by Prenisha Aja
“Troy, for one, you were fucking late.” I scoffed as I continued, “Then you couldn’t even stay longer than thirty minutes without being ready to go. Just to come home and do what?” I snaked my neck and placed my hand on my hip.
Troy was currently pouring himself up a drink like always. It was like I was talking to myself. I swear, I had been watching him spiral out of control. But why? He wasn’t the only one that wanted to get on top of a cliff somewhere and jump off, head first. But I wasn’t that selfish, even though I should have been. Even though I wanted to be.
“Man, Brynlee chill. I know you didn’t want to be there any longer than I wanted to be.” He shrugged as he took the first shot of liquor to the head.
Troy then got out of his tan-colored jacket and tossed it onto the table, undid his tie and poured himself up another drink.
“I sure in the hell didn’t want to come back here and watch you do this shit. It’s already depressing enough in here,” I expressed.
I could no longer stand in front of him. The sight of him was irritating my soul because he displayed not one ounce of care when it came to me expressing myself.
I stormed off to our bedroom so that I could undress out of this long dress into something more comfortable, shower and lay in my bed while doing one of the many things I loved; surfing the internet just to see what my latest competition was blogging about.
I loved to stay ahead and aware of what was circulating around me. I loved writing about the latest tea. But being able to put your own spin on it, but still delivering nothing but pure facts, was exhilarating.
“Brynlee,” Troy called my name as he stood in the doorway.
Even though he was easy on the eye, with his dark chocolate, delectable skin and bedroom eyes, full lips and good looks, I still disliked him right now. I didn’t care if he did look good to me, I wanted him out of my face.
Rolling my eyes, I went back to trying to get the dress off and answered him. “What do you want Troy?”
“Damn, do you always have to give me fucking attitude? I just want to talk to you, express some shit. Fuck,” he blew out, as he ran his hands down his flustered face.
“Troy, what do you want? Is that better?” I asked. I had tried to sound more calm and a little less agitated.
“Nothing, don’t even worry about it,” he spat as he shook his head.
“Troy, can you please just get out? I just want to be alone,” I asked him nicely. I was over this conversation because it was getting nowhere and fast.
“You want to know something Brynlee, I’m so sick of this shit!” he voiced, and I was taken aback just a little.
See Troy was what I would consider a square where I came from. He was totally different from the type of boys I had grown up around, and I was ok with that. I had dated him, fallen in love with him and even decided to stay in New York with him because he wasn’t a reminder of what I was trying to leave behind. I was a hood girl at heart, yet for so long all I wanted was to escape that and do better, live better, something that my parents never cared to do. They were content, but I had to admit they were happy, unlike me.
“Sick of fucking what? What exactly are you sick of? You can’t be any more sick of this shit than I am. Truthfully, you should be sick of drinking. Now that’s something you should be sick of. It’s taking over you,” I let him know as I unzipped the side of my dress, stepping out of it, as I no longer paid Troy any attention.
“You know what, I’m glad you can’t have my fucking baby, with yo’ dead pussy having ass. I’m sick of your shit too,” he shot; a shot that was so impactful that I felt as though I felt the bullet enter my flesh.
I was speechless and my mouth hit the floor. Shock spread throughout my whole body like a wildfire and disbelief hit me hard as fuck. I couldn’t believe Troy, out of all the people in the world, had let that shit leave his mouth.
He out of all people knew the type of damage that had done to me. He knew how bad I wanted to give him a child and for him to say that shit cut me so deep that if it was a flesh wound, I would need staples to close it back up. However, this was the last straw.
Turning to face him, I stared at him with so much anger, that my hands shook. Tears were streaming down my face so rapidly and no matter how fast I blinked, my vision was still blurry.
“That’s how you really feel?” I took a step towards him as my voice trembled.
I waited for him to answer me, but he didn’t say shit. Not a motherfucking word. I swear that hurt even more than the stupid shit he had let leave his lips.
“So now you don’t have shit to say?” I asked him, but he knew he had fucked up. And instead of answering me, he shook his head and walked out of the room.
I had so much bottled up anger that it began to seep through my pores and spill out of me. It was like all I could see was red. I felt so much hatred right now, that it didn’t even feel like I had a heart.
I blanked out and Troy was no longer someone I cared about but someone I wanted to inflict pain on. Running towards him, I began to punch him in the back and all upside his head.
“I hate you Troy. I fucking hate you.” I continued to punch him as I screamed and cried.
“Move Brynlee.” He nudged me as he tried to duck and dodge my hits, causing the cup of liquor that was in his hands to hit the floor and stain what was once a perfectly stain-free white carpet.
“I can’t believe you said that to me.” I crashed my fist against his face.
“Stop fucking hitting me.” He turned around quickly and before I could move fast enough, his wide hand connected with my face causing me to stop my theatrics and crumple to the floor.
Troy’s eyes got wide as he stared down at me, but never did he lean down to console me. Instead, he shook his head, turned and walked out of the front door.
I felt so low right now. I felt like I wanted to bury myself six feet under. I cried as I held my face while finding the strength to pick myself up off the floor.
I made my way to the couch and plopped down, still dressed in nothing but my half bra and panties.
Sniffling, I dug into my silver clutch purse and pulled out my phone, so that I could call my best friend who I missed so much.
I had moved to New York to go to college, fell in love with Troy and ended up staying here. No, I never had intentions on going back home. Well, at least not where my parents stayed but right now, so much of me ached to be back home with my family and friends.
The only thing I hated was that I had strived and pushed myself so hard just so that I could get out of the hood. To not be a product of my environment.
Sighing, I scrolled through my phone and clicked on my best friend’s name and waited for her to answer.
“Hello,” I heard her over the loud music.
I knew that she was probably at work, but I needed to talk to her. I just needed somebody in my corner right now. I felt so alone and like I was battling with this all on my own, when truth was Troy and I should have been trying to heal each other. Repair the heartache he and I both felt, but here we were fighting and hating each other.
“Merci,” I cried into the phone.
“Bryn. Bryn are you ok?” I could hear the panic in her voice due to her hearing me cry.
“One second Bryn. Hey Sam, can you go deliver this bottle over there for me really quick?” She began talking to someone she worked with, while I sniffled and wiped my tears away.
“Bryn. Bryn what’s wrong?” she asked with me now being able to hear her perfectly clear due to her background now being silent.
“I just don’t know. I don’t know about a lot of things right now. Troy said some hateful things to me. I can feel myself sinking deeper into depression and I just—” I sobbed as it all hit me yet again.
“Ok, Bryn, calm down. Please just calm down. You just need to come home, that’s what. You already know how I felt about Troy, but Bryn, come home. Maybe y’all need a break or something,” Merci said into the phone, and I agr
eed with her.
Troy and I needed a break because I could see us ending up down a road that there would be no turning back from.
“Ughh… you’re right. I think that is what’s best right now,” I agreed.
“Yes, book your flight now. Where is that nigga at anyways?”
“He left. He fucking left.” I sighed as I sat back on the couch and slouched down.
“Perfect. Pack yo’ shit, book yo’ flight and call me when you land. I’ll be there to pick you up,” Merci stated into the phone.
“Ok. Make sure to have a stiff drink when you do pick me up,” I managed to joke even though sadness plagued my body.
We both sat on the phone for a little while longer and talked about everything that was going on with me and Troy. When I finally hung up the phone, I booked my flight, rushed to our room, grabbed my suitcase out of the closet and began tossing random things into it. I really didn’t care what I took. I just needed clothes to change into and to get peace of mind.
After packing all of my things, I sat on the bed and let all of this settle in as I looked at the beautiful blue dress that I had worn tonight.
Fuck, my job. I palmed my face as I let my hand slowly glide down my face. Running my hands through my hair, I sighed as I looked up at the ceiling.
I had just got my dream position and as crazy as it sounded, I was willing to throw it all away if that meant getting away from Troy for a while. I didn’t have plans on being gone too long, so I hoped when I sent her an email describing to her what was going on in my life, she would understand and if not, there would always be other jobs out there.
Exhaling, I decided that I would just shoot Lina an email once I was settled on the plane.
I was now in the shower, rinsing my body off quickly. I wanted to be good and gone before Troy showed his face back in the house. Jumping out the shower, I grabbed the towel, dried my body off then slipped into a Nike jogger suit and my Nike tennis shoes, and grabbed my things so I could head out.
Before leaving, I stopped, twisted the pretty silver diamond ring off my finger and sat it right next to Troy’s favorite; Jack Daniel’s. I knew he would see it there and would get the hint, that I was done.
Was there any chance of us getting back together? Probably, but right now I needed some me time and there was nowhere else I would rather spend it than at home with my family and my friends.
2
Troy Venson
It was so crazy how Brynlee having all of those miscarriages affected us. It was like when she had her first one, I had faith that we would be able to push through, and we did. We pushed through and we were good. We built each other back up but the more she had, the more we despised each other.
I personally felt like we were blaming each other. I felt like she was blaming me more than herself. I mean, I did my job. I supplied her with the nut she needed. It was now up to her and whatever the hell women had going up inside of them, for it to do its job. But each time, she failed.
I wasn’t even excited when she told me she was pregnant again because I knew the outcome. It was fucked up for me to think that way but shit, it’s only so many times you can be hurt over something that has hurt you.
I found myself drinking more, leaving the house more and just wanting to get away from Brynlee because I knew she would try to argue. That’s how bad it was between us.
To be real, Brynlee probably hated a nigga and I hadn’t tried to do nothing to make the shit better. And I honestly wasn’t even trying to be late to her lil’ job thing but duties called.
“Troy, are you going to sit over there staring at the wall or are you going to help me over here with Troy Jr?” Jadoré complained as she walked back and forth with our newborn baby in her arms.
She had just had my little boy a week ago and I swear that shit filled me with joy. It had filled the emptiness that had consumed me from all of the miscarriages I had to witness Brynlee have.
“Yes love, I’m coming.” I shook the thoughts of me and Brynlee’s situation to the back of my mind and went over to where Jadoré stood and eased TJ out of her arms.
I rocked and smiled as I looked down at him. I could already tell he was going to look like me and not his mother. Not to say that would be an issue because Jadoré was very pretty.
She was slim, with a smooth, chocolate skin tone that glistened whenever she was in front of the sunlight as if she was dipped in some baby oil. Her skin always glowed. Her body was what attracted me to her. She was crazy thick, her waist was small, her titties were perky, and she was good at listening.
It all started because one day, I was so out of my mind after Brynlee had another miscarriage and I needed somebody to vent to. I had stayed at the university late so that I could prep for the test I was going to give my students the next day and so happened to bump into her. She picked up off my vibe and we just ended up clicking.
I would see her every day. She was an English teacher and I was a math teacher and basketball coach. It was like no matter what, we would bump into each other. One night of venting turned into one night of fucking on and off again. Now here we were tied to one another for eighteen years.
“Let me go fix him a bottle because Lord knows I’m tired of him sucking my titties,” she joked as she eased her way out of the room. I cracked a smile as I enjoyed the view of my first-born son.
Moments later, Jadoré came back to the room and handed me the bottle so that I could feed him. She sat down next to me and stared at me before she spoke.
“Are you and Brynlee still having issues?” she questioned.
“Yes.” I shrugged, being honest with her.
See, even after a baby Jadoré knew where she and I stood. She didn’t try to be in a relationship or keep my son away from me because of Brynlee. Still to this day, she was open to listening to me just in case I needed to talk, and I swear to God, I appreciated her for that because right now all I needed was peace.
“Did you take my advice?” She gave me the side eye and I stayed silent.
I didn’t take her advice. Shit, how could I? Jadoré gave me some great advice when it came to what I needed to be doing to heal my and Brynlee’s relationship, but that didn’t stop her from fucking me, which was crazy.
“Why? I really don’t think it would have worked,” I replied dryly.
Even though I understood what Jadoré was suggesting, I knew Brynlee. She was stubborn and now mean as a bull. She was always in her feelings unless she was working, which was totally opposite from the girl I met.
Brynlee used to be the sweetest girl that could brighten up the room with her smile. She was giving, a good listener also, and just perfect, but pain changes you or maybe it was just me that changed her. Because she was sure the reason for the change in me. I blamed her for us being in this dark space.
“You need to take her out, show some type of compassion for you and her situation. Yes, it affected the both of you, but you have to understand how bad it hurts her. She is the one who is physically going through this over and over again. And I know it’s just not for her sake. She is doing this for the both of y’all Troy,” Jadoré expressed.
I really wanted to take Brynlee out somewhere, wine and dine her, and all of that romantic stuff, but it was like when I thought that it was a chance I could do that, somehow, we ended up arguing. It was just always an epic fail and to be honest, I said fuck it.
“Man, it’s not that simple with her ass. She might have a smile around everybody else but when inside that damn house, she is an angry, bitter person. It’s hard…” I trailed off. “And plus, I think it will be a while before she talks to me,” I let her know.
“Why? What did you do Troy?” Jadoré had now twisted her body so that she was facing me.
I sighed, took the bottle out TJ’s mouth and placed him on my shoulder so that I could burp him. Yeah, this was my first child, but I felt like I was doing a damn good job.
“I hit her,” I confessed.
“
You did what? Oh my god, Troy. I wouldn’t be surprised if Brynlee leaves you.” She shook her head and looked at me as if I was stupid.
“Brynlee is not going nowhere. The only way she will leave me is if she finds out about my and your child,” I boasted, because I didn’t think she would leave.
She and I had history, we had been together for about six years, and I knew there was no way she would walk away from that.
“Yeah, ok. Give me my son and go home to your soon-to-be ex-wife.” Jadoré got up and walked over to where I stood and took TJ from me.
“Man, what?” I looked at her crazily and she pointed towards the door for me to leave.
“Whatever.” I waved her off as I left out of her house so that I could go back home.
When I got to my car, I sat there for a few minutes as I looked at the time. It was still a little early so before I went home, I was going to go to the bar or something. I just felt like me going home right now would be a war zone.
After going to the bar and having a few drinks, I was now on my way home to try to make up for putting my hands on Brynlee and saying what I said. I just hoped she was trying to hear me out.
Finally pulling up to my yard, I was able to relax when I saw that her car was still parked in the yard. That right there let me know that she wasn’t gone and that Jadoré didn’t always know what she was talking about.
I shut my car off and got out. When my feet touched the ground, I felt like everything around me was spinning. I had no clue how I got home but I was thankful that no cops had gotten behind me.
Staggering up to the front door, I leaned my head against the door and I fished around for the right key. Finally, I unlocked the door and made my way inside.
It was pitch black on the inside, so I figured that she was in bed sleep. Throwing my keys down on the bar, I heard something hit the floor, so I cut the kitchen light on and looked around to see what it was that had fallen.
What the fuck? I cocked my head to the side and bent down. I picked up Brynlee’s ring which sobered me up real quick. Why the fuck wasn’t her ring on her finger?