Home Sweet Mess

by Allison Ashley

  “I don’t want to talk.”

  “It’s better to sit and sulk in silence, drinking away your sorrows?”

  “Sure. I feel better.”

  “You look terrible.”

  “Thank you, dear sister.”

  Jeni really wasn’t sure what to say here. She and Andrew had been side by side nearly their entire lives, supporting each other. They were siblings, friends, confidants. But they were also a family of hard-working, do-what-you-have-to-do and don’t-whine-about-it kind of people. After Jeni’s accident, Andrew’s constant you can do this and don’t stop now’s got her through it, so she tried the same tactic.

  “It’s not the end of the world, Andrew,” she said. “You’ll get through this like you did the others. Now snap out of it.”

  “No cancer, no opinion.”

  What the hell could she say to that? She looked to Logan for help.

  He held up his hands. “I called you because I couldn’t cheer him up,” Logan said. “Frankly, you’re not helping.”

  She glared at him and held up her middle finger, and he seemed to fight a smile.

  Andrew stared into his beer, not paying them any attention.

  Jeni and Logan sat on either side of him for a while, but nothing they said seemed to make a dent in his foul mood. Finally, Jeni decided to call in reinforcements.

  Jeni: You busy? It’s Andrew.

  Lauren: No, what’s wrong? Did he hear about the scan already?

  Jeni: Yeah. I guess they didn’t get it all. We’re at McNellie’s.

  Jeni watched the dots dance along the screen, hoping Lauren would say something comforting, like, Don’t worry, that’s normal. We can still cure him. Or, He’ll be okay, I promise. Lauren had been a great resource for Andrew and their family through this whole ordeal, and Jeni trusted her knowledge on the subject.

  Lauren: Be there soon as I can.

  Jeni’s stomach dropped, and she turned her phone face down on the bar top. It wasn’t long before Lauren’s feminine voice sounded from behind them.

  “Andrew?”

  He flipped around on the stool, and the look on his face the second he saw Lauren pulled at Jeni’s heartstrings. He was so obviously enamored with her, and she immediately walked into his open arms.

  Andrew leaned forward a little as he hugged Lauren, giving Jeni a clear view of Logan. Logan’s gaze was on Jeni, singular and focused, like she was the center of his entire world, and she felt warm all over. A weight settled on her chest but in a way that was soothing, not unpleasant. Logan slid his hand along the bar, and Jeni met him. They briefly touched, skin to skin, behind Andrew’s back. Jeni pulled back quickly, her fingers tingling.

  Andrew stood and excused himself to the restroom and said he and Lauren were leaving afterward. Lauren slid onto Andrew’s vacated barstool.

  “Don’t worry. I’m driving,” she said to no one in particular.

  “Thanks for coming,” Jeni said. “You’re obviously the only one he wants to talk to.”

  “Hey,” Logan protested. “He was talking to me before you got here.”

  Jeni raised an eyebrow. “About his feelings and stuff?”

  He deflated. “Not really. It was more me talking to myself than a two-way conversation but still. He called me first.”

  Logan pouting was adorable as hell, and Jeni stored it in her memory bank. She turned to Lauren, focusing on the serious matter at hand. “What does this mean? Did the chemo not work?”

  “Not necessarily. Since I’m with a different service at the cancer center I can’t ask his oncologist about it, even though I desperately wanted to call her when you texted me. I haven’t seen the scan report, so I’m not sure how bad it was. But with his stage of lymphoma it’s relatively common for there to be a little bit of residual disease after four cycles of chemo, and we have to give two more to get it all. I’m hoping that’s all it is.”

  Logan nodded. “That’s what he said when I met him here. Dr. Patel said he needed a little more of the same chemo.”

  “That’s good, then,” Lauren said. “If things looked worse, they’d be changing the plan completely.” She put an arm around Jeni’s shoulders, and she felt a little better.

  When Andrew and Lauren left, Jeni and Logan moved to a booth in the back corner and sat on the same side of the table.

  “I can’t see you very well to talk to you like this,” Jeni complained.

  Logan tucked her close against his side. “But I can’t touch you when you’re across the table. This is better.”

  He leaned over and kissed her neck, sending goosebumps down her arm.

  Okay, it was better like this.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I just hate this for Andrew. I’ve gone with him to every single chemo appointment. He puts on a brave face, but I know he hates it. I just wish it was over.”

  “Me too. Hopefully it will be soon.” He squeezed her shoulder. “You’re a good sister. He’s lucky to have you with him, supporting him.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

  Logan smiled, but his eyes seemed sad. It was on the tip of her tongue to ask if he’d ever wanted biological siblings or if he’d become close with fellow foster kids, but he quickly moved on. “When are we going to tell Andrew about us now?”

  Her shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. How do you think he’ll take it?”

  He groaned. “I hate to say this but not well.”

  “Why not?” She twisted to the side to look at him.

  Logan slid a finger lightly along the side of her face, pushing her hair behind her ear. “You know my, um, dating history.”

  Jeni pushed her lips out in front of her face. “Would we call that dating?”

  “My point exactly.” He cupped his hand around her neck, sliding his thumb back and forth along the sensitive skin there. “It’s different with you. You know that, right? And I’m not saying that because I think the relationships I had with women before you were bad or wrong. But I’ll be the first to admit that pretty early on into meeting those women, I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere, so I moved on. You’ve stuck in my brain from the beginning. Even when you tried to get rid of me, I still kept you with me. I’ve wanted you almost since the first moment I saw you and never stopped.”

  “When you first saw me you’d just finished having sex with my neighbor.”

  He grimaced. “I said almost.” A mischievous glint flickered in his eyes. “It was when you tried to steal my hummus that really sparked my interest.”

  Jeni laughed. “I was hangry. And you stole my parking spot.”

  “You keep saying that. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

  She took a sip of beer. “Uh huh.”

  Logan shook his head. “Anyway, I think I need to talk to Andrew and make sure he knows how serious I am about you. That you’re not just a passing fancy or a body in my bed.”

  “I’m not even that, since you suddenly turned into a prude.”

  “Man, when it comes to sex, you’re like a dog with a bone.”

  She nearly choked on her beer, and Logan seemed to realize what he’d said and laughed.

  “Okay, bad choice of words,” he said with a smile.

  “If you’d just recently been introduced to how good sex can be, you’d think about it a lot too.”

  “I didn’t say I wasn’t thinking about it. All the fucking time.”

  “So, you’re ready to get out of here then? I’ll get the tab.” She scooted to the edge of the booth.

  But Logan grabbed her hand. “To be clear, you’re thinking about sex with me, right? Not sex in general or with just anyone?”

  The vulnerability and worry in his gaze surprised her. “Don’t be an idiot. It’s just you.”

  “But will it always? Just be me?”

  She situated herself back into the booth. “Logan…” She trailed off, not knowing how to respond and be honest at the same time.

  The look in his ey
es became pained, and she’d do almost anything to make it stop. He pressed his forehead against hers.

  Even if it wasn’t exactly he wanted to hear, she said something true. “I can’t imagine ever wanting anyone else.”

  “I think I’ll want you forever.”

  “I can promise you I’ll want you tomorrow.” She’d want him for all the tomorrows, but there would come a day when he knew everything and he wouldn’t want her. It would only hurt worse if she let things go too far now, so she didn’t say it.

  Logan closed his eyes. It hadn’t been the answer he was looking for. But he still pressed his lips to hers softly, and she gripped his arm tightly, not wanting to let go.

  His eyes were sad and his jaw tight when he pulled back. “Just say that every day, and I’ll be okay.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  There was something Jeni wasn’t telling him. It went against his better judgment, but Logan ignored the feeling that kept creeping up in the back of his mind. Beggars couldn’t be choosers, right? He had what he wanted, and there was a chance he’d be able to keep her forever.

  Whatever hesitation she had about marriage and commitment, he just had to prove he was different. That he could be what she wanted and needed and he’d put her first. If he could only love her hard enough, she’d come around.

  Or, at the very least, she’d never have a reason to leave. He wanted her to be happy and achieve her dreams. He’d never ask her to put them aside on his account, and with time, he’d show her that.

  His phone vibrated on the desk, bringing him out of his thoughts.

  Jeni: What should I wear tonight?

  Logan: The Chiefs shirt I got you would be perfect.

  Jeni: First, no. Second, it’s Valentine’s Day. We’re not going somewhere fancy?

  Logan: You wanted to wait to tell Andrew about us. It’s not likely we’ll see him, but I intend on touching you and kissing you all night so I figured it was best if we stayed in.

  Jeni: Good. Fancy is overrated.

  He’d thought she’d say that. Jeni wasn’t one of those high-maintenance types, and he loved that about her. Most of the women he’d been with were hyper-aware of how they looked at all times. Perfect clothes and not a hair out of place. Jeni dressed nice when she wanted to, but was comfortable enough to be casual too and just be herself around him. That had to be a good sign, right?

  Logan: My offer still stands. Chiefs shirt = sex.

  Jeni: I hate you.

  Logan: No you don’t.

  Jeni: No, I don’t. Thanks for the flowers, by the way. They’re beautiful.

  Logan: You’re welcome.

  Jeni: Everyone at the office is asking who they’re from.

  Logan: Did you tell them?

  Jeni: No. I almost told Sandra, but then I figured it might be kind of weird since she knows you.

  Logan: Why?

  Jeni: She’d probably ask questions about our relationship that I don’t know how to answer.

  Logan didn’t know what to say to that. He didn’t have a problem calling Jeni his girlfriend in public, so long as it wouldn’t get back to Andrew until he had a chance to talk to him about it. But she had a point. If, from her perspective, their time together had an eventual expiration date, that could create an awkward conversation. Damn, this whole situation was weird.

  Logan: Just tell them what I tell myself. We like each other and are spending time together, taking things one day at a time.

  Jeni: That’s good. You’re one smooth talker, Logan Davis.

  Logan: Can’t wait to see you.

  Jeni: Same.

  Logan smiled down at the screen, despite that tiny voice telling him this wouldn’t end well.

  He hadn’t been able to force himself out of bed early that morning, so he went to the gym over his lunch break. He started in the cardio room for a warm-up jog, and when he walked into the weight room, he found Andrew in their usual spot.

  “Hey, man,” Andrew greeted, pulling his earbuds out.

  Logan dropped his water bottle next to a weight bench and gave Andrew a nod. “How you feeling?”

  Andrew shrugged. “Pretty good. A little tired, but that’s all the time lately.”

  “When do you start chemo again?”

  “Tomorrow.”

  “Best to get it over with, I guess.”

  “Exactly.”

  “Just like before, you’ll tell me if you need something, right?”

  Andrew nodded. “I will. I appreciate it. Lauren and Jeni take pretty good care of me. I just need you to keep doing what you’re doing. The usual guy stuff like this. Keep things normal.”

  “I can do that.” Logan grabbed a weight and sat on a nearby bench to do bicep curls.

  Andrew turned to the mirror and worked his shoulders. “Doing anything tonight?”

  “Just hanging at the house,” Logan replied between sets. Jeni’s house, to be exact. “What about you?”

  “Same.”

  Logan looked up from the bench. “Everything okay with Lauren?”

  Andrew grinned and dropped his arms. “She’s cooking me dinner.”

  “Ah. Good call.” Seemed Andrew had the same idea as Logan. “More alone time, huh?”

  “Man, I can’t get enough of that girl.” Andrew picked up another weight from the rack with a grunt. “It’s never been like this before.”

  Logan knew exactly what he meant. “Sounds pretty serious.”

  Andrew smiled a little. “It is for me.”

  “I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks. What about you? I’m surprised you don’t have a date tonight.”

  Logan almost told him right then and there. He hated lying to his friend, and what would it hurt? Jeni said she wanted to wait until his chemo was over. A part of him wondered if that was the real reason or if it was because she didn’t want to explain the nature of their relationship. Logan didn’t intend to tell most people the specifics, but as her brother and his friend, Andrew deserved them.

  Maybe it was best to wait until he knew what those were.

  “Uh, I’ve been talking to someone lately. She’s a little skittish of relationships, so we’re taking it slow. I’m not really sure where it’s gonna go.”

  “Yeah? Where’d you meet her?”

  “Mutual friend.”

  Andrew feigned offense. “You have other friends?”

  “My favorite wingman has been spending a lot of time with his new girlfriend. I had to make other arrangements.”

  Andrew laughed. “I’d say I’m sorry, but…”

  “You’re not.”

  “Not even a little bit.”

  Logan stood and studied the weight rack. “Good to know where I stand.”

  “Just wait till you feel like this about a woman. Believe me, you’ll understand.”

  Logan just gave a nod and turned his back to hide his grin.

  He already did.

  * * *

  “You sure know how to woo a woman.” Jeni sat back in her chair. “And also how to make her feel uncomfortably full and not sexy at all. Is this your plan to distract me from sex? Feed me roasted cauliflower tacos and beer?”

  Logan chuckled. “Is it working?”

  Jeni seemed to consider this, her eyes dropping to his chest. “No.”

  Wasn’t for him either. “You said it was your love language. I’m just taking advantage of that tidbit of information.”

  She looked away at his use of the L-word, and he wanted her back in the joyful, flirtatious place they’d been for the last hour while they ate and talked at her kitchen table. He’d finally asked about the color of her kitchen and she’d said it was like that when she bought the house.

  “I considered painting it but then thought maybe it would rub off on me. Make me a little more cheerful or something.”

  Logan had just looked at her, probably with hearts for eyes. “You don’t need to change a thing. You’re perfect the way you are.”

  That had earne
d him a smile he’d remember forever.

  Disappointingly, she hadn’t worn the Chiefs T-shirt. Instead, she wore a white V-neck that contrasted against her skin, which remained tan even in February and showcased a lovely dip of cleavage. That, paired with her hair spilling around her shoulders and the way she kept pushing her glasses closer to her face didn’t bode well for Logan’s self-control. Every move she made was sexy as hell.

  He needed another distraction. “Is it time for presents?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Dinner wasn’t enough? You shouldn’t have gotten me anything.”

  Logan rubbed his jaw. “It’s sort of for both of us.”

  She pursed her lips, and he stood.

  “Be right back.”

  By the time he returned from his car with the large box in his arms, she’d cleared the table and moved to the living room.

  “What the hell?” Her eyes went wide. “That thing is huge.”

  He grinned. “That’s what she said.”

  That got a laugh out of her, and Logan set the box on the coffee table.

  “Just open it,” he said.

  She retrieved a pair of scissors to cut through the packing tape and pulled open the flaps. She sifted through the contents, and her eyes lit up with excitement. “A home brew kit?”

  “We’ve both talked about trying it. I figured there was no time like the present.”

  Her smile widened as she pulled out the various items. “Wow, this has everything! A fermenter, tubing, wort chiller, kettle…”

  He sat down and watched her hold every item, pride filling him that he’d put that look on her face. “I’m glad you like it.”

  She stilled her hands and looked over at him. “Like it?” She put down the thermometer, took two steps to stand before him, and leaned down, her hands on the back of the couch on either side of him. “I love it.”

  Logan sucked in a breath at her proximity, and the view down her shirt. He cleared his throat and said in a low voice, “It even has a special part to prevent unwanted blow off.”

  He couldn’t wait to see what she’d do with that.