Until Now

by Cristin Cooper

  “Hey.” A soft but firm voice called from the doorway. Bridget pulled back, wiping her eyes. Billy stood in the doorway, looking back and forth between them. “You okay, Bridget?”

  She nodded, unable to use her voice. She snatched a few tissues and wiped at her nose and eyes. “I’m okay. I promise.” She gave Billy a weak smile, but his expression didn’t change. His brows pulled down tightly and the muscles in his jaw clenched as he gritted his teeth. “I’ll be out front if you need me.”

  The sound of his boots blended into the noise of the diner. She closed the door and turned back to Phillip. The silence lingered as they searched for something to say. By unspoken agreement, they turned to study the pictures of the person who connected them.

  “She’s beautiful and looks so much like you.”

  “Except for the eyes. Those are all yours.” She wiped the last of the tears and gave him a smile. “Jennifer isn’t here?” Bridget asked. It wasn’t until that moment that she remembered him saying that they would be here. Looking at him, she wondered what kind of woman he married.

  Why her and not me?

  “We agreed the first meeting should be with just me, so I dropped her off at my parents’ house.”

  Another little stab poked at her already bruised heart. For years, she hoped his mother would come looking for Katie, but it never happened. She expected the cold shoulder from his father but held out hope for his mother. She had always been kind, and Bridget could imagine her being a wonderful grandmother.

  He must have read her thoughts. “Don’t be mad at them. I didn’t tell them about Katie until you got in contact with me in May.”

  “Wow. Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Her hurt flared to anger. “Believing that she was rejected by your parents was bad, but you treating her like a terrible secret is worse.”

  He shook his head and took a step toward her. “She’s not a terrible secret, Bri...”

  She questioned him with a raised brow.

  “I wasn’t ashamed of Katie.” He ran his fingers through his hair and pulled at the ends. He used to do that every time he argued with his dad. Seeing the young boy behind the face of the man he grew into softened her anger. “I was ashamed of myself. My mother still hasn’t forgiven me. She probably never will.”

  He placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing lightly. “She always liked you, Bri. Be angry with me, not them. Even my dad wants to meet her. He’s mellowed in his years and loves being a grandpa. Hopefully, one day soon, she’ll be able to meet them.”

  Bridget inhaled sharply as she ached with conflicting emotions.

  “Oh, God, Bridget. This isn’t how I wanted today to go. I’m sorry. Everything I say is upsetting you, and it’s the last thing I wish to do. I want us to be friends and have a relationship for Katie’s sake.”

  “I do too. Honestly. I thought I was over this. Apparently, I’m not.” She shook her head in frustration. She’d cried more the past few days than she had in years. “Excuse me for a minute.” She stepped into the bathroom connected to the office.

  Splashing cold water on her face, she wiped away the black streaks running down her cheeks. Her makeup was a lost cause for now. “So, are you okay with the plan?” she asked, avoiding any more talk about their past.

  “Let’s see. You introduce us. We get to know each other here. I spend time with her when she’s at school before we tell her who I am. Is that correct?”

  “Yes.”

  “As much as I want to tell her today, I’ll take your lead. You obviously know her better than I do. But, I don’t want to go too long. I need her in my life. I want to introduce her to Jenny and her siblings.”

  “Right.” Bridget never let herself think about his kids and how they are related to Katie. “She’ll be thrilled to know she has a brother and sister. Everything else though…”

  Phillip gave her a pointed look. “It’s not going to be easy for anyone.”

  “True. I might not have the same relationship with her after this.”

  “Bri…”

  She didn’t want to think about it any longer. Saying goodbye today was going to be tough enough without worrying about what might happen when her daughter found out the truth.

  “We should head out front. It sounds like the party has started.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  May 1997

  Billy

  Billy smiled at an adorable little face that was so close his eyes crossed. “Who loves you?” he asked.

  “BB.” Katie squished his face between her hands and squealed when he tickled her tummy. He gave her a kiss on the top of her head before setting her down. Bridget stepped out of the bathroom with a graduation robe hung over one arm and her cap perfectly placed on her head with at least a dozen bobby pins, according to Diane.

  The frown she’d worn since that morning was still there. He didn’t understand it. This was a big deal, and she’d been dragging her feet, telling him she didn’t want to go to her own high school graduation.

  “MAMA!” Bridget bent down and lifted her fourteen-month-old daughter in her arms and gave the first smile he’d seen on her face today. “Katie!” she cheered. Of course, Katie’s chubby little fingers went straight for the tassel on Bridget’s cap and pulled.

  Bridget grimaced at her hair being tugged as she gently pried Katie’s fingers off the tassel.

  Diane followed her out of the bathroom. “You ready, sweetie?”

  Bridget pleaded with him with her eyes. He shook his head in response and chuckled when she sighed. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

  “Chuck and I will meet you there.” Diane pinched Bridget’s arm before stepping out.

  “Are you going to tell me why you don’t want to go?”

  “It’s just a stupid, boring ceremony. I don’t have to go.”

  “Come on.” He put an arm around her. “I’m so proud of you.” He lifted Katie into his arms. “We’re proud of you. Plus, Katie has been practicing yelling. You wouldn’t want to let her down.”

  “So you’re the one?” A sharp elbow hit him in the gut as she laughed, throwing her head back. Finally, he got her to smile.

  * * *

  After an hour of listening to speakers drone on and on, he rethought the importance of the ceremony. Luckily, Katie happily sat in his lap, chattering away in baby talk with her dolls that she carried everywhere.

  As the Valedictorian spoke, his mind wandered through the past year. It was tough. No doubt about it, but he loved it. Two weeks after Katie was born, Bridget was back in school, finishing her junior year. Every morning, she struggled with leaving and after school, she rushed home to be with her daughter.

  Her life consisted of early morning feedings, a quick breakfast as she dropped Katie off to stay with him while she was at school. Once home, Bridget spent an hour alone with Katie before putting her in a baby carrier and working the dinner shift. At night after they closed, she studied. Rinse and repeat.

  He didn’t know how she did it. During the summer, he gave her more hours, since she begged and Katie went to daycare for a few hours a day. He’d pick Katie up at noon so he could spend time with her.

  Katie became his little buddy, his Sweets. His office turned into a nursery–slash–playroom for several hours a day. If Bridget had consented, he’d have taken care of Katie all day. Instead, Billy kept his mouth shut and allowed Bridget to be the parent and exert her independence.

  By her senior year, Bridget only needed a handful of credits to graduate, enabling her to go to school for half the day. She was home by lunch, giving her a few extra hours with her daughter. There were days she resented having to rely on others, especially him. She said so.

  One day, he noticed she had kept a tally on the fridge of what she ‘owed’ him for rent and minor things. Their agreement was she wouldn’t pay rent until after she graduated. When he asked her about it, she told him she wanted to pay him back someday when she could. He didn’t doubt it. Even though it annoyed him at ti
mes, Billy admired her for her determination.

  “Finally,” Diane muttered under her breath. They were calling the names of the graduates as they received their diploma. Once Bridget’s row stood up, his eyes never left her. She looked uncomfortable and not any happier than she had been earlier in the day. When they called her name, Chuck, Diane, Katie, and Billy stood and cheered. Katie screamed, “Mama!” A chorus of “Awww’s” came from the audience.

  Bridget smiled and blew a kiss to her daughter and waved.

  After the ceremony, a smiling Bridget made a beeline straight for them. When she was only a few feet away, a redhead stopped her and gave her a forced smile. “Congrats, Bridge.”

  Barely glancing at the girl, she replied, “Thanks,” and pulled her arm away from the girl’s grip.

  When Bridget neared, Katie jumped into her arms and gave her a big hug as the rest of us surrounded her. We each gave her our best side hugs since she wouldn’t let go of her daughter.

  Surrounded by new graduates taking pictures with their friends, it was glaringly apparent that Bridget was snubbed. “Do you have plans? I can take Katie for the evening if you want to go party and celebrate.”

  “No, no plans. I’d rather celebrate with you guys, if that’s okay.”

  “Of course. I made reservations. I just remembered my graduation; ended up partying all night and not returning home until the following afternoon.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip as she looked around at her fellow classmates. “I didn’t get invited to any parties.”

  It was a punch to the gut. He didn’t mean to bring up a sore subject. He took her hand and held tight. “I’m sorry, Bridget.” For so many things. She was too young not to get stupid drunk with the rest of her class. She shrugged and avoided making eye contact.

  When he turned toward the exit, he noticed a man staring at them or, more accurately, her. Billy looked back at Bridget, who didn’t seem to notice. She looked just like the gentleman who stood only a few feet away. Same nose and wavy dark hair. When he realized Billy caught him staring, he turned and disappeared into the mob of kids.

  Billy turned around to see if Bridget noticed, but she was busy having a kissing war with Katie.

  Not for the first time, Billy wanted to shake the man for being heartless. Why show up and not talk to her? Billy just didn’t understand the man. It only made Billy more determined to be supportive of her. He would make up for the failures of the other men in her life.

  As they sat down for dinner, Bridget asked, “Where’s Freja?” He didn’t say a word, just stared at her. “Not again.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. “I don’t get you two.”

  “Me neither.” And he didn’t. They were off…again. No doubt they would be back together in a few weeks, as usual. Whenever they spent more than a month apart, they’d call it off, but it never took long before one or the other wanted to try again. It was going to be a long two years before she graduated, and then she’d have residency. He wasn’t overly concerned. Neither of them was ready for anything more, anyway.

  After they ordered and their drinks arrived, Billy lifted his glass to toast. “Here’s to starting a new chapter in your life.”

  Bridget smiled at her daughter then looked back to him as she tapped her glass against his. “To new chapters.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  August 12:00 PM

  Billy

  “Why is she letting him comfort her?”

  Barely able to contain his growing frustration, Billy paced outside the diner. The moment he heard Bridget shut the office door, he made a beeline for the diner’s front door. He couldn’t stand the idea of her being alone with Phillip.

  “Are you talking about Bridget and that gorgeous man she’s locked in your office with?” Surprised to hear someone reply to his ranting, he swung around to see Diane leaning against the wall, grinning ear to ear.

  “Leave me alone. I’m not in the mood,” he growled.

  “You’re going to wear out the sidewalk, honey.” Her voice was sweet as sugar, laced with motherly love and an annoying amount of knowing.

  “Diane,” he warned.

  “So that’s Katie’s dad.”

  “How did you know?” He stopped his movements just long enough to hear her reply.

  “It’s the eyes.”

  He nodded and continued on.

  She took a hold of his arm as he passed by. “What’s the matter?” Her voice was soft and comforting. She had her moments, but it didn’t stop his blood pressure rising just thinking about Bridget and Phillip.

  “He was holding her while she cried.” He pointed to himself. “That’s my job. I’m supposed to support her and wipe away her tears. Instead, I’m out here losing my shit.” His voice rose until he was practically yelling at Diane.

  She might not be a mom, but Diane had her ‘Mom Voice’ down pat. “Billy! You are not helping anyone by stomping around out here. Get yourself back inside and, at the very least, pretend to be cheerful to support Katie. I’m sure you’re not going to want to explain to her why you’re pissed off.”

  No one put him in his place like Diane. They’d grown closer since his parents’ death, and even though she retired a few years ago, she was still active in his and the girls’ lives. “I know. I just can’t get these images out of my head. Phillip is squirming his way back into Bridget’s heart before I have a chance.”

  “You’ve had plenty of opportunities.” Her words were unsympathetic, but her tone was kind.

  He shook his head. “You were there. Every time I thought there was a chance, someone came between us. Every. Single. Time.” He ran his hands through his cropped hair. “Oh, God, please, I can’t lose her.”

  “Oh, Billy!” Diane said exasperated with him. “Shit, or get off the pot.”

  He stared at her for a moment then burst out laughing. Leave it to her to shock him out of his emotional outburst. She smiled at him and patted his arm. “Stop being a chicken and tell her how you feel. I’m positive that you will be pleased with the outcome. But, for now, get inside. Katie’s waiting.”

  She left him alone to pull himself together. He straightened his posture and shoved his hands in his pockets, ready to make his entrance when two cars pulled up. With a forced friendly smile, he opened the door for the party guests and followed them inside. He weaved through the throngs of people to get behind the counter, making sure to keep space between him and any distractions. He focused his eyes on the swinging doors leading to the kitchen and his office in case Bridget needed him.

  “Billy? Earth to Billy?” Katie tugged on his shirt, drawing his attention.

  “Sorry, Sweets. What were you saying?” He put an arm around her and kissed the top of her head.

  “Do you know where Mom is? I haven’t seen her since she left the apartment.”

  “Yes.” He kept his voice cool and controlled. “She’s talking to an old friend. She’ll be out soon.”

  “Good. I don’t want her to miss it.”

  He was about to tell her not to worry but was interrupted by a group of screaming girls calling Katie’s name. A huge smile crossed her face when Katie ran over and gave each girl a bouncy hug and squeal.

  The image of her and her friends was another reminder of what he was going to miss. Everywhere he looked, he saw her.

  When Katie was a baby, Bridget would turn on the jukebox and place the baby swing in the middle of the floor while she cleaned up at night. He could still picture her singing and dancing to the music while a sleepy Katie smiled and cooed until her eyes grew heavy and her head lolled to the side.

  He could still picture a chubby-kneed three-year-old sitting on the counter next to the register, helping him cash out customers.

  Once she was in Kindergarten, Katie would come home from school, jump in his arms, and give him a hug before ‘she went to work’ with her mama. Everyone called her Bridget’s little shadow when Katie followed her around, taking orders and filling drinks at the pop machine.
When she was old enough, Chuck taught her how to cook and prepare food like a pro. In the evenings, Katie and Billy sat in the corner booth while he went through the receipts and she did her homework.

  Once again, Billy rubbed at his chest, trying to relieve the ache that had become constant. He was now only a few short hours away from having to say goodbye.

  The sound of the swinging door grabbed his attention. Phillip stepped out and immediately, his eyes searched out Katie.

  Billy waited for Bridget, but the door stood still behind Phillip.

  “Phillip,” he called out. Billy tilted his head toward the front door and didn’t wait for him to respond.

  Before the door closed behind them, Billy turned around and asked, “Where’s Bridget?”

  Phillip put his hands up as if he were waving a white flag. “She said she needed a few minutes.”

  With barely contained anger he warned, “Don’t hurt her again. If you plan on leaving or breaking Bridget’s heart, I will come after you.”

  “Whoa. Calm down. I have no intention of hurting her or Katie. I don’t know what you thought back there, but I’m a happily married man. Bridget is a good woman, and I’m thankful she is the mother of my daughter, but that is it.” Billy took a deep breath and relaxed his shoulders. “She’s not in love with me, anyway. You’re much more likely to hurt her than I am.”

  Billy’s hands fisted. Everything he had ever done since he met Bridget was to keep her from being hurt. “I would never hurt my girls,” he defended.

  “Your girls?” Phillip lifted a brow but didn’t wait for Billy to respond. “What I mean is, she’s in love with you.”

  Billy shook his head in disbelief.

  “I knew it the first time I came to see her before I left for law school. I was ready to beg for forgiveness and ask her to take me back, but I saw the way she looked at you and trusted you. I just… I knew. I knew that even if she were able to forgive me, she’d have never left you.”