by Parker, Ali
Seth and I were a lot of fun while we lasted, but for some reason, I still couldn’t give him the benefit of the doubt.
“It’s still going to be a good week before I can move in, and if something changes between now and then, let me know. I still want to stay here until the last minute just to piss them off. My parents don’t know I’m being forced out.”
“What about your brother?”
“Ugh, don’t mention him. I swear, the stork was drunk and left him on the wrong doorstep. We can’t possibly be related after what he did.”
“You mean you couldn’t see a family resemblance with all of that skin.” I couldn’t help myself.
“Oh, you’re mean,” she said, her voice laden with agony. “I’m telling you, Avery, I’m traumatized.”
I gave a little giggle.
“That’s the sound I was hoping to hear,” she said.
“Yeah, well, let’s hope by the end of the day I’m smiling too.”
“You will be. I have a good feeling about it.” Her tone was genuine, and I was glad that at least one of us could be positive.
“Thanks. I’ll call you later with the details. Hopefully, it’s good news.”
“Yeah, speaking of calling me later, I should go,” she said. “I have to drive out to my parents’ today and store some of my things while they’re out of town. I don’t want them to see me bringing them back. They’ll ask me a bunch of questions.”
“Good luck.” I ended the call and went to get my coffee from the Keurig. It was still piping hot, and just as I got to the living room, I heard someone at the door.
I heard a key go in the lock and knew exactly who it was. Clara walked in a moment later, looking a little stronger than the day before. “Hey, it’s me,” she said. “Oh, coffee. That smells so delicious.”
“Grab you a cup. I’m going to sit down.” I made my way to the couch where I had stayed the night curled up in a ball and crying my eyes out.
“Nah, I just had a latte. Are you okay?” She plopped down in the chair beside me. “Do you want to tell me what happened last night?”
“Sounds like you already know.” I was so sick of the university and how quickly everyone could know all of my business.
“Dillon came home last night and told me that you and Seth were going to patch things up. He told me that Seth hadn’t cheated, and he left him to fix it. I take it that was a mistake.”
“The only mistake was me making an ass out of myself again.” I wiped my nose with the wadded tissue in my fist.
“Have you been crying all night?”
I nodded.
“It can’t be that bad. Seth really cares about you. What happened?”
“I was trying to make him jealous and get back at this loser at the same time. I should have just stayed home. It wasn’t even me. It was like I was someone else. I guess with the wreck and all of the sadness, I wanted to be.”
“That doesn’t sound like you, for sure.” Her tone wasn’t judgmental, and in fact, she seemed to feel sorry for me.
I figured I’d tell her everything. “Britany of all people came to tell me. She said that Seth never met up with her that night, and that means that I put us through all of this for nothing. I didn’t even trust him. I just flew off the handle again to protect my own heart. I should have known he wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Well, from what you told me and from his past reputation, it was justified. Don’t beat yourself up about it. I would have fallen for it too. You were tricked. It’s not your fault.”
That wasn’t the worst of it, though. “I hit him. I slapped him across the face when he was trying to make reason with me.”
Clara’s eyes widened. “You slapped him? Oh wow. How did he take that?”
“He raised a fist but didn’t take a swing. But I could see it was knee jerk. He was abused as a kid. And I knew that too. I shouldn’t have put him in that position. Violence isn’t okay, ever. And if men can’t hit women, women shouldn’t have the right to hit men either.”
“True.”
“There was no excuse for that. Especially after what he’s been accused of.”
“I’m sorry, Avery.”
“I was just so upset. And last night when I went to catch up to him and tell him I was sorry for everything, he was already gone. I searched the entire party for him and had Will help me check the rooms upstairs, but his car wasn’t outside. I tried to call him, but he won’t answer. So, I came home and got the car, but he wasn’t home, and I couldn’t find him anywhere in town.”
Clara let out a huff and gave me a scolding look. “You should have called me. You shouldn’t have been driving anywhere. You’re not released yet.”
“Dad left me the keys for an emergency, and I know you may not think it, but it was one. I didn’t want to bother you and Dillon.”
“It’s never a bother, Avery. You’re my sister. You’re stubborn, and sometimes, I get upset with you for that, but I’m always here.” She handed me a new tissue and took one for herself. “Is there anywhere else you think he might go? Home? A special place?”
She was really trying to help.
“There is one place. But it’s over an hour away, and I didn’t want to push it.”
“Smart move. And what if he’s not even there? Did he maybe go home?”
“No, he wouldn’t go there.”
“Any other family he might visit?”
“His only brother passed away. They were really close.”
“You can’t worry yourself sick. He’ll come around when he’s ready. You just keep trying to call him and maybe leave him a message. He’ll listen to it eventually.”
“His voice box is full. I keep wondering if he left alone. After what I did, I can’t even blame him. I practically pushed him to cheat.”
Clara frowned. “That’s bullshit, and you know it. He’s probably just off venting. Or maybe he’s home already.” Clara picked up her keys. “Come on. I’m taking you there. I’ll call Dillon and see if he can call around and find out anything. He’s got friends all over campus and beyond. Someone is bound to see him.”
“Okay, just give me a minute.” I got up and went to put on my shoes and checked the mirror to see how bad I looked. My hair was still barely curled from the night before, and my miracle eyeliner had been cried off hours ago.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face, and when I was ready, I found Clara in the kitchen, pacing the room. “Are you sure it was him? Because that doesn’t sound good.”
My first instinct was that something bad had happened. “What’s going on?” I asked as my heart raced.
She pulled the phone away. “It’s Dillon. He said one of the guys saw Seth coming out of the liquor store with four bottles of vodka.”
“Shit.” Four bottles? That couldn’t be right. “Was he with someone?” If he was partying with some other girl, I didn’t even want to bother.
“No, he was alone.” She turned her attention back to Dillon, and when she ended the call, she gave me a regretful look. “Dillon said we have to go get him first. He doesn’t want us to approach Seth alone. Especially if he’s been drinking that much.”
“When was he seen at the liquor store?”
“He’s not sure. The person he heard it from, heard it from someone else.” That sounded about right.
I was suddenly unsure about our lead. “You do realize it’s probably not even true. It could have been anyone in a Jeep for all we know.”
“Well, that’s what I thought, but Dillon said just to be safe, he wanted to drive us over.”
“I just want to talk to him. That’s all. I just have to know he’s okay. And tell him that Britany explained things and how sorry I am.” It still didn’t feel like enough. Would he ever forgive me for what I’d done?
When we got to my sister’s apartment to pick up Dillon, he walked out with a look of concern on his face. “Are you okay, Avery?” he asked as Clara slid over and let him in the driver’s seat.
“I’m good
. I just wish you would have called and told me what happened when you found out the truth.”
He threw his hands up. “I know. I’m sorry. I just thought it was best if Seth handled it. I didn’t know you’d try to give him a dose of his own medicine. And with Ben?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “You can do so much better.”
“Ben?” Clara thought a minute. “Oh, no. You didn’t.”
“Nothing happened. I didn’t even kiss him. I just stood there and talked. He did something to upset me a while back, and I figure if Seth was going to punch some guy in a jealous rage, he was deserving.”
“Well, I can’t really disagree with you there,” said Dillon. “That guy does wear on a person.”
I looked out of the window as we drove over to Seth’s apartment. “I still don’t think the vodka story is true. I just hope he’s home.”
Dillon slowed the truck to make the next turn. “No, it was him. I asked around some more when I got off of the phone with Clara. My friend said it was definitely Seth, and he was looking really rough. But it wasn’t four bottles of vodka. It was only two. One was orange juice.”
“That’s not much better. I don’t think Seth drinks mixers.” He most likely had a girl with him. The pit in my gut was like an open wound screaming in pain. “He’s not alone.”
“I’ll go to the door, Avery. You don’t have to. We’re going to fix this. You two just have to talk.”
“Communication is so important,” said Clara, taking his hand. “You have to hear each other out, and I’m sure he’ll want to fix it too.”
“I know he does. He looked pathetically ruined over everything last night, and I’ve never seen him that way. He’s wanted to talk for days, but what if he doesn’t want to anymore? I don’t know what I’ll do.”
“Well, you’re about to find out.” When we pulled up at the apartment, Seth’s Jeep was parked out front. “He’s here.”
Chapter 30
Seth
As the water washed down my back, I turned the bottle up and let it wash down my throat. The shower was hot, and it was just what I needed to balance the numb feeling inside me that was about to get duller.
I was so desperate to get away but only got as far as the cemetery where my brother was buried. After reflecting there a while, I spent the night sleeping in my Jeep and drove back to town when I woke up.
After a quick stop by the liquor store, where I stocked up, preparing to drown my sorrows alone, I came home.
I turned in the shower and let the water wash down my front. Avery and I were over. My life was never going to be the way I wanted it ever again, so I might as well get used to it.
I was halfway through the first bottle when I heard someone pounding on my door, and I imagined it was someone spoiling for a fight.
I decided to let them have it. I needed a good ass beating, and I was prepared to take it like a man.
I turned off the water, put the towel around me, and stepped out. “Just a minute,” I said, turning up the bottle for another swig of fire.
If I couldn’t drown my problems, I’d burn them.
I threw the door open and was surprised to find Dillon standing in my hallway. “What the fuck are you doing here? I never laid a hand on Ben.”
“I know. I’m here to make sure you’re alone.”
“Yeah, I’m utterly and painfully alone.” I turned the bottle up again as Dillon looked behind him.
“He’s all yours,” he said.
Avery stepped up to the doorway, and suddenly, my arms went limp beside me, and it was all I could do to keep the bottle in my hands.
“Take my sister home,” she told him. “We’ll be fine.”
Dillon hesitated. “She’s not going to like that, but okay.”
“Just don’t tell her about the towel,” she said, looking me up and down. “Or the vodka.”
Dillon nodded. “Yeah, I’m not crazy.” He shook his head and walked away without another word.
Avery was quiet a moment as she shut the door. Finally, she turned and met my eyes. “I’m sorry. I was wrong for not believing you. I should have trusted that you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.” Her face turned red around her eyes, and I could see the mist of tears there glossing them over.
I nodded. “You want to know something I never said to Layla?”
She shrugged. “Sure, fire away.”
“I never told her I loved her. You see, I don’t just give those words away without meaning. I don’t use them lightly. And even at the time when I thought I loved her and needed her back, I knew deep down it wasn’t true. Not in the way it should be. I mean, I do love Layla as a friend. We’ve been through a whole lot, but I’m not in love with her.”
She was about to speak, but I shook my head and took a step forward, closing the distance between us as the beads of water ran down my back, giving me a chill.
“I get why you thought what you did, and I know that you didn’t want to believe that. It was just my stupid past making it worse. And that’s my fault.”
“But I hit you,” she said as the tears ran down her cheeks. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s my fault you reacted how you did.”
“No, that’s my father’s fault. Not ours. He made me that way. He used to make me and Bryan fight when we were kids. He would egg Bryan on until I begged for mercy, and when we both got older, we made a pact not to ever do that again. We turned on him when we were big enough, and we beat him and beat him, and it still didn’t make him quit.”
“I looked all night for you,” she whispered. “I came here, I drove across town, but I figured you went to the Tiger Lily Café.”
“No, I almost went there. I guess it’s not going to be the same anymore now that it reminds me of you.”
“It was the place no one expected you’d be before, and now that I know about it, the magic is gone, right?”
“It had a brand-new magic to it now, but I guess I lost that too.”
“You haven’t lost anything that can’t be found.” She put her hand to her heart. “Where were you?” She looked as if the answer might scare her.
Did she think I was with someone else? Dillon had asked me if I was alone. She probably thought I had another woman here with me. “I went to Bryan’s grave. When I saw you in the kitchen and you were so upset, I knew it was over. I just had to get away. To go somewhere, and he was the only one who was going to understand.”
“You got it wrong. That’s not what I was upset about, Seth. I was upset because I ruined it.” She began to cry even harder, and I stood there, wishing I could make it better for both of us. “I ruined everything.”
Hearing her say that made me wince. “I’m the one who ruins things, baby. Not you. You make them better. You make me better too. At least you make me want to be.”
“No, I’m the one who didn’t trust you, and I’m the one who ended things over something out of your control. It was my fault.” Her argumentative tone made me hesitate.
“I should have done a better job of showing you how important you are to me.”
“But you did. I just slept through it. I should have realized. It’s on me.” She pulled her arms in close.
“Are you going to argue with me over whose fault it is?” I shifted on my feet. “I love you. I don’t care whose fault it was.” I closed the distance, pulling her into my arms.
“I love you too.” She began to weep, and I had tears too. They rolled down my cheek and stained her hair. We stood like that for what seemed like forever.
Finally, she lifted her head and stepped back to look at me. I was mostly dry, but I had a screaming hard-on for her. “So, you’re naked,” she said.
I laughed. “I was in the shower,” I said softly.
She grinned. “How much have you had to drink?”
I held up the bottle. “This much.” I was sporting a good buzz to go with my hard-on.
“You’re not going to sober up and change your mind, are you? Because I can’t
go through this again.”
I shook my head. “Not a chance. But I would like to go lay down.”
Avery gave me a sympathetic look. “Is the room spinning?” she asked with a smile, taking my arm as if to steady me.
“No, I just want to get you horizontal.” I picked her up, and she laughed with delight as I carried her to the bed.
“I’ve missed you,” she said as I placed her on my covers.
I brushed her hair back from her face. “Not as much as I’ve missed you.”
“Even though I was mad at you because of what I’d heard, all I kept thinking about was how to get you back. I wanted you to be jealous, and I wanted you to fight for me.”
“You don’t know how hard it was not to annihilate Ben. I didn’t believe him for a minute, either. I know that punk was hitting on you.”
“I kind of wanted you to punch him in the face.” She laughed. “I guess that’s pretty horrible.”
“Yeah, especially because I could really fuck that guy up. But I’m serious. I missed you so much you were all I could think about. I haven’t been eating or sleeping right. I’ve been a mess. The only reason I made it through my championship game is that I wanted to impress you.”
“No,” she said, giving me a pointed look. “I’ve still missed you more. And I’m prepared to fight about it.”
“Oh, are you?” I said. “You want to take me on?”
“Yeah.” She smiled, and before I knew it, she yanked off my towel. “What are you going to do about it?”
My lips crushed against hers. Avery put her arms around my neck. I braced myself above her as we made out.
I kissed down her front, and when I worked my way back up, she met my eyes. “I don’t ever want to fight again,” she said. “Losing you sucks.”
“I agree. I don’t like being without you either. And especially seeing someone with their hands on you.” I took a deep breath, hoping it would help the sting in my chest. Just the thought that she would go for someone else had me so messed up I felt like I was ruined. “I’ve never cared when anyone moved on other than Layla. And that was only because I was scared to be alone. But the thought you could move on? I didn’t like the idea of being without you.”