Blow Out (Steel Veins Book 1)

by Jackson Kane

  This decision came down to the life he’d always known. Brothers, by blood and by patch, or me, a stupid girl he’d only known for a day.

  I stopped myself from calling his name. I might have been able to sway him if I said anything, but I knew if I really were in love with this man, I would have to let him decide for himself. Even if that decision was to turn his back on me—even if I had to pay for my silence with my life.

  “All pity choked with custom of fell deeds. And Caesar’s spirit, ranging for revenge, with Ate by his side come hot from hell, shall in these confines with a monarch’s voice,” Remy quoted from something that sounded familiar, but I couldn’t place it.

  “Remy....” Tee nervously reached for his gun.

  “Cry ‘Havoc!’” Remy’s eyes burned as he made his decision. “And let slip the dogs of war.”

  “Remy, no! Don’t—” Tee wasn’t quick enough. Remy rapidly took aim and fired twice. Tee took a round in the chest and crumpled in a heap while Skinpipe’s head exploded.

  Then Remy looked down at Rio. “That this foul deed shall smell above the earth with carrion men, groaning for burial,” Remy finished the quote.

  Rio’s eye went wide as he tried to gurgle out a protest. Blood leaked from his mouth.

  “In the end, we all groan.” Remy fired.

  I tore my eyes away but not quick enough to avoid it. The sound of the pistol cracking, Rio’s head snapping violently backward, the sudden shock of bright blood, and bone exploding onto the pavement like an expressionist painting, all of it nestled into my subconscious.

  I would carry all this with me wherever I went.

  “That passage, was that Shakespeare?” I asked stupidly, still in a daze from all the violence.

  Was I already growing numb to it?

  “We need to go.” Remy ignored my question and searched the bodies, taking whatever valuables he could, then grabbed my arm.

  I could see his concern for me etched across his face.

  With those three gunshots, Remy had closed an important chapter in his life

  “Things are going to get really bad. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to protect you through what comes next.”

  His intensity startled me as he dragged me along toward his Kawasaki. I tried my best to keep up, but my legs were still weak from the sex. “What comes next?” I was almost too afraid to ask, but I had to know.

  It was only after he’d helped me on his bike when he answered, “Deadeye is going to send kill teams out for me, and this time, it’ll be so much worse. He’s going to unleash some real monsters—the baddest men the Steel Veins have. They’re going to be ruthless, Star.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

  Remy’s face hardened even more; then he kissed me as if it was for the last time.

  That move had me really worried.

  He kicked up the side stand and started the bike. The engine almost muffled his reply. I almost wish it had.

  “Because I led one of those teams.”

  Kill teams? I’d seen how easily Remy was able to kill, and had I not seen him throw everything away to save me, I would have feared that I could be next. Even still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was still so much about him I didn’t know. Murder was the type of darkness that didn’t shed so easily from the soul. What depths was he truly capable of in pursuit of what he thought was necessary?

  What kind of monster had I fallen in love with? Muse’s Place was a shining speck at our backs. Danger closed in at every turn, and the odds were stacked heavily against us.

  But we made our decision. We chose each other.

  Let them come and get us.

  Part Two

  Chapter Sixteen

  Star

  “Welcome to Las Vegas! Bienvenidos!” flashed the old sign in Remy’s headlights. This was my first time in Vegas. I honestly thought it would be under different circumstances and, well, a different Vegas.

  We had landed in Las Vegas, New Mexico, instead.

  We’d been riding for hours, and this was where we stopped? I’d never heard of the place and, by the massive swaths of deserted buildings and worn-down roads with no hope of being fixed, apparently neither had the rest of the country either.

  Remy pushed his Kawasaki so fast and hard, it felt like we’d ridden back in time. There was nothing out here. The blocky, painted brick buildings were reminiscent of deep, Spanish colonial roots—a ceremonial town that existed only because it forgot to die. This was the kind of town a person could easily disappear in. I now knew why we were in Lost Vegas, New Mexico. Or at least, I thought I did.

  With Remy, one could never truly know anything.

  Remy’s rocket sped us through the dusty, dead center of town. The glowing green and blue display above the gaudy bank pulsed the time. We’d been riding for five hours!

  Had it really been that long?

  We hadn’t spoken much since we left Muse’s Place, aside from a quick pit stop to let me pee. Remy asked me if I was okay. I didn’t really know how to answer that, so we both just got back on and kept riding.

  I kept picturing the bodies left in Remy’s wake, littering all around him like he was the center of a furious whirlwind. And here I was standing in the center, raging winds all around me, watching anything that got too close get chewed up.

  Jesus… Remy shot his own friend, Tee, just to keep me alive.

  Why was I the anomaly?

  Whenever I had the courage to pull my face from his muscled back on the long ride, I couldn’t fight the urge to look over my shoulder for those who might already be pursuing us. I expected to see this Tolkienesque army of bikers, fire and bloodlust carving a dark scar across the barren wilderness.

  Of course, there was nothing except that long stretch of infinite black. That silence felt worse somehow, like the calm before the storm or like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

  The idea of riding off with Remy into the sunset was alluring, but it didn’t fit. It was too clean. Too Hollywood. If there were a happy ending in store for us, it would be hard fought.

  We’d have to pay for it in pounds of flesh. Of that, I had no doubt.

  I didn’t know much about the kill teams that were supposedly on our heels, but the name certainly painted a vivid picture.

  A picture in red.

  I was scared. How could I not be? Everything was so up in the air. I didn’t know where we were or where we were headed. At the speeds we’d been riding, talking to him was impossible. He had been leaning forward so I had been leaning forward. One wrong move and I would become a bird for a very short time.

  Still, despite the danger looming around every corner, I felt glad to be wrapped around Remy. I’d always had a weakness for strong, confident men, and although one got me in trouble before, nobody could compare to Remy. Remy could spit in the Devil’s eye and dare him to move, and I’d put the odds at about half that the Devil would.

  For most of the ride, I’d been immersed in haunting memories so recent that I still felt their various sensations. Top’s concrete hands pulling my thighs apart, Rio’s rancid breath on my cheek, and the sting of Muse’s fine-toothed glare when she sized me up in the hallway.

  Muse…

  I hated her more than the rest, more than even Top. I knew right away what to expect from the massive grief-rattled MC president. But Muse cut me to the bone. I trusted her, and she served me to the wolves on a silver platter. I hated Muse as much as I’d grown to love Gloria. Gloria was a lone sunbeam trapped in a dirty mason jar.

  I could only imagine what must be going on in Remy’s head. He’d lost everything today. His family, his livelihood, everything he’d ever known, all gone because of some stupid, spoiled girl.

  When they voted to kill me, Remy denied his whole MC family just to protect me. I burned that one defiant moment into my mind and would see that whenever I thought about Remy.

  I squeezed him tighter and hoped beyond all else that he let me pu
t more cracks in that stone shell around his heart. I needed to know him. I yearned to bathe in the light of his love. I didn’t care that it was a toxic glow that might get me killed.

  I didn’t care one bit.

  Even sleepy Vegas vanished behind us. I thought we’d never stop. That is, until we pulled into the “Pick and Pay,” a closed-for-the-evening convenience store.

  I slid off the bike and stretched. I felt like I’d just gotten off a boat, except that I was numb from the waist down and had yet to regain my “land-lubber’s” legs.

  Most of the residual vibration was from the ride, but I caught myself biting at the corner of my bottom lip when I realized that some of it, that soreness deep within me, was from him. The dented hood of that car. Remy’s sweating body sliding on top of me. I had to shake those incredible thoughts from my head. There would be time for that later.

  Plenty of time, I hoped.

  Remy hunched forward over the handlebars, running both hands over his face and through his wind-tossed, midlength hair then just stared off into the distance. He was both within arm’s reach and also a million miles away. It had been a long ride; Remy had to be exhausted.

  “Are you okay?” I asked tentatively.

  Remy didn’t answer. Instead, he tugged a crushed pack of cigarettes out of his back pocket. Dark thoughts marred his handsome features, and it was only when he lit the cigarette that I saw his hands were slightly shaking. It wasn’t just the vibrations of the long ride that crept into his bones. It was something else.

  Something far more painful.

  “Remy?” My fingertips grazed his bare shoulder. We’d tossed his shirt before he killed Rio. Tingling queasiness rose in my ribs. The image of Remy’s thumb in the man’s eye socket made my stomach turn.

  I shrank away, but he grabbed my hand and led me back on the bike. I landed side-saddle on the gas tank. Were it not for his strong legs, the explosive force jerking me toward him would’ve knocked the bike over with us beneath it.

  My shoulders were pinned back against the metal bars, and the edge of the small windshield pushed into my spine as I lay awkwardly across the bike. His fiery eyes mirrored the burning cherry tip of the lit cigarette. He breathed me in like the smoke.

  What was he looking for?

  “What is it?” I asked, my heartbeat accelerating under his heavy gaze.

  He let me up, turned me around, then snuggled my back against him. Leaning up against the bike, we faced the same direction.

  I thought it was so I couldn’t look at him, or maybe it was so he couldn’t look at me.

  “A ghost.” He exhaled a plume of smoke out the side of his mouth before flicking away the cigarette.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” I felt his face press against the back of my head. His anguished breath was hot on my scalp.

  “Maria?” The name Muse told me slipped out of my mouth. I almost gasped when I heard myself say it. I desperately didn’t want to know. I was afraid of Maria for some absurd reason. Did he want me just because I looked like another girl? It was a hard thought to contemplate.

  “Doesn’t matter anymore,” he said.

  I sat motionless in his arms, hoping to hell he was telling the truth. Everything suddenly felt so fragile that a pinprick might come along and pop whatever was between us.

  “Where are you from?” It was the first normal thing he’d ever asked me.

  “New Hampshire. Manchester.” The ludicrous thought of introducing him to my parents almost made me laugh out loud.

  “Is it nice there?” Remy’s voice in my ear was low and soothing but still distant.

  Was he trying to put me at arm’s length? “Some parts. The fall is beautiful with all the changing leaves.” I smiled weakly, but it was gone in a flash.

  “I’ve never seen leaves change color.”

  Some part of me never thought we’d get this chance to talk to each other on anything other than a primal, carnal level. It wasn’t that I thought Remy was dumb or anything. I mean, it was clear the man was well-read. It was just... I didn’t know.

  I never thought we’d make it that far together.

  “We should keep going,” he said finally.

  I didn’t want to move at all at the moment. The way he held me... I felt like I was the most important woman in the world. I knew I wouldn’t get many of those feelings, which made it so damn hard to pull away, but I did.

  If he had to push me off, it would’ve tarnished the moment.

  He oscillated between making me feel like nobody and the most special person in his life. It was an awful roller-coaster ride.

  When I stepped away, I saw that Remy’s hands were no longer shaking, and after several long breaths, he was fully in control. Whereas, I couldn’t even stop myself from fucking hiccupping fits.

  Had he been trying to remember something or forget?

  Whatever it was, he’d put it aside enough to focus on whatever task he felt was next.

  “Why are we here?” I genuinely had no idea what we could be doing at a place like this, and Remy didn’t seem like the type to let us stop just to rest our legs.

  “Didn’t have time to take my cut. We need some cash.” Remy went around the back of the store, scrutinizing the walls and nooks of the building as he walked.

  It took me a moment to realize he was searching for surveillance cameras.

  Oh my God, he was going to rob this place!

  “Remy, wait!” I half jogged after him. “Do we really have to do this?”

  Given everything else I’d seen him do, robbery ranked closer to neutral on the morality scale, but for some reason, pangs of guilt compelled me to at least try and stop him. Maybe it was because the “Pick and Pay” looked like a family-owned business, and I still had a lot of trouble shaking off what had happened to my aunt and uncle.

  “Tough to pay for food, gas, or lodging without money. Desperation can only get you so far,” Remy spoke with the confident air of experience, which hinted at what it must’ve been like growing up for him. He didn’t break his searching to talk with me. Instead, he just motioned for me to stay back just in case.

  My stomach growled at the mention of food. I was really hungry. Fuck, I hadn’t eaten all day. Why’d he have to say that? “I still have that money you gave me!”

  He looked at me with those heavy eyes then sighed in resignation. It would take more than that to dissuade me.

  “You have fire, Star. It’s what saved your life.” The corner of his mouth spread into a devilish smile, but faded as quickly as it appeared. “But you don’t have the skin for this. We need to get you somewhere safe before my past catches up.”

  “Don’t push me away, Remy. You brought me this far.”

  “You didn’t deserve to die at a gas station.” His soft words were barely audible.

  “I can help you. I’ve always been good at reading people. Tell me what your plan is. Let me help you!”

  “Goddammit, Star! Are you fucking suicidal?” Remy blew up. His volume stayed steady, but his tone sharply hardened like a deadly spike of ice hanging over a doorway.

  I backpedaled a step.

  He saw that and softened immediately. “I have a nasty way of getting the people around me killed. My own brother is dead because I was careless.”

  I hesitantly reclaimed my step toward him and put a hand out for him. He really hadn’t had the time to cope with his brother’s murder, and I wanted to comfort him.

  “I don’t want your fucking pity.” He slapped my hand away then slid a hand along the side of my face and forced me to look him dead in the eyes. “You need to understand. Without protection, everyone will be coming after us. The kill teams, Los Lobos, the cops, everyone. There is no way this doesn’t end with your glasses under someone’s bloody boot. You need to go far away. To somewhere that’s safe. Safe from me.”

  “I’m tougher than I look,” I offered with a surprising amount of resolve.

  Remy snorted, turning away fo
r a moment before continuing, “This thing I dragged you into, this life—violence, chaos, blood—that’s home to me. That’s where I live. Not fucking Manchester, New Hampshire. I belong here.” Remy swept his hand out to the blackness of the highway. “You don’t.”

  “I don’t have a home anymore!” I blurted at him.

  Normal life wasn’t a fucking light switch I could just flip back on. New Hampshire felt like a cheap fairy tale now with nothing but painted false walls that hid actor egresses. It was a movie set town in my mind—a pretty façade, but empty on the inside. How could I go back to that life now after everything that’s happened?

  “And if you stay with me, you won’t have a future either,” he warned with a growl before pushing me away. Then he kicked in the back door of the convenience store.

  Rio’s punch hurt far less. I struggled to collect myself as Remy rummaged around inside. I went back to the bike in a daze. All I could do was wait for him to come out.

  What was my place in Remy’s world? Would I just slow him down? Was I just weakness given form? Something that he had to lug around from one dangerous situation to the next?

  No. I held my own against Rio.

  Because of Remy, I’d found an inner strength I didn’t know I was capable of, and it felt good, empowering even. I would prove to him that I was worth the extra weight on the back of his bike. I was useful and resilient enough despite the horror. Maybe I could find my own place in the dark lifestyle.

  I refused to let him abandon me.

  A short time later, Remy walked out the front door with a plastic bag full of money and another with snacks. He flipped through the pages of a worn paperback novel that must’ve been the clerks with the casualness of a man who’d done nothing wrong. He was a man completely unbothered by consequences. If he wanted something, he took it.

  I didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, but it did scare the hell out of me.

  Remy tossed me the bag, having taken out a few protein bars and a bottle of water for himself.

  At the sight of the small bounty, my stomach growled away any of my lingering principles against stealing the food. I was hungry enough that even off-brand bags of chips and super-artificial convenience store pastries looked way more appealing than they had any right to.