Jaden's Love

by Shayne Ford

  “Senna?”

  I pivot, falling in Isabel’s arms.

  “Wow,” I say, smoothly tearing away, and running my eyes over the ballroom.

  “You like it?”

  “Everything looks fantastic. The place looks amazing.”

  “I can give you the name of the company we hired.”

  I shoot a glance at her, and a questioning look.

  “What?” I mutter. “Who told you?”

  “Adele. Why are you asking? Was that a secret?”

  I laugh softly.

  “Yeah... Sort of. At least it was meant to be.”

  “Well. If it was, it was short lived. Everybody knows.”

  “Shit.”

  The blood drains from my face.

  “Why are you so nervous about it?”

  “I’m not,” I murmur, although I sound as if I am.

  “I like Jaden,” she says sincerely. “And the word is, he’s gotten into a lot of money.”

  “Yeah... he did,” I say. “What did they say?”

  “As long as he has money, mom doesn’t care, and you know dad. He plays along. Evelyne doesn’t matter. She commented though, something about him being a ladies men. But everybody brushed her off. She’s too snotty anyway. Nobody rises to her level of expectations. Anyway. Is he coming?”

  “Yeah, yeah... He should be here any minute.”

  “Good. I can’t wait to get it started.”

  “What?” I ask, distracted.

  “The party, silly.”

  She twirls away, and I get stuck, my feet glued to the floor. Moments later, I pull myself out of my daze and saunter back, cruising along the largest corridor of the house.

  It was Isabel’s idea to have the wedding reception in my parents’ home, and despite the trouble that usually comes with organizing such an event, they gave her the green light.

  Rooms are filled with staff and extra servers hired especially for the occasion. I walk away from the crowd, heading to the study room.

  The noise fades away completely as I push the door open and step inside. Thick logs burn in the fireplace.

  I look around. The place stayed the same, and up to this day, this is still my favorite room in the house.

  I watch the fire in silence, my mind sifting through the childhood memories when the door opens and closes behind me.

  Startled, I spin around, and my eyes crash into his.

  “What are you doing here?” I bark.

  He folds his arms across his chest and leans against the door, a slow smile spreading across his lips.

  “I live here. Remember?”

  His eyes narrow with a gaze that seizes me rapaciously, darkness flashing through it. It’s so familiar to me and still makes my hair bristle. The past comes to me fast, making my insides crumble, but I quickly recover and recollect myself, the new reality helping me to do just that.

  I’m no longer an innocent girl. I’m a grown-up woman, and he holds no power over me.

  I take a couple of steps toward the door.

  He doesn’t show the slightest intention to move out of my way, his eyes drifting slowly down on me, brazenly undressing me. Even now, after all these years, I can still read him, and I can tell he’s ready to lunge at me. He hasn’t changed a bit. Which begs the question. How many more women has he secretly fucked in this house since?

  I stop in front of him, my hands gripping my hips.

  “You’re not that stupid, are you?” I throw at him.

  He cocks his head to the side and gives me a mischievous smile.

  “We haven’t had the chance to be alone in a room for years. Didn’t you miss me?” he asks.

  “Not a fucking bit. You must be delusional if you think it has ever crossed my mind.”

  “Am I?”

  He unfolds his arms and shoves his hands into his pockets.

  “This is my parents’ home. Your wife is out there,” I say.

  He starts to chuckle.

  “It didn’t stop us before, did it?” he ask, grinning slyly. “Who would believe you, anyway? They didn’t buy your story back then when you were an angel. Why would they buy it now? Plus, you’ll get married soon.”

  “So fucking what?” I grump.

  “You wouldn’t want him to know about that. Is he that fucking writer?”

  “He’s none of your fucking business.”

  He smirks.

  “You shouldn’t talk to me like that.You know it turns me on,” he says, brushing the wool of his pants and touching the ridge of his cock.

  “You are sick.”

  “Then so are you. I’ve never seen pussy coming around my cock as fast as yours, darling.”

  He takes a step toward me. I stiffen.

  “Come on, for old times sake... You have no idea how many times I jerked off at the memory of your pussy stretched around my dick.”

  He closes the gap between us and I leap to the side just as he lunges at me. I manage to escape his grasp for a brief moment, his nails scratching my skin, but he catches me as I try to swing the door open and dash outside. He locks his arms around me, and spins with me, shutting the door at the same time with a loud thud.

  He slams me against the wall and collars my neck, his eyes smashing into mine, brutal, and dark. This is not a game. He was never a game, and I was never in control of him. He always controlled me. I know that nothing works with him, and my mind begins to scream, flooded with panic.

  My back hits the wall, and his hand shoots up between my legs. I swing my arm, clench my fist, and clock him. Blood springs out from his broken lip. He stalls and stares at me, taken by surprise.

  I push him away.

  “Get off me, you fucking piece of shit. I’m not your fucking slut,” I bark, and just as quickly I regret it.

  He charges at me again. Cuffing the base of my neck with his hand, smashing his groin against my belly, and pressing his hard cock into me. He’s getting worse as he gets turned on, and nothing does it like my words.

  “You fucking dirty slut. You know we are perfect for each other. You got me hard every single fucking time. And you made me blast my load like no one else. You were nothing like my fucking wife.”

  “You shouldn’t have picked her, you fucking asshole,” I growl and spit on him, pushing him back again.

  His hand remains on my neck, pinning me against the wall.

  He throws his head back and starts to laugh, his expression morphing into something sinister.

  “Do you really think most women are like you, Senna? You must know better than that.”

  “Well, most men aren’t like you asshole. Then why would women be like me?”

  Tilting his head to the side, he runs his hand down his cock and flashes a knowing grin.

  “Is he...? The man you marry?”

  “Keep him out of this.”

  “Mmm. He is. He’s a smart man to make you his then. And a lucky bastard. It’s not fair for the rest of us who have to fuck wallflowers until our cocks turn to dust.”

  “Well. Tough luck, jerk. He’s not like you.”

  “I bet he isn’t, but he’s not a run of the mill guy either. You wouldn’t have some shadow guy pussyfooting around you. I know that much about you.”

  “How would you know, motherfucker?”

  “I know you, Senna. It’s the way you’re wired, babe. You’d rather kill someone than fuck you into boredom. That’s why you liked me even when you were a spotless angel.”

  “Fuck you,” I snarl and clutch his arms, trying to tear his hands off.

  He laughs again.

  “Truth hurts, huh? I fucking made you good for him, you fucking slut,” he growls, no trace of a smile on his lips.

  His voice turns into a hoarse grunt, his eyes glinting crazily while he grips my dress. I swing my knee high and crash it between his legs.

  “Oh...” he mumbles, crouching in pain.

  His hand slides off my neck. I dash away when his hand clutches my arm again pulling m
e back.

  The door cracks open, and a voice drifts through the air.

  “Senna?”

  “Jaden??”

  The next second the door blasts open, and Jaden’s eyes land on us. It takes him only a moment to understand. Darkness rolls over his face. Fury. Anger.

  He leaps forward, his fast jab crashing into the other man’s face, sending him tumbling over the table. He grabs him again and holds him up with one hand while sinking his fist deep into his flesh.

  He lets him drop.

  Groans lift off the floor.

  “Let him go,” I beg, panting, as I edge closer to them.

  He straightens. His eyes flaring, his face burning, and his fist bleeding.

  “Who the fuck is this?” he motions to the semi-conscious body.

  “That’s him. Evelyne’s husband.”

  *

  He slams the car door and shoves the key into the ignition, a muscle twitching in his jaw.

  “You could’ve fucking told me, Senna. For fuck’s sake, he was there a year ago at Isabel’s engagement party.”

  His eyes blaze, dark.

  “I couldn’t tell you. And it wouldn’t have made a fucking difference.”

  “He’s part of your fucking family. He could do that to anyone,” he says, exasperated.

  “I already told them, and nobody believed me. When I told mom, she said I was nuts, and I went to Evelyne she looked at me as if I was crazy. Up to this day, she still hates me. She said that I made things up because I was jealous of her. They both made up their minds and turned a deaf ear to me. They didn’t care about what I had to say. It was always his word against mine. I was an eighteen-year-old virgin, and he was an adult. Married to my older sister.”

  “We’re not going back then.”

  “We can’t leave. I don’t want to ruin it for Isabel. It’s her wedding. And if we leave now, they’ll know something happened. If I tell them the truth, I’ll have to go through the same bullshit with them, and I’ll accomplish nothing.”

  “Okay, then. We’ll stay at a hotel.”

  “We can stay at the chalet. All my clothing is in the trunk.”

  Silent, he spins the car around.

  We arrive at the cabin around noon. We buy food on our way over. The air is crisp, the forest white, buried beneath the snow. Like then.

  Sunlight filters through the trees.

  Memories pour down on me as we walk into the house. The caretaker hasn’t removed the few things that we left behind. A cigarette pack, Jaden’s drawing pad, a few books he bought at a vintage books store last year. With the good comes the bad, and the memory of our last night together in this cabin flashes in front of my eyes, vivid as if it happened yesterday.

  It makes something collapse inside me.

  “I’ll make coffee,” I say, sneaking into the kitchen, evading his eyes.

  I put the food in the refrigerator and lean against the counter, waiting.

  Moments later he enters the room.

  “You want some?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. I pour myself a cup of coffee and walk past him and to the table. I take a seat. He looks out the window for a moment before he turns around and props himself against the window sill, folding his arms across his chest.

  He studies me. Silent. Sad.

  My chin starts quivering as I look down at the cup.

  “Today was not a good day for me,” I say and pause for a moment. “I knew that sooner or later I’d have to face this. Him. The past. I often wondered what my life would’ve been, had I not met this man. All these years I felt guilty for creating the rift in my family, for being the one revealing this man’s secrets. I didn’t want to be the one to tell my sister that she married a sociopath, as much as I didn’t want to like what he did to me, but I did. I can blame anyone, other than me. I know I can’t change the past, but sometimes I wonder, if everything would’ve been different had I resisted him.”

  His eyes lose their spark.

  “Some days I just want to go away somewhere. Find a perfect spot...” I say, and smile ruefully, staring blankly at the window.

  A soft chuckle falls from my lips.

  “Have that invisible wall around me... to protect me––the one from my childhood story. A place where days and nights are equally beautiful, silence is soothing, and time drips in a perfect sequence of happiness.”

  I glance down at my hands.

  “Sometimes I wish I were more like Sara.”

  He edges to the table and takes a seat. He looks at me.

  “What exactly are you saying?”

  I glance up at him, my eyes filled with tears.

  “I wish I were that woman, Jaden... Someone who’s not ashamed of her past. Someone who’s kind and gentle. I have it in me. I know I do. It’s that girl inside me who’s everything I want to be. She’s still with me, trailing along, but there isn’t much for her to live off––I lost so much. But if I know anything about her, she’s stubborn, and she’ll never go away. ”

  A sad smile curls his lips.

  “Sara didn’t have an easy life. ”

  “I know...” I murmur. “But her heart was never broken.”

  “Because I protected her.”

  I lower my eyes to let a few tears fall.

  “I was her invisible wall, “ he says. “And you already are the woman that you want to be. You were probably even back then. You were the only one who looked at me differently when I was nothing but a paid fuck. Nobody thought much of me. Women treated me like meat, and men, even the lowest scum, showed me only disdain. I was nothing but a pretty face at the corner of the street, getting sucked off for money. Remember, I didn’t use to come inside Jill’s. Those who worked there and knew what I was doing, couldn’t stay away from me far enough. They preferred to wipe the bar clean a few more times than shake my hand.”

  I look up at him, his beautiful eyes wrapped in soft, mournful light.

  “I lost a lot too, Senna. I didn’t want to or chose to, but I did. I wish I could turn back time and find the young boy who I used to be, talk to him, and teach him not to fear, make him strong enough to face life’s crap. I can’t. He’s not gone either. He’s the one who talks to Emma and plays with her, and he’s the one who writes the children stories, and I’m pretty sure, he’s the one who loves you.”

  A soft smile creases his lips.

  “He was the one who saw something beneath your shell. He learned the secrets of your heart. And he was the one who wanted to make you his home,” he says softly.

  My chin begins to tremble as I wipe my tears away.

  He scrapes his chair back, rises to his feet and grabs my hand.

  “Come... Let’s make the best out of this day.”

  He brushes more tears away with his thumbs, and kisses me gently, his hand framing my face.

  I look up at him.

  “We’re gonna have that home, Senna and I’ll be your wall, and your gonna be mine. All right?”

  I nod.

  “I don’t want a wedding,” I say.

  He smiles.

  “Me neither.”

  We spent the rest of the day inside the house. By the time the evening sets in, the first part of the day fades into oblivion. He runs a bath, and I cook dinner. We spent the evening talking about his parents, Sara as they were growing up, and his friendship with Jacob.

  We take a bath together and move into the bedroom.

  From a drawer, I pull out a stack of notebooks with stories I wrote as a teen right here, in this very house.

  We sift through them. Some are sad, and some are funny. I plead with him to read for me.

  He leans back against the headboard, picks one, and starts reading. I listen to him, mesmerized. The same way Emma does. Something beautiful sparkles in his eyes.

  He smiles as I drink him in.

  He has Emma’s eyes. So pure and filled with joy.

  “I want your babies, Jaden,” I murmur.

  He shifts his
gaze to me and locks my eyes, a loving grin rolling on his lips.

  “I know,” he says, sliding the notebook to the nightstand.

  He turns to me and takes me in his arms.

  “I want your babies, too,” he mutters in my ear.

  “But you’ll need to teach me how to be good to them,” I say. His lips brush mine with a soft, loving kiss.

  “You know everything, Senna. Everything you need to know it’s right there in your heart,” he says, and then he kisses my lips and my hair. “We should start right now with this baby making business,” he says, grinning. “Nine months it’s a long time.”

  We both start to laugh.

  “A man with a plan,” I mutter, as he slides on top of me.

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  Moments later, he eases himself in while I wrap my legs around him.

  Lips locked, we slip into a different realm.

  18

  SENNA

  Jaden’s hand slides lower, settling at the small of my back.

  I look up at him. He studies me through his lashes, his head tilted, his eyebrow lifted.

  “What is it, baby?”

  “How come I ended up with the most handsome man in the room?”

  He flashes a cocky smirk, glancing away for a moment, then lowers his head and whispers in my ear.

  “You don’t have to flatter me. Just say what you want.”

  I grin.

  “You know what I want,” I mutter as he pulls me to the dance floor.

  He drapes his arms around me as we start to twirl. A few moments later, his eyes fly over me, a shadow flitting through them.

  He brushes the side of my face with his lips.

  “He’s here. Are you sure about this?” he asks.

  My smile withers away.

  “Yes,” I say with a strained voice.

  I furtively check my phone and reread the message.

  I know about your future husband’s past. I’ll keep my mouth shut if you meet me in the study room.

  “Ready?”Jaden asks.

  I nod.

  He squeezes my shoulder, encouraging me, and winks at me as I reluctantly let go of him. We split before we reach our table. I glance at him one last time as I walk out of the room.