it’s a birthday or a lottery win, drinkers will look for any excuse to celebrate, which means having a drink. Sport is always a good one. If your team wins, have a drink. If your team loses, have a drink. One is to celebrate, the other to drown your sorrows. If you do win the lottery, the first thing the organisers do is bring you a bottle of champagne (which is nothing more than a hyped up, fizzy, gone off fruit anyway). We have been so conditioned to link alcohol with celebration that the English footballer I spoke of earlier was even presented with a bottle of champagne for winning ‘Man of the Match’ after he had told the world that he was an alcoholic. Were they on a wind-up?
A woman once came to see me for a group session to stop smoking. At the end of it she was the only one in the small group who didn’t look very excited, which is unusual. I asked her if she looked forward to being a non-smoker and her answer came as something of a shock. ‘I was feeling really good, until you told me to go out and celebrate.’ I said, ‘What on earth is wrong with going out to celebrate and why wouldn’t you want to?’ She replied, ‘I am a recovering alcoholic and you have just told me to have a drink. That is very inconsiderate of you and I now realise that I cannot truly celebrate.’ I must admit, I thought I was hearing things. I had never once told her to go out and have a drink to celebrate; I had simply said ‘celebrate.’ I had almost forgotten that nearly everyone links that word with alcohol.
The singer Eric Clapton holds an annual New Year’s Eve party where all the guests are ex-addicts of some kind.
He feels he cannot celebrate with normal people and holds the party for people in a similar situation to himself. Why can’t he celebrate with people who drink alcohol? What’s stopping him? It is only one thing and that is his belief. While he believes he is abnormal for not drinking and that people who drink are normal, then he will always feel vulnerable. He will feel as though it’s something in him and not the nature of the drug. Celebration equals alcohol for the vast majority of people in this country as the two just go together.
I used to believe this too but not any more. I am now in the same position as I was before I was sucked in by this confidence trick. I celebrate by having nice people around me with good music and laughter; just having a good time and feeling good about the day or situation. It is sad to think that the woman at my clinic believes that she is still recovering from alcohol yet she hasn’t had a drink in three years. It is even sadder to think that she believes the only thing she can ever celebrate is the fact that she has stayed sober for that day, but in her mind she cannot even celebrate that because, to her, celebration means having a drink. She is not alone as nearly everyone does this. Make sure you don’t avoid any social situation as this is, without doubt, the best part of the method. It is one of my key instructions.
You will start to notice your windscreen wipers coming on every now and then (to refer to my earlier analogy) but you will also understand that, by building a mental muscle, you are reversing the massive alcohol brainwashing which has made you, me and millions like us victims of a very clever confidence trick. Remember, the pain of stopping drinking is a myth; it is all in the mind. It is easy to stop drinking. It was only the feeling of deprivation that created the myth of ‘recovery.’ It was the feeling of ‘missing out’ that caused you to avoid situations when trying to stop or cut down in the past. Not only do you no longer need to avoid situations but, for the first time, you can enjoy more of them, more frequently, with an added sense of freedom and joy in the knowledge that you are no longer a slave to a drug but truly free to live your life as you now choose.
So, enjoy going out for a ‘non-drink’ and enjoy not needing a drink. It is a wonderful feeling and one that never goes away. Enjoy being in control and rejoice in your freedom. You will not be free if you are avoiding situations, so don’t avoid them; be totally free to participate knowing that you are in charge.
Another question that people often ask me is, ‘What do I drink instead of alcohol?’ The question seems logical enough but another very important part of this method is to realise that you do not need and should not search for any kind of …
Replacements
One of the key instructions essential to success is that you
DO NOT SEARCH FOR A REPLACEMENT FOR ALCOHOL.
We must get it clear in our minds that we do not need to drink anything alcoholic when we are socialising. Some people say, ‘There are only so many orange juices you can drink.’ It’s funny that they don’t say the same thing with alcoholic drinks, isn’t it?
The addiction is a disease and the disease ends the second you stop taking the drug alcohol. If you had a different progressive disease that was only going to get worse and you found a cure, would you be searching for a replacement for that disease after you were cured or would you simply breathe a sigh of relief not to have the disease any more? I know what I would do, which is exactly what I do quite often. I breathe a sigh of relief not to have to suffer mentally or physically any longer.
Why would anyone want a replacement for a disease? It doesn’t make sense. People only want a replacement if they think they are missing out on a genuine pleasure. It’s only because they still feel deprived. When people are driving, for example, they are forced not to drink alcohol, so they drink non-alcoholic beers and wines. The only reason for this is because they feel as though they have made a sacrifice. During the three months that I gave up, I tried loads of non-alcoholic beers and wines but couldn’t get to like them. This was simply because they contained no alcohol.
If you were to switch to non-alcoholic beer or wine, especially during the adjustment period, there is a danger that, subconsciously, you would be impressing on your mind that you had made a genuine sacrifice. This could act like a dripping tap and make you believe you were missing out on something. If you were to drink these non-alcoholic drinks it would be exactly the same as an addict quitting heroin but continuing to inject themselves with a substance that cost the same amount as heroin, looked like heroin, felt like heroin, but had no heroin in it. Do you think that this would help them free themselves or drive them insane? Obviously, it would drive the addict insane because the only reason for seeking a replacement in the first place was the feeling of missing out.
As for the statement ‘There are only so many orange juices you can drink,’ there are millions of delicious drinks that do not contain alcohol. I drink plenty of them when I’m out and at home. We need to drink as it is part of our survival mechanism but we should only drink if we are thirsty. The reason that I could drink so much alcohol was because it was dehydrating me, so much so that I felt thirsty all the time. When you stop dehydrating your body, you will realise that you just don’t need to drink all the time as a couple of drinks can last you all night.
I’m not saying that there aren’t going to be times when water just isn’t going to cut it, but there are many, many non-alcoholic drinks on the market like Amé, Purdey’s or Appletiser that really do taste pretty good. Also I’m not saying that everyone will hate the taste of non-alcoholic wines and beers, I’m just saying that most of them are full of rubbish and there is a danger that you could easily send subconscious messages to your brain suggesting you’re missing out, which is the last thing you would want.
There are many ‘experts’ who will tell you that if you stop drinking you need to replace it with something else. Like what? Meetings every week, perhaps? You will find that, after a while, you will have new interests, not as a result of replacing alcohol but because you are expanding your life and broadening your horizons. When you don’t need to drink you will want to do a lot more with your life. This is not replacement, it’s living. If you think you would prefer these non-alcoholic beers and wines because drinking orange juice doesn’t look very adult, then grow up. It was precisely that kind of thinking that got us trapped in the first place. People think that it doesn’t look cool to drink a soft drink but it isn’t very cool to get stupid, aggressive, argumentative, obnoxious, violent, uptight, hostile, fall over, slur your words, collapse, blow your mind or throw up either. You see, it’s all in the mind fed on adverts. Anyway, who’s to know that the tonic and lemon doesn’t have a vodka in it?
‘A pint of orange juice is the same price as a pint of beer, so what’s the point in switching to soft drinks as it will cost just as much.’ What’s the point? The point is to be free from drug addiction and it won’t cost anywhere near the same amount as being an alcohol addict. As I have already said, alcohol dehydrates the body making you drink more and besides, money is not a factor for alcohol drinkers who buy it for the effect of the drug. Having all the money in the world means nothing if you are a slave to a substance.
It is now very clear to me and will soon become just as clear to you, if it hasn’t already, that you were substituting when you were drinking. You were replacing real courage, real confidence, real relaxation and the real you with a false substitute. One of the joys of stopping is to not have to substitute or replace any more.
So now you realise that there is no genuine pleasure to be had in alcohol. You realise that it causes insecurities and stress, destroys your courage, undermines your confidence and is incapable of providing any genuine relaxation. You also realise that you are suffering from a progressive disease that will only get worse and worse. You are in the trap and, whether you knew it or not before you picked up this book, it is now time to gain the ultimate freedom from this slavery. You will have complete freedom from a disease that was undermining every area of your life, whether yo
u were conscious of it or not. It is a confidence trick on a massive scale, in fact, the biggest one ever to plague mankind. Now that you can see it for what it is, it is time to get very excited and time to realise that you do not have to continue drinking. It is now time to decide when you are going to have …
The Final Drink
It all sounds very final doesn’t it? The ‘final drink’ suggests sacrifice, or it would do to 80 per cent of our population, but it won’t to you. Any fear that you may have at this moment is also mixed with adrenalin and excitement. As I have already explained, there is nothing to fear at all, as it was all false in the first place. Fear is the biggest part of the con trick as the very nature of alcohol makes people feel insecure without it and that’s exactly what keeps them hooked.