Let’s Start Over

by Laurent, River

  Twitched? Yes, twitched.

  I hadn’t felt such a strong reaction since our first time together, but there it was again, all riled up and ready to go. “This is a bad idea,” I whispered desperately. “We both know it? I thought...Oh God,” I moaned as he attacked my neck with kisses. “I thought we both agreed to just be friends.”

  “Definitely still friends, babe,” he growled as he nipped my shoulder.

  “Isn’t this crossing a line?” I asked as he pushed his hand underneath my shirt. That strong, calloused, hard-working hand worked its way up my sensitive belly and gripped my right breast. “I don’t think friends do this.”

  “So we’ll be friends with a little extra,” he mumbled as he fondled my nipple beneath my shirt. “Nothing wrong with that.”

  I laughed. “I think you mean friends with benefits. Things could go very wrong.”

  “You worry too much. You want it, right? I saw it written on your face all day.”

  I had to be honest. I nodded.

  “This is what you want, isn’t it?” he growled as he yanked up my shirt and licked my nipple.

  I gasped at the warm wetness of his mouth. God, Cooper knew me. He wasn’t so easy to throw off because he saw right through me even when I was a horny, desperate mess. I gripped the breast that he sucked on and pushed more into his mouth. “Yes,” I moaned as my legs fell apart all on their own. “I—I need it.”

  Cooper didn’t hesitate as I admitted the truth. He ran his tongue up the expanse of my throat before he kissed my lips and slipped his tongue inside. When he pulled away, he nipped my bottom lip, and sucked it hard. “God, you are so fucking fine,” he muttered in that deep, husky voice of his that made my knees tremble with desire.

  A gasp left my lips and I started to protest, but when my butt connected with his desk, I gave up. His hands yanked up my skirt until it was well above my waist.

  He traced a finger up and down my slit, over my damp panties as he sucked in a breath. “I can feel how wet you are for me,” he moaned as he glanced up at me and looked me right in the eyes. “Is this why you had so much trouble tonight?”

  I swallowed hard. “Maybe…”

  Cooper rubbed my clit hard and fast until I gasped and gripped the desk. “Fuck, don’t do that.”

  “Then don’t lie to me,” he said as he traced my clit around the soft fabric of my cotton underwear. “And I won’t have to torture you.”

  “Yes, yes that’s why,” I panted.

  “That’s better,” he growled, but his fingers still moved in small determined circles around my clit.

  I shivered. “Cooper, you’re making me crazy.”

  “Not yet.”

  I was about to ask him what he meant when he gripped my panties and pulled them down my thighs. They slipped down my knees and hit the floor so fast I was sure it was some kind of record. Cooper pushed my thighs apart, exposing me in that tiny office.

  Even though it was just the two of us, I shuddered nervously. “What are you doing?” I breathed.

  “I’m making sure you show up to work focused next time.” Cooper stroked the insides of both of my thighs. Up and down his finger slid as he caressed my skin lovingly. He leaned down and nipped my flesh before he moaned. “You have the softest skin,” he hummed. “And you smell like heaven.”

  “When you say things like that I don’t know what to do. No one has said that kind of stuff for a while now.”

  “Then let me make sure you realize how amazing you are, and let me remind you of it every single day.”

  My toes curled as he lapped at my inner thigh. Fire collected in my belly and I gripped whatever I could find to keep from losing my mind. Cooper was like a completely different man. He’d always been strong and sure, but this Cooper between my legs came with an edge of hungry dominance. I felt as if he was going to devour me. Not that I was complaining.

  Cooper’s name dripped from my lips over and over again as he teased my soft flesh. He licked at my slit until I froze. Pleasure tore through me and my breath stilled.

  He looked up at me and grinned. “Right there, huh?”

  “Everywhere,” I admitted. “It’s been so long…”

  “I’ll fix that,” he purred before he lapped at me long and slow. “I’ll make up for lost time.”

  And Cooper kept his word. His strong hands gripped my thighs as he rolled his tongue and lavished it on me. I squirmed underneath his touch, but I didn’t push him away. My fingers slipped into his hair and I gripped it as he moaned against me. Just hearing him enjoy himself as he ate me out only aroused me even more.

  My eyes flew open as he ran his tongue over my clit, while his fingers pushed inside me and stroked my walls before he perfectly, expertly pressed against my g-spot. It was like he still knew every inch of my body. His fingers slipped in and out, as he sped up more and more.

  “Cooper,” I breathed as I tried to control myself. “I’m so close.”

  “Then come for me,” he purred. “Just let go and come for me.”

  I did just that.

  I laid back and felt papers stick to my skin, but I didn’t care. My legs shifted apart more. I gave myself up to Cooper completely, something I hadn’t done with anyone since that night with him. As his fingers pushed inside of me and massaged my walls my muscles clenched around him. My back arched and I cried out as another orgasm rippled through every nerve and muscle in my body.

  It felt like nothing I’d ever experienced before. My body still vibrated even after he pulled away and wiped his mouth with his arm. My head spun and I laid there, stretched out, and wired until reality started to sink into me again.

  What the hell had I been thinking?

  I stared at the ceiling as I realized that I’d let my pussy do the thinking, but my brain and heart still weren’t prepared to start another relationship. There was so much trust that needed to be rebuilt and so many wounds that still needed to heal. I needed to be whole again. Not because I was with Cooper but because I was okay with myself again.

  “You all right?” Cooper asked.

  Slowly, I nodded. “I’m fine,” I said as I shifted up and tugged my clothes back into position. “I’m sorry. I should get home.”

  “Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. You’re just taking off, since when? What’s the matter?”

  I glanced at him.

  Cooper hair was still a tousled mess, his lips were pink from exploring my body.

  I wanted to reach down and kiss him. There was no doubt he was rock hard and straining in his pants, I could see the evidence, but I wasn’t ready for any of that. “I’m sorry. I just—It’s just too early. I’m sorry if I led you on and got you all ready to go for nothing,” I muttered miserably.

  “For nothing? Jo, I didn’t do it because I wanted something from you.” His voice was quiet, and his brows were knitted. “It’s kind of bullshit that you think about me like that.”

  “I’m sorry. I just need time.”

  Cooper stood up and adjusted himself. “Don’t apologize. Take all the time you need. I’m not rushing you into anything.”

  I stared at him in amazement. “Are you mad at me?”

  “No, Ivy,” he said as he collected up the cash. “I’m not mad. I’m disappointed. There’s a difference. And I’m not disappointed because we didn’t have sex. It’s the way you think about me. Still. Why don’t you head home for the night?”

  “Cooper, I—”

  “It’s all right. I can lock up on my own. Goodnight, Ivy.”

  The anger I’d felt slowly dissipated. He wasn’t mad because we didn’t have sex he was upset because I’d assumed something about him that he felt was unfair. I fixed my hair and made sure I was paper free before I quickly exited his office.

  Maybe we both needed a bit of space from each other.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Ivy

  Why did I allow that to go so far? I should have left it alone. Instead, I had to give into him and screw everything up. We
had finally gotten to a point where we could be friends and I had screwed it up. My brain switched from it was my fault to his fault countless times before it was time for me to gather up my belongings and head for the door.

  As I started heading towards the front door, Cooper walked up behind me and I nearly jumped out of my skin. When I glanced up at him, he looked at the door and nothing else. I couldn’t be upset when he looked like that. I’d never seen such a vulnerable look on his face before.

  “Goodnight,” I said softly before I slipped out of the door. Behind me, the lock was thrown hard and I sighed as I leaned up against the building. “Fuck.”

  My legs still trembled as I pushed off from the building and headed for home. A string of low light street lamps lit my path. I wasn’t used to walking home. Cooper always gave me a ride home and waited until I was safely inside. Not tonight. I would have turned him down anyway, and I was pretty sure he knew that, and it was why he didn’t ask.

  Instead, I lifted my chin and walked on. Springston was a pretty quiet and safe town, so I wasn’t worried about running into anyone dangerous. A quick and easy walk home. That was all this was.

  Except, just then… every hair on the back of my neck stood up. As much as I tried to tell myself it was my imagination, the feeling of someone watching me couldn’t be shaken off. I trudged onward, ready to get home and get myself a little drink before bed.

  A sound echoed down a nearby alley and I jumped. My heart hammered in my chest. I shoved a hand against it. It calmed down when a cat scurried out of the dark and darted across the street and into the night.

  “Jesus, Ivy. You’re being stupid,” I scolded myself as I picked up speed.

  There was no one there. Of course, there wasn’t. The eerie feeling of eyes that had followed me from the bar were my own ridiculous imagination. I knew it was probably because of the night I’d had. Going from all revved up to alone and cold was enough to screw with anyone’s head.

  I just had to get home. And not think about Cooper. Every time I thought about him, I wanted to go back and talk to him and tell him I didn't think he was a horrible person. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust him. I didn’t trust anyone. I couldn’t. Not yet. Not when I was waking up from dreams of dying in Brian’s chokehold.

  Whenever I trusted someone, it always went horribly wrong, and I didn’t want a repeat of my life in New York. Not that I thought Cooper would treat me the same way Brian did, but I needed time. I didn’t want to rush into anything. This time, I wanted to be sure. I wanted to be happy in my next relationship, not insecure and afraid.

  I tried to shake off that strange feeling, but it never faded. No matter how fast or slow I walked, how much of my path I changed, I still felt like someone was watching me. Eyes pierced my body and I glanced around hoping to catch sight of someone. Am I going crazy?

  By the time I reached my apartment, my heart was beating so fast I couldn’t breathe. My fingers shook as I fumbled for my keys. They dropped to the ground and I cursed as I scooped them up and tried again.

  “Shit, shit,” I muttered under my voice.

  Clink. Clink. Clink.

  The key jabbed against the lock, but couldn’t find the hole. I gripped my other hand and shoved the key inside hard before I sighed. Stop being so ridiculous. It’s all in your head.

  Click.

  The key turned and I heaved an enormous sigh of relief. I stumbled inside, slammed the door, and threw the lock. My bag was dumped onto the couch while I made a beeline for the kitchen and poured myself a glass of vodka. I topped it off with soda that I had stashed away and took a few gulps before I finally calmed down.

  Bit by bit, my body relaxed and a little tingle took over. It counteracted the tingles that still reverberated between my thighs and I was grateful for that. I couldn’t stand one more minute thinking about Cooper and his tongue as it lapped away at me and turned me into a puddle.

  God, I’m thinking about him again. It was hard not to when he’d made me feel the way he had with such minimal effort it seemed. My body had been craving pleasure, but after Cooper, I was worried that we’d crossed a line that shouldn’t have been crossed.

  “Oh my God, stop thinking about it!” I yelled at the ceiling. For Christ’s sake. What the hell was happening to me? Only he could make me feel like I’m losing my mind.

  I carried my drink into the bathroom and turned on the water. I’d ordered a few bath bombs online and I tossed one into the water. A soft, delicate rose aroma filled my bathroom.

  “That’s better.”

  A hot bath, then a mug of hot chocolate, followed by some undisturbed sleep were just the things I needed. I sat my glass down and stripped off my clothes. I hadn’t even taken off my apron. Of course, I hadn’t thought about it, I was more worried about getting the hell out of there and getting some space. Suddenly, I felt a little sad. I had been unfair to Cooper. Like some teenage tease, I left him high dry. I would find a way to make it up to him.

  I picked up all my clothes and carried them to the washer. I decided to grab my phone and watch TV while I was in the bath.

  I padded back out to the living room and my foot touched something on the floor. I glanced down at the envelope and frowned. The mailboxes were down on the main floor. I had never gotten an envelope inside of my place.

  My stomach dropped as I bent over and opened it up. It wasn’t even sealed, the flap was simply tucked into the envelope itself. I fumbled with it and peeled it open. A note was folded up inside. With trembling fingers, I grasped it and I unfolded it so slowly. I think I already knew. My breath burned in my lungs from waiting for so long.

  I AM WATCHING YOU.

  The words glared at me from the page, bold and written in red ink. I felt my head reel with fear and I almost fell. Quickly, I reached for something to lean against. My hand connected with the arm of the couch. I plopped onto it.

  Brian. It had to be Brian. Of course, it was.

  I couldn’t think of another person who would send me something so sinister. I clutched the note in my hands and my palms ached from the pressure. Suddenly, I jumped off the couch and scrambled for the door.

  There was no one at the peephole. All I could see was the stairs, cloaked in shadows and ominous with the light broken outside, but no one was there. I quickly made my way to the window and yanked the ties from the curtains. They were old school things, heavy and thick, and I was glad now I hadn’t replaced them yet. Once I had drawn them shut, I made a tiny slit and peeked through them down into the parking lot, at least the bit I could see, but I had a better view of the street below. It was dark and still, a perfect Springston darkness that hinted at softness and security.

  But it made me feel so terrified goosebumps cropped up on my skin and littered my arms. I took a step back. It had to be Brian. He was the only one that could ever make me feel so small and terrified. He was the nightmare in the shadows, the creature that haunted me.

  Somehow, he had found me.

  Silent tears rolled down my cheeks.

  I would never be free. The realization sat in my chest like a stone. I had hoped and prayed that he would never find me. Things had been so calm and amazing. So I let myself get comfortable and feel safe again. If he knew where I lived, obviously he had been watching me for a long time. That meant he knew where I was, what I was doing. He was waiting, watching.

  I sat on the couch frozen and shocked until I remembered the tub was still running in the bathroom. I pushed myself up and staggered to the bathroom. Shit, I swore as I quickly stepped into the water. It rippled around my bare foot. I quickly shut off the water and yanked out the drain. There was still half an inch of water all over the floor, but I couldn’t freak out about it because what was waiting out there for me was a million times worse.

  I tracked back out into the kitchen. My feet left wet footprints on the carpet. If my mother was still alive, she would have chastised me, but she wasn’t. She was dead. So was my father. I had no one. Except for Coop
er and I had managed to alienate him tonight as well.

  Tears threatened to fall all over again, as I shakily poured myself another drink. I downed it faster than I should, but the pleasant warmth that filled my body was comforting. I walked over to the couch and grabbed my phone. My eyes landed on the note and a shiver ran through my body.

  I should call Cooper. It was the first thought that went through my mind. I knew he didn’t want to talk to me, but if I invited him over would he come? If I mentioned Brian, I was pretty sure he would shake off his irritation and come to my rescue, but then I thought about him not showing up. Him saying no.

  My heart couldn’t take that.

  “I don’t need him. I don’t need anything,” I muttered to myself. “I can take care of this myself.”

  I left the note where it was and went in search of some towels. After the bathroom was clean again, I pulled out some heavy boxes. It took a bit of struggling, but I managed to get a few heavy boxes in front of my front door. It probably wouldn’t stop him from getting in, but it would definitely slow him down and maybe I would hear the noise.

  Right away, I snagged a notebook and a pen and started to take note of the weak points in my apartment. The next day, I would make it my priority to buy latches for the windows, another lock for the door and maybe even some pepper spray to keep on me for my walk home.

  By the time I was done, I felt slightly better.

  Maybe it was crazy to be comforted by a list, but it was so much more than that to me. It was a way for me to protect myself. The list was a proactive way to keep myself safe instead of hiding away, afraid and unsure of what might happen next. When I grabbed my phone, ready for my bath now, I saw a text message. It had come in a while ago, but I hadn’t been paying attention to it.

  Did you make it home safe?