A Check for a Billion

by Vasily Mahanenko

  “We are ready to enter hyperspace!”

  “Let’s go home!” I ordered and the stars on my screens stretched into lines. Fifteen seconds later, the system announced that the pirates had made it out and entered hyperspace themselves. I did not know where Wit-Verr headed off to, but every self-respecting pirate captain had his own secret hideout.

  Mission accomplished: Greetings from Beyond the Horizon. Received rank of Major of the Jolly Roger Brotherhood.

  As it turned out, my enjoyment of this fancy new title did not last long. About five seconds in all, actually.

  Your rapport with the Corsican has decreased. Current Rapport: -100000

  Your rapport with Hilvar has decreased. Current Rapport: -100000

  A bounty has been placed on your head. The galaxy’s bounty hunters have been notified.

  The Brotherhood of the Jolly Roger has been dissolved.

  But the worst was still to come. A few seconds after the messages faded away, Kiddo called me on the PDA:

  “Tell me, partner, does your credo happen to be: ‘Screw you, I got mine?’”

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Orbship Warlock, follow corridor three-seven-two! You must go through customs inspection!”

  “Do it, Brainiac,” I ordered, handing over control of the ship to the computer. Here they are, the downsides of the collapse of the pirate fraternity. Previously, a member of the Jolly Roger would have been greeted with flowers and music on one of Belket’s first ten docks. Now, however, the Precians regarded this freelancer with deep suspicion, unsure what to expect from him. Even my generally positive rapport with the empire did not help. To put it briefly, over the last few hours, I had lost almost all of my old friends. Kiddo tore up all our contracts and declared war. I could forget about partnering with her. No matter how I tried to explain to the hot-tempered girl that this was just a scenario, and it didn’t matter if I had done it or someone else, she refused to listen. Marina had too much invested in the Corsican and she had lost too much upon the Brotherhood’s dissolution. She was no longer a General of the legendary Jolly Roger, feared and respected by all — but an ordinary veteran, one of millions.

  Following her call, I received news that Hilvar and the Corsican had sent bounty hunters after me. A dozen more pirates — whom I’d never even heard of — hurried to express their condemnation and sent me a ‘black mark.’ In fact, basically all of Galactogon’s shadowy factions were up in arms against me for having rescued Wit-Verr from the black hole. Did I regret it? Not one bit! The cylinder in my inventory assured me that I had acted logically and correctly. And whoever wished to dispute this could do so in open battle.

  The orbship docked with the Arbiter and opened its hatch for the customs brigade. This time, the inspection was not limited to superficial scans. The Precians turned my entire ship upside down, looking for contraband. They paid no attention to the Anorxian Prince but they did get pretty worked up when they found the Zatrathi and the Uldan with the brainworm. One of the customs officers immediately scurried away to make a report to the appropriate authorities. I really hope that the adviser will take our bait and meets with us.

  Meanwhile an armed cordon and a flock of scientists resembling strange birds because of their white protective overalls and green gloves assembled outside our ship. Outwardly, none of them inspired confidence, so I did not allow them to enter the ship. My rapport with the empire deteriorated slightly, but I was within my rights. A player’s property is inviolable and the Zatrathi were now just property.

  “Pirate Surgeon, you must come with us,” said the head of the cordon.

  “He’s not going anywhere without me,” Eunice offered her two cents and cast the Precian a defiant glance. He grew flustered, unsure of her status and level of access.

  “My partner here will conduct all the negotiations for me,” I confirmed, delegating all the talking to Eunice.

  “Just a minute. I need to verify her information.” The Precian stepped aside to make a call. He cast several glances in our direction, nodding to whatever was being said on the other end of the line. Finally the decision was made: “Pirate Nurse has been granted access. Follow me. The both of you.”

  The apartments of the new viceroy were in no way modest, yet they did manage to balance practicality and wealth. There were no solid oak desks taking up the center of the whole cabinet or throne-like chairs. But at the same time, the multi-level shelves, numerous screens, holographic images of Belket and other high-tech innovations surely cost much more than any mere table. They were convenient, practical, and still quite expensive.

  The guards escorted us to our seats but before we could take them, the adviser joined us in the form of a hologram. His chair was no different from ours.

  “The better I get to know you, Surgeon, the more I wonder. How is it that an ordinary pirate has had such incredible luck? And yet, instead of becoming a true legend, instead of using your skills to the benefit of all, you decided to waste your talents on…why I don’t even know what.”

  “Does the adviser wish to offer me something?” I decided to take the bull by the horns.

  “Citizenship of the Precian Empire,” the old man stunned me. “Access to the capital, the title of Baron, land for the construction of personal residence as well as aid in building said residence. A monthly allowance and limited access to ‘top secret’ information.”

  “And what is the price of such a generous offer?” I had no doubt that there would be a catch. The bait was too tasty.

  “The price corresponds to the offer. You hand over the Zatrathi warrior, the Uldan and the Regal Relay to us. You explain why they are not aggressive and tell us where and how you got them. But even more importantly, you furnish us with the coordinates of all the pirate bases! The alien foe that threatens Galactogon at the moment is too dangerous to allow us to tolerate enemies from within. The pirates are to be destroyed once and for all. Clearly you understand as much, since you yourself have abandoned your Jolly Roger. Right after being named a lieutenant!”

  Why look at that! They have spies among the pirates, but low level ones, since they have not yet reported on my new rank and disintegration of the Brotherhood as a whole.

  “There is much the adviser is unaware of,” Eunice interjected. “Surgeon was promoted to Major.”

  I was about shush her, but my wife cut me off with a gesture. I had to remember to abide by our agreement about her doing the talking.

  “Hmm…” the Precian hummed pensively. “It is true, I did not have such information. A Major of the Brotherhood…this is quite the news… But ultimately it doesn’t matter!”

  “Captain Wit-Verr is back,” the girl continued. “And the Brotherhood as you know it, no longer exists.”

  “Are you saying that you shall sail under the banner of the Bufondian?” A note of steel sounded in the adviser’s voice.

  “We have come here to transfer two Zatrathi to the Precian Empire — without any expectation of compensation.” Eunice played our trumps. A bit crude if you ask me, but I did not interfere.

  “Without expectation of compensation?” the Precian repeated this utterly unusual phrase for me and my crew with unvarnished sarcasm. “Pirate Surgeon — renowned for all of Galactogon for the fact that one must pay him to so much as move from his place — wishes to do something without expectation of compensation?”

  “That’s right. You take the creatures, we tell you where and how we got them, and then we leave, without you owing us a penny.”

  A long pause ensued. The adviser froze several times, his eyes glassing over, to call his emperor — then froze again, until his AI figured out how to behave in this unexpected situation. A player was about to give away something extremely valuable to an NPC, something for which the NPCs were already prepared to pay a large sum for. Clearly there was some trick here. Definitely. But where? After all, everything seemed clean and transparent.

  “And you depart the planet immediately?” the adviser a
sked again, glassing over once more.

  “Not quite. We still have some business on Belket, but it has nothing to do with the Zatrathi.”

  The adviser made a show of thinking, though everything had already been decided.

  “Tell me how you got these creatures,” he said at last. This was definitely a test because Eunice placed the pre-prepared disk drive on the table.

  “It would take a long time. You can have your people check this disk for viruses and then open it. There are two videos on it. One concerns the Zatrathi warrior, the other concerns the Relay. You will understand everything right away.”

  A servant ran into the office and whisked the drive away. Several minutes later, a colorful half-hour film about the heroic exploits of two pirates began playing on one of the screens.

  Your title of Devil’s Advocate has been confirmed.

  +1000 Rapport with all empires.

  Speak to any imperial representative to receive your reward.

  Brainiac reported that the Precians had shown up again and this time I granted my permission to hand over the Zatrathi. The time had come to get rid of them. The adviser made sure that the transfer was complete before stepping closer to us and asking in a businesslike tone:

  “All right. What do you want? Let’s dispense with the pretty talk about charity.”

  “Before you accompanied Surgeon to Zalva’s moon, you promised him complete access to all of the information that the empire has about the Uldans. The time has come to pay that bills. We need everything you have.”

  “Will you accept Precian citizenship?” The adviser’s voice grew thick.

  “We are pirates,” Eunice refused. “We were pirates and we will remain pirates.”

  “This is not an answer that suits us.” Now the adviser grew defensive.

  “In that case, thanks for the reception, we will be on our way.” My wife didn’t bother arguing and rose from her seat. “Surgeon, we are expected at Hansa. Come on.”

  “Are you threatening us?” The Precian’s question had nothing to do with the given context. Something had gone wrong with his AI.

  Eunice merely shrugged, indicating that she was not interested in further conversation. There was much that I wanted to say, but I followed her silently. The door turned out to be locked. My wife raised an eyebrow questioningly, turning back to the Precian.

  “Enough, sit back down,” he said harshly. “This is no kindergarten. Let us talk like the serious sentients that we are.”

  “Let’s talk.” Eunice sat back down without a shadow of embarrassment. “We need data about the Uldans.”

  “Impossible. We cannot provide such information to the empire’s enemies. The pirates are our enemies.”

  “Even we?”

  “Even you. We cooperate as long as it is mutually beneficial to us. As soon as that benefit disappears, nothing will prevent you from striking us in our weakest points. It would be foolish to trust a pirate. Such is the emperor’s position and that is my position too.”

  “There is another way.” I felt that it was time for me to speak up and placed the cylinder of riddles before the adviser’s hologram. “We need information in order to find the answers to these riddles. If you help us with this, you can keep your knowledge about the Uldans.”

  A twinkle sparkled in the Precian’s eyes as soon as he saw the rare artifact. I had to give Eunice her due — she had anticipated the logic of the conversation almost to a T. Her understanding of the locals’ essences — the AI and psychology that underpinned their motives and behavior — turned her into a dangerous negotiator indeed. Servants ran into the office bearing strange devices. The cylinder was measured, scanned and photographed. A copy of the device appeared in front of the adviser and he began conferring with the emperor yet again.

  “I know who Mercaloun is, but I don’t know what ‘corpitain of dalir’ means. The same goes for ‘the dysplasia of cartosis’ and ‘the mardiration of the ulborsa.’ These words are meaningless to me. I can, however, be of some help with regards to the ‘cryptix.’ This is one of the techniques to transform gurlan energy into its erotophenic state. Indeed it is odd that your ship computer does not know such an elementary process. The problem is complicated by the need to use the Varlian calendar, since the years are distributed unevenly in it, but…What’s this?”

  A hand reached into the adviser’s projection holding out a piece of paper. The adviser read it and broke into a smile: “The answer to this question is as follows: 7X5Q82G. Try it.”

  I touched the red line on the cylinder. A virtual keyboard appeared. The adviser repeated the sequence once more, and after entering it, the line lit up in a pleasant light green color. One of the four answers was in.

  “I am sorry, but the Precian Empire cannot help you with the answers to the rest of the questions. Surgeon, Nurse — the Precian Empire repeats its offer: Become our subjects and receive lands and titles as a reward for your service. Few humans in Galactogon have been granted such an honor.”

  “Do we have to quit being pirates?”

  “Without any discussion. The commonwealth of the ten remaining empires has decided to exterminate them. Especially in view of the recent return of Captain Wit-Verr. We will do this with or without you — it does not matter.”

  “Unfortunately, we cannot make this decision right this instant. Give us time.”

  “A day. The emperor’s offer will be valid for twenty-four hours, after which you either quit piracy altogether or become the enemies of all the empires. All the best, Surgeon! I look forward to your wise and informed decision.”

  The adviser disconnected. The servants who had brought us here coughed helpfully, pointing to the exit, and a countdown timer appeared before my eyes: 23 hours 59 minutes. What could we do in that time? Why just about whatever we needed to!

  “Brainiac, get the Prince ready! Eunice, come with me. Hello, Tryd…? Oh shut up and listen for once. I am on Belket, we can meet in thirty minutes…Why I couldn’t care less that that’s not enough time. If you want that Anorxian, you’ll be here on time.”

  “Lex — look out!” As soon as we stepped out of the viceroy’s residence, Eunice shoved me aside. Three lines of red plasma pierced my wife, casting her against the wall. We had been forced to remove our armor suits before the meeting and as a result Eunice had been wearing nothing but a bullet-proof vest. Already falling, I saw a huge hole in her chest, after which my wife turned into a shimmering loot crate.

  “Hilvar sends his regards!” I managed to hear before a loud bang filled my ears. The shots ceased and shadows began flickering before my eyes — Belket’s airborne guards had come to and began doing their jobs. I peeked out from the column I had taken cover behind. There were no enemies in sight. Realizing that they didn’t have the time to get me too, they had decided to respawn. The guards circled over the corpses, but could not do anything. Being the target here, no one paid any attention to me. So what if some player was attacked? He should be more careful next time.

  “Don’t come pick me up,” Eunice called me on my PDA. “They’ll be waiting for you to do that. I’m sure, Kiddo will disrupt you out of hyperspace. Let’s first deal with the Tryd business. Oh and another thing: I know where we can start looking for the solutions to the cylinder’s riddles. Mr. Eine!”

  That a girl! How did I not think of that myself?

  “I’ll brainstorm what we can tempt him with,” Eunice went on. “Let’s hope that he can help us. Take my armor.”

  She didn’t even have to ask. Everything was already safe and sound in my inventory. I put on my own armor suit and requested permission to fly to my ship. I was not about to go trudging back through a crowded street. Nor was I going to start opening the loot crates that my assassins had left in their wake. The pirates were quite capable of planting a bomb in one. Ordering Brainiac to self-destruct if I left Belket without him for some reason, I took off and headed for the docks. No one attacked me — but I felt that this had less to do with t
here being no more bandits and more with the three escorts flying beside me. The Belket police made sure that pirate Surgeon was flying in the right direction, without deviating from his requested route.

  Half an hour later I was sitting in a familiar office, awaiting Tryd’s arrival. Getting here had not been difficult — I picked up the Prince from Warlock and took the black cube to the market. They were already waiting for me over there — Vardun was standing near the pseudo-smuggler’s shop. This time there were no EM grenades, blindfolds or cryptic abductions. The pirate’s residence was located in the basement of the market’s administration building, hinting pretty openly whom the market actually belonged to. Vardun adopted his habitual pose, leaning against the wall, and left me to myself. Eunice has already passed the customs inspection and was supposed to join me any minute now. Of course the risk of losing our spare ship was a big one to take, but now was the time to do it.