Repression

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Repression Page 26

by Nataya Douglas


  He had left her. He had taken their child and refused to let her be there during a time when Matthias had needed her most. Yea, he was only a few days old but she should be with him.

  But, then again, Joseph was right. She didn’t need to be distraught in a hospital while she had 3 other children at home. Her mind had been racing and she couldn’t make it stop. Looking at her car sitting next to the house, she changed her mind and ran in the house to go be with her baby. Matthias needed her.

  As soon as she stepped inside, one of the girls were crying. Looking down at her chest, her breasts were soaked with milk. She was hungry and Lovette knew that the other would be hungry right after. Crying as if she felt like she had no control over her life at the moment, she joined Lovette in the family room.

  “What’s going on? Why did he run out like that? And, what was all of the screaming about?” questioned Iris.

  “Matthias isn’t feeling well, so Joe took him to get checked out. Everything is going to be okay,” said Lovette while wiping a tear from her face. She looked over to Joey who had immediately gotten sad. He had been looking forward to reading to his baby brother.

  “Hey. Don’t be sad. Your daddy is gonna go get Matthias checked out and he’s going to be all better when they get back. Then, you can read him as many books as you want. Okay?” said Lovette. Iris handed over Mary so Lovette could nurse. As soon as she latched on, Mary had been content.

  “Do you want me to drive to the hospital to sit with him?” asked Iris.

  “Would it be selfish of me to ask you to stay? I’m scared shitless and I just can’t be alone right now. I really need you here to help me keep my head on straight,” cried Lovette. Iris wiped her face and nodded.

  “You sit back and feed Mary. Me and Joey are gonna go start cooking dinner. Relax. Baby Matthias is going to be just fine. You know Joseph wouldn’t let anything happen to him. I’m sure he’s going to call soon and tell you everything is okay,” said Iris.

  Playfully punching Joey on the shoulder, Iris continued. “Come on, bud. We’re making pizza tonight. I’ll race you to the kitchen.” Joey’s eyes lit up and he took off running out of the living room.

  Looking down at Mary, she and Joyce had both been identical and looked just like Lovette. They didn’t have her freckles or red hair but both looked just like her.

  Bringing her hand up and putting it on her eyelids, Mary had started to get full but had been too greedy to unlatch. She began to fall asleep and eventually let go. The milk had been sliding down her chin and slid onto her bib. Picking her up and pulling her towards her shoulder, Lovette patted her back until she had released a burp.

  Putting her down to rest, Lovette sat back down on the couch and stared at both bassinets in front of her. She had been expecting two children. She knew she would be giving birth to two girls but then, a bonus baby came. Matthias was just as cute as his sisters but had Lovette’s red hair and freckles. She had fallen in love with her bonus baby and now, she didn’t know if he was okay or not.

  Interrupting her thoughts, there had been a knock at the door. For a second, she thought about asking Iris to get it but she had been in the kitchen with Joey. He was happy to be making pizza with his aunt and Lovette didn’t want to interrupt that. Finding the strength to get up from the couch, she headed to the front door. Opening the door, she was face to face with Mike.

  “I know you’re probably mad at me but let me explain. Please,” he pleaded. Lovette was refilled with rage. He hadn’t showed up when he said he would or even bothered to pick up the phone and now, he had the nerve to be on her porch looking sad.

  “You said you were coming. Iris called you and you said you would be here. You knew the possibility of the babies being yours and you told me you would be here. But, no. You backed out at the last minute. And, it’s funny how I couldn’t even get in contact with you. Go to hell, Mike,” said Lovette. She had been talking just above a whisper because she didn’t want Iris to hear her.

  “I swear, I didn’t back out. Monica felt like something was off and contacted the phone company. She had them tell her what the number was from the mysterious business offer that called for me and she traced it back to you. She changed the number,” started Mike.

  Stepping outside and closing the door behind her, Lovette had had enough of his excuses. “I don’t care! You should’ve been told your girlfriend about all of this!” shouted Lovette.

  “Wife,” said Mike. He dropped his head and refused to make eye contact with her.

  “Excuse me?” said Lovette. With everything going on around her, she just knew that she was hearing things. Wife?

  “She’s my wife now,” said Mike. “When I finally confessed everything, she broke down. She left for a few hours and when she came back, she told me that if I wanted to keep her, I would marry her. I know all of this is crazy right now but I swear I wanted to be here.”

  “So, let me get this right. Instead of attending the birth of babies you might be the father of, you go and get married? The day I give birth? And, now what? What if you are the father? You think I’m going to let that bitch play step-mother my children?!” said Lovette. She had decreased her tone but increased in anger.

  Mike had wanted to say, “You slept with two men in the same night and have the nerve to call me stupid. That was a stupid thing you did.” But, instead, he let it flow through his thoughts and decided that it was best he kept it to himself.

  “You know what? It was stupid. Very stupid of me. I care about her and I panicked. She’s always been good to me and I felt as if I owe her something. I wanted to call but she has literally been by my side 24/7. She took off from work and has been home all week. Today was the first time she let me out of her sight and I left. I’ll deal with the consequences when I get back but I should’ve been here. I knew you wouldn’t hear me out over the phone and…you deserved better than that. So, I’m here,” said Mike.

  Although she had been angry with him, she couldn’t resist the feeling of being glad that he showed up. But, the fact remained that he had gotten married. Married? She knew that the two of them couldn’t be together but it hurt to know that he went and married someone he wasn’t in love with. She was twisted with her emotions and kept going back and forth on how to feel.

  “How are the twins?” he asked while staring at the floor. He had felt bad that he missed their birth. If the babies were his, he would feel guilty for eternity.

  “Triplets,” said Lovette.

  “What?!” shouted Mike.

  “You aren’t the only one with a surprise announcement. Triplets. Two girls and one boy,” said Lovette. As soon as she said the word “boy”, she instantly felt bad. Running back in the house, she had needed to call the hospital to check up on Matthias. Not knowing what was happening, Mike ran after her into the downstairs guest room.

  “Polk-Jones Hospital. How can I help you?”

  “I’m looking for my husband. Well, my son. He was checked into the hospital. Yes. Joseph Marks should’ve brought in an infant named Matthias. Okay,” said Lovette.

  The hold music began to play and Lovette began to get more and more impatient. The hospital in Shawford never seemed to be that busy, so what was taking so long? Mike had been staring at her for answers and Lovette had been staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to keep herself from crying.

  “Hang up the phone, Lovette,” said Joseph. He was standing in the doorway staring at her and Mike as if he were in a trance.

  “What’s going on in here?” questioned Iris. She was standing behind him with Joey by her side.

  “Iris, please take Joey upstairs,” whispered Joseph. His tone had been low and Iris immediately knew it wasn’t something for Joey to hear. Taking him by the hand, she led him upstairs.

  “Hey, bud. Let’s go play with Legos until the pizza is done,” said Iris.

  “Where is Matthias, Joe?” whispered Lovette. Hanging the phone up, she and Mike waited for him to answer. Unsatisfied with h
ow long he was taking to answer her question, she jumped up and ran into the family room. He hadn’t been there.

  Returning to both men in the hallway, she knew something was off. Joseph looked as if he had been crying.

  “WHERE THE FUCK IS MATTHIAS?!” screamed Lovette.

  “Baby, let’s go sit down and talk,” said Joseph while trying to touch her arm.

  “I don’t want to sit! Tell me where my child is now!” demanded Lovette with tears pouring from her eyes.

  Mike knew. He could feel it. He had yet to say a word.

  “He didn’t make it. They tried to do everything they could but…it was too late,” said Joseph. “I’m so sorry, babe. I tried. I swear, I tried.”

  Lovette felt her knees get weak and fell to the floor. She didn’t know that she would be bringing three lives into the world but she had accepted it. Now, Joseph was telling her that her baby boy was gone.

  *********************************************************************************

  June 23, 1989

  Lovette had decided she didn’t want to see him. She wanted to keep the memories of his sweet little face as she held him close. Her surprise baby.

  Joseph had handled everything and Lovette was appreciative. He had handled her with care and was patient with how she had been grieving. It was hard for her to look at Mary and Joyce some days. They were missing a link. Also, Joey had been sad. His only brother never came home and it was hard for Lovette to deal with the fact she told him Matthias would be back.

  Mike had stayed in town a few days so that Dr. Oar could submit his DNA along with the babies, Lovette and Joseph. When Monica showed up at his parent’s house the next day, his time with the girls had been cut short. She had called Lovette’s house threatening to come over if he didn’t get to his parent’s house immediately. He knew his wife would come over swinging, so he took her word and headed over there.

  “I just put the girls in their crib. Both of them are out like a light,” said Iris. “What can I do?”

  Iris had been so strong for Lovette. She knew her baby sister was grieving along with her but not once did Iris lose it. She had been the glue to Lovette’s emotions. Iris had a thing for keeping things intact.

  “You’ve been great, sis. I need you to take some time to relax. Do something for you. Go out and go shopping, see a movie or get your nails done. You haven’t left this house one time yet,” said Lovette.

  “You know I’m fine. This is what I’m here for,” Iris replied.

  “I’m not asking you. I’m kicking you out,” laughed Lovette. “Go do something. Please. That’s what you can do for me. Go and treat yourself to something. And, take my card. Have fun and get whatever you like.”

  Iris laid her head on Lovette’s shoulder and they sat this way for some time. Neither one of them said a word. Nothing needed to be said. They were one another’s best friends and nothing could ever come between their bond.

  “Okay. I’m done being sappy. I’ll be back in a few. I’m picking you up some cute stuff, too. You deserve it for pushing babies out of that thing. Super woman has nothing on you,” said Iris.

  Lovette smiled and waved her off. Deep down, she couldn’t wait for Iris to return so that they could have a mini fashion show together. She knew her sister would pick out the best things for her.

  “Hey. You ready to eat lunch?” said Lovette walking into the family room. Joey had been sitting on the floor and was playing with his race cars. He looked up at her, didn’t say anything and went back to playing with his toys.

  “What’s wrong?” asked Lovette.

  “I don’t want lunch. I want my brother,” said Joey. He hadn’t taken his eyes off of his toys.

  It hurt Lovette deeply that he had been feeling so much pain. Matthias hadn’t been around long but had gained the title of Joey’s best friend as soon as he found out he had gained a little brother.

  “I know, baby. I want him, too. We all do. But, sometimes, things happen and people go away. The older you get, the more you will understand. It’s sad that he had to go and we will always miss him so much. But, you need to eat something. You want to stay strong and healthy for your baby sisters right?” said Lovette.

  “Okay,” said Joey. Getting up from the floor, he walked into the kitchen and sat down at the island. Lovette made him a sandwich with chips on the side and went upstairs to check on the girls. Just as she had suspected, one of them would be waking up and the other would follow seconds or minutes later. Joyce was up.

  Sitting in the rocking chair, she latched her on and stroked her hair. The jet black curls had already started forming in both of their heads and Lovette couldn’t get enough of twirling her fingers in each coil as she fed them. A tap at the door had shifted her attention. Joseph.

  “What’s wrong with Joey? I tried talking to him while he ate lunch and he didn’t have much to say” he whispered. Lovette explained the conversation that the two of them had just had. Nodding his head, he peeped in Mary’s crib. She had just started shifting around.

  “How was grocery shopping?” laughed Lovette. She had given him a list and he had been stressed out trying to fill her shoes.

  “I don’t see how you do it. Special thanks to you because between choosing brands, long lines, and actually sticking to the list, I had enough. Just admit it. You’re a superhero, huh?” said Joseph.

  Lovette laughed and passed Joyce to him. Picking up Mary, she sat back down and nursed her, too.

  “My mom wants to meet the babies. She feels bad for not being here and the things she’s said,” said Joseph. This had been what he wanted to talk about. He had needed to feel Lovette out before he brought up the topic of his mother. With everything that had been happening, he didn’t want to upset her.

  Everything inside of Lovette had wanted to tell her husband to tell his mother that she could go sit on a stick and swivel but at the same time, Lovette knew that someone would feel some type of way about the babies. If she hadn’t cheated on Joseph, none of this would be happening right now. Instead, she chose to let it go and move forward.

  “She can come over whenever she wants,” said Lovette. The words felt like vomit coming from her mouth but she let the sentence glide off of her taste buds and roll out of her mouth. He smiled, carried Joyce out of the room and went to check on Joey.

  *********************************************************************************

  July 8, 1989

  A couple of weeks had gone by and Mike had finally decided he would visit the babies. He had wanted to be active as much as he could until they found out who they had belonged to.

  They had the biggest argument over him secretly visiting the first time and Monica had threatened to tell his parents about the babies if he ever went to visit them again. At first, he allowed her to hold the threat over his head but he had had enough. Calling her bluff, he told her to “do it” and booked his flight to Shawford.

  He was greeted by Iris and Joey running around in the yard. As soon as Iris saw him, she ran over to Mike and gave him a hug. He had felt like a brother to her and even though she loved Joseph like a brother as well, Iris had always wanted Mike and Lovette to work out. Joseph peeped out of the window to see his sister-in-law hugging the man who had felt like the enemy.

  “Your skin is so cool. It’s the same color as my best friend, Quincy. I wish I had cool skin like that,” said Joey. He ran away towards the house leaving Mike and Iris with their laughter.

  “Cool kid. They say anything that comes to mind. Is everyone home? I know they were expecting me but I forgot to call and tell Love I was on the way over,” said Mike.

  “Now, you know she’s here waiting on you,” laughed Iris. Cutting herself short, she apologized. “I didn’t mean to say that. Don’t tell her I said it or I’ll cut you,” she joked.

  “It’s already forgotten,” said Mike. He felt proud knowing that Lovette had been waiting on his arrival. He was ready to see the babies he knew deep d
own inside were his.

  Chapter 25: “Do I make myself clear?”

  April 14, 2002

  “What’s going in here?” asked Joseph. He had been staring at the back of two short figure’s heads. Both of them were dressed in sweatpants and hooded sweaters. Pulling the gun from his waist, he aimed it at the one on the left’s head. Both of them turned around only to face the barrel of the gun.

  “DAD!” screamed Mary. Jumping back as if she had been electrocuted, she fell to the floor and scooted against the cage.

  “WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Do you realize what kind of position you’ve put me in?! Do you?!” screamed Joseph. Putting the gun back in its holster, he tried his best to evaluate everything that could fall apart because of them being here.

  “What’s going on? Why…why are they here? And, why are their mouths covered up? And, why…”

  “Mary, I need you to shut up for a second. I get up out of bed and when I do, I damn near trip over the dresser drawer. Funny thing is, I never leave it open. Then when I go look into my book, the key is gone,” said Joseph.

  As soon as Eric felt Joseph hadn’t been focusing on him enough, he tried to make a run for the door. Catching him by the collar and tossing him against the cage, Eric fell to the floor and groaned in pain. Crouching down in Eric’s face, Joseph wanted to make himself clearer than day.

  “If you even think about moving again, you’ll be right in these cages with the rest of them,” he said. Standing up and straightening his jacket, he drew is leg back and forcefully kicked Eric in the stomach.

  “Let that be a reminder,” said Joseph. Eric screamed out in agony and clutched his abdomen.

  “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” shouted Mary. She had begun to cry as she watched everything unfold before her. This wasn’t her father. This was a monster.

  “Like I was saying. I found my key missing and when I went to your room, you had been missing. Now, who told you to come here?” asked Joseph.

  “…Joyce did,” she cried.

  “Joyce? Of course, she did. I knew we should’ve put you in a mental institution the day you told us you saw Joyce after she had died. After Matthias was gone and Joyce died, I knew it would only be a matter of time before something happened to you. Who really told you? Did Eric tell you about this? Did he have you steal the key and bring you here? TELL ME!” shouted Joseph.

 

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