Repression

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Repression Page 18

by Nataya Douglas


  Mike. The rage in her had been from her husband’s betrayal. She had just noticed that her anger hadn’t been from what could’ve been with Mike. It had been so long since she had thought about him that everything she had once felt for him, some of it started to return. He had been telling the truth about Stephanie this whole time and Lovette hadn’t fully believed him.

  Turning away to storm off towards the house, Lovette went inside to grab her purse and keys. Joey had been sitting at the bottom of the stairwell and she immediately felt bad for him. This had been the first time she had lashed out in front of him…and in front of guests.

  For a moment, she thought about not leaving because of Joey. Bending down to sit next to him on the step, she kissed him at the top of his head.

  “Mommy is so sorry for screaming like that. If I scared you, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I love you. You know that, right?” Nodding his head and hugging her, she walked him in the family room and turned the television on.

  “Daddy is in the yard and will be in here as soon as I walk at the door. I’ll be back.”

  Deciding that her anger wasn’t done with, she walked out of the house and walked towards her car. Before placing the key in the door, she turned to Joseph. He had been standing in the same exact spot with the world’s most pitiful look on his face.

  “Joey is watching TV. You might want to clean up and go in there with him. Explain to him how his father is a lying bastard. Don’t look around for me. I’ll be back when I get back,” said Lovette. Just seeing his face made her even angrier.

  Saying nothing and walking into the house, Joseph had felt like he had just lost his best friend and the love of his life. He knew she would come back because of Joey but he wasn’t sure if she would come back for him.

  The thought of her leaving him was too much to think of at the moment. He wasn’t sure if this day would ever come but his happiness with her had allowed him to forget it even happened. He hadn’t even known Stephanie was there.

  Pulling out of the yard and driving down the dirt road, Lovette was headed to Mike’s mother’s house. She had gone back and forth with her feelings on going over there unannounced. She didn’t know or even cared if it was a smart decision but she had need to see Mike.

  Parking on the street in front of Mr. and Mrs. O’Conner’s house, Lovette’s stomach started to knot up. She had seen his parents throughout the years and they had always been cordial to her but this was different than randomly showing up on their front doorstep. Ignoring the angel on her shoulder, she listened to the opposite and got out.

  Before she could reach the door, Mike came from the side of the house wiping his hands on his pants. He was covered in oil and appeared to have been working on his car. Lovette realized her coming here had been a mistake and that she would’ve looked foolish knocking on their door. But, Mike had caught her and it had been too late to turn back around.

  Standing at the end of the driveway, Lovette stared back at Mike who had been standing at the edge of the house. She was stuck and didn’t know what to say or do next. Not being able to make a move, Mike walked towards her.

  “What are you doing here?! Do you see what my girl almost did to you yesterday?? You’re bugging. You need to leave,” whispered Mike through clenched teeth. He had been so close to her face that she could see the veins on the right side of his temple pulsating.

  “Mike, I didn’t start that yesterday. I didn’t even know you were in a relationship, I didn’t even know she knew you and I definitely didn’t know you were back in town. I just came to speak my peace and that’s it. I’ve left you alone all these years. I didn’t come to bring any trouble,” she replied. She had meant every word.

  The look on his face softened a bit and he could tell she had been telling the truth. Scratching the side of his head and looking over his shoulder, he waited for her to continue.

  “Well, I came here to ask your mom or dad if they could give me your number or give you my number. I know what I’m about to say doesn’t matter anymore and I promise I’ll leave you alone but I just want you to hear me out. Okay?” Tears had started to form in her eyes but she managed to keep them from falling…for now.

  The sun had gone down and they had still been standing in the driveway waiting for the darkness to approach at any second. Lovette had been so busy with focusing on Mike that she hadn’t realized that there were no cars in the driveway. Mike had been home alone.

  “Love, whatever it is, just say it.” Mike had called her the only named she cared to hear from his mouth. It had been so long since she had heard him say it that it caught her off guard. “Love” coming from his mouth had been music to her ears.

  “Well…today, the girl who used to live next door to your parents showed up to our anniversary party drunk and blabbing her mouth,” started Lovette. The thought of Stephanie made her ears burn.

  “Okay, and??” said Mike with a bit of aggravation. Stephanie’s name would always have a bitter taste. Had she not shown up and trying to seduce him, he would’ve still had Lovette. He hadn’t seen her in years and still hated her for what she did.

  “Joseph was the one who sent her over here. We had been hanging out in his living room and I was telling him about how I felt something was off between me and you. I thought you were cheating. I didn’t know your mother had personal things going on and it never crossed my mind that something like that could be happening.”

  “He was the one who told me that I shouldn’t assume things and to just call you. Apparently, before he gave me that advice, he went and called Stephanie. He told her to come over here and do all of that because he knew I was about to call you. He knew I’d accuse you of cheating.”

  “That’s not making an excuse for what I did. As soon as I told him what had happened on the phone, he hit on me. I never even thought he looked at me in that kind of way, ya know? We were just friends, I swear. I never looked at him in that way either. I did what I did thinking it would make me feel better about what I thought you did to me and it only made things worse,” continued Lovette.

  The softened look Mike had previously displayed turned right back into an angry one. He was livid. Turning away from her and walking back down the driveway towards the house, he stopped a few steps in and turned back around.

  “You know what? The worst part of this was that I told you from the beginning that he was in love with you. But, no. I let you convince me that he didn’t view you in that kind of way. Then this fool turns around and manipulates you into being with him.”

  “I told you that I didn’t do anything with that girl. You see her now? A damn crackhead who’s slept with everyone in the damn city. I still hear about what goes on here. You think I didn’t see that coming years ago?! You think I would risk losing you over a slut like her?” continued Mike.

  “I’ve never lied to you. You made assumptions about me before you even met me. I cleared up those assumptions, loved you to the best of my ability and I can say I did a damn good job at it. Even after all of that, you still made assumptions about me from what you THOUGHT you heard on the other end of that line.”

  “Excuse me if it sounds like I’m just angry with you because you better believe that I want to drive over to your house and bash your husband’s skull in. The only thing stopping me is your son needing his father,” said Mike.

  Turning around to head back towards the house, Lovette chased after him and gently grabbed him by the elbow. He stopped but didn’t resist her touch. It had been years since he had felt any of her and even if this meant that this was all he was allowed, he’d accept it.

  “I know that I should’ve talked to you. I’ll apologize a million times for it if that makes you hate me any less. We were teenagers and I just didn’t know what to believe,” said Lovette. She had wished she would’ve been slower to react.

  “I don’t hate you, Love. I hate Stephanie and I hate your husband. I hate that you didn’t believe me when I needed you to but I don’t ha
te you,” replied Mike. He had thought about calling her for years to tell these exact words but couldn’t bring himself to start a conversation about something he didn’t cause.

  Hearing him say these words had forced out her tears that threatened to come down before. All of the hurt, betrayal and rage that she had been feeling had all evaporated into a mist of sadness.

  “Look, my mom and Monica are out of town overnight at a conference promoting my wife’s make-up line. My dad is playing poker with some friends. Come inside and get cleaned up,” said Mike walking towards the side door of the house. Lovette didn’t think twice about following him.

  She hadn’t been inside of his parent’s house since before they had broken up. A few things had been the same but a lot had changed. The kitchen had been remodeled and there was new furniture in the living room and dining area. All of the same pictures had been hanging on the walls.

  “What happened to your hands? You look like a cat attacked you,” said Mike. Not waiting for her to answer, he left the living room and went to the back of the house. As soon as she heard him enter back into the living room, she answered him without looking up from her lap. She wasn’t sure if she was ready to be in such a close proximity to him and look him directly in the eyes at the same time.

  “Nothing attacked me. I attacked Joseph,” whispered Lovette. She was still shocked that Mike wasn’t angrier with her. Forcing herself to look up at him hoovering over her holding a first aid kit, he had taken off the work suit and was now in a white tank top with some gray sweatpants.

  Sitting down on the couch beside her, Mike opened the box and picked up her left hand. Gently wiping it down while applying peroxide and antibiotic ointment, he placed a bandage around her knuckles. Taking his time to do the same with her other hand, he placed everything back in its box and put it on the living room table.

  “Did the man even try to block any of the hits?” said Mike breaking the silence. Both of them busted out laughing.

  “Yea, but you should’ve seen me out there like a looney bird. Honestly, I didn’t plan on hitting him. I’ve gotten mad before but I’ve never hit him before. When he called me...when he called me ‘Love’, I just snapped,” replied Lovette.

  He knew that he was the only one to call her that. It even made him a little upset to know that Joseph had the nerve to use it on her. That was his “thing”.

  “Anyway, I just wanted to clear the air as much as possible. I didn’t mean to come over here like this. I know I look a mess,” said Lovette while wiping her face. The perfect curls that she had taken the time to do had now fallen and looked flat.

  “Stop. You’re beautiful,” Mike instantly replied. As fast as he had said it, he had regretted it as well. Not that he didn’t mean it but he knew it wasn’t the right thing to be saying at the time. Plus, he was in a committed relationship.

  “Love, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “It’s okay. Thanks though. I worked all morning on this hair and I let the fool mess it up by jumping on him like a maniac,” she laughed. Pushing her hair behind her left ear, Mike hadn’t dropped his stare once. She still looked exactly like she had when they were teenagers.

  “I sure would’ve loved to been a fly on the wall during that,” he replied. He didn’t like the idea of anyone being violent in a marriage but because Lovette had attacked her husband for the horrible lie he had created, Mike was turned on. She still cared about him.

  And, he had still cared about her.

  “Come. Let me show you something,” said Mike. Standing up and taking her by the hand, he led her towards his bedroom. Pushing the door open, everything had looked the same as it had while he was in high school. His mother didn’t replace a thing.

  Going to his closet and reaching for the top shelf, he pulled down a Nike shoe box. Opening it up, it had been filled with their old love notes, pictures, movie tickets and all of their memories. He had kept every single thing they had done together.

  Moving things around one by one, she was surprised that Mike had really kept a whole box of their time together. She was shocked that he hadn’t ripped everything up or thrown it out when they had their breakup.

  At the very bottom of the box was the ticket to the dance they went to and the receipt for the food they ate at Baker’s after the dance.

  “Wow! I can’t believe you have the receipt for Baker’s! I remember that night like it was yesterday,” said Lovette. She had been sitting on his bed and he walked up and sat beside her.

  “Yea...well…” said Mike while rubbing the back of his head. “I couldn’t bring myself to throw this stuff out. Our last time seeing one another was a bad one but it didn’t top all of the good moments we had with one another.”

  He hadn’t fell of a beat with how he talked to her. The strongest part of it all was that he had meant it all. It wasn’t game he was running and it wasn’t lies; Lovette still had somewhat of a hold on him. Taking her by the chin and turning her face towards him, Mike had a serious yet soft look on his face.

  “I’ve never stopped caring about you. I was just hurt. I know you understand that now. I’ve never stopped thinking about you either,” said Mike. His touch had sent a current through her body and Lovette realized how much she had longed to feel this way again.

  He didn’t have to say another word. Lovette was sold and he hadn’t even been pitching her a sale. Straddling his lap, she could see the worry in his face.

  “Take me by the waist and flip me on the bed,” was all she said.

  “You know once we start, there’s no coming back from that. I want you now more than I have ever wanted you. Tell me. I need to hear you say it,” whispered Mike. She felt him throbbing beneath her and she knew the words that would make him cross the point of no return.

  Placing her mouth on his ear, she whispered, “I want you.”

  Taking her by the waist and flipping her on her back, Mike knew there was no going back. The hold she had on him had resurfaced and was now stronger than it had ever been.

  Removing her shirt and sliding off her pants, he stood up from the bed and admired her. It had been years since he had seen her in this state and she had been more gorgeous than before. Everything had still been perfect and her hips had spread more. This had only added to her beauty.

  Lifting his shirt above his head and dropping it to the floor, Lovette returned the admiration. This had been the best silence of her life. Letting every moment and every feeling do the talking, no spoken words were needed.

  Lacking absolutely nothing at all, his image was the definition of perfection. Untying his sweatpants and allowing them to drop to the floor, his boxer briefs came next. Lovette squirmed. She felt her breathing increase and tried her best to control it.

  Crawling back on the bed and inching closer to her, she felt as if she were panting. His face had finally met hers and deciding she couldn’t wait any longer, Lovette pressed her lips onto his. Mike could feel the moisture through her black satin and lace underwear. He couldn’t hold back from what he needed most.

  Planting kisses from her neck and down to her waistline, Mike used his teeth to remove her underwear and tossed them to the floor. She knew exactly what to do. She had remembered everything.

  Grabbing him and placing it at her entrance, he plunged in and felt his knees go weak. There had been a significant difference in size between Joseph and Mike, so Lovette had enjoyed the return of pain mixed with pleasure.

  ******************************************************************************

  Pushing open the bathroom door, the female had her back facing towards the door and was pulling paper towels out of its holder. Lovette had felt that same rage from years ago return. She had the nerve to show up at another anniversary party. As soon as Lovette was about to tell her about herself, the female turned around. It hadn’t been Stephanie.

  “Excuse me, but do I know you? This is an invite only event and I’m a bit confused,” questioned Lovette.


  “Sorry, I was invited to an event next door and was only stopping by to drop off a gift. I got the rooms confused and was in a rush to pee. Hence the baby in here,” she said while pointing to her stomach. Picking up the gift back from the sink, she smiled and moved around Lovette to exit the bathroom.

  ******************************************************************************

  September 17, 1988

  Mike and Lovette had laid up together for a couple of hours talking about the past and catching one another up on things. He had met Monica in college and they had been together ever since their sophomore year. She did a lot of traveling to different cities and states to promote her make-up line she had started in high school. According to Mike, she had been doing pretty well with sales.

  After college, Mike had a hard time landing a job. A year had passed and he still hadn’t found anything. Deciding not to waste any more time waiting for people to call him back, he and a friend from college, Brandon Weigh, decided to start a cleaning service named “Con-Weigh’s Cleaners.”

  “That’s amazing. I’m proud of you,” said Lovette. This alone had made he wonder about her own future. She had loved being home with Joey every day and Joseph being able to support them but sometimes, having her own “thing” would be nice, too.

  “Thanks. We’re just getting started and have other business plans in the works,” said Mike. Even though it wasn’t what he had imagined for his future, he made decent money and was proud of what they had built and would continue to build. He was still young and still planned on eventually using his degree.

  “We plan to open up one in Shawford. I thought about moving back home…at least for a while.”

  Mike had missed Shawford. He missed his parents and he missed the feeling of knowing someone wherever he had gone in town. He hadn’t felt as important in North Carolina and had recently talked to Monica about moving back home. This same trip back to Shawford had been partly business and partly to show her how good of a place it had been to live.

 

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