Hard Truths (Kiss Her Goodbye Book 1)

by Rebecca Royce

  “Hey,” strong arms came around me, “Everly? Are you okay?”

  It was Kade. I knew that voice. But I couldn’t think. Couldn’t breathe. And then suddenly I could. But it wasn’t a normal breath. No, it exploded out of me. A sob wracked my body. Tears flowed out of my eyes, and I shook. I couldn’t stop. I wanted to, but I wanted to breathe. I had to cry. It was all I could do.

  “Everly?” He tugged me against his bare chest. I couldn’t stop my shakes. “Bad dream? Something else going on?”

  “S-sorry.” I managed to get that out. I would have pulled back from soaking his chest if he’d have let me. When I tried, he didn’t let me go.

  He stroked my hair. “Must have been a hell of a dream.”

  “My father shot me.” I managed to get that much out before another round of sobs overtook me. Kade didn’t say anything, made no moves to stop me. If this freaked him out or annoyed him, he didn’t show it. Instead, he stayed silent, seeming okay with waiting until I calmed down.

  It wasn’t a short process. I didn’t know how much time passed, but it was the longest I could ever remember crying before. I was clearly not okay, that much registered in the disaster that was my brain. I’d been muddling through this, making myself be fine, not focusing on just how fucked up it was that my father murdered my mother. I’d hated her my whole life, blamed her, resented her, been absolutely horrified that a woman could leave her only child and never return. Instead, she’d been dead.

  If there was an afterlife, and some days I had my doubts, did she hate me for it?

  My eyes burned, and I wasn’t sure I so much stopped crying as I used all the liquid in my body. I had no more tears left to shed.

  He took my head in his hands. In the darkness, I could barely make out his strong features. He hadn’t put on any lights, and for that I was grateful. The glare might have killed me right then.

  “If it means anything, and I don’t know if it will, your father didn’t kill her himself. He paid someone to do it. He hasn’t held a gun in his hand, ever. We all had to do it in training but that wasn’t protocol during his training.”

  That didn’t help. “Hiring someone to do it only makes him cowardly and evil. It doesn’t lessen the stench.”

  “There is no evil.” I didn’t know if I agreed with that, but he kept talking, and I didn’t argue. “There is justice. There is redemption. There is revenge. You can have all of those things. We can make him pay. We can make him hurt if that’s what you want. Stay with us long enough to get what we need, and we can bring him down.”

  I didn’t necessarily want that either. “Then I’ll be all alone. Maybe that’s selfish. What is the matter with me?”

  “If you’re fucked up then you fit in perfectly with the rest of us in this life. And nothing has to be solved at three in the morning. Come on lie down.”

  He sort of helped me, sort of moved me until I lay back down. I reached out to touch his chest. “I got you all wet.”

  “The good news is that I dry.” Kade covered us both in the warm covers just as the too loud air conditioning blew through the room again.

  “Did I disturb your two hours?”

  He covered me up with the blanket. “Don’t worry about that either. Sleep. No more dreams. Just sleep.”

  I didn’t think I would, but I must have almost instantly. Sobbing myself dry took a lot out of me. I didn’t think I dreamed anything else the rest of the night.

  I woke up, knowing it had been a long time since I moved. I wasn’t a roller in my sleep but this time I was stiff. I’d slept too long and my body punished me for it. It was hard to open my eyes. They were glued shut. My head pounded. Yes, I officially had a crying hangover.

  I couldn’t move, which took me a long time to figure out, much longer than it should have, which just showed how tired my brain still was. Kade had a strong arm around my waist, essentially pinning me to the bed. I blinked, which hurt, but I had to clear my vision. I faced him. His eyes were closed in sleep. He looked almost… peaceful. But his grip on me was strong, and I wasn’t going to have an easy exit without disturbing him.

  He was actually asleep. Had he not gone to bed until recently? He’d explained that he always got up to do things. How was he still here? The room remained pitch black thanks to the lack of outside light in the mausoleum. What time was it?

  The clock on his bedside table said it was almost eleven. My stomach growled, hunger catching up to what my brain had already registered. I had to pee, too, which meant I was going to have to get out of the bed.

  I scrunched, sort of shifting my weight, and Kade made a sigh in his throat, a second before his eyes fluttered open. Recognition hit him all at once, and he lifted the hand pinning me from my waist to the top of my head. He briefly cupped it before he stretched, letting go of me altogether.

  I took that chance to rush from the bed. His bathroom was clean; everything looked orderly, and straightened. Quickly, I relieved myself, making use of the sink to splash cold water on my puffy face. I couldn’t seem to feel anything at all inside. It was as though my meltdown robbed me of any emotions. I was sure they’d come back. Just hopefully not when Kade was there to witness it.

  I’d definitely not earned any points in his book.

  He’d probably cataloged how to use this against me at some point.

  Kade had gotten out of the bed. His defined abs once again on display thanks to his being shirtless. He turned to look at me. “Hey.”

  “Hey.” There didn’t seem to be any point in making conversation. “Sorry about last night.”

  He shrugged. “It happens.”

  With that, he moved around me, entering the bathroom. I took that chance to escape the room. Getting dressed seemed to be all I could concentrate on. One task at a time, and putting on undies counted as a task. Every little thing had to be thought about, as though I couldn’t autopilot anything at all.

  By the time I reached the kitchen, Kade was already there. The smell of coffee was the best aroma ever, and I practically moaned when I entered the room.

  He held out a water bottle to me. “This first. Then that, for today.”

  I could have punched him. “I need the caffeine.”

  “You need the water. You want the coffee. I get that. Drink the water first unless you want to add dehydration symptoms to today’s agenda. You might even already have some.”

  I hated know-it-alls. Still, he wasn’t wrong, and I wasn’t stupid. Or at least I wasn’t totally that way. I took long pulls from the water. He was right. The taste of the life sustaining liquid was the best thing ever. I closed my eyes, and before long, I’d finished the whole bottle. I set it down.

  Kade stared at me, one eyebrow raised. “I just got a little hard watching you do that.”

  I picked up the cup of coffee from the counter. “That so?”

  “Yes. But I’m going to ignore it, because despite my fascination with your sucking abilities, you look like death worn over. You need food. I’m going to make some eggs.”

  I sat down at the table. I could always count on Kade being Kade. That much I knew, and I hadn’t been acquainted with him that long. That thought was jarring. It felt like I’d known the Letters a long time. Yet, it had only been a… week? Maybe longer. I’d lost track of time.

  “I wouldn’t say no to eggs.”

  “Good. Then I won’t have to force you to eat them.”

  He was so charming in the morning. Almost afternoon. Whatever. All the time. I rolled my eyes. We were back to normal.

  I ended up following him into the main room. The computer algorithm continued on the display. It seemed that no one had been found since Henry, and I was pretty sure we wouldn’t find any of the other leaders. Who would be so stupid as to show themselves now?

  Kade picked up his tablet and handed it to me. “Derrick wants to talk to you.”

  “To me?” I stared down at the screen. Sure enough, D had texted K and wanted to text with me. Kade typed on his keyboar
d, ignoring my question.

  Hello? I sent to Derrick not knowing if I’d get a response. He’d reached out to Kade two hours earlier and might not be right there.

  Everly? The response came back.

  It’s me. I answered him. How are you?

  I didn’t want to think about him taking out Henry in the casino, but the image flooded my mind regardless. I wasn’t afraid of Derrick. Or maybe I wasn’t because he wasn’t actually with me that second. It was just something I had to catalog in my little internal folders that made up my brain. Derrick was capable of raising a gun and ending a life. Of course, this wasn’t news to me. He’d killed on the beach with a baseball bat. That had been heated, he’d been saving my life. I guessed maybe this was different because it had felt so cold, so calculated. There was no heat in it. The silence on the camera had made it feel very bam you’re dead.

  I’m fine. Just wanted to tell you that I won’t be coming to Kade’s place to see you, but I will catch up with you on your next stop, whenever you go to Judson. You’re safe with Kade and I want to take care of some things.

  Oh. Okay. Thanks for letting me know. I wasn’t sure exactly what I was supposed to say to Derrick. I’ll miss you didn’t seem exactly right. I missed Trace, I missed Warden and damn my fucked up heart for feeling that way. I didn’t know Derrick that well yet. The sad truth was between the sex and his unexpected kindness in the middle of the night I’d probably miss grumpy Kade too when this was over.

  I was apparently able to have feelings for three men at the same time, even though none of them were particularly relationship worthy.

  Yep. Talk soon.

  I set down the tablet. Kade didn’t turn. “Come stand next to me. I want you to look just like you do. I’d rather avoid taking you to New York City. Some of my euphoria from yesterday has worn off. Much as I love Manhattan, and I’d love to dress you up and take you around, it isn’t the time for it. If your dad can be motivated without me physically holding a gun to his head right now, I’d prefer it.”

  “You’d like to dress me up?” Why was that the part of that I focused on?

  He still hadn’t looked at me. “You’re sexy, Everly. You know it. After yesterday you clearly know I want you. Once is not going to be enough for me. That’s unfortunate, but it is what it is. Yes, I’d like to dress you up, take you to fancy places, and fuck you in expensive hotel rooms. But I wouldn’t put it past the Alliance leadership—the remaining four—to be looking just for that right now. We have to outthink them. I woke up with clarity. I’ll give that credit to you. Forcing me to stay in that bed with you and sleep longer than usual gave me some… ideas. Maybe I do need more sleep.”

  Well, if I’d convinced him that the basic human need to sleep applied to him then I supposed this wasn’t wasted time. “Ah, okay. My father?”

  “Stand here.” He pointed next to him, and even though I hated being ordered around, I complied.

  He pressed a button and a second later my father appeared on the screen. “Kade, I am going as fast as I can.”

  My dad looked tired; dark circles marred his face. My heart panged. I couldn’t help it. I clearly had a thing for monstrous men and maybe all of that stemmed from some sort of subconscious knowing that my dad had never been a nice man. Maybe my genes predisposed me to be fine with bad people. Oh hell, I was overthinking this shit again.

  Anger took over the sadness.

  “Jeb.” Kade spun around in his chair. There was the constant movement again. “Look how bad Everly looks. That’s just a few nights with me. Want to see just how fucked up I can make her?”

  Chapter 20

  What was he doing? I wished he’d cleared this with me so I’d at least know what to say. A surge of annoyance moved through me. How did he know I wouldn’t suddenly turn on him and tell my father to run or betray them? Well, probably because I’d wept like a baby on his chest after I dreamed my father shot me.

  That had probably clued him in on what I was likely to do right now.

  “Honey.” My father’s voice broke. “Are you okay? What did they do to you?”

  I tried not to feel it, the sadness and love that hearing his emotion did to me. But he was still my father. We hadn’t gotten to talk, and I wasn’t going to get over a lifetime of feelings in a week for the man that raised me. Even with that being the truth, I needed him to get this done so the assholes who had tried to kill me could be brought down.

  “Should I start at the beginning? I’ve been shot at, punched so hard I got concussed, left in a strange mall, and watched people die. But that is all because of The Alliance and not these guys. Unless you want to count the fact that they kidnapped me to begin with. Of course, that is your fault. And you killed my mother. No, Dad, I’m not okay.”

  Kade lifted his eyebrows slightly. Maybe I hadn’t done what he wanted. I didn’t know. If he wanted me to follow directions, he had to fucking give me some.

  “Okay.” He held up his hands. “Just do what they say and they’ll leave you alone. Do you hear me, Kade? Leave her alone.”

  Kade put his hand on my back before he tugged me, hard, against his side. “Too late. She’s mine now. If you want her back, you’re going to get this done within the week. Otherwise you don’t find the body.”

  I hoped he was lying, but with Kade I never could be sure. I wouldn’t put it past him to make me come and then make me vanish. Or maybe not. He was… sweet, somewhere in there where he didn’t let people see.

  “I’ll do it. I’ll get it done by the end of the week.” He nodded fast. “Leave her alone, Kade. She has to be able to have a life when this is over. She has to be able to go back to something. You know what happens to the people who can’t go back. They end up dead like Derrick’s wife.”

  Kade took a long breath. “You’re going to want to never bring up Alyssa again. Just get your shit done.”

  The screen went off. He turned to me. “Good work.”

  “I’m not usually in the habit of telling my father who I am fucking.” I rubbed my face. “I don’t suppose it matters. If he thought I was a virgin, he was deluding himself.”

  He sighed. “I hadn’t planned on adding that to the whole thing. I just thought he’d see how tired you look and he’d know things were really bad for you. But you really went for it. Well done.”

  A proximity alarm sounded and Kade jumped to his feet. “Someone is in the graveyard.” The screen turned back on and Kade grabbed his mouse, turning it so the camera angles shifted until we could see who walked around.

  With his head down, Judson strode toward us. He had on a black coat and dark gray pants. It was completely inappropriate for the weather—he looked more like he’d come straight from Vermont—but there was no mistaking him. Even with his head down, he looked like he belonged. Judson would always seem that way. It came somehow from both entitlement and not giving a shit.

  “Son of a bitch. He couldn’t call first?” I got the feeling Kade wasn’t so much speaking to me as he was just talking aloud. He ran toward the front, presumably to let Judson in.

  I sighed. Just when I got some sort of steady feet with these guys, it would shake up. Had something else happened, or was Judson just here to visit? I stared at the screen, the old graves in the background showing other people’s lives, how they ended, a brief write up of dates and one sentence of what they’d done on the outside of the mausoleums.

  It was almost like looking at a movie.

  I heard the bang as Kade opened the door to our hideout and the sound of their voices reached me. I stared down at myself. It was bad enough Kade and my father saw me this way—wrecked—but now I had to live with Judson knowing I was destroyed, too.

  I ran a hand through my hair. Apparently, I needed all five of them to think I was pretty. I had to pull it together. Whatever was going on had nothing to do with me.

  The movement on the screen caught my attention. Judson wasn’t the only one there, someone followed him. A big, tall man with broad shoulde
rs and a visible shotgun he didn’t hide carried in his arms.

  “Oh fuck.” I ran out of the room. Neither Kade nor Judson knew he was there. I tore down the hall. “Gun. Gun. Gun.”

  Both men, standing by the door, had no idea the gunman was coming. “Man with a gun.”

  I don’t know what I thought to do, but I rushed past them out the door, charging toward the man with the shotgun.

  Kade grabbed my arm, yanking me back as he slammed the door in front of me. “Did you fucking not look behind you?”

  He wasn’t yelling at me but at Judson. The other man’s eyes were huge. He shook his head. “He must have been on me since Montana.”

  “Fuck. We’re made. I have to blow this place. Everly, do you remember where to run?”

  I did. We hadn’t been here long enough for me to forget. I grabbed Judson’s arm, dragging him with me. “This way.”

  He didn’t move. “We’re not moving.”

  He pulled a gun that he’d apparently hidden beneath his inappropriate coat. “You’re armed.”

  “We’re all armed all the time.”

  Now, I knew that wasn’t true. “No you’re all not.”

  “Well, I am.”

  A shot rang out, banging into the door. I turned to Kade. “How long will that stay bulletproof?”

  “Against that level shotgun? Not forever.”

  I grabbed on Judson again. “Listen to me. I get it. You have a big dick. You’re willing to prove that by shooting the guy on the other side of the door right now. But are you really going to put yourself up against a trained killer just to prove you can? Maybe if you caught him by surprise or came up behind him. This man fearlessly walked here knowing that at least the two of you were here. He’s not afraid of you. Let’s go. Come on.”

  “Do it.” Kade nodded. “I am, at least. If you want to stay here and die, you can go ahead, brother. We’ll miss you. I, for one, am not being a jackass. I have to blow this place. I don’t want them getting the intel.” He ran past me. “Everly get the fuck out of here. Judson is a big boy. He can decide what he wants to do.”