Repression

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Repression Page 25

by Nataya Douglas


  Mary-Anne Marks had come first. The leader of the pack. She was pressed up against Lovette’s left breast and was sound asleep. Joyce Marks and been the exact same way in Lovette’s right arm. Both girls had a head full of jet black hair.

  And him. He was on her lap with his face toward the ceiling. His already tanned skin had started progressing while his sisters remained pale. Light brown skin…with red hair and freckles. He was her twin.

  A light knock on the door and push; it was Joseph.

  “I know you wanted a moment with the babies but Dr. Oar is here and we need to um…get started,” said Joseph. It had been hard for him to bring it up but the sooner it had been done, the sooner they would know.

  Lovette was stuck staring at her baby boy who had yet to be named. Mike still hadn’t made it. She hadn’t even heard from him and it was now almost 10 o’clock at night.

  “I’ll leave you and him to that. I want to sit on the porch for a while, anyway,” said Lovette nonchalantly. Not waiting for his response, she put the babies on their backs in the middle of the bed and left the bedroom.

  Going into the downstairs guest bedroom, Iris had been snoring as if she were the one who just pushed out three babies. Putting the blanket over here, Lovette sat beside her and picked up the phone. She was calling Mike and didn’t care if Monica answered.

  “We’re sorry. The phone number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service.” Hanging up the phone and redialing the number, Lovette figured she must’ve hit a wrong digit.

  “We’re sorry. The phone number you have reached has been disconnected or is no longer in service,” the robotic voice repeated. Disconnected?! Slamming the phone down, Iris jumped up, rolled out of the bed and fell to the floor.

  “What in the hell?! What is going on?” questioned Iris while rubbing her forehead. Lovette had been sitting on the edge of the bed and her whole body had been shaking. “What’s wrong?”

  “The bastard didn’t show up and now his phone is off! Why? Just…Why would he do this? I mean, I know there was a chance that the babies weren’t his but he knew that and promised to be here,” cried Lovette.

  She had been hurt. The disappointment of Mike not showing up and now, his phone being disconnected had been the icing on the cake.

  “Maybe something happened. Just calm down. You know Mike isn’t even that type of person. Relax. You look crazy. Are the babies upstairs with Joe?” asked Iris. Lovette nodded her head and wiped her cheeks.

  “Let’s go outside and get some air. Everything is going to be okay. Just chill.”

  Chapter 23: Mary

  April 14, 2002

  “You need to go. You’ve wasted enough time. Just go,” said Joyce. She had started getting so pushy and had been so annoying. “You spend so much time with him and haven’t even been to the shed yet! Just go already. Shoot! You can even take him with you.”

  “You’re the one who was so excited about me hanging out with him and now you want to complain. Make up your mind. You’re the crazy one. Not me.” The more she talked, the more I became angry.

  “Are you going to go tonight? Mama and papa are already sleep. They won’t even hear you leave out,” said Joyce.

  “It’s dark as crap out there and you want me to go through the woods?! Have you lost your mind?! Yea, you’re definitely the crazy one,” I said.

  I had been hanging out with Eric all day at his house. He showed me pictures of people in his family, we rode our bikes, messed around the garden and talked on the bench. It was the best day ever and he actually liked me. He finally told me.

  “Take papa’s big flashlight and you’ll be able to see good enough. Mary, we need to do this. He told me to tell you. I’m tired. We have to do this,” said Joyce. She had always talked about this “He” man and things just didn’t make sense.

  “If I go, will you shut up about it from now on? I’m sick of hearing about this raggedy ol’ shed Joey used to hide out to drink beer and smoke cigarettes in. After I do this, you better not mention it again. Deal?”

  “Deal! We have one problem. He told me that the keys are with papa in the nightstand,” said Joyce.

  “What keys?! The shed barely has a door. You know we don’t need keys to get in there.” Getting out of the bed and changing my clothes, I had refused to go alone. Eric would definitely be down to come along.

  “Just do it. You have to be quiet,” she said.

  As soon as I had been standing in front of their bedroom door, I wanted to turn back around. Joyce had always listened to me. Not the other way around. Now, here I was about to go to some stupid shed because she said so. Not only was she “tired”, but I was, too. Tired of hearing her complain. Tired of hearing her voice. I’m going back in my room.

  “Did you get the keys?” asked Joyce with a huge smile on her face.

  “No. I’m not going. I want you to stop.” Looking her in the eyes, I meant it. I wanted all of this to stop. “I want you to go away.”

  “We need to do this. This has…”

  “No, no, no…you aren’t listening. I need you to go away. I’m sick of feeling like a freak. I’m sick of people looking at me weird when you’re around. And, I’m sick of you just popping up when you feel like it! They’re right about you. You are dead, huh?”

  I had hurt her feelings. I knew this look and I knew this awkward quietness between us. Her feelings were crushed.

  “JUST DO THIS SO WE CAN BE DONE! You won’t see me again! I promise! I don’t even want to be around you anymore! I wish I had never told you to go out with Eric because you’ve changed!” cried Joyce.

  Between therapy, our parents, and school, I was tired of this. No one could see her but me and this needed to end. Eric was nice enough to put up with a few of my outburst but how much longer would he continue to deal with it before he thought I was a creep like everyone else had thought?

  Leaving Joyce crying in the room, I had been sad that I had said those things to her. I would apologize later but now, I needed to get the keys and go wake Eric up.

  Twisting the doorknob as quiet as I could, mama and papa were laying on their sides facing the window. Papa was snoring loud, as usual, and mama didn’t make a peep.

  The nightstand. Tip toeing over towards it, the floor was squeaky. But, neither one of them moved yet. I needed to hurry. Opening the first drawer, it wasn’t there. Nothing had been there but a few papers.

  Opening the second drawer, nothing was there but a Bible. She said the key was in here and it wasn’t! Picking up the Bible to see if the key was under it, the book fell and hit the floor.

  Papa instantly flipped over on his side and was staring me in the face. Neither one of us moved. I was waiting on him to fuss at me for being in his things but he never did. He closed his eyes as if he didn’t see me there, laid back down and went back to snoring.

  Picking up the Bible, of this was silly! I was done. No more searching for a key that wasn’t here.

  “Mark 15:37,” whispered Joyce. She snuck up on me so fast, I almost threw the book at her.

  “What?” I whispered.

  “Go to the page. You know how to find it,” she whispered.

  Turning to the page, there it was. A small gold key. She had been right all along. But, that still didn’t mean anything. People hide things all the time. I hide things, too.

  Placing the Bible back in the nightstand, I backed out of the room. Both of them were sound asleep and I just wanted to get all of this over with so Joyce could be happy.

  “Go. Hurry up before they wake up,” whispered Joyce.

  Putting on my slippers and hoodie, I was going to get Eric. I wasn’t doing this alone. Papa’s flashlight was right beside the front door. Grabbing it and letting myself out, I picked up some rocks in the driveway and headed next door. He opened his window right after the first rock hit it.

  “What are you doing, Mary? It’s almost midnight,” whispered Eric. “Also, why didn’t you just tap on the wind
ow? You do realize that we don’t have steps, right?”

  Oh, yea. But, I had saw this in movies and wanted to try it out for myself. So much for looking cool.

  “Sorry but I need you to come with me somewhere. I don’t want to go alone. Is your uncle sleep? Whispering was starting to get on my nerves. “Put some clothes on and let’s go.”

  He turned around and closed the window. Really? This jerk really was about to ignore me. Turning around to leave, I’d just have to go by myself. He had another thing coming if he thought I was going to hang out with him anytime soon. I’d be slamming the front door in his face just like he closed the window in mine.

  The darkness. I didn’t mind it in the house but the dark outside was different. The noises the bugs and animals made at night had always made me feel weird.

  “PSSSS! Mary! Wait up!” Eric. He was jogging towards me. “You didn’t even give me time to get dressed before you left.”

  “Well, maybe next time you should say something instead of closing the window like you weren’t coming,” I said while rolling my eyes.

  “You’re right. My bad. Where are we going? And, why didn’t we go when it was daytime?” he said.

  “We just need to check something out. It’s an old shed. We won’t be long,” I said. Holding the light up to his face, he instantly turned away.

  “Well, I’d like to not go blind before I can see what was so important to come out this late,” he said while rubbing his eyes. I grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the woods.

  The talk on the way made the trip go by faster. Eric told me what his mother looked like from the pictures he had saw of her. He said he looked just like her. This had been the second time he had talked about his mother. Mama was right. He would trust me and talk about things on his own time. Before I knew it, there it was. The shed.

  “This is what we came to see? As if Shawford doesn’t have tons of raggedy sheds that are about to fall over any second. What’s going on?” said Eric.

  If I told him, he would think I was crazy. I couldn’t bring up Joyce without him feeling like everyone else. He knew that no one else could see her but me and he still liked me. If I told him that she told me to come to the shed, it would for sure freak him out.

  “I just need to see something. I didn’t want to walk out here alone.” It had looked even older than it did the time me and Joyce had come. I couldn’t believe it was still standing. Eric was right behind me as we walked up to the porch. I could feel how nervous he was.

  The steps had been so messed up that we had to stretch our legs to the very top of the steps in order to get on the porch. Almost losing my balance, Eric caught me and pushed me up on to the porch. He stepped up and I helped pull him up the rest of the way.

  Walking inside for the very first time, it smelled worse than it looked. Only this time, someone had come and removed what small stuff was inside. Except…the rug. It was still the same old dusty brown rug. Pulling it back and tossing it to the side, the door.

  “Mary, what’s going on? You’re starting to freak me out,” said Eric.

  I knew it was coming. I knew he was going to turn into everyone else and think that I was crazy.

  “Look, we just need to see what’s in here and that’s it,” I said. Putting the key into the lock, I twisted it and it popped open.

  “You have a key?! Where did you get that from?” he asked. Crouched down on the floor, I turned around and looked him in the face. I was tired of lying. I’d tell him the truth and if he wanted to leave, he could.

  “Something is going on in here and I have to know what it is. I know this is weird, so if you want to stand outside while I do this, you can. I don’t actually know what’s in here but that’s why we’re here. Joyce sent me,” I said.

  “Why’d you tell him that?! Now, he’s going to think what everyone else thinks!” shouted Joyce. She had been standing in the corner and was staring down at me. Perfect timing for her to show up. Ignoring her as if she wasn’t there, she continued. “I know you hear me talking to you. I know you saw me. You can’t pretend like I’m not here!”

  Yes, I can. And, yes I will. She was beyond annoying and I just wanted to get this over with.

  Eric had a confused look on his face but he still crouched down beside me and we lifted up the door. Pushing it back, the loud thud against the wood felt as if it were about to make the whole house fall over. Shining the light down into the hole, it was complete darkness.

  “You sure you want to go down there? It’s dark as hell down there. What are we looking for?” asked Eric.

  “I don’t know. I guess we will know when we find it. Do I need to go first or do you want to?” I said.

  Looking at me as if he were insulted, he took the flashlight and walked down the steps first. Following behind him, the steps felt smoother than the ones outside. They didn’t creak like the rest of the shed had. Looking down, the steps were concrete.

  It felt like we were going down forever. When Eric shined the light on the wall, it had been just two sides covered in concrete, too. Reaching the bottom of the stairs, it had been another door. Eric shined the light all around us and the small space was completely covered in concrete. From the wall to the floor…concrete. Except for…the door.

  “I’m guessing we have to go through this door, too, huh?” I could tell he had wanted to go home and was tired of being here. Nodding my head and reaching for the door handle, the flashlight shut off. And, of course, I didn’t think to bring batteries.

  “You have got to be kidding me!” said Eric while hitting the side of the flashlight. Nothing. We had been in complete darkness and was about to go into another door with no way of knowing what was on the other side of it.

  “We have to keep going. I promise, once we find out what we need to know, I won’t ever ask you to do anything this crazy again,” I said. I couldn’t see his face but he was close enough that I could feel his breath.

  “You didn’t drag me out of bed for nothing. Let’s see what’s down here,” said Eric. Feeling for the handle, I placed my hand on top of it and pulled slowly. Peeping through the slit, the bright light came through. Eric pulled the door up the rest of the way and there were a short set of steps with a door at the end. At least there was light this time. Hopefully, this would be the last door because I had been tired of the door game.

  Pushing the door open, it looked as if it were a living room. There were two couches; each one across from another. There was a painting of horses above one of the couches. And, there was a rocking chair. It had been moving.

  “Someone is here,” whispered Eric. He had noticed the same thing I had. “I think we should leave, Mary.”

  Going further into the living room, there is another door. Slowly pushing it open, I gasp.

  Chapter 24: Matthias

  June 17, 1989

  It had been six days since the babies were born and Lovette had been exhausted. They refused to sleep all at once and she felt as if she couldn’t keep up with breastfeeding each of them. Her nipples were sore and her breasts were a whole size bigger than before. Getting up from her bed and heading to the nursery, she was sure that he would be hungry.

  Matthias. He had been nameless for hours until Lovette saw his face the morning after their birth. The only thing she could think about was how he looked like his named should be Matthias. He was light brown…and his sisters weren’t. She was sure the babies had belonged to Mike.

  Mike. She still hadn’t heard from him. Each day that passed, the more she felt as if she would never hear from him. Lovette didn’t know if this was a good or bad thing. She had wanted her marriage to work and still loved her husband but she still couldn’t help but to feel as if the babies should belong to Mike. Confusion had never been at an all-time high.

  Iris had still been helping out around the house and had been doing a great job with the babies. Lovette dreaded the day that she had to return back to school. Walking past the nursery, she decided to go thank
her. Matthias hadn’t made a peep yet from his nap and Joey had just gotten back from being with Joseph’s parents.

  Lovette peeped into the living room to see Iris holding one baby, another laying in the bassinet and Joey was sitting beside her reading. She had wished she had a camera to capture the moment but she knew that she would never forget this. Joey caught Lovette spying and ran around the corner to hug her.

  “Where is Matthias?” he asked her. Iris looked up at Lovette, smiled and continued to rock her niece to sleep.

  “I’m about to go get him from his nap, feed him and bring him down to the best big brother ever so that you can read to him. Sound like a plan?” asked Lovette. The biggest smiled spread across Joey’s face. He nodded and ran back to sit down next to Iris.

  Lovette turned around to a rush of wind from Joey running past her. He had Matthias in his hands.

  “What’s going on? What are you doing?” questioned Lovette while running after Joseph.

  “He’s not breathing! I went to check on him and he’s not breathing! Go back in the house! I’m taking him to the hospital!” shouted Joseph.

  “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S NOT BREATHING?! WHAT HAPPENED? I’m going with you!” shouted Lovette.

  She watched Joseph get into the driver seat and placed Matthias in the passenger seat. His body was wrapped up and he hadn’t been moving.

  Running around to the passenger seat, Lovette pulled on the car handle. It was locked. Rage had fully taken over her body. Running back to Joseph’s side of the car, she banged on the window.

  “Open the damn car door! I’M GOING WITH MY FUCKING CHILD!” screamed Lovette. Rolling down the window in a hurry, Joseph spoke while putting the car in drive.

  “NO! I’ll call you. You just had 3 babies and don’t need to see any of this! Everything will be fine. He will be okay! Let me go get him some help, Lovette. He started breathing a little when I put him in the car. Go back in the house,” he demanded. Pressing on the gas, Joseph sped off.

 

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