The Lady and Tay

by Dawn Burton

  “That sounds like a challenge to me. Did I tell you I’m an Olympic champion at hash brown eating?”

  “Challenge accepted, m’lady.”

  She opened the door and her heart leapt at the sight of him. He looked like he’d had about as much sleep as she’d done, with red-rimmed eyes, shifting nervously from foot to foot. He shook his head, his eyes filling with tears. “Annie…I’m so, so sorry…” His voice cracked and his vulnerability radiated out of him.

  She gave a sob in return, the emotion escaping her, and she held her arms out to him.

  Taylor stepped forward, knowing he was on the edge of losing it. Thank fuck this beautiful creature was prepared to give him a chance to explain. But he had to get a fucking grip on it. He couldn’t let it ruin this. He’d spent all night dredging up the same old ground, over and over, looking for the clues he’d missed, coming to the same conclusion yet again that there was nothing he could have done, then repeating the whole thing over and over again. It was like he was stuck on tramlines, only capable of going in a circle and he was sick of it. He had to stop. It had to stop. Charlie had made his choice and now it was down to him to honour that choice and let him go.

  He looked down at Annie clinging to him; she was shaking as much as he was. He inhaled the apple-freshness of her shampoo and kissed her head, her curls tickling his nose. “Thank you. Thank you for seeing me.”

  “I’d pretty much do anything for a bacon and egg muffin and hash brown on a Sunday morning. It was nothing to do with you,” she joked, sniffing and wiping the tears.

  “Duly noted and I shall remember that nugget of information for future use.” He held up the bags of food. “Shall we?”

  She nodded and walked into her wing, Taylor following behind, unable to help but notice how her jeans snugly hugged her buttocks.

  “Are you looking at my arse, Anderson?”

  “Yep.”

  “Ok.” She led him to her dining table. “Did you get drinks? If not, do you want a tea or coffee?”

  “Coffee please. I wasn’t sure so just got orange juices as I knew the coffee wouldn’t be a patch on the Americano you made me yesterday.”

  “Good choice. Just for the record, it’s tea first thing in the morning, always, until about 10am when I have my first coffee, and then it’s open season after that as to whether it’s a tea or coffee. But I am a snob. Only proper coffee, no instant, and only Yorkshire Tea or Tetley.”

  “Again, duly noted. And it’s black coffee all the way for me, by the way.”

  He ripped open the bags, and four bacon muffins and around twenty hash browns slithered out over the table.

  “Shit! You weren’t joking!”

  They opened their first muffins, and Annie brought over the tea and coffee. “Food first, then talk?”

  “You eat, I’ll talk. I don’t think I can eat anything until I get the words out.”

  “Ok. When you’re ready.” She put a shuffle of her favourite playlist on, starting with Lonestar’s Amazing. “Background music. Sorry, I’m not very cool with my music. If I like it, I like it. I bet you’re all uber-indie whereas I've got Dolly and Fleetwood Mac mixing in with Bastille and Maroon 5 and Pink on my list.”

  “Last live band?”

  “Battle of the Bands at The Empire in town last week. My last big arena gigs were George Ezra the other week and Snow Patrol at the start of the year.”

  “We get compared to Snow Patrol a lot. They’re good guys. We’ve met them a few times, particularly with Con being from their neck of woods.”

  “I should probably brush up on my Audial knowledge. Maybe you can help me. But stop stalling.”

  “Sorry. Don’t where to start. And don’t say at the beginning, because there isn’t one.”

  “OK…what would your bio-pic say up until the point that the bad thing happened?”

  “Erm, ok, Taylor Sebastian Anderson, born June 1976, in Coventry to Julia and Philip Anderson, a primary school teacher and an accountant. Two older siblings, Amanda, and…and…and a brother, Charlie.” He blinked and spoke quickly. “Dreamed of escaping school by playing guitar in my room. Went to uni here in Coventry, did English, Connor was on my course. Hilly was his next-door neighbour in halls, and Adie was on his Business Studies course.

  “We used to drink in the Students Union Bar and realised we could all play or contribute something to varying degrees. Si was just a nutter we knew that everyone was a bit scared of, and he demanded he join us as our dj, so he did.

  “We practiced a few times, I wrote a couple of basic rip-offs of stuff in the charts and we went from there.

  “Adie’s Dad used to come over from Birmingham and drive us round in his van for gigs, and we grafted for a couple of years, getting better and slowly building up a fan base the old-fashioned way. A way that rarely exists any more. Eventually got spotted, signed, and made our first single. It totally bombed, but luckily the record company stuck with us, and got us a new producer. We just hit it right for some reason and it exploded from there until we were suddenly playing Bestival in 2007 alongside The Chemical Brothers, Beastie Boys and Primal Scream.

  “We had another good five years after that. When I say good, I mean drug and drink-fuelled years, which actually weren’t good at all when I look back. I’ve probably got a span of ten years from around 2002 to 2012 where I can barely remember what I was doing. I kept it together for the studio and for on-stage, but I was a wreck outside of that. I genuinely can’t tell you how many women I slept with, how many pills I popped, how many lines I did on a typical night. I was a horrible shit to be around, and no-one told me. No-one stood up to my ego, because I was bringing the money in. I blew through millions of pounds, but it was ok because more money just seemed to magically appear.

  “Si decided to leave in the mid-2000s and we decided not to replace him and just concentrate on guitar music. We toured the world several times over, but I was just shifted from hotel to stage to plane to hotel, fed whatever sedatives or stimulates I needed to get me through it.

  “My…my…my brother…” Taylor choked, not sure he could do this.

  Annie covered his hand, rubbing his wrist as he’d rubbed hers yesterday. “It’s ok. I noticed you struggled to talk about him earlier. Is Charlie a part of this, part of the bad thing?”

  Taylor nodded. “He…he did photography. He was our band photographer. He was my big brother and he was supposed to look after me, but he’d be the one arranging the drugs, finding me a vodka. He was my best mate, but he enabled a lot of what went on. I think he felt it gave him a role in the band. But he had a role as our photographer, and he was fantastic at it.

  “And then in late 2011 when we were touring America, I…I met Lizzie. She was a model. And a heroin addict, as I found out. She joined the tour bus, we hooked up and two weeks later in Vegas, just before Christmas, we decided getting married would be a fun thing to do. She overdosed on our wedding night and we spent it in hospital. And things went downhill from there really. We had nothing in common, didn’t know or really like each other. Then I found out it was Charlie sourcing her drugs for her and it all blew up into a big row. We tried to patch it up and all of us spent Christmas and New Year in a huge chalet in Aspen, drinking, doing whatever drugs were put on the table. Me and Lizzie weren’t together in any sense of the word. We’d collapse asleep in the same bed at night, but I loathed her in my lucid moments, and she’d taunt me and make it clear she was getting sex elsewhere in hers.

  “And on into the first two weeks of 2012, Lizzie and I seemed to find some weird equilibrium. We weren’t having sex, but we were almost getting on as friends. But I’d had enough of the drink and drugs. I told everyone I was going to go to rehab to get straight. Lizzie had flown to LA for a job, and she called, asking me to come and meet her before I went as she had something to tell me. Charlie went mad, telling me not to give into her, to stay away from the bitch, that she’d mess me up again. And then…then…he…the night before I was due to
fly out meet her…he…” Taylor paused, not having said these words for a long time.

  Annie moved onto his lap, both of them caging their arms around each other protectively. “You’re doing so well. It’s just me and you. Just me and you.” She softly kissed his lips and stroked his cheek.

  “So. Erm. He…he went back to his hotel room. And…he…he took an overdose. Charlie killed himself. Left a note saying ‘Sorry’. He was angry but he wasn’t drunk at the time. He chose to do it. To end his life. And I don’t know why. I don’t know what the sorry was for. Was it for committing suicide or was he apologising for something else? I keep racking my brains over and over. What did I miss? Why did he do it? Was it me? Did he feel guilty at supplying the drugs to me? Was he worried I wouldn’t want him around if I didn’t want his drugs? I’ll never know and it fucking kills me. I feel like I die every time I relive it. I’d give anything to be able to ask him why. And I can’t seem to get past it.

  “At the same time, Lizzie just vanished. She wouldn’t answer my calls. She bailed on her jobs and disappeared. I never saw or heard from her again, apart from a divorce request via a solicitor which I signed and then it was granted.

  “I went from having a wife, even though we couldn’t stand each other for most of the seven weeks we were together, and a brother who was my best mate, to having neither. I never got to ask why of either of them, although it’s only Charlie’s actions that matter.

  “My rehab plans got put on hold. I tortured myself for months about Charlie’s death, and eventually it sent me insane. I just collapsed, mentally and physically, and the guys got me into a psychiatric facility. I broke into a hundred million pieces and it took me three years to be able to function, two years to write the album and record it, then the last eighteen months to tour with it.

  “I’ve just pretended to live a life since Charlie died, but being with you, I felt alive for the first time and then the guilt just crushed me. How can I be happy when Charlie can’t be? If his death was my fault in any way, what right have I got to smile, to feel, to live? And if even it wasn’t my fault, then surely there were signs I should have picked up on if I was a good brother, a good person?” Taylor finally broke down and tore apart, the sobs tearing dirty, snotty, wet cracks in his armour as they left his body.

  Annie held him, then stood, silently pulling him up, moving them towards the stairs, helping him upwards and turning left into the bedroom, until they reached the safety of the bed, collapsing down so it could hold them up as Taylor finally let himself release the agony he’d bottled up in trying to be brave, to move on, to let go.

  She held him, not saying anything, just letting him let it all out, until he finally fell asleep exhausted. She messaged Connor to let him know Taylor was with her and was sleeping after having told her about Lizzie and Charlie. Connor immediately text back, telling her to call him if it all got too much and he’d come. She assured him all was ok at the moment, but she’d be in touch if needed.

  She turned onto her side, her back to Taylor’s chest and pulled his arm over her. She couldn’t bear the way he was taking responsibility for why Charlie had done what he had done, and she could only imagine the way he’d been tormenting himself. No wonder he’d buckled under the pressure, poor thing. Different circumstances, but she knew the anger of having ‘why’ questions and not being able to rage at the people responsible, but hers came from a position of hatred, not of love like Taylor. How conflicted he must feel.

  There was now no question of her not wanting to be at his side, if he wanted her. Maybe they could work through this together. Maybe he could find a way to let go and allow himself to be happy. But who was she kidding? They had to get through him finding out the truth about her first.

  She sighed, nestling down and closing her eyes to push away the panic, anything to not deal with it right now.

  Chapter Four

  Taylor stirred, stretching out, knowing immediately where he was and that he was supposed to be here, beside his angel. He felt washed out and empty, but in a good way. Just looking at Annie started to fill him back up, but with goodness, and strength, and stability. The making of foundations for their forever future, if she’d have him.

  They were spooning, and he gently ran his fingertips up and down the arm exposed in front of him. He watched a smile form on her lips as she woke and turned towards him, her eyes still closed.

  “Hi,” she whispered shyly.

  “Hi. Thank you. On all levels thank you. For listening to me, for not running, for comforting me, for giving me a place next to you. I can’t begin to tell you how much you mean to me, Annie.”

  She smiled wickedly, “Give me one of them massages and orgasms you tempted me with yesterday then. If you want to, of course. If we’re still forever?”

  He could barely speak, full of love for this woman who just got him, who just accepted him. “We’re still forever. If you want me? If I haven’t scared you off?”

  “We’re still forever. Now, massage, orgasms?”

  “Oh my word. You’re very demanding, sweetheart.”

  “Get used to it. I’m still waiting?”

  He chuckled and tipped her over so she was lying on her stomach. He pulled the duvet out of the way and straddled her, sitting on her damn fine arse, then running his hands under the hem of her t-shirt, slowly inching it up and kissing the revealed skin. She assisted with getting the t-shirt up and off her body, groaning as he reached under her bra strap and moved his hands round to squeeze her breasts, then undoing the clasp and pulling the bra up and off her arms. She rocked forward, lifting her upper body to balance on her forehead, allowing him access to her glorious tits.

  He grabbed a handful on each side, squeezing and releasing the ripe, rippling flesh, searching for the nipples and rolling them between his thumb and forefinger, feeling them harden under his administrations.

  His cock twitched in appreciation and he reluctantly let go of her breasts, moving down to undo her jeans and pull them off along with her knickers in one fluid movement. He flipped her over, watching her breasts bounce into position as she settled, and gently parted her thighs. He kissed the warm, gentle roundness of her belly, running his hands up and down to emphasise the in and out curves of her waist to her hips.

  He kissed her inner thighs, slowly nudging her labia apart, licking her clit, burrowing in deep to circle around it, bringing it to attention, and then dipping down to enter her pussy and taste her sweetness. He watched somewhat smugly as she writhed beneath him, her hands spread across the bed, clutching at the sheets, and her head tossing from side to side as her face showed the pleasure and the pain at his slow actions. He knew she wanted more, but he was going to enjoy taking his time and rinsing every last emotion from his angel as he worshipped her body.

  He pulled away, kissing down her thighs, laughing as she growled at him in displeasure, then stretching out her leg, kissing the sensitive skin behind her knee.

  He felt her tension rise and she arched her hips, moaning for more, but he just carried on down her body. He was circling her inner ankle with his tongue when he felt her body tighten and he knew she was close to coming just from his touch. But then he suddenly felt her grab a handful of his hair and haul his head up and towards her.

  “If you don’t get your cock inside me right now, I am going to cut it off and use it as a vibrator,” she hissed at him.

  He laughed, but obeyed, stripping off and continuing to kiss her belly as he did so. “Condom?”

  “Shit. No. Fuck!”

  “We used my lucky one yesterday and I haven’t restocked.”

  “I’ve got them, downstairs in the main toilets for if the kids need them, but none in here.”

  “Shall I run and get one?” He moved away, ready to grab his clothes and run the mercy dash. “I know I’m clean, I got tested after rehab and there’s not been anyone since, and I could just pull out, but I’m happy to go and get one if you prefer?”

  She weighed up the
risks. “I know I’m clean too. Similar situation, got tested and no-one since. OK, but I’ll grab a box next time we’re downstairs so we have some up here.”

  The moment had been slightly lost in the practicalities, but as Taylor sank his cock into Annie’s pussy and started rubbing at her clit, she quickly got back into the right zone and was shattering under him within moments. As soon as he pulled out, she wriggled down the bed and took him in her mouth, staring up at him with her golden-flecked brown eyes, smiling as she bobbed up and down on his cock, using her hand at his base to squeeze hard. She gently cupped his balls and stroked the area between his balls and his arse, and her touch was enough to send him over the edge, holding her face as he came, shouting loudly.

  She came back up his body to lie on top of him, both of them holding on to each other as they regained their breathing.

  “We still forever?” he asked.

  “We’re still forever,” she confirmed.

  They lay in contented silence for a while, lacing fingers, stroking chests and backs and arms, Taylor squeezing Annie’s buttocks appreciatively, before Annie’s phone rang and broke the silence.

  “Will. Probably checking I’m ok. Hi Will. Yep, everything’s fine. Taylor’s here and we’re all good. Oh shit, yeah. Start them on the potatoes. Two bags into a big pan of water. Turn the water on now, then peel and chop every potato in half and stick them in the pan. Then get them started on the carrots. Two bags again. I’ll be out in about half an hour. Yes, I know. C’mon, it’s a one-off. I’ll let you ogle Taylor’s arse again later? Ok, love you!” She threw her phone down.

  “Potatoes? Carrots?”

  Annie laughed. “We do a house Sunday roast. You’re welcome to join us. But there’s a rota for helping me with prepping the veg and then clearing up afterwards. Will wouldn’t usually be up this early, but the kids woke him because I wasn’t there, so he’s grumpily in charge of the veg for the moment.”