All My Loving

by Marie Force

  “Is he bummed about missing out on a search party?”

  “I don’t think so. He didn’t want to leave Caden when he was fussy and teething. That boy has got his priorities straight.”

  “Yes, he does,” Molly said. “I’m worried about Landon in this situation with Amanda. She’s dealing with an awful lot in addition to the fire, and I just hope he’s not going to end up disappointed.”

  “Your dad and I were talking about that today. Amanda is a lovely woman and very good at her job.”

  “But?”

  “I was telling Elmer she’s been here awhile now, but I don’t feel like we know her much better than we did when she first arrived.”

  “I suspect that’s about to change.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Uh-huh.” She’d seen a side of Amanda tonight that gave her all-new perspective on the woman who had Landon’s head turned all around.

  “So you feel like it’s going to be okay between the two of them?” Linc asked.

  “I’m not completely sure yet, but we should know fairly soon if they’re going to make a go of it.”

  “I sure hope they are. I’ve never seen him this way over a woman.”

  “He was once. Remember Naomi?”

  “The girl who died when they were in high school?”

  “Yes.”

  “I knew he was terribly upset about that.”

  “We all were. But Landon was devastated. I think he had real feelings for her that he was only beginning to understand when he lost her.”

  “Huh, I don’t remember that.”

  She patted his leg. “That’s okay. I was on it, and I got him through it. Took some time, though, and if I had to guess, she’s the reason he’s never given his heart to anyone else. He discovered a long time ago that love can be so very painful.”

  “Why can’t I remember this?”

  “We had a lot going on in those days. I’m sure there’re things I don’t remember.”

  “I doubt that. You’re always one step ahead of me. Been like that from the beginning.”

  “I have to keep you guessing, or you might lose interest.”

  His low chuckle made her smile. “No chance of that, as you well know. In fact, why don’t we turn in early tonight? I’m feeling particularly tired tonight.”

  Tired had been their code word for meet me in bed when they’d still had a barn full of kids. “I’m rather exhausted myself tonight.”

  Linc shut off the television, banked the fire and closed the glass doors to the fireplace. Then he held out his arm to her.

  Molly tucked her hand into his arm and followed him to bed while saying a silent prayer for her sons who were battling the elements looking for the missing kids, and a special request for wisdom for Landon as he navigated the situation with Amanda. Molly liked her for him and thought they’d make a wonderful couple.

  But the two of them were a long way from happily ever after.

  * * *

  As he rocked his baby son, Max Abbott heard his parents come up the stairs, go into their room and shut the door. He didn’t want to think about why they might be going to bed so early. With the wind howling and the rain beating against the windows, he thought of his brothers out in the storm looking for the missing kids and wished he was with them.

  He loved his son more than he’d ever loved anything, but sometimes he missed his old life. In the seven months since Caden had arrived, everything about his existence had changed to accommodate his son. That was how it should be, but still… At times like this, with a long, boring evening stretched out before him, he yearned for what used to be.

  Thank God for his parents, a thought he had at least once every day. But even having them by his side through this first year with his son couldn’t fill the gaping loneliness he felt at times like this. Everyone else was out living their lives, and he was at home with a baby son who was his sole responsibility.

  Sometimes he even missed Chloe, Caden’s mother, who’d disappointed him so profoundly. He’d heard from a college friend that Chloe was still in Burlington and dating someone new. Good for her. Did she ever wonder about him or their son or how the baby was doing or how he was handling being a single parent?

  Probably not. He’d worried about her after the night of Hunter’s wedding last Christmas when she’d come to the house and signed the papers his cousin Grayson had drawn up, surrendering her rights to Caden. Max had been concerned about postpartum depression and whether there was more he could’ve done to support her. But after checking in with numerous mutual friends who’d reported that she didn’t seem depressed at all, he’d let it go. Clearly, she’d moved on with her life, and he needed to do the same.

  Except, how could he do that with a seven-month-old infant who relied on him for everything? He didn’t often indulge in this level of morose thinking, because, really, what good did it do? He loved his son, didn’t regret for one minute having custody of him and would do anything for him. But being a single father at twenty-three was a tough spot to be in. No question about it.

  Max was inordinately blessed to have his big, loving family all around to help him any time he needed it. His mom was amazing about watching Caden while Max was at work, and both his parents were willing to take him so Max could occasionally go out with friends or his siblings.

  But at the end of the day, the responsibility for the tiny bundle in his arms was all his, and at times, the weight of that responsibility threatened to crush him.

  Not all the time, but far too often to ignore.

  Sometimes he wondered if he was the one with postpartum depression.

  He stood and carefully transferred Caden to his crib in the tiny room that adjoined Max’s. He and his dad had knocked down a wall to make the room for Caden in what used to be a closet. Max stared down at his sleeping son for a long moment, wondering what would become of the two of them.

  Would they always be alone, or would he meet someone who could be a partner to him and a mother to Caden? And did he even want that? He was only twenty-three. What were the odds he’d meet anyone in the next few years who interested him enough to lock himself in for life?

  He probably needed to accept that he was going to be alone with his son for the foreseeable future and make peace with that.

  The other day, his brother Colton had told him he needed to get laid, as if that would fix everything. However, Max had to acknowledge that since Colton had mentioned it, that was all he could seem to think about.

  Remember sex? Yeah, it’d been a while…

  For a time, he’d feared Chloe had ruined that for him, too, but since Colton had brought it up, Max had found out otherwise. Not that there was any chance of it happening any time soon.

  Ugh, he hated being in such a funk, especially since he loved every second he got to spend with his son. It was almost painful to leave him for the seven or eight hours he spent at work five days a week. Every afternoon, he rushed home to be with him, to play with him, to feed and bathe and rock him. But after the baby went to bed, the nights were long and boring.

  And lonely.

  Growing up the youngest of ten kids, Max had never experienced true loneliness before he had Caden. It had gotten so bad lately, he’d actually gone so far as to set up a Tinder account that he’d yet to make live because he wasn’t sure he wanted to go that route either. With cell service nonexistent in Butler, he could access it through the Wi-Fi at home or at work on the mountain, the one place in the area that had good cell coverage.

  However, something was keeping him from pulling the trigger. Perhaps because he was a father now, and the thought of dating didn’t appeal the way it used to.

  With Caden down for the night—at least for now—Max went into the bathroom to shower.

  As he stood under the hot water, one thing he knew for certain was that he was sick of his own thoughts—and his own company. Something needed to change, but he’d be damned if he knew what.

  Chapter Thre
e

  “In preparing for battle, I have always found that plans are useless, but planning is essential.”

  —Dwight D. Eisenhower

  Landon got home after midnight, cold to the bone after spending hours in the storm. Even with the best gear money could buy, he was half frozen and exhausted from fighting the elements. All he wanted was a hot shower, a bowl of soup and to sleep in front of the woodstove. That was the only thing that could truly warm him up after a night like this.

  But when he walked into his cabin, he found Amanda asleep on the air mattress, in the spot he wanted.

  Oh well, he thought, she’s going to have to share. He was too cold to sleep anywhere but right next to the fire.

  He took the hottest shower he could stand, changed into sweats and a long-sleeved T-shirt, heated some hearty beef-and-potato soup from a container his mom had sent over and took it to sit on the sofa, which was close to the fire but not close enough.

  As he ate his soup, he noticed a notebook on the floor next to Amanda and picked it up to see what it was. Before he realized he was seeing something he probably shouldn’t, he’d read her list of mistakes, and then, intrigued by the insight into a woman who was somewhat of a mystery to him, he flipped back one page to read her list of things she still needed to do. The last one caught his eye. Have an orgasm with a man. Underlined three times.

  Landon nearly choked on his soup and quickly put the notebook back where he’d found it, feeling guilty for having looked at something that was none of his business.

  But damn… She’d never had an orgasm with a man. Did that mean…

  No. Stop. It’s none of your business. Except there was more than one item on her list he could help with, in addition to the one that had stood out like a beacon. He’d be more than happy to help her with that.

  Stop.

  Do. Not. Go. There.

  She’s your guest, recovering from a traumatic experience and a painful injury. You’ve got no business thinking of her as anything other than that. Landon knew his conscience was right even if it was a pain in his ass.

  He had no idea what was going on with her or with them or if they even were a them or which end was up. He probably ought to figure out the which-end-was-up stuff before he further contemplated being the first guy to give her an orgasm.

  Disgusted with himself and the direction his thoughts had taken, Landon put his bowl in the sink, went to the mudroom closet and grabbed the sleeping bag he used for cold-weather camping. He spread it on the floor next to where Amanda was curled up on her side under a down blanket, put more wood in the stove and got into the bag, zipping it to the top and making sure that no part of him was touching any part of her.

  This was just about proximity to heat, pure and simple.

  But damn, she’d never had an orgasm with a guy…

  Landon really wished he hadn’t looked at her notebook, as he wasn’t likely to forget that little nugget any time soon. He was as tired as he could recall being in a long time, but sleep proved elusive as he stared up at the ceiling and thought about the many ways he might give sexy, puzzling, elusive Amanda an orgasm she’d never forget.

  * * *

  Amanda had never been so warm, so comfortable, so… When her foot connected with something hard and solid next to her, her eyes opened and blinked Landon’s sleeping form into focus. Oh. So he was back. That was good. He’d told her he would probably be gone for hours and that she shouldn’t worry if he didn’t come back that night.

  But she was glad to see him anyway.

  For a second, she wondered why he was sleeping on the floor and then realized he must’ve been frozen after being out in the storm and had wanted to sleep close to the fire—and she’d taken his usual spot. She ought to get up and move to the bedroom, but she was so warm and comfortable that she stayed put and took advantage of the opportunity to observe Landon asleep with the embers from the woodstove casting a warm glow on his handsome face.

  Unlike Lucas, who had a beard, Landon was clean-shaven, a look Amanda preferred to the beards so many Vermont men sported. In Amanda’s opinion, it would be a crying shame to cover a face like Landon’s with hair. She would never forget the first time she’d seen him, sitting next to his equally handsome twin, the two of them bombing into her product line presentation at their family’s store. They’d come in still wearing gear after having worked a fire scene.

  Both had been covered with soot that hadn’t done a thing to dim their sexy appeal—or their humor.

  Amanda had done tons of presentations by then, but they’d helped to make the one with the Abbotts that much more memorable. And when they’d both asked her out afterward, she’d been caught unprepared to handle a double dose of hot male firefighter. Which was how she’d ended up saying yes to both of them, setting off a chain of events that had caused considerable trouble for all of them.

  Although for Lucas, the trouble had led to true love. From what she’d been told, he’d been upset about her accepting Landon’s late-March invite to their joint birthday party at the barn where they and their eight siblings had been raised. Looking to clear his mind and steer clear of her and Landon, Lucas had headed out of town for a few days. He’d met single mom Dani and her baby daughter, Savannah, when he rescued them after Dani’s car slid off the road in the snow.

  Landon’s sister Hannah had told Amanda that Dani hadn’t left Lucas’s side since the fire at the inn and was nursing him through his recovery from a broken arm and smoke inhalation.

  Amanda was happy things had worked out for him and Dani, who had lost the baby’s father in a tragic accident while she was pregnant.

  Even after tragedy, some people got lucky a second time. Things worked out for them. Amanda had begun to think she wasn’t one of the lucky ones, because nothing ever seemed to work out for her. Sure, she had a nice job that she enjoyed, and it paid her well enough, but it was really just that—a job, not a passion. She’d studied marketing before she dropped out of college and had fallen into the job with the company her mother worked for, selling intimate products, mostly targeted toward older people who were looking to spice things up in the bedroom.

  She’d taken endless amounts of teasing and abuse from her friends when she first took the job, but they’d gotten over that after the first six months when they ran out of jokes about things that go buzz.

  Landon let out a quiet little snore and startled awake to find her watching him sleep, like a creeper. “Hey,” he said, his voice gruff. “Are you all right?”

  He asked her that ten times a day since the fire. “I’m okay.”

  “Can’t sleep?”

  “The wind woke me a while ago.”

  “Sorry to crowd you, but I needed the heat after being out in the storm.”

  “I’m not crowded. It’s fine. Did you find the kids?”

  “We did.”

  “Oh, thank goodness. Are they all right?”

  “Two of them are. The other was in rough shape, but he should be fine once they get him warmed up.”

  “That’s a relief. Their parents must’ve been beside themselves.”

  “There were a lot of happy tears in the ER.”

  “It’s so incredible the way you and your brothers and the others risk your own lives to save people you’ve never met.”

  “We like doing it—and we get paid for it, so there is that.”

  “Still, you’d probably do it for free if you had to.”

  “I have done it for free,” he said with an endearing grin. “And I’d do it again. We know this mountain as well as we know our own backyard at home, and we love battling the elements to rescue someone who didn’t know what they were getting into up here. People think because they’ve seen crazy weather elsewhere they understand it. There’s our kind of crazy, and then there’s all other kinds.”

  “Your mother must be on some really good meds with the way her sons are constantly risking their lives.”

  Landon laughed. “You’d think
so, but she’s super chill.”

  “She was here earlier. She brought me dinner, and we had a nice visit.”

  “That’s nice of her. She’d tell you that having ten kids means you can’t sweat the small stuff, because all you’d do is sweat.”

  “Having her sons out in a raging storm isn’t small stuff.”

  “To her, it’s just another day. We’ve been doing it for years. Hunter and Will have been on search-and-rescue teams since they were in high school. The rest of us followed as we got old enough.”

  “You’re a bunch of studs.”

  He rolled his eyes at her. “If you say so.”

  “I say so. Most sane people want a woodstove, a blanket, a good book and some hot chocolate during a Nor’easter. You guys want to trek through the woods looking for lost people.”

  He laughed again. “We don’t want to do it. Unfortunately, we’re required to do it several times each winter when someone gets lost. And we get called out in the spring and summer, too, when hikers fail to return on time.”

  “It’s very cool to someone who’s a total wimp when it comes to the cold and bad weather.”

  Landon turned onto his side to face her.

  This was starting to feel an awful lot like pillow talk, not that she minded pillow-talking with him. From the first night they’d gone out, she’d found him easy to talk to. Their conversation had flowed effortlessly as he’d entertained her with stories about growing up with nine siblings. She’d also enjoyed hearing him talk about being a volunteer-turned-paid firefighter with the Butler Volunteer Fire Department and the travails of overseeing the family’s Christmas tree farm.

  But what she’d really liked best about him was the way he’d listened to her when she responded to a question about her life. He’d seemed genuinely interested in everything she had to say. That’s not to say that Lucas hadn’t been every bit as lovely a dinner companion. It was just that, for whatever reason, she’d connected on a deeper level with Landon.

  “How’s your ankle?”