The Lady and Tay

by Dawn Burton

  “But he could also be petty and mean, which was pretty ironic given he sponged off us a lot. We were always being given clothes from video shoots, photo shoots, which we could then sign and auction off for charity, but he’d just take them for himself, and he used our name so many times to blag free drinks. He enabled the drugs, although we were all guilty of that, but that’s pretty shitty if you told him you wanted to stop and he blackmailed you.

  “I never told you this, but my sister came out to see us with her friend once, and they were only 19, and he propositioned them for a threesome. She came to me straight away, and I nearly fucking killed him. Adie had to pull me off him. Yet he spent hours with my cousin, running through camera lens and angles for the best shots.

  “He wasn’t a monster, but he wasn’t always a nice person. But you don’t talk about that when someone dies, do you? And none of us wanted to upset you, so I think we’ve all buried it as much as you have. But yeah, please, please let it all go, man. Accept his choices and make yours. I love you, dude, Sash loves you, we all do, and I’m pretty sure that woman there loves you, so you’re surrounded by love now. Make peace with the past and make love to the future. Hey, now that’s fucking good man! You could do something with that!”

  They finished the call, and Taylor rubbed his face, “Man, all this talking lark seems to be shifting something inside. Maybe there is something in not bottling things up.”

  “Are you talking about getting ready to let go of emotional things, or do you just need a shit?”

  He roared with laughter, “I’m not sure. Maybe a bit of both.”

  “Ok, well you go and have your shit. I’ll sort the tea and coffee. Toast?”

  “Please.” He watched her pull some knickers on and leave the room. “Annie?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you too, shithead.”

  ◆◆◆

  Annie and Tay jumped in her battered old Zafira to drive to Canley Ford.

  “Now, I know we haven’t had the money talk yet, but I’m fairly certain you could buy a newer car than this. Is it safe?”

  “Yes, you cheeky bugger! And yes, I could buy a shiny new something, but I rarely drive anywhere, and it feels too indulgent to spend so much on something that’s just for me. I prefer my gadgets in the house where they’re practical and I use them all time. Anyway, how are you feeling about today?”

  He considered her question. “Kind of…nothing. I’ve spent so long letting it mean everything, that now I’m actually dealing with it, it kind of feels…ok.”

  “Sounds positive, I guess. Do you know if Amanda will be there?”

  “Not sure. Mum messaged her to say they love her, but she needs to apologise. She explained what we were doing and that you in particular wanted her to come, but she hadn’t replied yesterday.”

  Annie followed Tay’s directions to pull into a lane at the top of the ford and they parked up, walking down to the allotments, holding hands. Annie was carrying a pile of blankets and Tay had slung his guitar over his shoulder in a case, carrying the food, and greeting an older couple coming out of the woods with their dog, with a cheery “Morning! Or are we afternoon yet?”

  “Shush! They’ll think you’re a mad drunk, being so happy!”

  “I am drunk, love-drunk on you and your fine breasts.”

  “Oh, you’re smooth. That’s gonna earn you a blow-job later.”

  “Why thank you, Lady Annabel.”

  Tay’s parents were parked up, the boot of their car open as they drank tea from a Thermos flask, Julia shouting if they wanted a cup as they approached, with a ‘yes please’ from Annie and a disgusted ‘no’ from Tay.

  The passenger door opened, and Amanda stepped out, Tay squeezing on Annie’s hand.

  Amanda began nervously, “I’ve apologised to Mum and Dad, and we’ve agreed I’ll step back a bit from calling round all the time. I think I just got a bit too caught up in being the responsible one, particularly since Charlie died, and I felt I had to be perfect so I wouldn’t let them down, but that just put pressure on everyone.

  “But I really need to apologise to you both. Taylor, I’ve always been so proud of how well you’ve done and what you achieved, but I think I was jealous that Charlie got to tag along and I didn’t. I used to be desperate for you to ask me to come on tour and do something with you, but I don’t know what I would have done and if I didn’t tell you I wanted to, then you weren’t to know. And, I dunno, it just tipped into jealousy somewhere along the way.

  “And Lady Annabel, I am so, so sorry that I behaved like that for our first meeting. I am totally mortified and deeply embarrassed.”

  “Please, it’s just Annie. And don’t worry about me; it’s water off a duck’s back. Just concentrate on healing this family in front of us. Although if you won’t join us in drinking tea, Tay, I’m not sure you’re ever going to fit in.”

  “Join ‘us’? Join ‘us’? Are you usurping me in my own family?”

  “Yes. My family were a bit shit, excuse the language Philip, so I thought I might force my way into this one. They seem nice.”

  Philip nodded in aproval of her plan, “To be fair, she’s easier on the eye then you are, son.”

  “Dad!” Tay spluttered.

  Tension eased, they closed the car and walked through the meadow, which was just starting to spring into life. They passed by the huge metal kestrel, Tay finding a stick to hit the ribs, ringing out the sound across the field. They walked down and threw twigs over the bridge, watching for them to appear on the other side, then carried on into the pond meadow, before going out of the gate and turning back to walk up the path over the ford.

  Julia started with the memories. “We used to catch the bus and then walk down here in the summer holidays. Anything to keep you occupied once Cov fortnight was over and your Dad was back at work.”

  “Cov fortnight?” asked Annie.

  “Oh gosh, yes, of course, you wouldn't know about that, growing up in your world. Sorry, silly of me to mention it. Stupid.” Julia reddened and frowned at herself, clearly embarrassed and shaking her head.

  Annie touched her arm, “Please tell me.”

  “Well, a lot of the factories around here used to support the car industry and so that supplies wouldn’t be hit by annual leave across the whole summer period, all the factories used to close for the same two weeks at the start of the summer holidays. It all started to change in the 80s really, once so many of the old industries had gone, but the memory of Cov fortnight stuck around for ages after that.

  “We used to go to the Memorial Park one day, here the next, town the next, just to get out of the house. You kids would paddle in the water, and Charlie would usually try to push you over, Taylor, so you’d get wet, but I’d have my eye on him and shriek at him before he did it. He had the devil in him as a child, that one!”

  Annie squeezed Tay’s hand at that, shoulder-bumping him. “What about you, Amanda, what do you remember of coming down here?”

  “I remember going in the water and it being freezing, and then someone at school said they saw a poo, so I refused to go in after that. But Charlie grabbed a bucket of water and threw it over my feet, so I went mad at him. When Mum was doing something with Taylor, I shoved a handful of mud down his top and told him I’d smeared poo over him. Ha! I’d totally forgot that.”

  Philip chuckled, “I just remember walking in from long hot days at work and having three kids jump on me, trying to tell me their stories. I’d start with Amanda because her stories would be precise and to the point, Charlie’s would then involve some element of lying that would set Amanda off trying to put him right, and then they’d end up arguing and be sent to their rooms, and then I could listen to Taylor’s story which would be very elaborate and detailed, usually involving a dragon or a dinosaur or an alien watching in the woods.”

  “Sounds like you had your hands full keeping them occupied, Julia,” said Annie.

  “I di
d! And what about your childhood, Annie, was it a happy one? Did you have water to splash in and fields to explore?”

  “No. No, most of the time it was very formal and not much fun. I did get taken down to Cornwall in the summer, which was better than London, but I was made painfully aware that I was just an inconvenience most of the time. I’m jealous of you having this place on your doorstep. It all sounds very Enid Blyton. I used to spend days in my rooms, reading her books, wishing I could have adventures like that. Can you bring me back in the summer, Tay, and we’ll go paddling and fishing for minnows or something?”

  “Yeah, and we’ll drink lashings of ginger beer as we uncover a plot by some dastardly adults, shall we?” Tay mocked her enthusiasm.

  She grabbed his hair and pulled him close, whispering in his ear, “You just lost your blow-job, loverboy,” before pushing him away to his cries of ‘that’s not fair!’.

  “Shall we go in here and eat?” suggested Julia. They walked into the field behind the ford, and Annie shook out the large picnic blanket for them to set their food on, plus a pile of extra throws to wrap around themselves to keep warm. The clouds suddenly parted and the sun shone down.

  They looked up, feeling the gentle warmth on their faces.

  “Maybe it’s Charlie sending us some sun,” joked Philip.

  They chatted as they ate, and Julia pulled out a photo album which prompted a lot of memories. Annie asked what Charlie was like at school, what his favourite birthday party was, and what toys he loved, Taylor shared stories of where photo shoots hadn’t gone to plan, and Amanda talked about the school trip they’d gone on to France for the week, and how he’d looked after her when she got travel sick.

  Eventually the food was eaten, and the stories dried up. Philip stood, composing his thoughts. “I know Charlie isn’t physically here with us today, and he can’t hear what we’re saying, but he lives on in the memories we have of him. We will never forget him, and Julia and I say goodnight to him every single night. The worst thing about it all is not having the answer to why he did what he did, but we’re never going to get that answer, and it’s held us all captive for far too long now. We have to just accept that Charlie made a choice to do what he did, and focusing on the reason is stopping us from accepting that choice. Charlie, I love you but I’m letting your struggle go in order to respect your choice and to respect you.”

  Julia stood up next, “I miss my boy so much. He’d always have a cheeky smile and a big hug for me, and that probably let him get away with far more than he should have. I feel I failed my Charlie by not realising he was struggling. I’m so sorry for that, baby-boy, and I’d give anything to tell you that to your face. I love you but I’m letting you go because I can’t carry the weight anymore, and at times I’ve been at the edge of my own sanity of trying to work out yours, and that’s not healthy. Our family has a fresh new start now, and I intend to make the most of it. I’ll say goodnight later and I will think of you every day, but I’m letting you go now.” She broke into sobs and Philip held her close as they sat back down.

  Amanda took her turn, “Charlie, sometimes you were horrible to me and I couldn’t work out why, and then sometimes you were so nice to me that, again, I couldn’t work out why. You got to do and see so much with Taylor and I hope you appreciated those happy moments in life. I’m sorry I wasn’t a good enough sister to see you were struggling and to help, but Monday made me see where I’m struggling, and I hope I can learn from you to take the time to make sure I put things right. I love you, but I’m letting you go to get myself back on track.”

  Taylor slowly got to his feet. “I feel like I’m the one that failed you most, bro, because I was with you and I didn’t see it. Was that because I was too wrapped up in myself? Too wrapped up in drink and drugs? Or were you too wrapped up in something else to let any of us in? My beautiful woman is helping me see straight for the first time in a long while, and I see that whatever your reasons for your choices, I have to tell you I loved you but I also have to let go of the guilt that has held me back and very nearly pulled me under. I’m sorry if I let you down in any way, but I’m respecting your choice and letting you go. When I came out of rehab, one of the first songs I finished was ‘See the Light’. I said at the time it was about my struggles, but actually it was about yours too.” Tay sat down and picked up his guitar, playing his song, managing to get through most of it before he broke and pulled Annie onto his lap, needing her shoulders to hide in as he sobbed.

  Annie held him close for a few minutes, then turned to the family. “What were his favourite songs growing up?”

  They agreed John Denver’s Take Me Home, Country Road was one his favourites and she nudged Tay. “Can you play it? And sing with me if you’re able to?”

  He nodded and picked up his guitar, letting her slide off him and move to his side. He started and she sang; it was the perfect song in the perfect setting, with all of them joining by the end of it, noisy and laughing together. They sang four more songs, songs that were in their house growing up, before the sun disappeared and the cold set in. Annie suggested that she took a photo of them all holding a photo of Charlie that he’d taken of himself laughing, the year before he’d died. After they’d posed for that, they cleared up and walked back to Philip and Julia’s car, with hugs and kisses for everyone before Annie and Tay walked back up the lane, waving goodbye as their car passed them.

  They got into the Zafira and started it up, Annie cursing as the amber engine warning light came on. “I’ll have to take this to the garage when I get back from America. Right, your choice, what do you want to do when we get home?”

  “Bed. I wanna see if I can do something to earn that blow-job back.”

  She sucked air in between her teeth. “I don’t know. That’s gonna be a tough job.”

  “And one that I am more than man enough for, so get ready. And then shall we go out tonight? I would say cinema, but I guess you’re not keen?”

  “I’d go if there’s something you wanted to see, but I’d be there for you, not the film.”

  “Well now, that’s just fucking disrespectful to the poor film! What else is there?”

  “How about the Belgrade Theatre? We could see what they’ve got on tonight?”

  “God, I haven’t been to the theatre since panto when I was little!”

  “Well, let’s see what’s on and if it’s a no, I’ll tolerate the cinema. How does that sound?”

  “Perfect.”

  Tay’s phone rang out. “Tams? Oh. Oh shit. Yeah. Ok. Hold on.” He pressed the mute icon and turned to Annie, “So, erm, sweetheart?”

  “Yes?”

  “Remember when Andy the photographer snapped us?”

  “Oh, was that the time where you made me your prop, used my body and took advantage of my kind nature without asking me?”

  “Erm, yeah, that one. Well, he’s sold the photo and we’re getting a few press enquiries. Are you happy if we just confirm that we’re together?”

  “Good grief. Is anyone else really that bothered? Yes. Ok. But I’d say that’s another two orgasms you owe me for bringing all this shit to my door.”

  “Deal.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Annie woke the next morning before Tay. She nudged him hopefully, but he was in a deep sleep, so she decided to let him stay in bed a while longer, slipping out, getting dressed and going downstairs to start the breakfast routine.

  She put the radio on the speakers, moved around, tidying things up, putting belongings in a pile to be sorted through later. She’d miss this when she gone. They were her kids and she needed to look after them. She knew Will and Nish would keep them safe, but…she was leaving them. Kayla came out first, and luckily Annie knew she didn’t mind being hugged. “I really need a hug, please K?”

  “Sure, but why?” Kayla asked as they met by the sofas.

  “I’m leaving you all,” sniffed Annie.

  Kayla drew back in alarm, “It’s only for two weeks though, inni
t?”

  “Yeah…but I’m still leaving you.”

  “Only for a holiday, you silly cow. And it’s been nice seeing you smile. And you get to go on tour with proper rock stars, even if their music’s shite!”

  Annie felt Kayla shake with laughter and a growl from the kitchen area told her Tay had appeared, which was probably the reason for her comment. She turned with Kayla still wrapped in her arms. “Harsh, K, harsh. But just look at that. I get that every morning. Phwoar.”

  Tay looked like the proper rock star of Kayla’s comment. Barefoot, bleached jeans, crumpled t-shirt, dark stubble and a mop of wild brown curls surrounding his head. “Stop objectifying me, women. I’m a man with feelings, I’ll have you know.”

  “Taylor,” Kayla called out. “You gonna look after our Annie on tour?”

  “Yep, scouts honour. She shall be returned in one piece. Maybe. Depends how much rocking we get to do in the tour bus,” he sniggered.

  “Taylor!”

  “Urgh! Now I feel sick! I’m getting an apple, then I’m out of here.”

  “Tea? Coffee? Orange juice? Toast?”

  “No, mum. Stop bugging me,” Kayla blew them both a kiss as she headed out. “And I was only winding you up. Not all your music’s shit,” she called over her shoulder.

  Tay grabbed Annie, squeezing her arse and resting his head on her shoulder, as they both laughed. “I’m slain, mortally wounded by the unfiltered voice of the youth.”

  “Hey, you went from being shite to not that shit. Keep working on her and she’ll be your biggest fan before you know it.”

  Gradually the lobby filled up with the young adults, getting ready to make their way into the world, chivvied along by Annie and Nish, when the peace was broken by Wesley running into the lobby shouting that Annie was famous. He showed her the showbiz headlines on his feed, and after scrolling down past the latest Kardashian saga, Love Island and film premier stories, there was the picture of Tay and Annie kissing, then of Annie stroking Tay’s face tenderly with the Transport Museum and the Whittle Arch in the background.