Air Bound

by Christine Feehan

  “I’ve got a gun,” he felt compelled to point out.

  Valentin burst out laughing, but he let go of Airiana and backed out of the room. Maxim resisted the urge to kick the hatch closed after him. Shoving the pistol in his belt at the small of his back, he took both coffee mugs from her and yanked her into his arms. She gave a startled little yelp. He didn’t care. He bunched her thick hair in his fist and forced her to look up at him. Already his mouth was descending.

  He kissed her long. Thoroughly. Over and over. Demanding compliance. He felt a bit like a drowning man going under for the last time, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but the feel of her slender body tight against him and the taste of her on his tongue, filling his body and soul with . . . her. Just her.

  When he lifted his head, she blinked at him, her eyes a little glazed, her mouth swollen from his kisses, her breathing ragged. Both of her hands had found his shirt, clutching there for stability.

  “What was that for?” she asked, touching her lips.

  “For driving me mad. Get on the damn bed and drink your coffee.”

  She blinked again, those long feathery lashes that tempted him to start all over again, but she complied with his order, scooting back to the original position she favored. He handed her the coffee mug and sank down beside her, his back to the wall, his thigh pressed tight against hers.

  She sipped at the hot liquid and leaned her head against his shoulder. “It’s not who you are, Maxim, no matter what you say. Saying it doesn’t make it so.”

  He turned his head to glare at her. She had her eyes closed, and she looked small and vulnerable, nestling into him for protection, if not comfort. He couldn’t yell at her for wanting to save him. He could tell her it wasn’t possible, but the truth was, he couldn’t help the small thrill Airiana fighting for him gave him.

  He took a drink of coffee to keep from kissing her. If he kissed her again, he wasn’t going to stop and it wouldn’t be fair to her. He would see this thing through and then he’d disappear.

  “When you talk to me, mind to mind, I can see inside you. I also see the things you do and how those children affected you. You’re not a killer, Maxim. Not at all. You kill, but that isn’t who you are.”

  Her voice sounded drowsy, sexy. His body tightened. He wondered if he could be a rapist on top of all his other sins. “You’re falling asleep.”

  “I don’t want to. I have nightmares. Really bad nightmares. Do you?” She took another sip of coffee, more for warmth than the stimulant.

  He wished he had nightmares. Maybe he’d feel more human. As it was he felt he’d lost all humanity years earlier and all that was left of him was a machine programmed to kill. “No.” But he didn’t sleep. And never with another person in the room with him. That would be far too dangerous.

  “Just stop.”

  His eyebrow shot up. He looked down at her again. She hadn’t opened her eyes. “Excuse me?”

  “Your job. Just walk away from it. Levi and Thomas did. You could too. You don’t need to do what they tell you if you don’t like it—and clearly you don’t. Everyone has a choice, Maxim, even you.”

  “Levi and Thomas disappeared because everyone believes them to be dead. If anyone realized they were still alive and living under an alias, ten hit men would show up and wipe out everyone on that farm. I can’t very well add to the danger to everyone there, now can I?” And what would be the use of retiring if he didn’t have a place to retire to—or someone to retire for?

  As if she read his mind she turned her head and looked up at him. “You can do anything you want to do, Maxim.” Her lashes fluttered again.

  He took the mug from her hands and set it aside. At least she wasn’t shaking anymore. “Lie down. You don’t have to go to sleep, and I’ll be here with you.”

  She simply shifted positions, using his thighs for her pillow, curling up into a little ball, her knees drawn up and her arms circling his thigh.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m making certain you’re not going to leave me if I do fall asleep.”

  He stroked his hand through her hair, unable to stop himself. It was soft and silky and felt all too sensual against his bare palm. His entire body felt tight, hot and needy. He didn’t mind in the least. It was a natural reaction to a woman—one that wasn’t contrived or deliberate, but real—and that was the trouble with Airiana.

  She was real to him. Flesh and blood. A person. He couldn’t walk away from the emotions she stirred in him. He hadn’t even realized he was capable of feeling the depths of positive emotions, or the intensity he did until he met her. He wanted to protect her, even from her own father. He was a patriot, and yet he wasn’t going to allow his country to keep her prisoner.

  He had a temper, boiling beneath the surface but held in check. That rage had never gone away. He closed his eyes, tangling his fingers in her hair, trying not to see the images of his mother’s blood in the white snow, or hear the cries of the baby, Ilya, as the soldiers took him. He had told her the truth—he didn’t have nightmares—but he slept lightly, and those memories of the soldiers tearing his family apart had never left him.

  He knew each of them handled the loss in their own way. His way had been savage and relentless. Merciless. He found them, years later, when he was old enough and strong enough and trained enough. He cared little that they had been under orders. They had murdered his parents and taken his brothers from him.

  That had been the first time he had ever run across his eldest brother, Viktor. Viktor had also hunted down the soldiers who had murdered their family, one by one, just as Maxim had done. Viktor had spent years finding each of the men and had systematically been killing them with accidents, nothing that could ever be traced back to the Prakenskii family or what had happened to them. He had bided his time, taking only a couple of them a year.

  Viktor had been the one to teach him patience and how it didn’t matter how long it took—if he was careful, he would triumph in the end. His brother hadn’t wanted the men killed in a way that would point back to them, because more than anything, he wanted to find the man responsible for the orders. He wanted the man who had feared their father so much that he had ordered the murders for “political” reasons.

  Maxim and Viktor were careful never to meet in person after that. The brothers had a way to get messages to one another, but the man behind their father’s murder had so much power, they knew he would use them against one another given the opportunity.

  “Who’s Viktor?” Airiana murmured without opening her eyes.

  The question startled Maxim. His hand paused the long, stroking caresses in her hair. “Why do you ask?” he said carefully.

  “You were so deep in thought the name just appeared in my head.” She hesitated, clearly weighing how much to tell him. “Along with images.”

  “What images?”

  She turned her head and opened her eyes. “Your parents were murdered just like my mother was. There was snow. A child was crying. You were boys and all of you fought, trying to get to the youngest, but they took him away.”

  His throat felt clogged for a moment. “They separated us. They feared us as individuals, so you can imagine how terrified they were of us being together. I think the original idea was to kill us, but then someone decided we could be useful if we were trained properly and our loyalties were to the man handing out the orders.”

  She lifted her head and pressed a kiss against his thigh before lying back down. His heart gave a peculiar leap and stuttered for just a moment as if that kiss had sent an electrical charge right through the material of his trousers, into his skin and through his bloodstream, straight to his beating heart.

  The gesture wasn’t in the least sensual—or meant to be flirtatious. She was offering him comfort. Caring. She offered him something he hadn’t had before, not since his mother died. There was a p
art of him that wanted to push her away from him, the threat to him all too real. The other part wanted to gather her closer and hold her to him, to let himself believe his life could be different with her in it.

  “Viktor was my oldest brother.”

  “Is he still alive?”

  Her hand began a slow rub along his thigh. He’d never been so aware of another human being—or his own body—in his life.

  “I don’t know.” It was true and yet not the truth. The last time he’d had contact with Viktor had been weeks earlier, but he was deep undercover and that meant he could be killed any time.

  She sighed. “Your life is sad, Maxim. I thought my life was sad, and that I could never pick up the pieces and start fresh, but then I met these five wonderful women. They changed my life. They changed me.”

  She looked up at him with those startling blue eyes. Midnight blue now. Dark and mysterious. Eyes a man might get lost in forever.

  “You could come home with me. Sea Haven is a magical place and people accept who you are. You can start fresh there.”

  “I’m not a puppy, Airiana. You can’t just bring me home.”

  “Why not? Why can’t I? You need a place to start over. You saved me from those awful men. You saved the children. Why can’t I save you?”

  “I would want a hell of a lot more from you than a puppy would want,” he snapped. “Damn it, just go to sleep. You’re driving me crazy. Do you realize the position you’re in? You’re here alone with me and you’re all but offering yourself to me. At least that’s how it looks from where I am. You can’t do things like that.”

  The warning tumbled out before he could stop it. She really was driving him absolutely mad. What was she thinking, telling him he could come home with her? She didn’t know a thing about him. She might be the most intelligent woman on the planet but she had no common sense at all.

  “Maxim.”

  Just his name. Just like before. In that soft, velvet voice that suggested candlelight and silk. Or maybe it was all him and he just wanted to hear her that way.

  “Don’t, Airiana, I’m telling you it isn’t safe.”

  “And I’m telling you that you’re safe. No one is going to hurt you. Not like that. Not if I can help it.” She sat up, coming up on her knees and framing his face with both hands. “I don’t know why I feel this way about you. It’s strong and real, and even if you don’t feel the same way, that doesn’t stop how I feel.”

  He started to pull away, but couldn’t make himself do it. It was far too tempting to fall into her eyes even further.

  “You don’t want to be close to anyone or chance having a family because someone took it from you. I know that feeling. My sisters know that feeling. The pain. The rage. The fear of ever feeling such raw pain again. But I won’t let it happen to you. I’ll keep you safe there, Maxim. Don’t go back to this life. Come home with me and just try to live. Find a way to live. It’s a choice.”

  He drew in a breath when he was certain there was no more air in the room. “Do you know what you’re offering? Airiana, you can’t tempt a man like me.”

  “Why not? You deserve to live a life, a real one, Maxim.”

  “Because if you were mine, I’d never let you go. I’d hold on to you with the very last breath in my body. You’re a free spirit, soaring high above me. You’re wild, like the wind, and the wind can’t be caged.”

  “Everything I do is a choice I make for myself. You’re my choice.”

  He shook his head. “Don’t you know anything at all about yourself? Or about men? Especially a man like me? You’re that woman. The real thing, the kind a man dreams of, or in my case, doesn’t dare let himself dream of. Men like me, we don’t have families.”

  “Your father did. Your brothers do. Once I asked you what you were afraid of. What is it? Tell me?”

  “I’m afraid of you. Of what you could do to me. I would be so afraid of losing you I’d hold on too tight and drive you away from me.”

  She laughed softly. “Listen to yourself. That isn’t even logical. You fling yourself into the middle of a gun battle without wincing, but you’re afraid to come home and just try living a quiet, peaceful life? Are you certain you’re not making up excuses and you really do love what you do? My mother used to say, better the devil you know than the one you don’t. I say if you’re living with the devil, kick him out and find something different.”

  “Have you ever considered that I am the devil?”

  She dropped her hands and shrugged. “Courage is reaching for something different, something unknown. One has to try, Maxim. If you don’t, you’ll never know what could have been.”

  That brought him up short. “Do you think I’m rejecting your offer because I’m afraid of a different life? If I came to that farm and stayed with you, you’d be in danger every minute of every day.”

  Airiana shrugged. “All of us on the farm have lived with danger. We’re used to it. The thing is, Maxim, I’m only offering once. If you don’t want to be with me, if taking the chance isn’t worth it to you, then you don’t belong with me.”

  “It isn’t about that and you know it,” he replied in a low tone. Why was he refusing when everything in him told him she could change his life, make him into a better man, make living worthwhile. “You can’t just change who you are, Airiana. I’ve done things I can’t take back.”

  “I used to think I was the worst person on the face of the earth—that I got my mother killed—and I still struggle with that at times. But I’m worth something, and I deserve a happy life. I’ve learned happiness is a choice. Only I can make that choice for myself. I am not going to allow the things I can’t control to ruin my life. I choose to be happy, and no matter what life throws at me, that is always going to be my choice.”

  Maxim reached for her, settling his fingers around the nape of her neck, a neck he could break so easily. She made perfect sense and yet didn’t. His life was complicated. The way he felt about her was even more so. She confused him, offering him a future he’d never considered.

  He was used to protecting the small part of him that still recognized humanity. He had always protected his brothers. His every instinct told him to protect this woman—from herself if necessary.

  “You’re beautiful.” She was physically beautiful, but it was more than that. She was bright on the inside, shining at him through her blue eyes. “I want you for myself.” The admission was difficult for him, but if she was willing to put herself out there, he refused to be a coward. “I want to make certain you’re always safe. I don’t necessarily think those two things are mutually agreeable.”

  His thumb caressed the soft, silky skin along her neck. She didn’t pull away, but he saw the hurt of rejection in her eyes just before her lashes swept down.

  “Don’t, Airiana,” he whispered, pulling her into his arms. “Don’t feel like that. I’m not making excuses. My world is a reality.”

  She leaned into him, allowing him to enfold her in his arms. “Of course you’re making excuses, Maxim. The sad thing is, you believe them. Love is risky. You can lose everything, there’s no question about that. We barely know one another.”

  He closed his eyes and inhaled her. Images of her moving through the ship, the assault rifle steady in her hands, her bright hair tucked up in that silly strip of his shirt, went through his mind. She was risking everything telling him she wanted him, and he could give her . . . nothing. But he would never get her out of his mind or his heart.

  “Don’t feel sorry for me—I’m not going to wither and die because you choose to stay in this life. It’s what you know, and obviously it’s more comfortable for you. Who knows, you could be absolutely bored on the farm. It isn’t like any of us lead wild lives.”

  He didn’t reply, but stroked her thick platinum hair, allowing it to slide through his fingers. He wasn’t feeling sorry for her, more lik
e for himself. She seemed wild and free, a spirit soaring in the clouds not grounded on earth. Some man would come along . . .

  His mind slammed that door shut fast and hard. The thought of her with another man made him feel—murderous. She snuggled into him, her head over his heart, her arm around his waist, holding him close to her.

  There was no pouting. No protesting. No embarrassment. Airiana accepted that he felt he couldn’t be with her, and that left him empty. Lonely. He’d never acknowledged either of those emotions before. He lived. He worked. His way of life just was. Suddenly, she’d changed everything, and now his life didn’t seem much at all.

  He listened to the sound of her breathing and knew the exact moment when she fell asleep. He had to think about the things she’d said. He had never feared dying, in some ways it would have been a relief. He knew only pain. Heartache. He went through life alone. He faced death alone. It was easier that way.

  But she had brought the unexpected. With her asleep he could admit to himself that the need to protect her, the overwhelming emotion he felt each time he looked at her, had to be love. He wouldn’t know or recognize the emotion right away. He didn’t remember love.

  He was afraid Airiana had found her way inside of him and wrapped herself tightly around his heart. He was terribly afraid that love had taken hold and there was no way to remove it. He felt different around her, even in the midst of danger.

  He thought to protect himself from pain by separating himself from her, but the feeling inside of him was so deep and strong it wasn’t going to go away. It was there to stay. No matter how far he ran from her, where he traveled or what he did, she would be there with him.

  Airiana was unexpected. She had exposed his weakness to him. A slip of a woman, and she’d shown more courage than he had. He’d known only loneliness, and he was comfortable in that world. He never wanted to feel the pain of losing a family again, and she’d exposed that as well. She made him vulnerable and he hadn’t been able to accept that.

  That was what love was. Being vulnerable. Airiana had showed him the way, left him a clear, marked path, and he’d just left her exposed. All along he had asked for her trust when she had no reason to give it to him—and she had. There was no way to hide from himself any longer. She had asked him to trust her, and he’d refused. What kind of man was he? He wanted to be that man for her. The one who would climb impossible mountains and face a future with her no matter what it held.