Home Sweet Mess

by Allison Ashley

  Logan: Fine with me.

  Jeni: Send me your address, and I’ll be there at seven.

  * * *

  The knock sounded at his door ten minutes before seven.

  “Sorry,” she said the second he opened the door. “I couldn’t wait any longer to get out of there.”

  “Why do they annoy you so much?” he asked as she walked past him. He’d tidied up a little when he’d found out she’d be coming over, though there wasn’t much to clean. Hopefully she wouldn’t notice how empty his house was.

  “For the same reason it’s annoying to have a cricket right outside your bedroom window. They never stop.” Jeni stopped in the middle of his living room and turned in a circle. “Haven’t you lived here a while?”

  “Yeah.” His house was set up similarly to hers—living space and a small office nook just off the entry, leading to the kitchen. A short hallway with two bedrooms and a bathroom. That was it. Twelve-hundred square feet of living space that he couldn’t bring himself to decorate.

  She looked at him in confusion. “It’s so…bare.”

  He wasn’t offended. She didn’t say it rudely, and besides, she was right. “Yeah. Do you want to sit down? Can I get you something to drink?”

  “Okay,” she said with a shrug. “I’d love a beer.”

  Logan grabbed two bottles from the fridge, opened them, and carried them back to the living room. Jeni had made herself comfortable in the middle of his couch, looking entirely too appealing in some sort of yoga pants that hugged her legs and a hooded Nebraska sweatshirt. Women in loungewear was a particular weakness of his. He’d take a woman in a soft T-shirt over a lowcut dress any day.

  Not that he’d mind seeing Jeni in a dress though.

  No. Stop it. He handed her the beer and regarded his seating options. She was on the couch, which meant he should probably sit in the armchair.

  He sat down next to her.

  She didn’t seem to mind and slipped off her shoes and pulled her legs underneath her, her thigh brushing against his leg. He took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of hops from the beer and vanilla from her skin.

  “How was your day?” he asked.

  “Fine. I’m happy Andrew’s oncologist appointment went well today. I assume he told you?”

  Logan nodded.

  She took a drink and looked down at her hands. “There was a difficult case I had to deal with at work today. That was hard.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  She looked up at him, her eyes darting back and forth intently between his. “Not really, no.”

  He understood and didn’t push it. They talked easily about nothing in particular while they drank their beers. After a half-hour had passed and she set her empty bottle on the coffee table, he put his half-finished drink down as well.

  Just as he was about to stand and get the tickets for her, she put a hand on his arm.

  “Logan.” Her voice was quiet, and when he looked over at her, her cheeks had turned pink.

  “Yeah?”

  “Can I—um, can I see something?”

  He frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Jeni opened her mouth then closed it again. She looked at him wordlessly, a small frown between her brows.

  Then her eyes dropped to his mouth.

  He realized her intention two seconds before she slid her hand around the back of his neck and pressed her lips to his.

  His conscience rose up, beseeching him. Pull away. Stop this.

  And then, not yet. He’d let himself enjoy her lips just for a little while first. He’d been thinking about their soft, full texture since the last time he was here, reliving the perfect way they’d fit together.

  Just for a few seconds…

  This kiss was gentle and tentative but every bit as powerful. In no time, his heart thundered, and he wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. A little moan came from her throat, and he groaned in response, fire licking through his nerve endings. He deepened the kiss, fresh memories washing over him at the feel of her tongue brushing his.

  Suddenly she pulled back, breathing rapidly. She blinked a few times, and he resisted the urge to pull her onto his lap.

  “Yeah,” she said on an exhale. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

  He pulled his hand from her body. “Huh?”

  Jeni looked around the room, squinting a little, as if thinking about something. He wasn’t sure she’d even heard his confused question. When her eyes focused on his face again, her expression cleared. She nodded, almost as if to herself, and put her hands on her thighs. “I want to talk to you about something. About you and me.”

  His gut clenched, and he cleared his throat. How could he be both dreading and longing to hear what she meant by that? “Me and you?”

  “Yeah. Well, maybe me first, then you and me.”

  Logan stared at her. Where the hell could she be going with this? He was riveted and terrified.

  Her eyes locked on his, and her voice was steady, the slight flush creeping up her neck the only indication she might be a little out of her element. “You know the basics—that I was married, Jackson is the only man I’ve slept with, and it was never what I would describe as earth-shattering. I just accepted the fact that I’d probably built up a fantasy in my head of what sex was supposed to be like. I decided maybe I’m just not a very, um, amorous person.”

  She looked down at her hands.

  Logan formally declared Jackson a world-class idiot.

  “I’ll never get married again, so I haven’t really wanted to date. Because what’s the point? People date for one of two things: sex or love. I figured if I don’t want love and don’t enjoy sex, why do it? Plus, I was working on my Master’s degree, so I was busy with school. But since I moved here, a few things have happened. One, I live next door to a woman who clearly enjoys sex. If there was any doubt in your mind, I’m pretty sure she’s not faking anything with those noises.”

  Logan felt a mixture of pride and embarrassment, and his face warmed.

  “It annoys the hell out of me when I’m trying to drink my morning coffee, but it’s also made me second-guess myself. What if it’s possible that I could have an experience like that and the reason I never did before is because Jackson and I just weren’t good together? When we were talking last week, you said ‘he didn’t do it right.’ And both times we’ve kissed, I’ve felt more than I did after five years with him. What if you were right? What if he and I never cared enough to make the experience something worth mentioning? What if it wasn’t all my fault?”

  She must have missed the paralyzed expression on his face because she held up a finger while she grabbed his bottle and took long drink of beer. Her motion for him to stay silent was completely unnecessary—he wasn’t sure he could form a word if he tried.

  “I’m just going to come out with it. I want to propose you and I become friends with benefits.”

  “Friends—” Logan’s voice cracked, and he swallowed before trying again. “Friends with benefits.”

  “I don’t want a relationship, but I’m curious about what I’m missing when it comes to sex. You’re obviously good at it, and I get the feeling you don’t want a relationship either. You know my history and that I’m not a virgin but am…inexperienced. But ever since we kissed, I just can’t stop wondering if I’m capable of having good sex. Great sex, even.”

  Logan’s eyes were wide, and he reminded himself to blink. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and pressed his fingertips to his temples. His body was taut as a live wire.

  “Jeni.” His voice came out strangled.

  Her hand gently touched his back, and he nearly jumped away from her for fear he was about to jump on her. “Logan.”

  His heart raced, and he thought it might burst right out of his ribcage. Before he did something stupid, like agree to her insane proposal, he stood up and paced on the other side of the coffee table.

  “I need…I can’t think.” His
hands slid around to the back of his neck, where he gripped hard.

  Not an option. She’s Andrew’s sister.

  Jeni stood and walked around the table to stand before him, and his arms dropped to his sides. Her expression was a mixture of pleading and vulnerable, and that in itself nearly made him grab her by the waist and pull her close.

  A woman like her shouldn’t be so unsure, about her body or what she wanted. He loved when women knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid to ask for it. Confidence and equality in the bedroom were key to making the experience enjoyable for both parties. Selfishness and insecurity were ingredients for disaster and usually left one, or both, people unsatisfied.

  Logan silently cursed her ex-husband for whatever he did to make her feel this way or whatever he didn’t do to help her overcome it.

  “Don’t think, Logan.” Her arms went around his neck, her hands curling into his hair. He didn’t miss the slight tremble in her fingers.

  All the thoughts flew from his head, and as if disembodied, he watched his hands slide around her waist and spread across her lower back.

  “You’re shaking,” he whispered.

  Her golden eyes didn’t leave his, not for a second, the certainty in her expression at odds with the words she spoke. “I’m nervous.”

  She pressed her lips to his jaw, and a heavy breath escaped his lips.

  “Jeni.” His resolve was crumbling by the second.

  “I’m nervous, but I want this.” Her lips met his skin again, closer to his mouth. “I want this.”

  Oh hell.

  So did he. He didn’t remember the last time he’d been this turned on.

  He kept one hand on her back and slowly slid the other up her spine, coming to a stop at the back of her neck. His thumb caressed the soft skin just beneath her hairline, and she leaned into the touch, her eyes drifting closed.

  Logan lowered his head and brushed his lips across hers. Soft and deliberate, like the kiss they shared before.

  She arched into him, her breasts pressing against him, driving him crazy. He threaded his fingers into her hair, gently gripping the back of her head as he deepened the kiss. When her tongue entered his mouth and a shock ran through his body, he knew.

  He was going to let this happen.

  They moved down the hallway to his bedroom, trying to walk and kiss at the same time, hands grasping and lips searching. They stopped at the foot of the bed, and he reached back to yank his shirt over his head. Jeni gripped the hem of her own with both hands and pulled it off. Her hair drifted back down to spill over her shoulders and breasts, contained in a simple black bra.

  Logan’s heart picked up speed as he moved his eyes from her chest to her face. She had pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes wide but trusting. She reached for him again, tracing her hands from his pectorals down to his stomach. His abs clenched as her fingers traced each ridge.

  “Wow,” she breathed, and the heated look in her eyes did something to him.

  He spun her around so her back was to him and brushed her hair to the side, exposing her right shoulder. Slowly, he ran his hands up her ribs, stopping with his fingers just below her breasts, his thumbs stroking small circles on her back.

  Logan took a deep breath, willing himself to keep it together. Usually, he prided himself on patience and intentionality, but in this moment, he was damn near to throwing her on the bed and fulfilling the primal need rising inside him.

  He was near the limit of his own control, which caught him off guard.

  He never lost control during sex. He was always watching, feeling, adjusting. Paying close attention to his partner with the goal of taking them to the edge of sanity. He loved watching a woman lose control, but never did so himself.

  Focus, man.

  Logan buried his face in her neck, dropping kisses along the curve of her shoulder and inhaling her scent deeply. She leaned forward slightly, putting both hands on the bed like she needed something for balance.

  He followed the movement, feet planted wide behind her, curving his body over hers. His hands slid down her arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake, eventually meeting her hands on the mattress. He curved his fingers around hers and moved his lips from her shoulder to the curve of her jaw and cheek. She turned her head to meet his lips, and they kissed deeply for several moments, her back against his chest, barely stopping for air.

  Logan straightened and dipped his thumbs into the waistband of her yoga pants, slowly dragging them down. He slid his hands back up, taking his time, feeling every muscle and curve along the way. Her legs were incredible.

  Jeni turned back around to face him, and he gently urged her onto the bed. She scooted back until she was in the middle, one leg bent at the knee and her upper body propped up by her elbows.

  She was beautiful.

  He removed his jeans, and her eyes scanned the length of his body, the hungry look in her eyes making his mouth go dry. When he joined her on the bed, her hands went to his boxer-briefs.

  He stilled her movement and shook his head. There weren’t many things about him women wanted to stick around for, but this was definitely one of them.

  “We’re not there yet,” he said in a low voice. “Not even close.”

  A small smile formed on her lips and she met his gaze with a look of such trust and anticipation that Logan’s heart stopped for a moment.

  What the hell?

  He looked away from her face. Stay on task.

  As he spent long minutes exploring and worshiping her body, Logan struggled to keep it together. He didn’t know if it was the unconventional request that brought them here or if it was something about the woman herself. But when their bodies finally joined and she gripped his back with desperation, her breath and sweet moans in his ear, he did know one thing.

  He’d never had an intimate experience quite like this one.

  Not even close.

  Chapter Eleven

  Seriously, is that what I’ve been missing?

  Jeni tried and failed to calm her racing heart and catch her breath. She wanted to wipe a bead of sweat away from her hairline, but her arms weren’t working just now.

  She could barely move, and it had nothing to do with the solid man currently on top of her. Well, maybe that had something to do with it, but she had no intention of asking him to move. Surprisingly, she liked the heaviness of his weight pressing down on her.

  No, her current boneless state stemmed from somewhere else entirely. Her mind skipped back to a few minutes prior, when Logan buried his face against her neck with a low groan, his voice thick and rough as he told her how good she felt.

  Right back at ya, buddy, she’d wanted to say.

  It hadn’t exactly come out like that though. It had been more of a moan/scream/completely unfeminine growl of some sort. A noise she had no idea she was capable of making and one she might have been embarrassed about if it hadn’t been so well received by the man making her feel so unbelievably good.

  “Tell me,” he’d rasped, gripping her hip in his large hand. “Tell me what you want.”

  Her heart jumped, and her stomach coiled again just thinking about it. Her fingers tightened on the hard ridge of his shoulder, and he shifted to the side.

  “Sorry, I’m crushing you.” His voice was deep and his words almost slurred, like he was drunk.

  She shook her head, still not sure she could find her voice. Please don’t move. I like it.

  “Damn, Jeni.” His head lifted, and their eyes met. His wavy blond hair stuck out in all directions, his breath still coming quickly.

  She braced herself for the embarrassment she was sure would flood her at any moment.

  But then he dipped his head and touched his lips to hers, and the sweetness of it calmed her nerves.

  There was a brief moment right after she’d asked Logan to sleep with her where she suddenly feared she might regret this. She’d quickly told her conscience to shut up, and she pressed on and hoped she wouldn�
�t regret that.

  Now? That fear was long gone. She’d remember what just happened for as long as she lived.

  “Thank you,” she said quietly.

  He lifted a brow and one corner of his mouth curved up in a crooked smile. “Um, you’re welcome?”

  “I mean it. That was…” She was at a loss for words and finally settled on, “Eye-opening.”

  Logan tilted his head to the side. “That’s one I haven’t heard before.”

  “That’s something I’ve never felt before.”

  “You never…” He trailed off.

  “Apparently not.” Not like that anyway. “But I don’t just mean that. I see what you mean about the connection.”

  There had been a moment when his face was right above hers and his hand cupped her jaw, his thumb brushing her lower lip. Their eyes met, and instead of closing her eyes or looking away like she always had with Jackson, she’d held his gaze. It had felt like his blue eyes could see directly into her soul.

  “Does it always feel like that for you?” she asked.

  He stilled and dropped his gaze. “No,” he said as he pulled away. “It doesn’t always feel like that.”

  Logan sat on the edge of the bed with his back to her, rubbing a hand down his face. She couldn’t tell if he said it in a good or bad way, and a feeling of awkwardness creeped in. He sat there, not speaking, for several minutes. Jeni didn’t know what to do. Should she leave now? They weren’t in a relationship, so she shouldn’t stay over, right?

  His continued silence was answer enough.

  Not to mention the questions it would invite from her mom and sisters if she stayed out all night. Still, she couldn’t help feeling a little disappointed as she slid out of bed to locate her clothes.

  Logan stood to get dressed too, and they moved around each other for the various garments strewn about. She bumped into him when she leaned down for her pants, and he jumped back. Neither said a word, and the air thickened with discomfort.

  He grabbed the tickets and handed them to her before they walked to the front door. When he stopped to face her before opening it, she thought he might kiss her, or at least hug her.