Until Now

by Cristin Cooper

  For once, she believed she got off easy with her dad.

  Phillip never responded. In fact, he didn’t say another word until dinner was over, and he excused himself from the table.

  He left her behind as he stalked out. Bridget sat stunned at the table until his dad pushed away and left in the opposite direction. “Why don’t you go check on him?” Phillip’s mother said as she picked up dirty dishes.

  “Are you sure? I can help.”

  “No. Go on.” This time, his mom didn’t fake a smile.

  Phillip stood at the entrance to his apartment and waited for her to follow him inside. The second the door shut behind them, he pushed her up against the wall and kissed her. Not their usual kisses. It wasn’t gentle. There was no build up. It was intense and full of need and desire. His hands slid under her top, and his fingers tightened around the hem of her shirt. She held her arms down, keeping him from pulling it off.

  He groaned in her mouth before pulling his lips away. “Please, Bri. I need this.”

  She stood motionless, taking in deep breaths. The agonizing look on Phillip’s face tortured her. She wanted to make him feel better.

  She pushed him away just enough to pull her shirt over her head.

  His breaths grew heavy as his hands slid up her stomach and around her back to undo her bra.

  Self-conscious, she covered her breasts with her hands. She’d never been topless in front of a boy. He pulled her hands away and held them at her side. “Let me look at you.”

  His eyes made a scorching trail from her mouth to her breasts followed by his lips. Her heart raced with insecurity. This was further than she wanted to go, but he needed her. When Phillip kissed her, the burn in her lower belly left her speechless and moaning. Her fear wanted to push him away. But, as the kiss progressed, her body needed him closer.

  He let go of her wrists to pull her hips to him. She held on to his shoulders as he pushed himself against her belly. Nobody told her that she could be turned on and terrified at the same time. Her mother hadn’t talked to her about sex or what to expect, and there had been no reason to ask questions.

  Her hands covered his when he pulled on the button of her jean shorts. That was too far. When she looked into his face, she wasn’t sure he actually saw her. He needed something or someone to take away the hurt.

  “I can’t. I’m sorry.” Afraid of losing him, she was on the verge of crying.

  “Please,” he begged. “Please, Bri.”

  When she didn’t respond, he sighed and stepped away. Scared to touch him, her hands dropped to her sides. She stood uncertain, fighting with herself. Bridget wanted to comfort him and give him what he needed, but she wasn’t ready for sex.

  He picked up her shirt and bra and handed them to her before he shut himself in his bedroom.

  She quickly redressed and knocked on his door. When he didn’t respond, she debated whether to leave or try to talk to him. She decided on the latter.

  He lay on the bed, his arms covering his eyes. With a pained voice he cried, “My dad hates me.” Knowing the pain of rejection, her heart hurt for him.

  She lay silently next to him. He was her cure, and she wanted to be his.

  “You heard him. He doesn’t think I’ll finish school.”

  She turned toward Phillip and placed her hands on his face. “Look at me.” His eyes widen as he stared into hers. “You are kind, smart, and…wonderful.” Her voice broke. She didn’t have the vocabulary to describe what he was to her. He rolled on top of her and kissed her sweetly on the lips before scooting down to lay his head on her chest.

  She ran her fingers through his hair as she tried to comfort him. “What your dad said isn’t true, Phillip. Don’t believe him. You’re going to be an amazing lawyer one day.”

  He tightened his hold around her waist. “Bri?”

  “Yes?”

  “Stay with me tonight.” His voice was barely audible.

  “I’ll stay as long as I can,” she whispered.

  “I always want you here with me.” Unable to speak, Bridget nodded and kissed the top of his head. That was her dream. She gently stroked his face and back until light snores escaped his lips.

  * * *

  That night she got home well after curfew. Her dad grounded her for a week, but she managed to see Phillip every night after work.

  Phillip pulled her back from the memory with a question she didn’t want to answer. “Nineteen?”

  “Yup. Nineteen,” Tiffany blurted across the room, saving Bridget from having to lie.

  Tiffany smiled and winked. She had no problem lying. She’d been doing it for months with Shawn, but it wasn’t as easy for Bridget.

  “It’s crazy. Some days you barely look sixteen. I’m totally robbing the cradle,” Phillip joked. Bridget forced a smile. “I get that a lot,” she said, hating herself a little more.

  “I’m starving!” a mostly quiet Shawn yelled from the other side of the room.

  “Bridge and I will make the salads, and you boys deal with the meat.”

  “Oh, I’ve got meat. I’ve got it right here,” Shawn teased. Tiffany rolled her eyes while laughing. They were a perfectly perverted match.

  “Your blush kills me, Bri.”

  “Get moving. Shawn’s hungry.” Bridget shoved Phillip toward the door. “We’ll meet you by the pool when we’re done here.”

  Phillip patted her butt before leaving.

  Just as the door closed, Tiffany proudly stated, “I saved your ass back there.” She had, but then again, the frat party had been her idea. “God! Can you imagine what your dad would do if he found out about Phillip?”

  Bridget imagined every scenario and none of them turned out well. She let the worry go as she concentrated on the happy feelings she had when she was with him.

  Dinner conversation was Shawn and Tiffany exchanging sexual innuendoes. Occasionally, Phillip joined. It became a game of Who can make Bridget blush the most.

  Tiffany won. Hands down.

  After dinner, they kept cool by lounging in the pool while they waited for the fireworks to start.

  At some point, Shawn and Tiffany disappeared, and Bridget didn’t care. She was enjoying her Phillip and Bridget bubble. Life was perfect. If only it stayed that way. It was a rare moment when she didn’t worry about his discovering the truth or what was going to happen in the next few months. It was just him and her.

  When the sun went down, Bridget leaned her head back and focused her eyes on the explosions happening in the sky.

  Phillip swam up to her, and she happily let him block her into a corner. He left soft kisses on her lips and neck, getting closer with each one. She wrapped her legs around his waist, forcing their bodies closer. Her hands wrapped around his neck, and she pressed her breasts against his muscled chest. He moaned when she unconsciously rubbed against him.

  She ached for him and, for the first time, didn’t want to stop.

  The intensity of their kisses grew until she cried in frustration. Bridget needed him closer. His hands went to work on the ties of her top, pulling it off and throwing it a few feet from the pool. Terrified of getting caught without it, she let go of him and tried to reach for it, but he pulled her back into his arms.

  “Nobody can see you. Shawn and Tiffany left, and it’s too dark for the neighbors to see.”

  She looked around, but his lips pulled her back. Her fear dissipated with every kiss.

  He hardened and rubbed against her. “I need more,” she cried.

  Phillip’s hands slid under her bikini bottoms. Her soft moans encouraged him. She undulated against his hand, building and building until she cried out.

  “We need to get out of here.” At this point, she’d do anything and go anywhere with him. She was his.

  She held onto him a moment longer to catch her breath.

  “Come on, baby.” He lifted her up and sat her on the edge of the pool. Never taking his eyes off of her, he lifted himself out.

  Her ey
es followed the droplets of water descending his muscled chest toward the trail that led to his tented swim trunks.

  She couldn’t pull her eyes away even after he caught her staring.

  “Like what you see?” His brow rose with a barely contained smirk. He seemed just as affected by her as she was by him.

  He found her a towel and grudgingly wrapped it around her shoulders. She took his offered hand and picked up her top as they walked to the stairs leading to his apartment.

  For a second, she thought he was about to go caveman and lift her over his shoulder. Instead, he picked her up and placed her on the second step so their mouths met perfectly. He kissed her, sliding a hand under her towel, palming her breast as their kisses became frantic.

  Breathless, she gripped the towel tighter around her chest afraid someone on the street might see her.

  “You’re gorgeous. You know that?” She shook her head in disbelief. He was the gorgeous one. “I’m never going to get tired of that blush.”

  Once again, he took her hand and led her up the stairs. Each step grew more difficult. This was it. Bridget loved Phillip and wanted to share this with him.

  The moment the door closed behind them, she bravely dropped the towel. Feeling a confidence she didn’t know she had, she stepped closer and slid her hands up his chest until they were in his hair. Their lips met, and that was all it took. Phillip placed his hand on her ass and lifted her up until her legs wrapped around him again.

  “Oh God. Bri. I’ve dreamt of this.” His words flamed the ache in her lower belly. Phillip wanted her, and that was all she needed.

  He stiffly walked them into his bedroom, shutting the door with his foot. When he reached the bed, he gently laid her down, covering her body with his.

  “Bri? I know you don’t have a lot of experience, but have you...?”

  She shook her head. He leaned his forehead against hers and took a deep breath. “I’ve never been with a virgin. I’ll try not to hurt you.”

  She had never asked and, honestly, didn’t want to know about the girls he had sex with in the past. But, at that moment, her imagination took off. All she could see was a line of beautiful women throwing themselves at him. Her stomach knotted as she tried to push the images away.

  Bridget placed her hands around Phillip’s neck, pulling him closer to kiss him. “I trust you.” She needed him to push the thoughts out of her head.

  Between kisses he whispered, “I need you.”

  “You can have me.” He already did. He owned her heart and now her body, too.

  His lips left a trail of marks on her breasts, stomach, and inner thighs. His fingers nimbly untied the strings of her bikini bottom.

  When he lifted himself up to take off his swim trunks, his eyes glazed over as they trailed from her head to her toes. He pushed his shorts down, and a moment later he was on top of her, taking her breath away.

  “I can’t believe you’re giving this to me. I love you, Bri. So fucking much.”

  “You do?” She’d never get tired of hearing it. He loved her, and what they were about to do was only going to make them closer.

  “Of course, baby. I’ve never loved any one as much as you.”

  Chapter Seven

  August 6:00 AM

  Billy

  Katie stretched her arms high above her head and yawned loudly. Billy shook his head to clear the vision of her as a chubby three-year-old doing the exact same thing in the doorway of his office.

  “UGH! It’s earrrrrrrrrly.” Katie pulled a ponytail holder off her wrist, twisting her hair until it was in a messy bun on top of her head.

  Bridget muffled a giggle by leaning her head against his chest. He thought for sure his heart would stop. There were days he couldn’t be close enough to her; today was one of those days.

  Katie leaned over the back of the couch, kissing his cheek and the top of her mother’s head before she readjusted her glasses. If it weren’t for her bright blue eyes and obvious lousy eyesight, Katie could be a replica of her mother. He had seen those eyes before on a man he’d chosen to forget.

  He leaned forward, picking up Katie’s mug and passing it behind him. “Thank you, Billy.” She had taken a sip before she swatted at him. “Scootch over you two.” Katie climbed over the couch, forcing them to make room for her, but allowing him to sit between them.

  Both leaned against his shoulders in unison. His heart swelled with love and affection for his girls. The woman he wished was his daughter, and the one he wished was his wife. He forced down the words he really wanted to say and cleared his throat. “There’s only one maple bar, so you’ll have to fight for it.”

  Both lifted their heads at the same time, staring each other down. He laughed, knowing he might be risking someone’s life by bringing only one.

  They pushed off of him, reaching for the one thing they’d never share. You don’t get between a maple bar and a Larson girl. You just don’t.

  Katie reached it a second before Bridget and took a large bite while simultaneously giving Bridget a huge grin as she triumphantly bounced back on the couch and reclaimed her spot next to Billy.

  With a full mouth, she garbled the words, “You’re the best Dad ever.” Spitting out bits of donut as she spoke. He wasn’t sure if she realized what she just said but based on her stiffened spine, Bridget did. From the corner of his eye, he saw her focused stare and white knuckles as she gripped her mug. He ran a hand along her arm until she relaxed back against his chest.

  Her response to Katie’s comment worried him. He could be making a huge mistake by sharing his feelings with her.

  He attempted to distract himself by focusing on the dinosaur that Bridget called a laptop. His curiosity was killing him. What had she been doing when he walked in? In recent weeks, he’d found her typing away, but every time he came near, she’d shut it down or click off of the page. Her secret made him crazy with worry.

  His imagination went to the worst-case scenario; she was looking for a new job and a place to live. He hoped she’d talk to him before making life-changing decisions. Billy knew he couldn’t handle another one right now.

  Katie chatted away in between bites, oblivious to the turmoil going on in his head and heart. They were going to have to say goodbye in a few short hours, and he wasn’t ready.

  When Katie picked an out-of-state college, she admitted to Billy she applied only to schools far enough away that she’d have to fly. Even though he hated the idea of her going so far, he supported her decision. It was time for Bridget to cut the apron strings, and it wouldn’t happen any other way.

  Katie had been Bridget’s whole life for the past eighteen years. He’d never say this to Bridget, but it wasn’t a secret she used Katie as an excuse not to move relationships to ‘the next level.’

  Whatever happened between Phillip and her still affected her today. Billy had pieced together snippets of what she’d said to know Phillip hurt her, and that was reason enough to hate the man.

  Billy looked at Bridget, taking in every inch of her. Her hair, always a little wild in the morning, was thick and wavy, stretching halfway down her back. He loved running his fingers through it but always did it cautiously, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

  She wore a pale blue tank top and tiny, pink sleep shorts that showed off every amazing curve. Countless Sunday mornings he’d seen her wear these pajamas, and it never got old. How many nights had he stayed awake with the image of her in this outfit? How many times had he dreamt of taking it off of her?

  Bridget sniffed, pulling him out of his daydream. She lifted the bottom of her shirt, exposing the soft skin of her belly and wiped away her tears. The room grew quiet, except for the muffled kitchen noise of the diner below. Katie reached around Billy and linked her fingers with her mother’s. They held onto each other, sensing the weight of the day. Nothing would be the same.

  Chapter Eight

  August 1995

  Bridget

  Tiffany pulled her long, r
ed hair into a low ponytail and leaned into Bridget. “Honest to God, I thought if we ended up here, it would’ve been because of me,” she whispered.

  She wasn’t the only one. How did straight A Bridget, the girl who had always followed the rules, end up here?

  They stood in front of the display in aisle four. Tiffany’s eyes kept straying to the left, where the display of condoms stood proudly while Bridget stared at the only test she wanted to fail.

  “Which one should I pick?” Bridget asked with a slight tremor in her voice. Fear twisted in her belly. She didn’t need to take a pregnancy test. She already knew.

  Her hands shook as she examined two different brands, as if she had a clue what to look for.

  Weeks ago, she hoped her period was just a little late, but as of today...nothing. Her nose sensitivity ramped up, and this morning the nausea and vomiting started.

  “Maybe it’s just the flu,” she said for the third time since they walked in.

  Tiffany gave her a half smile. “Yeah. Maybe.” She didn’t sound convincing.

  Bridget looked to the front of the store with its lone cashier. A girl from school. They sat across from each other in Literature last year.

  “Oh God. Why couldn’t it be an old lady working here? If she sees me, it’ll be all over school.” The last thing Bridget needed was to start her junior year as the girl who was knocked up.

  “I’ll buy it. She’ll expect it from me.”

  With a death grip, she held onto the test, ignoring Tiffany’s open hand. “You don’t have to do that.” Bridget’s stomach churned. She covered her mouth with one hand and held the tests in her other.