Risk the Burn

by Marnee Blake

  Had that been unnecessary? He’d been out for months and hadn’t looked for her at all? More bizarre, he’d become religious? The guy who’d cheated on his fiancée with more than one woman? None of it added up.

  More, though, the few times she’d checked in with her attorney about him, she’d told her he was still in jail. Why hadn’t she mentioned that he’d gotten out, gone to the seminary?

  Then again, her lawyer’s life didn’t revolve around what Joshua did.

  Charlie’s had, though.

  Had all her caution been for nothing? She couldn’t decide if she was more relieved or angry about that. She’d given up her spontaneity. For what?

  As she tucked her armful of paperwork into her bag, she hurried for her car, watching over her shoulder.

  She wondered if she’d always be looking behind her from now on.

  * * * *

  “Zip-lining, huh?” When Charlie had called him earlier and asked him to meet her at the zip-lining place in Mount Hood National Forest, Hunter had asked if he misheard her. She’d only laughed and repeated the address.

  As if he didn’t know where it was.

  She adjusted the harness, making certain the carabiners were where the instructor had told them to put them. She grinned up at him. “Well, you can’t introduce me to bungee-jumping and parachuting and think that would be enough for me.”

  He laughed. Never would he have guessed that he’d be creating an adrenaline junkie when he asked her to bungee with him the first time. “Watch out or you’ll be skydiving soon.”

  Her brows dropped. “Isn’t that the same as parachuting?”

  “No. In skydiving, there’s more freefall.”

  She considered for a moment. “You do that, too?”

  “That might be my limit.” After his drop last year, he’d had enough free-falling to last a lifetime.

  “Huh. Interesting.” She went back to her ties and buckles.

  “Please tell me you aren’t considering it.” When she didn’t immediately answer, he couldn’t conceal his shock. “Charlie?”

  She grinned up at him, and he chuckled, shaking his head.

  God it was good to be here, with her. For the first time this week, he’d been able to relax. Training was winding down, but he spent more time second-guessing whether smokejumping was the right fit for him.

  There was a lot of waiting around, he heard. On some level, he’d known that was the case. His father, his brother… It wasn’t as if he wasn’t familiar with the job requirements. But he hadn’t faced how he would react to the job’s spurts of extreme intensity amidst all the downtime. He’d been bored sometimes with the hotshots, but not like this. As a kid, he’d been unable to sit still. How was he going to manage days-long stretches of waiting?

  He breathed out, running a hand over his face. This wasn’t the time to worry. He hadn’t seen his girl all week, and now was the time to enjoy her company.

  Finishing his buckles, he followed her to the tower.

  They were going to zip from one side of the mountain across the ravine to the other side. It was the perfect weather—clear, bright—and the spring had made everything green. As he climbed the stairs to the platform, he allowed the sounds of the forest to wash over him and the crispness of the air to ease the knot in his chest. Being in the open always made things better, especially when it was paired with the opportunity to do something that got his heart racing.

  Like spending time with Charlie. And zip-lining wasn’t so bad either.

  There was another group on the platform when they got there, so they stepped to the back. A woman his mom’s age had all her gear on but was wavering, eyeing the drop from the platform skeptically.

  “Don’t get me wrong, Char, I love this stuff. But why not picnicking or hiking?” He crossed his arms over his chest, looking her over. “Hard to catch up on the week riding a zip line.”

  The wind was playing with her hair, tossing the curls around her face. It might be sunny, but it was still cool out, lifting a flush on her cheeks. She’d grown up everywhere, but the mountains of Oregon complemented her.

  She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “Joshua is in a seminary.”

  “I’m sorry, what?” Maybe the wind had caught the words, because he wasn’t following the conversation.

  “I found out that Joshua isn’t behind any of the stuff happening. Not the woman with the gun and not the break-in. He’s studying to become a monk or something.” She waved her hand, as if she were swatting away an insect. From what she’d told him of her ex-boyfriend, there were similarities.

  “Are they certain it isn’t him?”

  “Apparently he’s not allowed to leave. He’s become quite devout, they said.” She blew a raspberry, telling him how she felt about that. “So it’s not him.”

  As the older woman finally decided to latch on and zip-line, he searched for an appropriate response. He doubted she needed the frustration racing through him. He figured she had enough of her own. Because if it wasn’t Joshua the Dick, then who the hell was it?

  Voicing that question wouldn’t be helpful either. His worry for her was probably nothing compared to her own fears.

  All he could ask was, “How are you doing?”

  She snorted. “What can I do?”

  The helplessness in her question struck a nerve in him. He’d been there, hadn’t he? Sometimes, there were things out of your control. Times when the only option was to keep going. He understood that all too well.

  She sighed, stepping closer and looking up at him. Where there had been derision a moment ago, now there was vulnerability. He wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer, trying to be the strength she needed. “I decided, then, if there’s nothing I can do about that, that doesn’t mean I stop living. And this?” She motioned to the zip line. “This makes me feel alive. Jumping off bridges and out of airplanes with you has reminded me that I have to live right now, not worry about what might happen.”

  He held her against him, tucking her head under his chin. It was good advice—living in the moment. He had spent so much of the past year trying to get back to training. He’d been angry that his accident had derailed him, bitter at his brother for causing it, even unintentionally. All that working for the future, thinking about the next thing he needed to do, didn’t leave him much time to spend in the present.

  Maybe that’s what he was doing with his training. Getting back to the RAC and becoming a smokejumper had felt like a finish line. Now he was there and it felt like he had so much left to do, as if his carrot had been moved. He was still working hard to accomplish his goal. Maybe he’d been too busy focusing on getting where he was, he’d forgotten that the whole process was a journey, that there wasn’t an end point to reach. He’d always want to get somewhere else, to do something new, to push the next boundary.

  Wasn’t that what Charlie was doing, pushing forward? Maybe he needed to take her lead.

  “You’re right. Sometimes there is nothing to do.” He held her at arm’s length. “But we have now. Let’s ride down this line.”

  Her face split into a bright smile. “Yes.”

  They stepped up, allowing the spotter at the top to recheck their gear. Neither of them hesitated when it came time to let go and leave the platform. Charlie might have jumped.

  As he rode through the air, the carabiner scraping against the line was the only sound. He allowed himself to stay there, hanging over the open space. He didn’t think about his accident, what it felt like to fall. He didn’t think about his upcoming graduation and job at the RAC. Instead, he watched Charlie, with her curls blowing around her face, as she went in front of him, and he smiled.

  That moment was pretty perfect. They’d take whatever was coming a step at a time.

  Chapter Fifteen

  With hardly any fanfare, Hunter’s smokejumpe
r training ended.

  His mom threw a barbecue at her place, her pride evident. And, if he wasn’t mistaken, there was some relief. He didn’t want to dwell on that, or how much she’d probably worried for him this past year.

  His friends came, guys from the hotshots, some of the other new jumpers. Meg and Lance were there; even Mitch showed up. There were sandwiches, burgers, salads, and beer. Charlie curled next to him, her smile a testament to how happy she was for him.

  He suspected that most of them were proud that he’d finished. Just over a year ago, he’d been bedridden, his leg and arm broken. Worse, his brother was in custody and his uncle had killed himself. Back then, they’d questioned whether he’d ever be able to walk again, let alone finish training.

  For them, this was a joyous occasion, representing his perseverance.

  Except for Hunter, it was supremely anticlimactic.

  He wasn’t sure what he had expected to happen, but a firm handshake from Mitch and some other Forest Services brass wasn’t exactly it. Even the camaraderie of the other smokejumpers didn’t relieve the ache that he was missing something. He didn’t know what it was, though, so he smiled and accepted everyone’s pats on the back and pretended he was thrilled that he’d accomplished the milestone.

  Not that he wasn’t proud. He was. He’d worked hard, and it was a huge achievement. No denying that. This was everything he’d set out to do. As a smokejumper, he was the top of the firefighting food chain. The summer would be busy, and he would follow in his family’s footsteps, fighting wildfires through the West. It was a life to be proud of.

  His grin tightened as he made small talk.

  When most of the guests were gone and only his family, Lance, and Charlie remained, his mother shooed him away. “Go home.” She waved a towel at him, a trash bag in the other hand. Scooping a few empty plates in, she said, “You look exhausted. You can come help me clean up tomorrow.”

  “Stop,” he said, throwing some empties into a recycling bin. “You know Meg’ll have this place sparkling in a few hours.”

  His sister peeked her head around the corner. “I heard that.” She shook the Windex container at him.

  He rolled his eyes, waving at her. “See? Point, made.”

  “Seriously.” His mother lowered the bag, leveling him with a more serious stare. “You look exhausted.”

  “Gee, thanks, Mom.” No one could check a man’s ego better than his mother.

  Charlie sidled up beside him, tucking her arm under his. “I’ve got him, Mrs. Buchanan. I’ll make sure he gets home safe.” Like always, her body curved into his, as if it were meant to fit there.

  His mother smiled at Charlie. “Thank you, Charlie, dear.” As soon as Charlie turned back to straighten some cushions, his mom mouthed, “I like her,” before scraping a bunch of napkins into the trash.

  He grinned back, because it had been amazing to watch his mom fall for Charlie. He’d introduced them earlier that day, and they’d hit it off.

  It wasn’t hard to like Charlie.

  “We can’t leave.” He glanced at the mess. “We should help.”

  “Hunt,” Lance called from the kitchen, his sleeves rolled up and his hands soapy. “Go. We got this. It was a party for you. You don’t clean up.”

  “Listen, you aren’t trying out for favorite son around here, pal. I have that wrapped up,” Hunter called to his friend.

  In response, his mother chuckled, pulling him in for a hug. Then, low enough for only him to hear, she said, “I’m so proud of you, baby.” When she retreated, her eyes were full and the moment tightened with emotion. “Your father would have been proud, too.”

  Hunter’s throat thickened. She was right. This was his father’s dream, that his sons follow in his footsteps, protect the land, protect its families. That, at least, gave him comfort in what was otherwise a confusing completion of training.

  So much had happened this past year. His brother’s incarceration and continued estrangement, his uncle’s suicide, and his accident and subsequent rehabilitation. But while that had all been horrible, there were good things, too. Meg and Lance’s impending marriage. His mother had grown stronger and closer to all of them, becoming more like the mother he remembered from his childhood every day.

  And he’d met Charlie. As he tucked his mother against him, his gaze caught hers. She’d caught her lip between her teeth, obviously trying to hold her own tears in.

  Tonight, she’d been quiet. She’d stuck close to his side, obviously happy for him, but she hadn’t been her usual, vivacious self. They hadn’t spent much time together this week. It was his last week of training, and she’d been busy with clients in Bend. Besides the trip to zip-line, they’d talked on the phone a few times, but it had been short, usually because he’d been exhausted.

  As they walked outside to the driveway, she wrapped her arm around his. “You okay to drive?”

  He’d barely gotten to finish two beers the whole night, thanks to everyone stopping to congratulate him. “Yeah. I’m fine.” He kissed her on the top of the head, and she sighed.

  In the car, she squeezed his hand and said, “So, you want to tell me what’s going on in your head?”

  He turned the key in the ignition, his brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

  “You might be able to pull that off with your family, but I’ve been watching you. Something’s wrong. What’s going on?”

  He started the short drive to his duplex from his mom’s place. How much should he tell her? He’d mentioned before that training wasn’t what he’d expected, but did it matter? He’d already signed on to jump this year, and he wasn’t the sort to back out of a commitment.

  His jaw clenched. Was that what he was doing, considering quitting? After everything he’d been through to get here? He’d put in the work. This had been his dream for years, since he was a child.

  He’d nearly died getting to this spot. He couldn’t give that up now.

  So what was his problem?

  “It still feels off, that’s all,” he finally answered. “I thought it would be better, after training. But now that I’m here, it doesn’t.” That was as diplomatic as he could manage.

  She didn’t say anything for a long moment, and then she squeezed his fingers. “Maybe it doesn’t feel right because it wasn’t what you expected. Whether you expected it to be better or worse, maybe you’re let down that it doesn’t live up. Or, maybe you keep expecting it to get worse.” She shrugged. “After all, the last time you were on this path, it didn’t end well. Maybe you’re preparing yourself for that.”

  Could that be all this was? Sure, he’d imagined what it would be like to be a smokejumper a million times, even more since being derailed last year. He’d wrestled with jealousy, with worries that he’d never be ready. Maybe it was that the reality was a letdown.

  But as he cast a glance at her, that wasn’t what nagged at him. It was that she wasn’t only talking about him.

  He pulled into a parking spot in front of his place, shifting the car into park before he turned to her. As he gathered her hand in his, he asked, “Is that what you’re doing, Charlie? Preparing for the worst?”

  “What do you mean?” She looked away, away from his eyes.

  “I know I’ve been busy this week, finishing training, but things have been off. Is that what’s going on?”

  Her mouth thinned, and he wondered if she’d lie, tell him that everything was fine. That she’d only been having a hard week. Finally, though, she sighed.

  “I thought it was him. I expected it to be him. Now, not knowing who it is…” She shook her head. “It’s way worse. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. I haven’t been able to move forward with Leslie to buy into the practice…I’m having trouble sleeping. I want to live in the moment, but I can’t because I can’t shake the feeling that someone is out there, wanting to hurt
me.”

  He’d been busy this week. He should have gone to Bend to see her more, check on her. He’d texted and called, but that didn’t make up for hands-on check-ins. After the break-in last week, she probably could have used some company.

  “Maybe it’s a coincidence.” He rubbed circles into the back of her hand. “The addict? She was clearly far gone. And the burglary? It could have been anyone. You live downtown. Who knows what riffraff might have wandered in.”

  “And the advertisement?” she asked quietly. “What’s your explanation for that?”

  He didn’t have an explanation for that. She must have read that on his face, because she shook her head.

  “Come on, Hunter.” She nudged her head toward the door. “Let’s go in. It’s supposed to be a celebratory night, not a night for us to be worrying.”

  His first instinct was to pressure her. The way she was processing all of this didn’t feel right. But she had been trying so hard to focus on the present, to not worry about the future right now. He wanted to give her what she wanted.

  He nodded and got out, walking around to grasp her hand as she stepped up on the sidewalk. As he opened the door and ushered her in, he barely had a chance to close it before she tumbled into his arms. She reached for him, dragging his mouth down to hers, and he obliged, kissing her with every bit of the emotion rushing through him.

  Her kiss said that tonight, she didn’t want to think about who might be trying to scare her.

  He aimed to drive the foreboding away.

  Reaching under her, he hiked her up, wrapping her legs around him. Still kissing, he carried her into the living room. He lowered her gently onto the couch, following her down. But she wasn’t still, yanking at her shirt and pulling it over her head, then unsnapping her bra, all the while leaning up and into him. He tried to slow her down, but she was reaching for him. Then her breasts pressed against his chest, and everything went into overdrive in his brain.

  They tore off the rest of their clothes, the frantic pace mirrored in the racing of his heart. As she coaxed him forward, he barely remembered the condom in his pants pocket. He leaned down, his limbs twisted with hers, to get it.