After seeing them off, Katie tugged on his hand. “Why are you sad?”
Billy crouched down and forced a smile. “I haven’t had a hug from my favorite five-year-old today.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed as hard as she could. “I love you, my Billy.”
He pinched his eyes closed and took a ragged breath. He held on to her for dear life. “I love you, my Sweets.”
The room was closing in on him, and it was getting hard to breathe. He needed to get out of there.
He gave her a kiss and let his employees know he was leaving for the night.
After driving aimlessly for an hour, he pulled into a bar he rarely frequented. He needed a drink, maybe ten, but didn’t want to run into any of his friends.
After chugging the first beer, he pulled out his cell and dialed a number that was as familiar to him as his own.
* * *
He tried to concentrate on Freja as she lay next to him, catching him up on her life from the past year, but his thoughts were with Bridget.
Sex with Freja had done nothing to soothe the ache or even distract him. If anything, it only served to remind him of what Bridget was probably doing and with whom. To top it off, guilt, for using a woman he actually cared about, stacked like bricks with the weight of pain and panic he already felt.
He had lost everything that was important to him, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
He had waited and hoped Bridget and Preston would break up. In his heart, he knew that Bridget and Katie should be his, but now they never would be.
He imagined selling the diner and moving away. He wouldn’t. As painful as it would be to watch her move on with Preston, he’d be there for her, just in case.
“Is someone at your door?”
Billy frowned as he looked at the clock on his nightstand. A soft knock sounded again. “Who would come by at this hour?” Freja stood, pulled on one of his T-shirts and left the bedroom. He slipped on some jeans and grabbed a shirt, pulling it on as he turned the corner to his front door. “Who is it?”
Freja smiled and opened the door wider.
Bridget stood on his doorstep with bloodshot eyes and a pink nose.
Freja clapped her hands. “Isn’t there something you need to show us?”
When he talked to Freja on the phone, she had asked about everyone at the diner. He let it slip that Preston was asking Bridget to marry him tonight. She was more excited than he expected and offered to meet him at his house.
“What?” Bridget looked as if someone had stabbed her in the heart. He watched her blink back tears. When he stepped forward to pull her into a hug, Freja slid an arm around his waist, pulling him close.
“A little birdie told me that Preston was proposing.” She lifted Bridget’s hand and exposed her bare finger.
“Oh no! Did I spill the beans? I thought he was asking you tonight?”
Billy held his breath while he waited for her reply.
“He asked.” Bridget scrunched her face as she held back tears.
“You said no?” Freja asked incredulously.
Bridget stared at Freja’s arm around him then into his eyes. “I better go. You two probably want to be alone. To catch up.”
Freja smiled and said, “Thanks.” At the same time, he said, “Come inside.”
Surprised by Billy’s response, Freja gave a tight smile as she looked at him. “Billy, you called me and said you wanted to get back together. Bridget is fine. Look at her.” Bridget gave him a forced smile and took a step back. He reached for Bridget’s hand, not wanting to let her go at least until he knew what happened.
“Freja, she just broke up with her boyfriend.”
Bridget interrupted before they could argue. “Don’t worry. I’m leaving. I’ll see you tomorrow, Billy.”
“Wait!” He reached for her, but she stepped away.
“Don’t worry about me. Freja’s right, I’m all right. It’s all for the best.” Bridget gave them a small wave and turned to go.
It was obvious, she was far from fine, but she’d never admit it in front of Freja.
Freja.
Why had he called her? Billy wanted to kick himself. He never imagined Bridget would say no. She and Preston were the perfect happy couple.
What happened?
He removed Freja’s hand from his waist and jogged to Bridget’s car, ignoring Freja when she called to him.
He said the first safe thing that came to mind. “Are we still on for donuts and coffee tomorrow?”
Bridget didn’t bother faking a smile. “Yeah. I’ll see you then.”
“Bridget, if you need to talk, I’ll tell her to go home.” He was in no mood to be with Freja anyway.
“No, don’t do that. She’s waiting for you.” She pointed to Freja, who stood at the entrance, looking sultry in his T-shirt. A few years ago, he would have pushed Bridget out the door to be alone with her, but Freja no longer held the same appeal. Not like the woman standing in front of him.
“Goodbye.”
“Are you going home?” He tried to hide the desperation from his voice, but he needed to know she was really okay.
“No, Diane is sleeping over, and I don’t want to…”
“Say no more. I understand. Why don’t you stay here?”
She looked to Freja then back to him. “No thanks. I’m going to find a hotel. I need to be alone.”
“I’ll send her home.” He’d do anything to keep her from leaving. He wanted to comfort her, be there for her.
“Please don’t. I’ll be fine after I get some sleep. Promise.”
As she slid into her seat, he asked one last question.
“Why did you say no?” His heart pounded in his chest as he waited for her answer.
She chewed on her lower lip as she sat silently in her car. She looked into his eyes when she said, “He wasn’t the right one.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
August 2:30 PM
Billy
“I love you, Sweets. Be safe and call your Mom when you land. You know how she gets.” She smiled and nodded. So far there hadn’t been any tears except for Bridget. But Katie’s eyes started to water as he rubbed the ache in his chest.
It was finally happening. He was saying goodbye, and it was worse than he ever imagined. No longer able to hold it in, a tear escaped and then another and another. He was wiping them away with the back of his hand when he saw Katie drop her bag. They’d just got done hugging goodbye, but they needed one more.
She ran into his open arms. He held her and kissed the top of her head as she cried into his chest. Each little gasp, he squeezed her a little tighter. His thoughts went back to the day she was born and how he never pictured himself as a father until that moment. It was a miracle he wanted to experience again.
Bridget sat in the driver’s seat crying. Her face contorted as she attempted to hold back the tears. He wanted to pull her out of the car and into his arms so he could hold both his girls.
Katie leaned back and gave him another teary smile. “Thank you for being the dad I always wanted.”
He choked on his tears. Those words simultaneously broke his heart and healed it. Being her father would be an honor. “My Sweets,” he whispered. “Thank you for being the daughter I always wanted.” Not bothering to wipe away his tears, they rolled down his cheeks and into her hair.
“Oh, Billy.” Her words were barely intelligible through her sobs. She buried her head in his chest. Her tears stained his shirt. “Billy, take care of her while I’m gone,” she said it loud enough for him to hear but not loud enough for Bridget. Bridget wouldn’t appreciate Katie taking care of her, but it was as much in Katie’s nature as hers.
“Of course.”
“By the way, it’s okay with me if you finally tell Mom you love her. I love you. I’d love to call you Dad one day.” She grinned as if she’d been holding onto his secret for the past fourteen years.
His jaw dropped as he stared at the girl who wa
s too smart for her own good. “Katie…”
She squeezed his arm. “She loves you, too. Why you two never admit it, I’ll never know. Now that I’m leaving, she’ll no longer be able to use me as an excuse not to move forward. She’s too young not to have a happily ever after.”
“I do love her,” Billy choked out.
“Tell her.” She gave him one more hug and turned to get in the car.
“Hold on a second.” He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the envelope that had been burning a hole in his pocket since he went to the bank yesterday. He opened her hand and placed the sealed envelope in her palm, closing her fist around it. “Don’t open it until you get to your new place. Promise me.”
“I promise, but what is it?”
His cheeks redden. He wanted to do something for her. He’d prefer to do it anonymously, but she would’ve figured it out. “Just wait to open it.”
“Okay. Thank you. I’m sure I’ll love it,” she said with a crying laugh. He lifted the edge of his shirt and wiped her nose like he used to do when she was a child.
“Billy!” She swatted his hand away.
“You’re always going to be my Sweets and will never be too old for me to wipe your nose.”
She sighed. “Love you, my Billy.”
“Love you, my Sweets.” She gave him a huge smile before she kissed his cheek and got in the car.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
September 2002
Billy
Billy glanced over his shoulder at the sound of a key turning in the lock. He’d been lounging on the couch for over an hour, channel surfing and drinking beer. For some reason, he was restless but too tired to get up and do anything.
“Hey, gorgeous.” Billy smiled at Freja, who returned his smile with a gigantic yawn. Dressed in scrubs with her normally perfectly styled hair pulled into a messy ponytail, she reminded him of her medical school days. There must have been a stubborn baby to come into the world that day. “You look tired.”
She kissed the top of his head and stole his beer out of his hand. “You have no idea.”
“Bridget brought over leftover lasagna if you’re hungry.”
“I’m too tired to eat.” She plopped down next to him and leaned into his side.
“You’re welcome to use my shower and sleep over. I’ll even sleep on the couch to keep from waking you up in the middle of the night.” He winked at her, but she lifted her head and looked at him curiously.
“Do you mind turning off the TV?”
“What’s up?” He clicked it off and turned to face her.
“We’ve been dating for a long time.”
Not again.
She brought up moving in together every couple of months; so far, he’d been able to find excuses to put it off. It had only been a year since they decided to give it another try. To him, it still felt too soon.
“On and off, but yes.”
With an exasperated breath, she rolled her eyes. “Are we ever going to get past this?”
“I’m not sure what you mean. I think things are good between us.”
She shook her head at him.
“Billy, I need to tell you something.” Her serious expression caused him to sit up.
“You can tell me anything.”
“I’ve met someone.”
That wasn’t what he was expecting. Neither was the momentary sense of relief or lack of jealousy. “Has something happened between you two?”
“No. He didn’t know I had a boyfriend when he asked me out. I, of course, told him about you. I would never cheat.”
“Wow. I don’t know what to say. Why are you telling me this? Are you breaking up with me?”
As many times as they had split up, not once had it been because of someone else. It was either bad timing or because they never saw each other.
“I’m saying... I’m not sure what I’m saying. I suppose, I’m giving you an ultimatum.”
“What kind?” He nervously fidgeted with the remote control as he waited for her to explain.
“The kind where if we don’t move in together, talk about marriage and family, or, at least, move in that direction, then we’re over.”
“Freja...” If it had been a few years ago, he would have agreed on the spot, but now it would mean that his chance with Bridget would be officially over.
“I mean it, Billy. I love you. I want more than this. It was fine when I was in school and doing my residency, but now that it’s behind me, I’m ready to get married and have babies. Preferably in this decade.”
Until that moment, Billy hadn’t realized he’d been biding his time with Freja, waiting for Bridget to get over her breakup with Preston. Even though Bridget did the breaking up, it didn’t make it any easier on her. She had just recently started dating again.
I’m an ass. How could I do this to someone I care about?
He loved Freja. He always would. She was his first love and would always be one of his closest friends, but he needed to let her go.
“If this guy makes you happy, you should be with him.” He meant it with all his heart.
She shoved away, slamming the empty beer bottle onto the coffee table, making a small indention. “That’s it? You’re not going to fight for me?”
“If you want to be with him, I’m not going to get in your way.”
“God, Billy! Do you even love me?”
He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. “I do love you. Very much, but I’ll never want more than what we are now.”
She cried into his chest, big, heaving sobs.
Guilt constricted his throat. He should have loved her enough to let her go sooner. “I’m so sorry.”
“Tell me the truth. Is it because of Bridget and Katie?”
“Don’t bring my girls into this.”
“My girls?” She pushed him away. “I think that’s my answer. Whether you realized it or not, they have been part of our relationship since the day Bridget came into your life.”
“They needed me. They still do.”
She held his face in her hands. “No. I’m pretty sure it’s the other way around.”
“Freja…”
“It’s fine. We don’t have to talk about them. In fact, we don’t need to speak at all. I will always love you, Billy Hall, and I sincerely hope that you have a nice life.” She gave him one last kiss goodbye before she walked out his door.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
August 2:30 PM
Bridget
It was painful to watch him say goodbye to her baby girl. Billy held her daughter with tears unapologetically streaking down his cheeks. It was too much. The love and affection he showed her daughter was beautiful to witness. After everything she went through with her father and Phillip, she never imagined meeting a man who would love her daughter as much as she did.
On the outside, his appearance was intimidating with his tattoos, short cropped hair, and his confident stance. He scared away more than one boy, but Katie turned him into soft, pliable dough. At times, it was difficult for Bridget knowing if she said no, Katie would find a way through Billy. It frustrated her, but also knowing he’d bend over backward for her daughter touched her.
He was everything she ever wanted for herself and Katie. She compared every guy she dated to him.
Her Billy.
Even thinking of him as hers filled her with guilt. She fell for his tenderness and kindness the first night she met him. Her girlish fantasies of him sweeping her off her feet and admitting his love for her never left, just grew and changed with age.
There were moments in their life where she worried she’d have to watch him get married and have a family, leaving her and Katie behind. She would’ve left, unable to watch her dreams slip through her fingers.
Today he gave her the first signs of something more. First the kiss, then his confession. His words rang in her ears. He wanted to be Katie’s dad. But was that all he wanted? Did he want her, too? Fear smothered her hop
e. But then her thoughts returned to the kiss, and the never-ending cycle started over.
Bridget sat in silence as her baby girl cried in his arms. She wanted to join them and let him comfort both of them. When she found out she was pregnant and wouldn’t have help, she thought her life was over, but then she met him. Graduating from high school and raising her amazing daughter wouldn’t have been possible without him. She owed him everything. He’d never kept track of what he’d done, but she did, and the list was long.
Just as Katie was about to get in the car, she turned and rushed back into his arms and lost it. Bridget’s eyes pinched closed, attempting to hold back the tears, but it became impossible. They’d always been close. He was proof that there are good men in the world, and she was lucky enough to be friends with the best one. He was as generous with his heart as he was with his time. She didn’t know what he got out of it, but she hoped he knew how much she appreciated him.
Katie slid into the seat with a tear-stained face resembling Bridget’s own. Without a word, they reached for each other. Putting their foreheads together, they said, “I love you.” With ragged breaths they separated, but not before she kissed Katie’s forehead. As she leaned back in her seat, her eyes met Billy’s gaze. He mouthed, “I’ll be here.”
Still?
She tapped the brake and looked at him one last time. Bridget regretted that she didn’t ask him to go with them. The words were almost out of her mouth, but at the last second she decided against it. She was ashamed to admit jealousy kept her from inviting him to go to the airport with them. Katie and Billy had always been close, and Bridget was envious of their relationship. She ignored his hints about wanting to go so she could have her daughter all to herself.
In her head, she tried to justify her irrational behavior by telling herself that he probably needed a break from her, but watching him with Katie she knew better. She just hoped he would understand.
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