A Check for a Billion

by Vasily Mahanenko

  “Make me a door then,” I ordered and taking Ribbit with me, I left the orbship. Brainiac was in such a hurry to get rid of the dangerous passenger that the hole appeared almost under my feet.

  Once we were out in the viscous ‘soufflé,’ the fake concubine began tearing with her paws at her own throat as if she wanted to rip herself open. Her tongue finally released me, yet it never got a chance to return to its mouth as ice instantly covered it. Ribbit’s eyes bulged, filling with a cloudy liquid. It seemed like she was about to explode. To avoid getting any of her entrails on my suit, I kicked the Bufondian away from myself. The green mass jerked convulsively one more time and stopped. And that was that.

  Turning to the ship, I reached it in a couple breast strokes — only to discover that Brainiac was in no rush to let me back aboard. The hull remained impenetrable. I raised my fist to knock and almost managed to do it when two beam cannons popped out of the hull and fired off two salvos of plasma almost at me. The deadly plasma passed inches from my suit, singing it.

  “You thought you could kill me so easily?!” I heard a familiar voice right in my head. Trying to stay clear of any further plasma, which could instantly kill me, I turned around. Ribbit was alive and well exactly where I’d left her. Brainiac was hosing her down with plasma without any effect, even opening up from the turret. But it seemed to me that the Bufondian was perfectly happy with this turn of events. Puffing out her belly with pleasure, she moved in time with the shots, carefully collecting them with her body. It was like she was mocking our attempts to finish her off. I started to worry, seeing that Ribbit was only growing more powerful.

  Backpedaling to the orbship, I knocked on the hull. The engineer replied immediately.

  “Tell Brainiac to hold fire,” I said, without turning my back to the toad. “Get one of those vermin from Shurtan ready. I may need it.”

  “Understood, Cap’n,” came the reply and the hull became whole again.

  “Who are you?” I asked mentally, but then, after a little thought, I repeated the question out loud through my microphone.

  “Me?” echoed the strange creature, grinning. “I am the concubine, whose job it is to entertain her master. I please him with dances, song and carnal pleasures. I give birth to an army of his children that will conquer Galactogon in his name. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

  “No, you wanted that, not me.”

  “Well, as you wish. In that case you can call me master,” the toad all but burped the last word. I wasn’t even sure whether I had heard it in my mind or if my eardrums were somehow picking up her voice. What I was sure of was that her mouth was moving.

  “What do you need?”

  “To begin with, food,” said the Bufondian, reminding me of Mercaloun. “Why did you stop shooting? That won’t be enough to feed my pets.

  The creature locked its front paws together, brought them to her lips and blew. The strange jetties I had seen earlier rippled across the ‘soufflé’ and a giant woodlouse crawled up to the toad and nuzzled her. Ribbit petted it on the head, and lightning flashed across the louse’s skin, transferring the stored energy to the pet. This strange creature absorbed energy not for herself, but to feed the woodlice!

  “If you need food so bad, why didn’t you consume the elo?” I knocked on Warlock’s hull giving Brainiac the signal. I needed to buy some time.

  “Do not confuse food and absorbed energy, human. Order your ship to shoot some more. I need to feed all my pets,” Ribbit ordered, ending the transfer of energy to the woodlouse.

  The woodlouse licked her owner’s paw in parting and vanished among the jetties. At that moment, the hull behind me opened again, and someone gave me a gentle nudge. Just in time. I still hoped to solve the standoff with the toad peacefully, yet as they say, hope for the best, but keep a cacodemon at the ready.

  “And anyway, we’re wasting time. Your ship won’t shoot. Isn’t that so?” The toad licked her mouth and moved toward me. I gently stepped aside, sending forward one of Mercaloun’s minions.

  “Gobble at will and report back!”

  Two toothy creatures floated towards each other, seeking to resolve a simply question: ‘What will happen when an unstoppable glutton meets an insatiable object?’

  But as soon as they reached each other, something went awry. Bumping muzzle against muzzle, the Bufondian and the cacodemon froze. Eye to eye, maw to maw. Neither attacked nor retreated. Then the Bufondian stepped aside and my little monster went on his way, poking around and sniffing. I got the impression that the cacodemon hadn’t even seen Ribbit and didn’t understand what had impeded him. Finding nothing worth eating, the toothy furball turned around and returned to the ship. I even felt sorry for him. All this fuss and no food to show for it.

  “Hmm…This changes things quite a bit,” Ribbit said in a completely different tone of voice and followed after the cacodemon. “Let’s go. You’ll have to tell me how you came by one of Mercaloun’s minions. And, more importantly, why it obeys your commands.”

  The Bufondian entered the orbship like it was her own house. Utterly befuddled and putting my jaw back into its place, I followed after her. I was sure I had more questions for her than she had for me. The only person who didn’t take well to the sudden alien invasion was Brainiac. The ship computer turned on all the alerts available to him: A red strobe blinded my eyes, a howling siren blocked my ears and some kind of mist began seeping from the ventilation ducts.

  “Attention! Unauthorized access detected! Battle stations! Battle stations! Attention! Danger! Danger!”

  “Don’t panic!” I ordered, as soon as my comms began to function again. “Where is our guest?”

  “Cap’n! What guest? That thing passed through our defenses like they weren’t even there! Get it out of Warlock! Brainiac’s about to lose his mind,” the snake cried out.

  “Enough!” I snapped, not recognizing my own voice. My frustration with my bumbling crew had overflowed its limits. “How dare you yell at me? It’s embarrassing! Have you forgotten about your rank? You’re my subordinate! I asked you, where is my guest?”

  The engineer opened her mouth in amazement. I had never spoken this way to my crew before. The entire ship went silent. The lights blinked two more times before they too went out.

  Blinking her eyes, the engineer answered me in an even voice.

  “I have not forgotten my rank, Captain. The guest is in the cabin. In your chair.”

  I nodded and made my way to the deck in silence. The snake followed me with an odd look, but I did not feel any remorse. Merely a slight surprise. Why had I just lost my cool like that? I don’t remember ever acting this way before.

  Puzzled, I reached the bridge deck and took the free seat. Ribbit turned to face me in the captain’s chair and smiled as warmly as a toad could smile.

  “So how did you come by Mercaloun’s spawn?”

  “First tell me who you are.”

  “A Bufondian?” the toad teased playfully. I shook my head and the next moment, none other than Kiddo appeared before me in my chair.

  “A human?” The pirate asked.

  As soon as I saw Kiddo in my seat, I blew my top.

  “What the hell?! Get out of here!” I grabbed Marina by her shoulders and threw her out of the chair. Odd, I just reacted to someone occupying my customary place. What’s happening? First I flip out on my crew and now I utterly loathe the sight of Kiddo.

  “Oops, I guess not?” Marina burst into mirthful laughter. “You’re hard to please, but I will try again.”

  Now I was staring at Tryd and all I felt was a deep thirst for vengeance. For his constant mockery, for all his betrayals. The hate smoldered deep inside me, but I had also comprehended what was going on.

  “Enough,” I asked. “Let’s just talk.”

  What I was seeing was a mere illusion, some kind of magic. And this is supposed to be a sci-fi game that observes the laws of physics.

  “All right,” my guest agreed simply. “Does t
his appearance suit you?”

  “How about some Delvian I don’t know?” I sighed. The creature complied with my request, turning into a cute fox. “Yes, that’s better. Thank you.”

  Ribbit grinned and suddenly suggested:

  “Ask away. If the question’s interesting, I’ll answer it.”

  I was not at all deceived by her generous tone. More than likely, she just wants me to calm down after her impressive demonstration. She wants to talk. And that means that she…or it…needs something from me that it can’t force through violence.

  “Can you take any shape or form?” I chose to begin with a neutral question to give myself time to consider the situation.

  “My customary appearance is merely that race that I have consumed the most. At the moment, it’s up in the air between the Vraxis and the Bufondians.”

  I recalled our initial encounter and could not resist asking:

  “Why did you pretend to be a concubine?”

  “I’m bored,” the Delvian shrugged and nodded at the screen with the cube and the ships. “I’ve eaten almost everyone here. Sometimes I want to have some fun.”

  This remark again reminded me of Mercaloun.

  “So you are like a local guardian? And you need food. Or…do you want to get out of here?!”

  For a mere moment, a shadow of surprise slipped across the fox’s face, but I managed to notice it. The tension within me eased. I was sure now that this thing wouldn’t eat me. At least not right this instant, so I decided to consolidate my progress.

  “Can I help you with that?”

  “How?”

  “Well, like taking you to some place that’s full of delicious Zatra…uh…specimens resulting from Project #2373.”

  “Oh really?”

  A pause ensued. The guest stared at me, evidently thinking of how to best continue. A couple of times her eyes glossed over — a sign that the AI was downloading data. At long last, Ribbit replied:

  “How did you come by Mercaloun’s spawn?”

  “Is that to say that seeing my orbship doesn’t surprise you?”

  “You are a pirate. Surely you stole it. The spawn is much more interesting. They obey only that old crone. Is she really still out there, darkening the skies with her coils?”

  “Something like that, but more underground. Mercaloun became a planetary spirit. I did her a favor, and she thanked me in kind.”

  It didn’t take me much time to retell what had happened. Skipping the minutiae, I talked about the catering services I had provided and the bonuses I received in return. The guest did not interrupt, nor ask questions. I did not like that. What if Ribbit is like some old enemy of Mercaloun and will attack me for helping a nemesis?

  “But I’m not here because of her. I got the coordinates to this place from another source.”

  “Which one?” The guest leaned forward with interest.

  I began explaining about Warlock, Zalva’s moon, the inscription on the wall, the destruction of the base and how I decoded the coordinates.

  “I am stunned. It worked,” laughed the fox, putting his paw in front of him. Long black claws grew out of it. So that’s what scraped the coordinates into the wall! The threads were beginning to weave themselves into one whole. Too bad there were no hints about where the Zatrathi homeplanet could be.

  “Why did you leave that inscription?”

  “That was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. So you came here seeking treasure then, pirate?”

  “I was hoping I could find help here,” I tried to steer our conversation to the right direction. “I need the homeworld of the creatures that were created as a result of Project #2373.”

  “They never had a homeworld,” the creature said dismissively. “When it became clear that the experiment was a failure, all the specimens were loaded onto a ship and sent to be recycled.”

  “Brainiac, what is this thing? How does it know such details?”

  To my surprise, Brainiac responded in his ordinary voice. I guess he had turned on his personality matrix.

  “Captain, I have no idea! We are all in shock over here! We are just trying to keep quiet and not interfere…especially after your outburst.”

  “What does it matter who I am? You are focused on solving the wrong puzzle.”

  Pause. The fox looked at me with undisguised mockery, relishing my surprise. Brainiac went silent, silenced all the systems, and extinguished the screens. The ship went into hibernation in order to prevent the creature from rummaging around the computer’s mind.

  “You’re wasting your time, computer,” said the fox. “I’ve already learned everything I needed to know. For example, the coordinates of your planet. When I get out of here, I’ll be sure to drop in.”

  “Can you help us?” I asked in a quivering voice. It is difficult to talk to someone who seems like a crazed deity. “The war must be ended.”

  “Ha ha ha,” the fox laughed deeply. “The war! The war!”

  The creature went on laughing for a while, slapping his knee periodically.

  “Surgeon, would you call a race of cockroaches, a war? No? Neither would I.”

  “Then help me win the roach race.”

  “Very well. I am pleased that you are not arguing with me about your place in Galactogon,” snickered the monster and began to think. “I will help you find the planet, and you will get me out of here.”

  “So I am right?”

  “Right, wrong — what’s the difference? Is it a deal or not?”

  “The orbship doesn’t have enough power to escape the event horizon.” I wanted to sound the depths of this creature’s powers.

  “We’ll figure that out,” the guest answered enigmatically. “Do you accept? I will give you a thread. If you untangle it, it will lead you to your planet. In exchange, you get me out of here.”

  The deal sounded too good to be true. This was exactly what Ribbit was after, from the moment he had stepped on my ship. Too bad I had no other options. Either I agree to the terms or this bastard will take my orbship from me. I can be sure of that. Ribbit was already examining the ship like he owned it. By the way, is Ribbit even his name?

  “I’d like to know your true name.”

  “That will not benefit you in the slightest.”

  “I insist. I want to know who I’m making a deal with.”

  The guest did not think for too long. Cocking back her head, he addressed Brainiac:

  “Orbship computer: I prohibit you or your crew from telling Surgeon who I am. My name is Belmarad.”

  No one said anything, yet the fox frowned anyway:

  “Whom did you just send that message to?” he roared. “I will wipe all your data banks and turn the lot of you into scrap metal!”

  “Why don’t you formulate your orders more accurately, Belmarad!” replied Brainiac and my back bristled with the foreboding of misfortune. I’d never heard so much hatred in Brainiac’s voice. Meanwhile, the mysterious Belmarad immediately switched from anger to mercy.

  “No matter. It is the captain who decides — not whomever you just spoke to — and the time has come, Captain…”

  This sounded ominous enough for me to dial Eunice on my PDA — to no avail. The signal was blocked.

  You may not contact other players in the given scenario. Would you like to contact Galactogon customer support?

  “This is my system, Surgeon. You play by my rules here. Do you agree to our deal?”

  Belmarad reclined with a relaxed look on his face, but I had no doubt that he was dissimilating. He was too dangerous to be allowed out into the common world. It was bad enough out there with the Zatrathi.

  When I realized that I was thinking like a player who has lost touch with reality, I straightened up and tried to clear my head. Who cares what happens with this stupid game, as long as I get my check? Why burn it all down to the ground for all I care!

  “Deal! I’ll get you out of this prison.”

  “Captain…” Brainiac groa
ned and trailed off. Pleased, Belmarad rubbed his paws together.

  “Are you really so tired of the Zatrathi?” The creature ignored my bait about the prison.

  “Tired’s not the word for it. They destroyed the Delvian Empire. All of Galactogon is next.”

  “Who are the Delvians?” asked Belmarad. At first I frowned, but then I realized that this ancient creature had been here for a very long time. The current in-game empires had probably arisen after his imprisonment.

  “The Delvians are a race of fox-like creatures, the same ones whose appearance you’re currently using. Didn’t you know?”