Saviours

by Beth Abbott

  “I’m so glad.” She pretended to shudder. “I’d hate to be in my cabin all alone and the lights went out. That would just be too scary.”

  When they got to the end of the hallway, Micky stepped into a twin cabin, with two double beds. It was slightly smaller than some of the others, but as it was ideally situated with easy access to the stairs that would take her back down to the entertainment area, it was the same cabin she always chose.

  “This will do for me.” She pushed her bag into the double wardrobe.

  “Oh, but I thought you’d take one of the better staterooms.” The officer looked confused. “The first ones we went in are much nicer than this.”

  “They’re for guests.” Micky smiled. “This will do me just fine.”

  She turned to Stan who was still trailing behind her.

  “Go and find a cabin for the four of you.” She instructed. “Make it one of the staff rooms closest to the guest cabins, in case Mr Lebedev has any problems and needs you for anything.”

  And as far away from me as possible, she thought, as Stan nodded in agreement.

  “Once you’ve stowed your gear away, make your way to this container.” She handed Stan a piece of paper with a container number on it. “It should be one of the bottom ones. Inside will be all the dry food and drink for the weekend, along with all the other supplies we’ll need. Have it all brought into the kitchen downstairs, and I’ll be down shortly to show you where everything needs to be stowed.”

  “Having a quiet nap first to get over the flight here?” Stan grinned at her. “Poor little Mikhaila!”

  “On the contrary, I have some work to do for Sergei.” Micky shook her head. “Once I’ve finished that, I’ll be free to join you.”

  As the men left the room, Micky pulled her laptop out of her rucksack.

  She placed her phone on the small table while she set up her workplace, and then called Sergei’s number, putting the phone on speaker.

  “Micky?” Sergei answered before she’d even heard a ringtone. “You’re late.”

  “I’ve only just got to my cabin.” Micky pointed out. “I think your helicopter pilot must have gone by the scenic route as he seemed to be doing an awful lot of unnecessary turns.”

  Sergei’s chuckle confirmed her suspicions that he was behind the horrendous flight.

  “It’s a shame that it’s left me feeling so sick.” She continued. “I don’t think I feel well enough to go online and do any transfers for you today. I wouldn’t want to be taken ill halfway through and make the wrong decision. I could lose you a fortune, just by clicking the wrong key during a bout of nausea.”

  “Oh, really?” Sergei chuckled. “Then perhaps you should take some medication before I log you on, hmm? We wouldn’t want for you to do anything that would earn my displeasure.”

  Micky hated Sergei even more than usual when he was being a smug bastard.

  “That does go both ways you know.” She said calmly. “I think I’ve made you enough money to have earned a little respect. That I continue to do so, is a sign of my loyalty, which, again, is deserving of better treatment than I sometimes get.”

  “You’re well paid, Mikhaila.” Sergei pointed out. “Is that not reward enough?”

  “Tell me, Sergei… what good is all the money you pay me?” Micky sighed dramatically. “I never get the opportunity to spend any of it because I’m always busy working to make you more money. With Andre missing, it hasn’t been easy you know. A tiny bit of appreciation in front of your men would be nice, rather than making me the butt of your jokes, and your twisted sense of humour.”

  There was silence for a long time, and Micky wondered if Sergei was pissed at her.

  Finally, she heard his sigh.

  “Ok, I promise you’ll be more appreciated in front of the men.” He conceded. “How’s that?”

  “That’s all I’m asking for.” Micky acknowledged.

  “Right then.” Sergei was back to being his impatient self. “If I give you the passwords, do you think you can make me some fucking money now?”

  Micky smiled to herself.

  “You know, I think the nausea is passing already.” She exclaimed. “I feel so much better, I bet I’ll make you even more money today.”

  She briefly heard Sergei’s chuckle before he started barking out passwords.

  Yeah, she had better make him plenty of money today. The only reason he allowed her to live was because he couldn’t afford not to.

  Until she could formulate her exit strategy, that was something she couldn’t risk changing.

  Chapter 21 – Zach

  As Zach pulled up in front of the house in Danny’s Mercedes, he could feel the apprehension rolling off Sacha in waves. This evening was going to be tough on them both, but probably Sacha more than him.

  “Are you sure you want to talk to Drew about this?” He reached over to take her cold hand in his. “We can wait until we get home and pick a complete stranger to talk to. That might be easier for you.”

  Sacha shook her head.

  “I feel like Drew has been part of our relationship from the beginning.” She smiled nervously at him. “As he often reminds me, he enjoyed telling you to pull your head out of your ass and marry me. It seems right that he’s the one to help get us through this as well.”

  “I prefer to think of it as having been given a gentle nudge in the right direction.” Zach pretended to be indignant. “But I agree that he’s probably the best person for the job.”

  As he pushed open the car door and climbed out, Zach watched the front door open, and Drew stepped out of the beautifully positioned, large detached property.

  “Nice crib.” Zach grinned at him, making his way around to help Sacha from the car.

  “Vicky and Tony designed it.” Drew shrugged. “I let them deal with the builders and get it finished on time because, honestly, I really don’t care how many bathrooms it has, or whether it has underfloor heating and shit. All I need is for Tony, Vicky and Curly to be living here, and it has everything I want.”

  As Sacha stepped forward, Drew automatically pulled her in for a hug.

  When he finally stepped back, Drew kept hold of Sacha’s hands and stared down into her face.

  “You do know that if I hadn’t already fallen in love with Tony and Vicky, I’d have told Zach to take a hike, and snapped you up for myself, don’t you?” Drew grinned at Sacha.

  Sacha smiled back, but Zach could see she was blushing slightly.

  “Are you sure you mightn’t have wanted Zach to stick around as well?” She teased.

  Drew turned and gave Zach a thorough inspection.

  “He’s sexy enough.” He conceded, winking at Sacha. “But he’s way too bossy for my tastes. I’d have ended up spending all my time on my knees!”

  Zach snorted a laugh, as Sacha burst into giggles, the first time he’d heard her properly laugh in months.

  “You know you’re quite wicked, don’t you?” She wrapped her arms around Drew’s middle and hugged him tightly.

  “It’s the way my husband and wife like me, apparently.” Drew chuckled, but he was staring over the top of her head straight at Zach, and Zach had the feeling Drew had staged this little greeting entirely to get Sacha to relax.

  “Ok, enough with hugging the flirt.” Zach pretended to grumble. “Even if he does think I’m sexy.”

  Sacha let go of Drew and turned to wrap her arms around him instead.

  “He’s a good hugger.” Sacha smiled up at Zach. “But I think he’s used to hugging people a little bit taller than me.”

  “Probably.” Drew nodded, turning towards the house. “Curly is the only short-ass in our family, and she’s got an excuse. She’s only just turned five.”

  Zach led Sacha into the hallway, following Drew straight to the kitchen.

  “We’ve got a little over an hour before the gang get back, so I thought we’d grab a drink, and head to my office to chat first, because once they get back, all we’ll
hear about is Amelia’s party, and how much birthday cake Tony managed to put away. I’ll let Vicky take you on a tour of the house when she gets back.”

  “That sounds fine.” Sacha smiled.

  “What would you guys like to drink? Wine, beer, soda?” Drew opened the big glass-fronted fridge. “Or I can make coffee…”

  “Soda would be fine.” Sacha nodded.

  “Same.” Zach would’ve liked a beer, but one of them had to drive, and with it being on the wrong side of the road, it sure as hell wasn’t going to be Sacha!

  They selected their drinks, transferred them from bottles and cans to glasses, and then followed Drew down a hallway to what was obviously his office.

  A large dark brown sofa sat to one side, with a matching armchair, and Drew steered them over.

  When they were all seated comfortably, he leaned forward.

  “While we’re in this room, I want you both to feel that you have a place where you can be totally honest with each other, and with me.” Drew began. “Not that I think you’re accustomed to being dishonest with each other, but not expressing your feelings for fear of hurting the other person is not what this is about. If you think that will be a problem, I can arrange to see you separately, if you’d like.”

  Sacha looked at Zach.

  “I want us to be totally honest and open.” She insisted.

  “Me too.” Zach nodded. “Nothing hidden.”

  “Zach has explained about your miscarriages, Sacha.” Drew said quietly. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

  Zach watched Sacha’s expression change at being reminded of their reason for being here.

  “Thank you.” She said softly.

  “Zach also explained that he didn’t think the two of you had really talked about it sufficiently, and he felt there was a lot you’d both bottled up.” Drew continued. “Do you feel that’s a fair summary?”

  Sacha nodded her head slowly, staring down at her glass.

  “I used to want to talk about it.” Sacha admitted. “But it hurt too much. And then I just decided it might be better not to talk about it at all.”

  “But it’s not better, is it?” Drew challenged.

  “It was for a while.” Sacha looked up. “Because I kept thinking that the next time I was pregnant, everything would be fine, and we’d put the miscarriage behind us with a new baby.”

  “And that didn’t happen when you miscarried again, so I’m guessing the pain was twice as bad?” Drew’s voice was no-nonsense but caring at the same time.

  “Ten times as bad.” Sacha whispered.

  “What about you, Zach?” Drew turned to him. “Did you try to talk about it to Sacha?”

  “At first I did.” Zach nodded. “But then, I guess it was easier to follow Sacha’s lead. If she wanted to talk, we’d talk, and if she didn’t, I’d try and find something else to distract her.”

  “And you never spoke to Tuck or the other guys about it? Marcus or Brandon?” Drew asked.

  “No, not until the flight over, when we told Tuck and Candy.” Zach admitted. “Sacha wanted it kept private and I accepted that.”

  Drew nodded.

  “Sacha, if I asked you for one word to explain how you’ve felt since the miscarriages, what would be the first word that came into your head?” He asked.

  “Guilty.” Sacha was examining her glass.

  “Can you explain why you feel guilty?” Drew pressed.

  Sacha shrugged.

  “I guess most people expect you to feel guilty that you might have done something to cause the miscarriage, and I think there probably have been moments when I’ve felt that.” She admitted. “But I read somewhere that one in four women will suffer an early stage miscarriage, so part of me feels guilty for being so upset about it. I mean, I’m not the only one to go through this, and most other women seem to cope better than me.”

  Zach was tempted to interrupt and tell her she had every right to feel upset, but one glance at Drew told him to let her finish.

  “And then I think about all the women who’ve lost babies later in their pregnancy and had to deliver them anyway, or those who’ve expected a healthy baby, and had a stillbirth, and I feel like I have no right to feel this way.” Sacha’s voice was choked. “After all, the only physical sign I had was little more than a heavy period. I hadn’t really had a chance to get used to being pregnant or felt my baby kick or anything.”

  “Sacha, who do you think has a right to feel more grief?” Drew sat back. “A parent who loses a child at six months old? Or one who loses a child of eighteen?”

  Sacha looked at Drew as though he’d gone crazy.

  “Any parent who loses a child has the right to feel the same level of grief.” She insisted.

  “Why?” Drew shrugged. “If you’ve only had your baby six months, you haven’t had the chance to bond with it like you have if your child is eighteen. Maybe you don’t love it as much yet, because it hasn’t had time to develop as much of a personality.”

  “That’s ridiculous!” Sacha exclaimed. “From the minute you find out you’re pregnant you love the child unconditionally. From the second they put that infant in your arms, you would die to keep it safe. It doesn’t take eighteen years for you to feel that way.”

  “So, what you’re really saying, is that each of the babies you lost were already a part of you, from the moment you knew they were inside you.” Drew rationalised. “You were already dreaming about what sex they would be, what they’d look like, whether they would take after you or Zach, or even how Rocco would feel about having a younger sibling.”

  Zach watched Sacha listen intently to every word Drew said.

  “In which case, does it matter whether the pregnancy self-terminated after eight weeks or eight months?” Drew asked Sacha directly. “Could you have loved those babies more if the pregnancies had gone on longer?”

  Sacha stared at Drew wide-eyed.

  “No.” She shook her head slightly. “I don’t think I could have loved them more.”

  “No, I don’t think you could’ve, either.” Drew smiled at her. “You only know one way to love, Sacha. Wholeheartedly.”

  Zach took Sacha’s hand in his and watched as a few tears broke free and dripped down her cheek.

  “Drew’s right.” He nodded. “You fell in love with those babies the minute we saw the lines on the sticks. That’s what makes you such a wonderful mom to Rocco. Your unconditional love. The number of days or weeks is just about squares on a calendar. You still lost our babies, Sacha. You have a right to be able to grieve as deeply and as long as you need to.”

  Drew leaned over and pushed the box of tissues closer to Sacha. He pulled a few out and handed them to her.

  “Ok, while Sacha takes a moment to get her thoughts together, Zach, I’ll throw a few questions your way.” Drew smiled at him. “Can you give me a few words to describe how you felt when this happened to you both?”

  Zach stared at Sacha, not wanting to say anything to upset her.

  “Honesty, Zach.” Drew reminded him. “That’s how this works.”

  “Confused, helpless, guilty, disappointed.” Zach let the words tumble out.

  “Explain each of those in a bit more detail.” Drew encouraged.

  “Confused, well, I reckon because nobody knew why it happened.” Zach explained. “I think that confusion will stay with me until after Sacha has had some more tests done to see if they can find out what went wrong.”

  “Helpless?” Drew asked.

  “Yeah.” Zach nodded. “There wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it, and nothing I could do to take the pain away from Sacha. All I could do was hold her, but even then, I couldn’t seem to find the right words to comfort her. I’m not known for being unable to control a situation, but this left me completely out of my depth.”

  “You were everything I needed you to be.” It was Sacha’s turn to squeeze his hand. “I wasn’t very talkative, and you just held me tight and let me be silen
t when I wanted to. That was the best thing at the time, no matter what anyone else thinks.”

  “What about the guilt?” Drew continued. “Where do you think that came from?”

  Zach shook his head.

  “I always wondered whether it was something to do with me.” He shrugged. “The military pumped us full of so much shit before we went overseas, I guess I wondered if that was to blame.”

  “There’s been speculation about that for years, but I didn’t think it had been established that a link existed.” Drew frowned.

  “Which means that they haven’t completely ruled it out.” Zach pointed out.

  “Well, again, I think that’s something the medical side can explore, rather than dwell on it here.” Drew shrugged. “What was the last word you used? Disappointed?”

  “Disappointed with me.” Sacha whispered.

  “No!” Zach almost shouted the word. “I could never be disappointed with you, Sacha. You’re perfect.”

  Sacha instantly snorted a laugh.

  “I think even Drew knows how far from the truth that is!” She sniffed.

  “Sacha, everyone who’s ever met you knows how amazing you are.” Zach said sincerely. “Rocco and I are just the lucky ones who get to spend our whole lives with you.”

  “Then why did you say you were disappointed, Zach?” Drew was obviously trying to keep them on track.

  “I guess because when you’re told you’re having a baby, you start planning their lives, imagining what they’ll be like.” Zach shrugged. “You wonder what they’ll look like, and whether they’ll be smart. You see yourself in the yard shooting hoops with your boy, or maybe taking your daughter to ballet lessons. All that kind of stuff gets into your head, and then suddenly it’s gone. That future has been ripped from you.”

  “I totally get that.” Drew nodded, reaching for a notepad, and a few pens.

  “Ok, the next thing I want you to do is take three pieces of paper each, and following on from our conversation, I want you to write three more words that describe the way you’ve been feeling, one on each piece of paper, and then fold the paper in quarters.” Drew instructed.