My eyes fixated at the pictures lining the walls along the stairs. Black and white action shots of me during pivotal moments in my career, including my time with the Detroit Steels. I walked up the steps and inspected them with awe. Each held a special memory for me, and I wished I could have shared them with Zoe. At least she remembered. This simple gesture told me she still cared on some level. My heart thumped in my chest. She had never turned her back on me as I previously assumed. I glanced at Zoe to catch her reaction, but she turned away almost embarrassed. She grabbed her purse and wrap from the entry hall table, ready to bolt out the door.
“Zoe.” My voice was raw with emotion.
She stopped mid-stride and glanced over her shoulder. “I can’t talk about it right now, Ki. I’m barely holding on as it is. Please, let’s get through tonight because tomorrow none of it will matter.”
As I stared at Zoe, I saw the symbol on her right shoulder. An infinity symbol intertwined to make it look like two eights. The number of my jersey. All these years I’d harbored such bitterness toward her for naught. One untruth after another unfolded to break down all my self-imposed judgements against the woman who had claimed my heart almost three years ago. And what had I done about it? I believed the worst of her. Shame and guilt filled me now I knew the reality of the situation. Zoe had remained true while I moved on with a liar. In some ways, I was no better than Jesse Ward.
“You never stopped loving me, did you?”
“No, Ki, I never stopped loving you.”
The hitch in her voice latched onto my heartstrings and pulled tightly, reminding me again how much we both had lost.
“I’m sorry this happened to us. What about Flynn?” I said as an afterthought. Zoe had no problem moving on with my ex best friend. She wasn’t the only one who had suffered from our doomed relationship.
Zoe whirled around, giving me a scathing look. “What about him?” She let out a bitter laugh. “I’m surrounded by men who only think of themselves. They don’t give a fuck about me unless they want to fuck me or fuck me over, then I’m their girl.”
Her look condemned me as one of those men who had used and tossed her away. I couldn’t blame her.
“I’ll fix this.”
“No one can fix this, Ki.” She waved her hand between us.
“You have to at least let me try.”
“We can’t go back.”
“I know that, angel. I still…”
The words I desperately wanted to say got lodged in my throat. Fuck if I didn’t feel like a coward and a traitor.
“You still what, Ki? Love me? You can’t love someone who is unlovable. You think by waltzing back into my life and using some old endearment you’ll make everything right? Think again. It’s too late for us.”
“That’s not true, Zoe. Stop saying things like that,” I snapped.
“What’s changed for you, Ki? Do you feel sorry for me? Or is it guilt? Because I know for a fact you love Jesse. I saw the way you looked at each other in all those pictures on the social media pages and in the gossip rags. Can you deny that?” She shook her head, heaving a sigh. “Of all people, why did it have to be her? I can endure my father’s indifference and being treated like chattel. I can even endure Flynn’s infidelity, but Jesse? I never thought you would be that cruel, Ki.”
“What was I supposed to do, Zoe? Your father took you out of the country for six months. You changed your number and I had no way to get a hold of you. I texted, emailed, and used every other form of goddamned communication I could think of. I got sent to fucking Detroit because your father refused to renew my contract. Tell me, what more I should have done?”
Anger raged in my chest. I was more than willing to take the blame for being a clueless, trusting jerk, but there were limits.
“You should have fought for me. Instead, you went to Detroit and hooked up with Jesse. How did you think I would react? I still love you but I’m not in love with you anymore. Go back to Jesse. You two deserve each other.”
“Now wait one damn minute and stop acting like a fucking martyr. You had no problem sleeping with Flynn either.”
“I didn’t rub it in your face or post it all over social media. Your ego take a hit, Ki? For god’s sake, what did you expect? That I would wait around pining for you all these years and welcome you back with open arms even though you had been with her? If that’s what you think, then you are more delusional than your girlfriend.”
I frowned as her accusations raced through my mind. What pictures was she talking about? I rarely logged into to social media sites. It must’ve been Jesse posting pics of us. To hurt Zoe, no doubt. Fuck, I never thought I could hate a person as much as I did Jesse right now. But I was to blame too. After all, I was the one who had gone on national television proclaiming my love for her. It hadn’t been a lie. I did love Jesse, but if I was honest, I had never been in love with her. Not like with Zoe. She had locked my heart down the moment I laid eyes on her.
“I didn’t know.” My jaw was clenched, and I was grinding my teeth in frustration. I was such a fucking fool to have trusted the wrong woman.
“Ki, we are never getting back together. It was a done deal once you told the world you loved Jesse Ward. I’m so over this. I’ll be seen with you tonight because I agreed to go this time but after this, we go our separate ways.”
She walked out the door without a backward glance. I grumbled inwardly. Zoe Simmons was sorely mistaken if she thought for one minute she could dictate my life. Whether she liked it or not I wasn’t going anywhere. We weren’t over by a long shot. The beast inside me had just awoken and it was prepared for battle. Zoe Simmons had just started a war and one I was going to win.
Zoe
It took all my resolve to walk away from Ki after admitting I still loved him but denied that I was in love with him any longer. Did he even believe any of it? My life had become one big lie, one after another turning into nothing but a big blur. When I scrutinized myself in the mirror, I looked the same as always. But beneath the layers of foundation and cream, I was a changed woman. A broken heart could do that to you. I didn’t care what anyone said, heartbreak was something that changed you profoundly—and rarely in a good way. You began to do and say things you would never in a million years had thought yourself capable of. I was morphing into my father. As abhorrent as that sounded, becoming cold, calculating, and giving zero fucks was my salvation. After Ki, I had put my heart on ice. And my father couldn’t have been more pleased. I was now truly my father’s daughter. The sad reality was now that Ki was back with the team, he was merely property of my father as was I. If there was a profit to be made, then my father would take advantage of the situation no matter who was involved.
The thaw began when I laid eyes on Ki standing on my doorstep looking devastatingly handsome in his tux. I could tell by his askew tie that he was nervous. He used to fiddle with it whenever an anxiety attack loomed. It did little to detract from his good looks, however. His dark, glossy hair had been gelled back with a few playful tips brushing along his forehead.
As he walked past me, his cologne tantalized my senses, and memories from a time long ago rose to the surface. I remembered our passionate nights, where our bodies became one and his masculine scent clung to my skin well into the following morning.
Ki’s freshly shaven face added to his boyish appeal, especially with the dimple in his chin. When he flashed his brilliant smile at me, I nearly lost it and wanted to kiss him desperately. Those piercing gray eyes of his swept over my figure, perusing every square inch of me. I remained quiet because I didn’t trust myself to speak or admit how his sexy regard made me want to grab him by the tie and drag him upstairs to my bedroom so that our bodies could do all the talking instead of this stilted conversation
With the appearance of Ki, my past reared its ugly head too. It served as a much-needed reminder to keep my head straight. After all, hadn’t Ki run off back at the arena and left me to deal with the aftermath of the lies
Jesse and his mother had unleashed on us? Just thinking of Jesse Ward drove the stake further into my heart. Ki had admitted he loved her. I could think of no fate worse than death. After our break-up, the humiliation and the pitying stares made me withdraw further into myself. I hardly went out and lost touch with other friends. It wasn’t until Flynn Austin of all people showed up at my door one sunny Saturday morning that I realized how much I missed human contact. He let me cry on is shoulder, held me tight, and listened to me for hours on end. I had talked myself into believing he was one of the good guys. Flynn bided his time and got what he wanted. Laid. I naively thought he cared for me. Shows what I know. A leopard never changed its spots, as my father loved to remind me. Of course, he only cared about how scandal affected the organization, never mind how it affected me or my life. God, forbid.
When Ki declared he wanted to fix things, my inner self desperately wanted to believe him. The girl who had fallen in love with Killian Connery at first sight and who became a mere shell of herself had gone. In her place, stood I. The person who resembled that girl but with a heart encased in ice. The unlovable me. The one I declared Ki could never have again. She didn’t exist except in my memories.
I had to walk away from Ki or completely self-destruct. A daughter of Jed Simmons didn’t show weakness or emotion. I’d finally achieved my father’s perfect image. The woman who walked away from true love and from Ki Connery.
I slipped into the town-car. Ki soon followed, sliding in beside me. His leg brushed against mine. To a casual observer it was no more than an accidental graze. But I knew Ki. He was wound up and ready to pounce. Apparently, my speech had had little impact on him. I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He clenched his jaw. That was never a good sign. Ki was a lot of things, and determination set him apart from the competition. He interlaced his hand with mine. Something deep inside of me stirred. Unity. Togetherness. Solidarity. Long lost love.
“Angel, you’re playing with fire,” he whispered into my ear, sending shivers down my spine.
Ki the opponent had just revealed himself. I knew his tactics well. From the way he brushed his thumb over my palm, I knew he wasn’t just looking to win; he was playing for keeps.
Chapter 3
Ki
Zoe stared out the tinted limo window as we made our way up the San Francisco Peninsula towards the charity gala. I suppressed a smile as I relived every nuance about this woman. Zoe still loved me. Of that I was certain. However, she had her doubts about us, and I couldn’t blame her. We’d been to hell and back over the last three years. Now that we’d been given another change, I wanted to prove to her that we belonged together. I would wait as long as necessary for her, even if that meant forever.
“Zoe. Look at me, angel,”
“Don’t call me that. I’m not your angel anymore, Ki. You need to face facts we are no longer together, and we can’t go back. Ever. I will do my father’s bidding but as far as you and I are concerned, we are history. I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this.”
An exasperated sigh escaped her full lips. Before she could protest, I pulled her toward me and brushed my lips against hers. The instant we touched, she was lost. I cupped her face, deepening our kiss. Zoe moaned as she pressed her delectable curves against me, affirming everything I already knew. Her traitorous body contradicted every word she said. I smiled in triumph and ended the kiss.
“I think I’ve just proven my point, angel.”
Her eyes were dilated with lust and desire. Zoe was the kind of woman who wore her heart on her sleeve and there was no denying she desired me something bad no matter how indifferent she acted towards me.
“You were always a great kisser, Ki. It proves nothing other than that your male ego has become overly inflated. I’m not some trophy you can win back. What is it going to take to convince you otherwise?”
She wiped her mouth as if she could erase our kiss or the taste of me on her.
“It’s not ego. You forget I know every single inch of you, Zoe Simmons,” I whispered against the shell of her ear. I knew how to break down her walls and breach each one of her defenses until there were no barriers between us. The past be damned.
“Are you trying to take advantage of me, Killian Connery, in my vulnerable state? God, you are just like him.”
My smirk faltered. I was a lot of things, but I wasn’t like her father. Jed Simmons may have been a decent guy once upon a time. But after his wife died, his heart had turned to stone. It affected his relationship with Zoe, too. Credit to her for taking it all in stride. Death changed people and not always for the better.
Zoe tried to push away from me, but I snaked my arm around her slender frame and pinned her against my side.
“You haven’t seen anything yet, sweetheart,” I murmured.
“You’re wasting your time, Ki.”
Her voice was tense with edginess. If she thought her weak objections would dissuade me, she could not have been further from the truth. Sports Illustrated hadn’t dubbed me ‘Ki the Sly’ on a whim. I lived by pure instinct, cunning, and determination. No one could ever be sure of my next move, not even Zoe.
“I have nothing but time.”
“What about Jesse?”
“What about her?”
“Isn’t she still your girlfriend?”
“If she was, do you think I would be here with you?”
When I was in college, my pre-law professor told me I would’ve made one hell of a litigator because I could win any argument. Pleading my case to Zoe was no exception. Though there may have been one thing I have forgotten to mention to her. I had broken it off with Jesse before returning to San Jose. We decided not to make it public for obvious reasons. Although with the news breaking tomorrow, all bets were off. Jesse Ward had become my Achilles heel. A regret I needed to live with, not to mention how it affected Zoe. Hooking up with an ex was a bad idea for all concerned. Hindsight was a bitch.
“I don’t know what to think anymore, Ki.”
“I have a simple solution, angel. Stop overanalyzing. It gets you nowhere. Think of us in this moment.”
Zoe huffed. “You think one kiss is going to erase everything that went down between us? We’re different people than we used to be. You can’t deny this entire situation didn’t fuck you up too or ruined what we had?”
“Angel, I’m not going to wallow in the past. I have no control over any of it no matter how fucked up it is or was. I have the here and now with you. Can’t you see the gift we’ve been given? Do you know how many people would kill for a second chance at love?”
“How can you still love me? You hardly know me anymore.”
“My heart knows you, angel.” I took her hand in mine and placed it over my chest. “My heart beats for you and you alone.”
“I don’t trust myself anymore. How can you be so certain?”
The tremor in her voice was tearing me apart. If I could take away all her pain and anguish, I would.
“How can you explain the tattoo on your shoulder or all those pictures of me on your wall? You speak words that don’t match your actions. That is how I can be sure.”
“Ki, I’m scared.”
“I’ve got you, Zoe.”
The driver announced our arrival at the charity event. Showtime.
Zoe
Talk about a walk down memory lane. How many times had Ki and I attended some charity function like the one I was about to step foot in, with the entire world watching our every move? Too many to count. The paparazzi had been relentless after our breakup. They sensationalized and dissected every aspect of my life. And when they couldn’t find dirt, they slung baseless theories my way—anything to sell their lousy gossip rags. To say it didn’t affect me deeply would make me a liar. I had even lied to myself about Ki. I would never get him out of my system, nor did I ever want to.
The man consumed the very air I breathed. I didn’t know where I ended and he began, as if those three, long years apart had van
ished without a trace.
Ki helped me out of the car and escorted me into the lobby of one of the city’s finest hotels. Marble flooring, crystal chandeliers, and elaborate Renaissance frescoes painted over the arched ceilings. Despite the opulent surroundings, the event attracted a diverse crowd, from wealthy landowners in black tie to students in jeans and t-shirts. Gentle piano notes danced from the main hall. I smiled in recognition. Sinatra’s ‘Fly me to the moon’ had always been a favorite of mine.
“Stick close, angel.” Ki tightened his hold on my hand as we traversed the grand staircase toward to the ballroom on the mezzanine level a floor above. As we reached the entrance, I stiffened against Ki when I saw her. My ex-best friend. Jesse was standing in a circle of people chatting animatedly. Of course, she would be in attendance tonight. Her father owned Sero, a high-tech firm in Santa Clara. Robert Ward had made a killing in the market with an innovative financial software that had been hyped as hack-proof. The Ward family soon became one of the most influential families in the South Bay and a prime sponsor of tonight’s charity. Just my luck. An unwanted escort and seeing Jesse. My anxiety went through the roof. I opened my purse and pulled out my Xanax prescription.
I nudged Ki, turning his attention to the small gathering of people to our right.
“Get me out of here,” I hissed.
Ki was quick to shield me, and we entered the ballroom without further incident. The room was packed and losing ourselves in the crowd was easier than I thought it would be—except Ki’s height acted like a beacon. My nerves refused to abate. The moment a waiter served us champagne; I downed my glass in one gulp along with my peach colored pill.
On Ice, A Hockey Romance Page 3