“Are you going to barf? That is so gross.”
Bridget closed her eyes and nodded, but the action made the nausea worse. It was touch and go for a few minutes, but she was able to hold back the tide.
With sweaty palms, she made her way to the cashier, stopping once to pick up saltines. “Let’s just get this over with.” It wasn’t going to matter if the girl from school saw her. In a few months, everyone would know.
“Next,” the girl announced with as much enthusiasm of someone who was being sentenced to death. She hadn’t looked at the two previous customers. Bridget could only hope to have the same luck.
Bridget placed the tests and crackers on the counter and dug her wallet out of her purse. With a bored voice, the cashier gave her the total and dropped the tests in the bag. When she handed it to Bridget, she did a double take.
Shit.
The cashier’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped right before a smirk crossed her face. The girl looked at her and mouthed, “Slut.”
Bridget blanched at the viciousness.
Tiffany was about to go ‘Tiffany’ all over the girl, so Bridget dropped some cash on the counter and pulled her toward the door before she could cause a scene.
“You forgot something.” The girl held the box of crackers in her hand with a smug look on her face.
For a moment, Bridget debated whether to just keep walking out or get her crackers. Her stomach did another roll. She hurried back, snatching the crackers out of the girl’s hands.
“You’re welcome.” Bridget took Tiffany’s hand before she could make another attempt to... Bridget wasn’t sure what Tiffany would do. She suspected there might have been some hair pulling and eye scratching involved. As much as she didn’t like Tiffany some days, today, she loved her guts. If it turned out that she was pregnant, at least Bridget had Tiffany by her side.
During the ride home, Tiffany made horrible attempts to keep things positive. “This could have happened to anyone, including that bitch at the pharmacy. We both know it could’ve been me.” Tiffany sighed with relief. “Thank God it’s not,” she said under her breath. “My parents would go ape shit.”
That’s when it hit her. “My dad...”
“I know!” Tiffany made a full body shiver.
There went any chance of winning her father over.
“Don’t freak out yet. We don’t know for sure.”
Yet.
“So there’s no point in worrying about it. Right?” Tiffany’s reassurance was sweet but pointless.
Bridget’s dad going ape shit would be welcomed; at least she’d know what to expect. The closer they got to her house, the sicker she became. What would he do? The not knowing was scarier than actually being pregnant.
“Can’t we go to your house?” Bridget begged.
“Are you kidding? If my parents find out either of us is taking a pregnancy test, my life will be pretty much over.” Tiffany shook her head. “They won’t let me hang out with you. They wouldn’t want me to catch pregnancy,” she joked, but her tone was serious. Tiffany’s parents were strict but gave her just enough freedom to hide things from them, like her much older boyfriend.
“Holy hell, what is your dad doing home so early?”
Bridget hadn’t even realized they pulled into her driveway. All the oxygen escaped her lungs and her fingers dug into the seat.
“I...I don’t know.”
Tiffany picked up the pregnancy tests and shoved them in her bag. “Come on. Just act normal and he won’t even notice.” Tiffany stepped out as if she didn’t have a care in the world.
The summer heat blasted Bridget in the face the moment she opened the car door. Instantly, she felt dizzy and nauseous. She shut the car door and leaned against it until the rolling of her stomach eased.
Tiffany wrapped an arm around her, urging her toward the front door. “It’s too hot to sit out here.”
Bridget took several deep breaths; her hands shook as she turned the knob and stepped inside.
It took a moment for her eyes to adjust. The blinds were down and the curtains closed, keeping the room dark, especially compared to the brightness of the day.
“You feeling better?” Her dad’s voice startled her. She didn’t see him lying on the couch, but he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “I heard you throwing up this morning.”
She stood, staring at him. He was home and talking to her. This was the most they’d spoken to each other in months.
Tiffany bumped her arm. “Oh...yeah. I’m better now.”
“Good. Good.” He leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
“Umm...are you okay, Dad?”
“Yeah. I think I have what you had. If you’re already feeling better, then it’s just a twenty-four-hour bug.”
Bridget was speechless. She was positive they didn’t have the same thing.
“Probably,” Tiffany said. Bridget stared at her friend with an open mouth. Tiffany shrugged and pulled her toward the stairs. “Well, we’ll be upstairs,” Tiffany called out. With heavy legs, Bridget ascended the stairs, dreading every step. She would know for sure if she were pregnant. And if she was...
Tiffany guided her to the bathroom, turning on the light before shoving her inside.
“I don’t have to pee yet,” Bridget said a little too loud.
“Shhhh! Fine, I’ll get you some water. I’ll be right back.” As Bridget stepped into the hallway to head to her bedroom, Bridget heard her dad speak to Tiffany.
“Hi, Tammy. How’s school?” her father asked. What was he doing? Surprised to hear him talking, she stood at the top of the stairs to listen.
“Um...well...it’s summer, so great.” Tiffany didn’t bother correcting her name.
“Right. I forgot you girls were out for the summer.” He spoke as if he regularly kept up on Bridget’s day-to-day schedule.
“Yeah...well...we’ll be back in school on Monday.”
“Right.” Bridget couldn’t see him but could picture him nodding his head, pretending to pay attention. It was just her luck he picked today to appear interested.
When the conversation stopped, Bridget went to her room to lie down.
“What’s up with your dad? He, like, acknowledged my existence...or at least Tammy’s,” Tiffany said with a snort.
“He must really be sick.” Tiffany laughed, but Bridget was dead serious. He never even pretended to care unless Bridget wasn’t following a rule.
“Drink up.” Tiffany shoved the bottled water into Bridget’s hands before turning on the radio. She switched stations until she got to a song she liked. Tiffany lifted the brush to her mouth and lip synced and danced around Bridget’s room, laughing at herself. Bridget smiled at her friend’s antics until it hit her.
“Oh my god. I’m going to have a baby,” Bridget cried out.
Tiffany stopped mid movement surprised by Bridget’s outburst.
The music was still blasting from the speakers, but the awkward silence was deafening.
Tiffany plopped down next to Bridget, putting an arm around her. “Come dance with me. It’ll help the water run through your body quicker.”
Tiffany pulled Bridget up and forced her to move. It was sweet that she tried to take her mind off everything, but the movement made her stomach roll. She fell back on the bed, covering her mouth.
“Oh, Bridge! I’m sorry. You want some crackers?”
She nodded and closed her eyes and wondered when she’d stop being sick.
A knock on Bridget’s door startled them. Tiffany panicked and threw the package of crackers, hitting Bridget in the face. Tiffany did a little panic dance before sitting in front of Bridget’s closet. Tiffany mouthed, “Why is he up here?” Still rubbing the spot where the crackers hit her cheek, she shrugged. She was just as surprised as Tiffany.
“Bridget?” her dad called out.
Eyes wide, she threw Tiffany the pregnancy test and pointed to her closet.
“Yeah, Dad?” Her words came
out high-pitched and a little shrill.
She shoved a couple saltines in her mouth and took a swallow of water.
He opened the door and poked his head in. He looked at her questioning. “Sick again?”
“Yeah...must not be gone yet.”
Tiffany shoved the test in the closet, guarding Bridget’s secret with her life.
“We need to talk.” How did he know? Bridget’s heart practically beat out of her chest.
“Right now?”
“Yes.” He let out a frustrated sigh.
Would he freak out in front of Tiffany...or Tammy? “Okay. Come in.”
He stood in the doorway with one foot in and one foot out. His eyes scanned the walls of her bedroom. He hadn’t been in there since the day she moved in. “I’m going out of town for work, and I’ll be gone up to three weeks.”
Tiffany’s eyes widen before a smile spread across her face as she mouthed, “Party.”
Bridget attempted to ignore Tiffany while listening to her dad. “Do you think you’ll be okay by yourself?” Does he not realize she’d been alone since she moved in?
“Of course.”
“Good. Good. Okay. I’ll be sure to leave plenty of food money, and you can use your mom’s old car to get back and forth from work and school.”
She nodded, not wanting to argue with him. Her mom left the car to Bridget. She was supposed to get it for her sixteenth birthday, but her dad only ‘allowed’ her to use it.
“When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.” His voice was stiff. “If you’re afraid to be alone, I can have our neighbor, Mrs. Oaks, check on you.”
“I’ll be okay, Dad.” Bridget wondered why he seemed so concerned about her well-being when he barely acknowledged her most days.
“You better keep going to school and work,” he warned.
She huffed at his threat. “Have I ever given you a reason not to trust me? I get straight A’s, I work, I do my chores, and I follow the rules.”
“Don’t talk to me that way. I still remember the night you came home hours after your curfew.”
She’d lived with him over a year and he still brought up the one time she broke a rule, ignoring everything else she did.
“Dad...”
“Don’t, Bridget. You’re a teen.” Her mouth dropped in surprise.
“What do you mean by that?”
He ignored her question. “I’ll leave the money and my contact information for where I’m staying on the kitchen counter, in case I leave before I see you.”
He didn’t make a move for a goodbye hug or tell her he was going to miss her.
Nothing.
“See you when you get back,” Bridget said.
He looked as if he wanted to say something but turned around, shutting the door behind him.
“Holy Shit! At least you won’t have to hide from your dad for a few weeks.”
Bridget’s eyes were still glued to the closed door. She was relieved she wouldn’t have to hide from him but sad that she was relieved.
Hormones.
“You ready to take the test now?” Bridget peeked out the door, checking for signs of her dad. She stepped out with Tiffany right behind, holding the two pregnancy tests. “Go ahead and do your business, then I’ll come in and sit with you.”
After peeing on the sticks, Bridget opened the door for her impatient friend. Tiffany flipped down the lid on the toilet and sat down while Bridget paced the small room. Bridget stared at a random spot on the wall, making a mental list of the things she’d need if the test were positive. The money from her part-time job wasn’t going to be nearly enough.
“What do you think Phillip is going to do if you’re pregnant?” The question of the hour. Bridget wished she had the answer.
“I don’t know.” He loved her. He would be there for her.
Wouldn’t he?
“I bet he’ll ask you to marry him,” Tiffany said excitedly.
Bridget fought back a smile, thinking about what it would be like to be married to him. They would get a little apartment for their family. They would be happy. It would be hard, but they loved each other, and they would love this baby.
“You could move into his parents’ apartment while you both finish school. He’s totally crazy about you. I don’t think you should be worried. You two made a baby. It’s kind of sweet. You’ll be the cutest couple.”
A spark of hope flickered in Bridget’s stomach. She wanted the life her friend described, and she wanted this baby.
If she was pregnant.
Bridget was already in love with the little peanut that could be growing inside her and she loved Phillip.
“You’ll have to tell him your age,” Tiffany casually declared.
“I know.” All the secrets she held would have to come out. The sick feeling in Bridget’s gut was back.
Tiffany looked at her watch then at Bridget.
“Ready?”
“No.”
Tiffany peeked at the sticks then back to Bridget. “Oh shit…”
Tiffany drove Bridget to Phillip’s in eerie silence. It felt ominous since the name Tiffany and the word silent didn’t go together.
Bridget’s usual excitement over seeing Phillip was snuffed out by the heavy weight of her news.
“He loves me. He loves me. He loves me,” Bridget chanted the whole way there.
Between pre-season football practice and her work, they had very little time together. The few nights they connected, Phillip was exhausted but excitedly talked about school, football, and moving into the frat house.
“Call me afterward.” Tiffany dropped her off in front of his place and sped off.
Bridget stood in his driveway, working up the nerve to talk to him. She startled when the screen door slammed shut on his parents’ back door and an angry Phillip stomped toward his apartment.
Another fight with his dad no doubt.
He looked menacing with his hands fisted and his face beet red. Her eyes focused on his movements and when he stopped halfway between the house and the garage, her eyes met his.
Instantly, a smile replaced the scowl. Before she knew it, he had her off her feet and in his arms.
“It’s like you knew I needed you,” he said against her mouth before leaving a hot trail of kisses on her face.
He carried her up the stairs, never breaking a sweat.
Phillip didn’t put Bridget down until they got to his bedroom. Their mouths only separated when he pulled her shirt over her head.
“Wait. Phillip…”
“What, baby?” he said between kisses. He unbuttoned her shorts, shoving them down when she took a hold of his hands. “I need to talk to you?”
“Right now?” He laughed just as his hands moved behind her back to undo her bra.
Bridget gently pushed him away.
He looked into her eyes and must have seen the worry on her face.
“You’re serious.” She nodded. “Baby? What’s wrong?”
She held his hand and stared at his chest as she formed the words she needed to say.
“Are you...are you breaking up with me?” He placed a hand under her chin forcing her eyes up.
“No. Never. I love you, Phillip.”
He sighed with relief. “Then what is it? You’re scaring me.”
“I’m scared. The most scared I’ve ever been in my life,” she cried.
Pulling her into his arms, he asked, “Tell me, baby. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
She shook in his arms as she held back the tears.
He loves me. It’ll all be okay.
“Phillip… I’m…we’re…pregnant.”
His hands froze, one around her waist and the other on her hip. His jaw fell open, but no words escaped. She managed to swallow the anxiety to speak. “Say something.”
“How? When?” he asked.
“I guess the first time. We uh...”
“Forgot the condom,” he finished.
“Yes.”
They stood facing each other, neither breaking the silence. His eyes focused on her flat stomach, and his features softened. He slid his hand from her hip to her belly and whispered, “Baby.” For a brief moment, the worries she carried around eased and she could picture them a happy family.
Then Bridget’s world ended.
His demeanor changed from caring to frigid. He pulled his hand away and created distance between them.
His breaths grew heavy. “We’ll get this taken care of. Together.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have some money saved; you could get an abortion.”
“No,” she cried in disbelief at his suggestion.
Never.
“We can’t have a baby. We’re nineteen! I have plans. I’m moving into the fraternity house, I have football, and I still have years left before I’m finished with school. I can’t support a family right now. There’s no way.”
“Phillip.” She stepped closer, taking his hand. “We can. You and I, together.”
He ignored her comment. “What did your dad say?”
“I can’t tell my dad.”
“Why not? You’re an adult. What’s he going to do?”
This was it. She fought back the nausea.
“I’m not an adult.”
He yanked his hand away and took another step back. “What do you mean? You’re in college, working...”
“I’m still in high school.”
He stumbled until his back hit the wall. “What? But... This isn’t happening.” His head hit the wall, and he closed his eyes. “How old are you?”
She wanted to go to him. Hold him, have him hold her, but she stood still and with a small voice answered, “Sixteen.”
“Oh my God, Bridget!” For the first time in months, he used her full name. “You’re sixteen,” he paused, connecting the dots before he finished, “and being three years older than you, I could be prosecuted for sexual conduct with a minor.”
“I’m sorry.” She reached for him, but he held a hand up, keeping her from getting closer.
“Your dad doesn’t know,” he confirmed.
She shook her head.
“Does anyone?”
“Tiffany and the girl at the pharmacy.”
Until Now Page 7