Spring Log II

by Isuna Hasekura

  “I have not grown bored with life in the bathhouse.”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  He nodded, then reached out to the desk and cut the wick of the candle with scissors. The fire on the candle would be bigger and burn brighter.

  “And?”

  “I am used to repeating routine. I…I once watched the wheat grow for hundreds of years, after all.”

  An endless cycle of seasons, time that would not come back.

  “I am happy now. So happy.”

  She gripped her companion’s hand on the desk, and he playfully wrapped his fingers around hers.

  “However…Nothing changes from day to day. Tomorrow will be the same as today, and the day after that will be the same as tomorrow, and what happened last month is the same as what happened that month last year, and next month will be the same as that month next year, aye? ’Tis even more obvious now after that fool Myuri and little Col are gone.”

  Her companion’s fingers gripped her pointer finger a little too tightly.

  His skin was much softer than it had been when he was a traveling merchant.

  “If I were to let myself surrender to this happiness, all these precious days will melt away in my memory…Though the wisewolf I may be, I cannot remember everything. I have grown terrified of that. Because…”

  Then she suddenly looked at his face.

  No matter how hard she studied it, that face was still something she would no longer be able to see one day.

  “Because…”

  “I can’t stay by your side forever.”

  Her companion spoke and kissed her on the forehead.

  They both knew that, so they had not dared say a word about it. They tacitly agreed to pretend they did not know. Back during the events in Svernel, thanks to Selim and her brother, they had faced it for the first time in a long time.

  He ruffled her hair and continued.

  “Even after we’re gone, you should go live in the inn that Selim’s family runs…It’s insurance, at least. Cargo you lose won’t always come back.”

  To Holo, her companion was like a young boy, just recently born, and he was smiling calmly.

  “I know that. So I’ve thought about a lot of things on my own. I didn’t say anything because you’d get mad if I did, but I’m always thinking about all the things I can leave for you.”

  She gulped and looked back at him.

  Though she was so happy he worried about her, she was indescribably sad that he was concentrating on the end.

  These two feelings clashed with each other in her throat, and it pained her so.

  If he had said anything to her about it, she would not have been able to bear the agony and certainly would have grown angry.

  Do not think of such things!

  “But you’re a lonely person, the kind to fall asleep during the day clinging to a balled-up blanket. You definitely need something to keep yourself from shivering in the cold.”

  “Hah?! I—I—I was not…”

  Her ears stood straight up in rage, and her cheeks quickly turned red. Though this would never happen if she were in her wolf form, this body was much too small for such big emotions.

  “And, well, I had an idea, and am working hard on it, but thanks to Col and Myuri, that plan looks like it’ll be accelerated.”

  “…Hmm?”

  His hand wrapped around to the back of her head, and he kissed away the tears welling in her eyes.

  The feeling of his beard pressing roughly on her skin proved that it was not a dream.

  “I see…Then…then why did you decide to undertake this work? It has been bothering me. Do you simply wish to save money? What will you do with all that money?”

  “I can’t bring gold into heaven, you know.”

  “It can’t be…for me?”

  She almost told him there was no need for that, but there was, for some reason, a look of relief on his face.

  “Even if I left you money, wouldn’t you just turn every coin into booze as you cry all by your lonesome or show no interest in it at all and instead crawl into a field of wheat?”

  “Wh—? You—”

  “Well, I do want to leave some money for the earthier Myuri, though.”

  He looked at her as she sat speechless, then smiled gently.

  “That’s why I want to leave you something that you would never let go, even when you’re dozing in the sun or curled up around a blanket on a cold, quiet night. Well…”

  For some reason, he stopped there, then scratched his head in embarrassment.

  “I wanted to do that. It’s been busy, and I’m not really used to it…”

  Not getting his point, she groaned in irritation, and he smiled and apologized repeatedly, then carried on.

  “It was a book.”

  “…A book?”

  He shrugged.

  “You said it a long time ago. Tell the beautiful tale of your journey with me.”

  She did feel like she had said that once before. That was how legends of times long past were passed down for future generations.

  “But there’s only so much word of mouth can do. Just look at this pile of permits. The world is full of things that can’t fit inside one person’s head.”

  Though they had visited many places on their journey together, there were so many invisible rules that they could never see. And that was just one small part of it all.

  “Everyday life is the same. If you look closely, there are small differences among similar days, and sometimes, those little things can be really enjoyable. Like when that leech stuck to your wrist.”

  For some reason, when he pointed that out it embarrassed her, and she placed her hand over the mark to cover it.

  “I thought it would be a good idea to write all those things down. Remember, you read a lot of things like that in Elsa’s library, at the church in the village that worshipped the snake god?”

  She finally recalled. She had done that. In order to find out where Yoitsu was, in order to find her old friends, she read countless old tales in that musty cellar. They were tales that someone wrote down to tell what had happened in the past.

  “I wanted to write with as much detail as I could. Something others might not understand if they read it but that only you would enjoy. And then you can look back later and see that yesterday and today—last year and this year—really were different, right?”

  “M-mm…’Tis…true…”

  She nodded, and her companion reciprocated the gesture, satisfied.

  But the expression that appeared on his face afterward was slightly embarrassed.

  “But that said, I’ve been writing a bit when I have the time, but…ah… All I can write about is trade, and since Myuri was born, all I can write about are stories about her.”

  And then, she realized.

  “Ah, so that is what you have been writing from time to time?! ’Twas not complaints or grudges?!”

  She questioned him in surprise, and he smiled wryly.

  “It’s been a handful taking care of Myuri…But they weren’t complaints. Even our arguments make me laugh when I read back on them.”

  When she finally understood what it was, she felt like she would collapse. Certainly, he occasionally wrote down what had happened that day as if transcribing the events. He had even recorded their quarrels, so she thought he was preparing something for when they fought later. What a milksop of a male she thought he was!

  “But we’re not rich enough to prepare all that paper, and there is literally no time to write anything down during the busy seasons.”

  It seemed their conversation had come full circle, back to the parchment on the desk.

  “So you are saving for that?”

  “Yes. It’s usually nobility that hires monks to write down what happened in the past. Even then, only the biggest towns produce annual chronicles for their own prestige. But it was people from the monasteries who brought in this parchment work we’re doing.”

  She wa
tched her companion talk happily, and it reminded her of when they rode on the wagon together. That was when he had that stupid look on his face. “Let me tell you how we can make money from this, and this time I’m sure we can earn plenty without getting wrapped up in trouble!”

  She was happy that nothing seemed to have changed between now and then, and at the same time, her chest tightened.

  “And?”

  “First, monasteries deal with the paper. If we gain their gratitude, then we can get it for cheap.”

  She nodded in a bit of exasperation at how obvious he was.

  “Then, there is a special reason as to why we want to gain the gratitude of the people at the monastery. And that is…”

  He turned his gaze to the desk and pulled out a certain piece of paper.

  But that was not a permit but a memo Holo had written for herself.

  “This. For handwriting.”

  “Handwriting…?”

  “You still aren’t very good at writing, no matter how much time passes.”

  “!”

  She sat up straight, as though someone had stepped on her tail, and grabbed his beard.

  “Ow, ow, don’t get—don’t get mad!”

  “You fool! I may not be very good, but it is not illegible!”

  Though her companion was the same, she truly did not understand the merits of the written human language. She was not good at writing and would not deny that. It was simply a fact that she could not write well.

  She could only imagine that it was thanks to her human limbs, and it sincerely angered her when he pointed out her inability. There was nothing she could do about it.

  “No, wait, wait. At first, I thought it was because you weren’t used to reading and writing. But you’re surprisingly dexterous with other things. So when I saw Miss Selim write, I had a thought.”

  “Her?”

  She was surprised to suddenly hear Selim’s name.

  “Miss Selim’s handwriting is, well…bad.”

  “She is also slow at reading, no?”

  “Yeah. And then there’s all the mistakes she’s made.”

  “…?”

  Choosing the wrong twine, mixing up the candle boxes, tripping on herself, falling over, dropping things—how were these all related?

  And how was all that related to gaining favor from the monastery?

  Were they going to pray to God?

  But what?

  “You all don’t have very good eyesight.”

  “Huh?”

  She was caught by surprise.

  There was no way that was possible.

  “Th-that cannot be so. I see perfectly well. And I am perfectly free in a dark forest.”

  “Then write this letter down. Just as you see it, okay?”

  He pointed to a single letter. It was one she knew and could write easily. After a quick circle, there was a line that extended out to the right; then at the end of that there was a quick curve down and to the left.

  She thought she did it quite well.

  “Did you really write it how you see it?”

  “Mm.”

  His shoulders moved up and down as he breathed.

  “The letter you copied was Miss Selim’s writing, and it’s a little bit off.”

  “Wha—?”

  “You’re not this bad at writing. That’s why I was unsure at first. But Miss Selim really is bad. I think that’s the reason why she trips all the time. She’s gotten better recently, but that’s probably because she remembers where everything is now. Or maybe from the scent.”

  Now that he mentioned it, she recalled the dark forest. Of course. She was always relying on her nose and ears to run in her wolf form.

  Then, after her surprise died down, a sudden bout of sadness settled over her. That was because it meant she had never truly been able to see her companion’s face all that well.

  And on the other hand, there was also the fact that she had never felt like her vision was an inconvenience.

  As a feeling of confusion akin to anger demanded to know what that meant, her logic found a path.

  Since she had only ever known the world from behind these eyes, she had just assumed that this was normal.

  But what was she to do about it?

  “And then what? Should I pray to God, like little Col, so that my eyes may get better?”

  “No. That’s why we’ll go to a monastery.”

  He made a circle with his index finger and thumb, then placed it over his eyes.

  “Glasses.”

  “Glasses?”

  “Didn’t I show you them once somewhere during our journey? If you let a droplet of water trickle onto a leaf, it swells into this indescribable shape, right? They process glass into that shape and polish it nicely. It can make letters bigger and clearer for you. Rich monasteries should have plenty of high-quality glasses.”

  She could not picture it very well, but it did not seem like he was lying.

  She nodded, relieved knowing something like that existed, and her companion placed the circle he made with his fingers onto her eyes.

  “From what I’ve heard, you put it on your face like this. They say the price jumps up because they have to make the glass bigger, and it’s difficult to polish, but you can see all the little details in the world.”

  Then, she could put everything she saw and everything she had been unable to see until now into writing.

  Like storing snow in the ice room or a squirrel burying a nut.

  On the other side of his finger circle, her companion smiled proudly.

  For some reason, he seemed closer than usual.

  “We probably can’t get it immediately because they go on your face, but we can likely find something that can make the words in your hand bigger. And then a lot of paper. Once we have that and you’ve practiced writing again, you can record anything you want to remember.”

  It was not about waiting for a big incident she would never forget, but collecting the little things that happened every day. Of course, she just simply could not remember, and it was not because she hated daily life in the bathhouse. She loved everything that happened throughout the days.

  The problem was, all those memories would spread out thin if she let them be, and it would only wet her stomach if she laid down in them, like that tepid puddle.

  By putting them in writing, she could keep them warm.

  “I’ll work as hard as I can to buy paper and ink, so you just need to write so much that you can’t read it all. You won’t get bored if you write so much that you forget the beginning by the time you reach the end, right?”

  She did not know how much of that was a joke and how much was serious.

  She did not know how effective it would really be, but it was something that he had thought so hard about for her, and it made her so happy she wanted to cry.

  “But…If I spend all my time writing, would I not miss things I want to write down?”

  “I’m honestly more worried whether you’ll actually do it every day or not, since you get bored so easily.”

  She pouted with her lips and glared at him, but he took it with a calm smile.

  “But you’ll have ink and paper. You’ll have glasses. And once you can write, you should be fine, right? If you get anxious, make those tools your weapons. Scrub past the hazy darkness with your pen, and wipe it away with your paper.”

  Had he known about the well of darkness inside of her all along?

  “An ancient monk once said…”

  Her companion had aged a bit since they first met, and he spoke with a more mature expression than it had once been.

  “…give a man a fish, and he is fed for the day. But teach him to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

  She showed her respect to the reckless man who spewed lectures to the wisewolf, and she grinned, baring her fangs.

  “I do want fish. And honeyed peaches, as well.”

  “I know. That’s why I’ll be busy every day.�
�

  Then, at that moment, she could not hold herself back any longer as she leaped at him, and the upper right part of her forehead crashed into his cheekbone. There was quite a loud thud, and her companion groaned, but she did not mind.

  That was because there was no doubt that it was her heart that was in the most pain.

  “You fool.”

  Those were the words that emerged from the bottom of her heart.

  “You fool…”

  She said it again, and her tail swished about.

  Her heart was now bursting with happiness and love for her companion, and she almost said that she did not need glasses or anything of the sort, but she had learned. Much like the seasons, moods change. As long as she had the weapons he chose for her, she could beat back the blackness that seeped out once in a while.

  “I do wish for glasses. But I do not need anything so big.”

  “Mm…Huh? But you should have them anyway, right? And Miss Selim can use them, too.”

  A long time ago, she would have bared her fangs and growled if he mentioned another female’s name in a situation like this, but not anymore. She was squarely in his arms, and he looked fixedly at her.

  “She should use them. I do not need them.”

  He looked a little disappointed, but it was certainly out of kindness. He was taking many things into consideration, like her being able to better see scenery.

  But she had been like this for hundreds of years.

  Her world was nothing if not the world she saw now.

  “Shall I tell you why?”

  She looked up, and his face was next to hers.

  “For future reference please.”

  She grinned.

  “If I could see well, I may notice that I am not fond of your face. I would prefer not to be so disappointed after all this time.”

  An unpleasant frown appeared on his face.

  It was enough just knowing that.

  “However, I found you in this world without relying on glasses in the first place.”

  His eyes opened wide, and having been outdone, an irritated expression crossed his face.

  “That’s true, I’m not sure if I’d like it if you became even more sharp-sighted.”

  He was still a cute little boy if he could say things like that out of spite even now.

  “Then I’ll get something for Miss Selim to read, and that might be expensive glasses, though, so don’t get mad, okay?”