I turn around and make my way to the door with my coffee in my hand.
“Sir, wait.” Yeva’s voice stops me in my tracks.
I turn around and face her. She looks just as miserable as I am on the inside.
“What is it?”
“Do we have any news about Elena? Is she safe?” she asks, a hint of anxiety in her voice.
I swallow the lump in my throat as dejection takes a hold of me again at the mention of her name.
“We don’t know. Elena’s gone.” I pause before saying the next words, my shoulders sagging. “She’s gone forever.”
Elena
Every restaurant I’ve dropped my résumé at for the past couple of days asked for server experience. How the fuck am I supposed to get experience if I’ve never been offered the chance to work before? I let a deep sigh escape my mouth and walk into the fifth restaurant of the day. This one’s Italian and I happen to know a little bit of the language. Just the basics that my parents taught me. I head over to the bar and wait for the bartender to finish serving his customer.
“What can I get you, darling?” His eyes are green and his hair is light brown. He flashes me a smile and that’s when I realize he’s waiting for my answer.
“Hi. Can I speak to the manager, please?” I ask him and his eyebrows furrow.
“Anything I can do to make it up to you?”
“Oh no, I’m not here to make a complaint. I’m sorry. I saw the poster on the window. The one that says you guys are looking for a server.”
“Yes. You’re here to apply for the position?”
“Yes, please.” I smile warmly at him.
“Do you have experience?”
I breathe a sigh of disappointment. I already know how this is going to end.
“No, I don’t. I’ve never had a job before.” I place my résumé back in my purse. Ready to leave, I say, “Have a good day.”
“Wait.”
I turn around fully to face him.
“You’re hired. When can you start?”
The fizzle of excitement his words sends through me is indescribable. He smiles sympathetically while holding his hand out to me and I grin back.
“Thank you so much. I can start anytime you want me to. I’m available immediately.”
“Good. See you tomorrow then.”
With the wide grin never leaving my face, I walk out of the restaurant, feeling proud and extremely happy. I finally have a job. Soon I will find an apartment to rent. Things are coming together slowly for me. I never thought I would become an independent woman. It used to be a dream of mine, and back when I was locked up in a room with nothing but books to keep me sane, it was a dream I saw being so out of reach. Today I am making that dream come true.
I get to my hotel room and lie on the bed facing the roof. Ever since I got to London I’ve been having a horrible feeling of emptiness. Worse than I’ve ever felt before. The feeling of longing and needing someone. I swallow thickly and close my eyes. I inhale deeply and try to calm my thoughts. There’s no reason for me to be feeling this way. Things are working out perfectly for me and I should be excited for what’s yet to come. Maybe it’s the aftermath of everything I have endured in my past. It could be that my mind hasn’t grasped the fact I am indeed a free woman now. Or maybe, the darkness inside of me longs for its savior. It misses his touch and the warmth of his arms. No matter how hard I try to run away from the constant feeling of hopelessness that haunts me every single morning that I wake up without him by my side, it’s somehow always there. Hidden behind the shadows of my fake smiles and the constant pretending that I’m okay.
But I’m not.
A single tear rolls down my temple. I open my eyes to discover that they are clouded with the amount of tears that are stuck in them and are yet to stream down my cheeks. One single blink of my eyes allows the tears to fall down like rain. My heart beats faster in my chest. My body feels heavy and sluggish. Sleep isn’t an escape anymore. It’s torture. Every time I close my eyes I get vivid nightmares. And they all have to do with my ugly past. My uncle follows me everywhere, even in my dreams. He’s the enemy, the killer, and the monster I struggle to run away from. But somehow, he always ends up catching me, and that’s when I wake up screaming in fear, wishing I weren’t alone.
I don’t even know what I feel anymore. Some days I succeed in blocking my past memories and manage to feel okay. Numb but alive. And other days I hear ringing in my ears, followed by the lack of air in my lungs that leads me into almost passing out from the dizziness that takes a hold of me. I don’t think fucked up is the word to describe me anymore. Because what I wish I could have the most is the touch of the man who kidnapped me, fucked me ruthlessly, but also held my hand and filled me with his warmth when I needed it the most. I wish I could hate Maksim for what he did to me. I want to hate him. I need to, but I can’t.
Sobbing alone in the dark, I sink deeper in the hell I feel inside my head, allowing it to take over me until eventually, I fall into a restless slumber.
Maksim
The ticking of the big wall clock is all I hear in the deadly quiet living room. A glass of wine and a dinner plate were placed in front of me half an hour ago. I’ve been staring at the food for a very long time. Amongst all the things I feel, hunger is definitely not one of them. I’ve been working on different plans with my team to catch Leonardo. And everybody has hope that we’ll succeed if we continue on this road. I have hope too. But it’s not enough to make me the happiest man alive.
I know nothing about her and it’s killing me slowly. Destroying my sanity and causing me to have sleepless nights. Every day I wonder what would have happened if I didn’t let her go. Giving her freedom was a selfless act coming from a ruthless man who never put anybody before himself and his needs.
The decision came long after weighing up my options. Which one would destroy me more? Knowing that she’s dead or that she’s alive somewhere where I know nothing about her except for the fact she’s safe and alive? So I decided to unlock her cage and let her fly far away from the world of beasts and monsters like me. She never belonged here. No matter how hard I wanted her to be at my mercy, how bad I wanted to destroy her and turn her body against her. I couldn’t succeed. Not because I’m weak or incapable of doing so, but because she’s stronger than any woman or man I’ve ever met.
She was never scared to die or to live. She held her head high despite how scared shitless she was on the inside. Every time I stood in front of her, looking all powerful and ruthless, she gazed at me with eyes full of strength mingled with fear and desire. I’ve had women throw themselves at me, but I’ve never met a fierce woman like her, who despised me and everything that I am. She wanted nothing to do with me, which made the blood in my veins boil. She thought that by pushing me away she would succeed and convince me to leave her alone. But it only made the beast even more excited to fuck her senseless and make her mine for as long as she lives.
Or so I thought.
The doors slide open and Mikhail walks inside the living room. He approaches me with his hands behind his back.
“What is it?” I ask, reaching for the wine glass sitting on top of the table.
“We received a call from Daniel Walton, sir. He says he wants to help.”
I slam the glass on the table and scowl at him.
“We don’t need help from anybody. Especially not Daniel. Did you forget that one time he got involved and prevented me from killing Leonardo?” I hiss through gritted teeth and watch Mikhail take a step back.
“I’m fully aware of that, sir. But I’m thinking maybe—”
I rise from my seat. Clenching my hands into fists, I say in a low, dangerous voice, “I’m the one who makes the rules here. Get. Out.”
With a simple nod, he exists the room without saying another word. Daniel is the last person I need help from right now. I want to kill that fucker myself. Without the help or the need of anybody but myself.
I walk over to
the window and stare at the huge backyard and the amount of land that comes with it. I own it all. All the success I’ve built long after my father’s death. The man I was and the man I became because of her. Killing Leonardo was once all about hoping to keep her mine forever. Now it’s all about revenge. Not only for my father, but for making me lose the one woman my soul cannot be without. She’s sun and rain all at once. She’s my madness and my sanity in a world where flaws and perfection are close friends. One moment she was raging like an angry river and another moment she was running toward me, rubbing herself against my chest. I never understood her fully and I guess that’s what intrigued me to crack her code.
I swallow hard, eyes pinned on the darkness of the sky. She left and took everything with her. She was the life of this house. The only person I couldn’t wait to see after a long day of work.
Now she’s gone and it’s all a haze.
Elena
“Is that all for today?” I ask, my eyes drifting over to the gentleman sitting in the middle of the table. He’s by far the only one of the four suits who hasn’t tried to hit on me yet.
“That’s it, darling,” says the blond one. “Hey, let me ask you something, Grace. What are your plans after this shift?”
I smile warmly at him, because no matter how degrading and annoying they may be, I should always be friendly, especially to assholes like them, simply because they usually tip well. That’s what Alicia, the girl who’s been training me for the past few days, told me.
“I don’t know yet. But I’ll definitely keep you posted. Now, would you like another beer?” I flirt back, grabbing the empty beer can sitting in front of him and placing it on my empty tray.
He eyes me up and down, eating me up like a hungry wolf. “I would love that,” he says hoarsely and winks at me. I nod and walk away from their table as soon as I can.
Ever since I started work I’ve been getting hit on by men of all ages. Most of them have rings on their fingers and it disgusts me.
“One beer, please,” I tell the new bartender, who was hired at the same time as me. He smiles and starts pouring the drink.
Alicia comes out of the back of the restaurant, almost running toward me.
“Are they still hitting on you?” she asks, wiggling her eyebrows.
“Yes, they are, and I’ve literally been gagging silently the whole time.”
She chuckles quietly.
“I still think it’s the American accent. I mean, you’re definitely gorgeous and already stealing most of my customers. But I believe it has to do with the accent,” she says confidently and I shake my head.
“It doesn’t matter what it is about. I’m here to work, make money, and leave.”
She rolls her eyes and sighs deeply.
“Well, honey, you’re not gonna make money in this field if you don’t flirt back and show them a little bit of your cleavage. What is it with you anyway? Are you still hooked on that ex of yours?”
I swallow hard and avert my gaze from her. My heart drums at the memory of him. When I started my training with Alicia, she had noticed I wasn’t feeling well. At first I told her I was sick. But then when she walked into the washroom in the middle of me having a mental breakdown, she wouldn’t let me go until I told her about my heartbreak. I lied about who Maksim is and said he was my boyfriend back home. But I didn’t lie to her about how the whole situation makes me feel, and how the nightmares keep getting worse day after day, and most importantly, how much I miss him and how broken and empty I feel without him.
I just needed to talk to someone, and somehow, I felt comfortable enough to talk to her about it.
“Honestly, if I were you, I would move back home and be with the man of my dreams. I know you told me things weren’t working out between you two, hence why you decided to start fresh. But if you’re still feeling the way you’re feeling. Maybe going back and trying again with him is a good idea . . .”
Tears burn my eyes. I blink them away and turn around to look at her. I smile warmly. “Thank you, Alicia.”
“Are you okay?” she asks worriedly and I nod.
“Better take this beer to my customer before he starts calling out for me from a distance.” She chuckles and shakes her head.
Walking away from her, I focus on my breathing and head to the customer at table six, whose eyes don’t leave me. Maybe I should be using situations like these to my advantage. Alicia told me so many stories about the rich government officials and business men who come to this restaurant, always looking for the next girl to take home. But every time I attempt on flirting back, it feels like I’m cheating or sinning. None of them is Maksim. And even though I force myself not to, I keep looking for him in every single man who talks to me or I serve. Looking for that same aggressiveness and power I loved about Maksim.
In the past days, as I met new clients, made conversations, and tried to make friends, my soul seemed to always be running away from all of them, searching for its soul mate. The one person I truly cannot get my mind and my body to stop fantasizing about is him. I tried it all. I even went to a random book store and bought so many books, hoping that going back to reading would help me get him out of my mind. But as I flipped pages of my book last night, I couldn’t focus at all and I ended up throwing it across the room. Nothing seems to be helping me and it’s only getting worse.
“Here’s your beer,” I tell the gentleman, placing the beer right in front of him. He instantly grabs me by the wrist and I flinch at his touch.
I look into his red, swollen eyes. He’s drunk and smells like a pitcher of nasty beer has been poured on him. He leans forward and whispers into my ear, “How about you come home with me tonight? You’ll have fun, I promise. Name your price, darling.” He then licks my earlobe and his coward friends start laughing loudly.
I wince and close my eyes. Refusing to open them and reveal the rage that’s flashing in them. I get an instant flashback of Roberto and the abuse he caused me. Suddenly my breathing becomes more pronounced and the darkness in me wishes it could stab this man to death and swim in his blood. Monsters like him are what Maksim would say it’s okay to hurt. Because they’re exactly like Roberto.
Feeling courageous for a moment, I lean in and whisper back into his ear, “Touch me again and I’ll chop your balls off.”
His answer comes as loud laughter that almost echoes in the room. The funny part is, he lets go of my wrist and points a finger at me. Thinking I’m trying to be fierce and sexy. Little does he know, I would not only chop his balls off, but spit on his lifeless body and feed him to the dogs ruthlessly.
Elena
Three months later
Gasping for breath, I wake up in the middle of the night with my face glistening with sweat.
Another nightmare.
I stare at the empty wall before me, my chest rising and falling with rapid breaths as guilt riddles its way through my thoughts. I thought moving in with Alicia to her one-bedroom apartment would help get rid of the constant nightmares. I was wrong. Ever since I moved in here I have been nothing but a burden to her. I left the comfort of the hotel bed to sleep on her old couch just so I wouldn’t be alone anymore. Bringing my palm to my lips, I instantly run to the bathroom as a wave of nausea hits me. I spew my guts in the toilet bowl and hear the squeaking sound of the other door. I curse myself silently as guilt floods over me. I must have woken Alicia up again.
“Are you okay, hon?” she asks as she steps into the washroom.
“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry I woke you up.”
I get up, flush the toilet, and begin to wash my face. Knowing damn well that this time Alicia is not letting this go by.
By the time I finish, she hands me a towel and I bury my face in it. How long am I gonna keep running away from confrontation?
“Grace. We need to talk,” she says in a serious tone of voice.
I look at her and nod. If she’s going to kick me out, then I don’t blame her. I’ll go back to the hotel until I find a
n apartment for myself. Being mentally sick caused me to be physically sick as well. And it’s hard to do anything when you’re constantly tired and miserable. Even work is a hassle.
“Of course.”
We walk back to the living room and sit on her old couch. She hands me a glass of cold water and I chug it like a thirsty woman who hasn’t had a drop in her mouth in days.
“I can’t keep witnessing you kill yourself for this man and not do anything about it. You barely eat. And sleep is not fixing anything anymore because even that seems to be your biggest enemy at the moment.” She pauses and looks deeply into my eyes.
“I don’t know the full story between you and this man. But you can’t keep on doing this to yourself. You’ll end up dead. I’ve seen girls go through breakups, and I’ve been through some myself. But I can guarantee you if leaving a man made me sick like this, then you better believe I’d be running toward him like no other.”
My eyes instantly flood with tears. Before I even realize it, I’m thrown in her embrace, sobbing hysterically like a child.
“I can’t, Alicia, I can’t. He’s cruel and harsh and—”
“And he’s everything you want and everything you need,” she cuts me off. Pulling away, she tilts my chin up with her hand. “I don’t care how he is. Clearly there must be something in him that you see that nobody else sees. He’s the man for you and no matter what you do and where you go, you’ll always be searching and longing for him. Save yourself the headache and go back to him.”
I shake my head as tears continue to seep down my warm cheeks.
“I know you want to. As much as I have gotten so used to you being here, you simply don’t belong in this country. The only place you belong is with the man who has you head over heels for him. Lucky bastard.”
At His Mercy (Beasts In The Dark, #1) Page 14