PS... Trust Me (TAT: A Rocker Romance Book 8)

by Emjay Soren

  He nods, then shrugs. “A few small ones I can handle. He knows I have him by the balls. This is a fear tactic and nothing more. My point is if it is more, be alert.”

  I nod knowing he isn’t finished.

  “I know you think picking up shifts to get close to Carrie will somehow slip my notice, but for now just know I’m glad you are there. That doesn’t mean get close Chad.” He points his eyes on me then and stares. “Carrie is too fucking good for the life we live. She isn’t a fangirl or a tatterfly. I keep her from this side of my life for a reason. Know your place Chad because I would die for Carrie and her me. I tell her it’s me or you she will pick me. Fair or not doesn’t matter. She doesn’t need something dirty. She is clean, feel me?”

  “Double sided coin you handed out there. Watch her but don’t get close? I am already close.” I step up to him, not threatening but making my point. “I know who Carrie is and I know she would pick you. So do the right thing and don’t make her choose.”

  He takes the last drag of his smoke and looks me square in the eyes. “The wrong thing is always easiest though. You do this and go after her, knowing how I feel will change things.”

  I shrug, just as he would if I threatened him with that bullshit. “That it?”

  “That’s it. I said my piece it’s up to you what comes next.”

  I nod, but I’m anything but cool. He treats me like I am some fuck who wants ass and to bail. “So, you ask me to look out, keep her safe when she is near me and then in the same breath tell me I’m not good enough? Think on that for a while. Chew on it, taste it and then swallow it because you served that horseshit you eat it.”

  I walk inside letting the door slam behind me, conversation done.

  “We will see.” He says as he takes his seat back at the table. “Finish my tat while I calmly eat the horseshit as you call it.”

  Like that it was over. I don’t know if he sees my side and will back off, or see’s my side and will interfere. I have faith in the latter.

  Chapter Three

  Chad

  I pull up to Noah’s and honk the horn as Shinedown Cut the Cord plays. I sing along thinking of my best friend needing the advice of this song. We have had time to cool down since the heated chat over Carrie. I haven’t given up on seeing if anything can happen, regardless of what he thinks. He should know she would be the safest dating me.

  Noah gets in a few minutes later and turns it down. “We need to swing by the bank.” He says and shuts the truck door.

  I know by bank he means The Joint. I’m sure he has a bank, but that’s all he sees The Joint as. Money when he needs it and that’s that.

  I flip around and make my way toward the pier. “Fuck, I forgot my cap.” I say and hit the wheel. I look at the dashboard clock and know I don’t have time to grab it.

  “Go without it.” Noah says as he rolls guitar strings.

  I look at him annoyed. “I have long hair dude and it sucks to sweat with a mop on my head.”

  “Jesus…” Noah grumbles beside me before handing me a bandana from his back pocket. Wear this Princess.”

  I snatch the bandana and flip him off as I pull into the parking lot to the pier. I wrap it around my head wishing it was my cap as Noah laughs at me. “I may be high maintenance, but the image of Chad Blake from TAT is important and I bust my ass to maintain it.” I argue as he laughs harder when I start ticking off my point. The gym, tats, hair, and piercings. These things are my image and I am one of the rare musicians who give the truth. I stay in my lane and go with what works.” I realize that he doesn’t get it as he laughs hysterically beside me.

  Frustrated I open the truck door and look at him. “A bandana isn’t my thing. I’m not fucking Yelawolf.”

  Noah is in a fit of laughter now and I am livid, but my anger dies down when I notice Carries car in the lot.

  Suddenly my irritation is gone as I quickly debate wearing it in or going in hair down when Noah walks in front of me. I decide to keep it on and follow him in ready to punch him in the throat if he dares tell Carrie about my tantrum.

  I hadn’t seen or spoken to her since the day shift, we’d worked together. She looked just as effortlessly perfect as always in her short shorts and oversized Joint shirt. She was wiping down the counter unaware we were there or that I was watching her. Noah ignored me as I watched her, effectively ruining it as he bitched about something, most likely me on his way to the office.

  When Carrie saw me standing there watching her, I watched as her eyes lit up as she took me in. Suddenly the bandana was a Godsend because I could see her interest as if she spoke it out loud.

  Carrie Beckett is giving me fuck me eyes.

  Unexpected but welcome.

  “Well, hello, Carrie Becket.” I drawled and popped a toothpick in my mouth. God knew I had to bite something.

  “Chad Blake!” She squealed like a fangirl. “O-M-G I am so going to Facebook this later.” She screeched in the worst bubble gum chomping accent I have ever heard as she bobbed her head side to side like a dingbat.

  “Such a smart ass.” I chuckle, but love that she isn’t afraid to tease me. I know I deserve it considering the trail of women I have dated.

  She nodded, still playing the dumb blond role. “I’m in college. It makes me smart, right?”

  I can’t help but laugh at this lighter side. “Busy night tonight?”

  “No, pretty slow.” She looks up at me, eyes on my mouth as I watch her swallow. When did you get the lip ring?”

  She likes it, I guarantee it.

  “After our show last week at the Broken Spoke. It was our hundredth sold out gig, so this was my reward. Speaking of…” I say and step in closer to the counter so only she can hear me. “I thought you were fishing for the details about that show. I figured you would show up.”

  “Yeah, right.” She mumbles and looks away. “We were short that night, so I stayed for the extra money. I’m trying to save up to start shopping for fall semester, so the extra shifts help a lot.” Not that I am against any opportunity to be near her without Noah, but she works too much for a college student with zero debt.

  “I don’t know why you’re here at all. Why not do what Noah does and not conform to the big shot Seattle trust fund dudes. Hell, you’re selling soon enough anyway.”

  “Because Noah can do what he wants. He isn’t attending school as per our mom’s stipulations. He went into a trade where he apprenticed at an early age and now makes a particularly good living at it. However, I am attending school, hoping to become a writer. I would like a degree to back that up. It’s never been about the money or the business. This place is like a giant thumb we’re both stuck under. It comes with memories we don’t want and money that is dirty.” She said the last part quietly and looks ashamed for it.

  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

  “Besides, in case you haven’t noticed, Noah is completely hung up on you guys going national one day. He won’t sleep till TAT has gold records.”

  “That makes two of us then.” I agree. “But I refuse to go platinum though till you see a show.”

  She laughs, not because what I said had humor in it, but because she doubts me. “Well, I can’t promise…busy and all.”

  “You’re hard to get, Carrie, but I’ll find a way to catch you.” I say it low enough only she hears as I lean in. There’s a solid three feet between us as she steps back, I smile. I like knowing I make her nervous.

  “Want a clue?”

  Did she… did I hear… oh fuck yes, I do want a clue.

  “It would make this a lot easier.”

  “Make what easier?” Noah asked as he walked up to us. Fucker cock blocking me even when he doesn’t realize it. Knowing Carrie will never tell him I am full blown hitting on her, I answer him.

  “Getting your sister and all her pretty girls to come to a show.”

  She looks at me shocked knowing that was not our conversation. I keep my eyes locked on her, daring her to call my lie out. Sh
e doesn’t and that was all I needed to know.

  “Not fucking happening, bro.” Noah said and then leaned over the counter, popped the till and snatched a fifty-dollar bill. He slammed the drawer shut and kissed her cheek. “Going out with a little hottie after the show, so I might crash there. Lock up and call me if you need me.”

  We turn to leave but I hold her stare if I can. There was the smallest glimmer of hope in her eyes that he would have said yes.

  “Good luck, break a leg and all that.” She called out, the playfulness gone as we leave, and I feel like I am leaving Cinderella to work as I go play.

  “Fuck him! Be your own person and come to the show. I’ll kick his ass if he gets pissed.” I say and make my way back toward her.

  She seems to think on it, biting that bottom lip and making me crazy as I wait for her to be just a smidge reckless and selfish.

  “I can’t, Chad. More importantly, I won’t.” She sounds so lost as she says it, but also so determined and I want to know why she is so concerned with Noah’s opinion.

  “Carrie?” I yell as she walks further from me.

  “Yeah?”

  “The clue….what was the clue to catching me a Carrie Becket?” I ask and the pink dusting on her cheeks and that sweet smile confirm I am not out of the game yet.

  “Stop treating me like a fangirl or tatterfly and put in the work.” And like that, she mic dropped and headed to the office.

  It’s cool though, hard to get is just my speed.

  *

  In bed late that night I lie there looking at Carries number in my phone wanting to text her. Maybe it was the protection of the night that made what I wanted to know easier, less vulnerable if I was rejected. I didn’t text her, but instead replayed our earlier interaction through my mind. She wanted what I was hinting at. Hinting because I do think of what Noah said to me. He knows me better than most. I am that guy. It doesn’t matter if I don’t want to be him anymore, I am him.

  I think about my last girlfriend, Tricia. She was fire at first. I was eighteen when we first hooked up and she was wild. But she had stars in her eyes. There was always a getback with her and in the end, it destroyed anything that made me want her.

  She was the first girl to hurt me. She didn’t break my heart, but it stung, and I promised myself that was it. That was close enough and from there I kept that promise. But year after year Carrie took my resolve without even knowing it.

  There are moments that I have had with Carrie that we both swore would never go further than us. Talking with Noah these past few years tells me that she held up to that secret. I think of those moments now, and honestly, I am a damn fool for not jumping in head first on her birthday last year. Her birthday was a thing between them. Bad music and junk food or something, but for me it was another year older and maybe another year toward Noah seeing I was for real and not budging.

  Her twentieth birthday though… there were sparks and a few touches that said more. Noah was there as we sat at the small kitchen table with Candy, Cassa and Shamus playing a drinking game. Noah wouldn’t let anyone come until after they did their ritual and unlike her eighteenth, I didn’t crash this time. Twenty was different, twenty and she had become a woman. She grew into her body more, her baby cheeks were gone and her hair longer, wilder with the streaks of ash blonde in them. She was wearing makeup now, not a lot but enough to tell me if I saw her on the street I would fall to my knees and change my ways for good.

  I sat beside her and for one moment I leaned in and placed my hand on top of hers on her lap. “Happy birthday Carrie girl.” I whispered. She shivered and the scent of her cherry vanilla shampoo made me instantly hard.

  She turned to look at me, a buzz from the booze making her giggle as her soft eyes looked at me. “Thanks, you, Chad. You always make it special.”

  My heart was full to bursting just knowing she knew I tried in some small way to show her she was important. I always knew on some level, even when I first met them, that they were only important to one another. I wanted to matter to Carrie.

  I smiled, my own buzz making me look like a goofy bastard I’m sure. “Always babe.”

  I felt like an ass calling her that, it was natural though and the way she smiled I couldn’t change my words.

  “I mean it.” She had whispered and leaned in closer as she wrapped her hand in mine. I looked down, excited and hopeful as fuck at just that one action. Then I felt it. A tangled up metal chain. I knew without looking what she had, but looked anyway because I needed to know she kept it. As I looked down she opened her palm.

  In it was a charm bracelet I gave her on her eighteenth birthday. A small token really, a simple chain with a little guitar on it.

  “Always, Babe.” She said back and I melted. Noah came back to the table then and she moved away from me, the moment gone and I could have killed him.

  Tonight as I lay here I wish like fuck I had manned up and dropped the charade.

  When I left that night I hugged her and wished her happy birthday again. She looked up at me with a little slur and glossy red eyes, “Like the Capulets and the Montagues, you n’ me.” She hiccupped and like a ghost Noah grabbed her and carried her to bed.

  I left and to this day I wonder if she remembers that. One day, I hope I can ask her. Knowing there is no sleep coming my way I reach for my lamp and flip it on. I look at the bandana on my dresser, thinking of her eyeing me when I wore it and decide it’s good inspiration.

  I grab my guitar and try to find the tune to the old Dire Straits song Romeo and Juliet. After destroying the rendition in my head I pull up the song on you tube, and like that I fall into the lyrics as I remember Gramps old Dire Straits albums as a kid.

  I slowed it down, let it moan from me as I sang with a yearning for my Juliet.

  Chapter Four

  Chad

  I was slammed at work with back to back clients and currently stuck with a female that was on my last nerve. The entire time I was working on her she would moan even though I knew she was in pain. Normally that shit would get me playful and I would work her up and get her in bed by the end of the night. But suddenly the appeal was gone. I think of getting laid now and it is only Carrie I see. She invades every damn thing these days and its got me irritable.

  “You need to get laid.” Shame says to me after I bit his head off for calling me three times in a row. Clearly I was busy. I told the chick on my table to take a break so I could take a call and left before she could reply or offer a quickie.

  Trust me, she would have offered.

  “What do you want?” I say by way of ignoring his remark.

  “Bonfire at the cabin tonight. Tell the herd.”

  I make a sound of disgust. “Seriously? Another rager? Cant we just chill our crew? I’m sick of the hype, I need a break.”

  “No, you’re sick of the dry spell. Get some pussy and lighten the fuck up.” He says, knowing damn well its been months, since September since I have fucked anyone other than myself.

  “I don’t want pussy.” I snarl, at my limit with this whole thing. I need it to come to a head before I go insane.

  “You’re right, you want Miss Beckett and too big of a pussy to go for it.” Well… there it was.

  “I gotta get back to work.” I say avoiding the truth.

  “You know I’m right.”

  I didn’t say a word.

  “One thing Chad, and Ill let it go I swear.”

  Again I said nothing.

  “Noah will get over it. He might hate it, might try to kill you, but he will get over it. He just needs to see she is different.”

  “Yeah…” I agree with a sigh. “Look ill see you tonight.”

  I go back to my client and half heartedly finish up her tattoo as I try to mentally get Carrie out of my head. To get that damn memory out of my head. To get that song out of my head. Fuck, maybe the celibacy thing was getting to me. I look up to the willing woman on my table and the affect she has on me is the same one when
a random girl puked on my dick as she was giving me head.

  In other words, a seriously diminished libido.

  Then she appeared, laughing and hugging Bobby when our eyes met. And like a prayer in the middle of the night, she finally gave me hope. Her eyes on me told me more than words ever have and I knew then that Shame was right.

  All in.

  Carrie

  I was scheduled to work tonight, but swung into Slave to the Needle for a piece Noah was giving me on my ribs. It was a surprise and I couldn’t wait to tell him what I was getting. It was an extremely personal tattoo that I would cherish forever… but I was also making a request.

  I dressed in a black sports bra and a pair of tight fitting hot pink yoga pants with some two dollar flip-flops. I walked into the shop and stopped short when I saw Chad sitting in a chair on the other side of the shop. A woman with blonde hair, fake I might add, not natural like mine, was lying on the bed in front of him. The tattoo was being placed, of course, on her lower back. So typical. Perhaps I was being catty, but at least I was big enough to admit it.

  “There she is.” Bobby said from behind the front desk. Bobby was six foot six and probably three hundred pounds of pure muscle. He rode a Harley, he owned the shop and looked every bit your stereotypical biker/tattoo dude. Noah had been trained under Bobby, and in return Bobby had become like family. He was nothing like his appearance. I’d learned long ago to trust my instincts, and with Bobby I felt as safe as I did with Noah.

  “Noah has been going on about this piece all day. Tell me for fuck’s sake, what is it?”

  I wrap my arms around him in return of the tight hug he’s giving me and whisper the idea in his ear. I hear Bobby laughing and saying something, but I am not checked into the conversation at all. Chad looked up from his client and his eyes were on me, every inch of me, and he wasn’t hiding what he wanted.

  I wished like hell Noah wasn’t there, because with a look like that I would have charged over there, knocked the hussy off the bed and laid myself out like a buffet. Instead, I smiled and pulled back from Bobby who was looking at me like I was checked out. Which I was.