Accidental Acquisition

by Evangeline Anderson

  “Jillian, you don’t mean that!” Kalis rose and went over to her. “Look how much bigger I am than you,” he pointed out, putting his hand at the level of her head—which barely came up past his bicep. “I out-mass you and outweigh you and I’m much stronger than you, sweetheart. But I’ve never hurt you—and I never will. The same is true for my Ursus. Just because he looks big and scary—”

  “Please, stop talking.” Jillian shook her head and swiped at her stinging eyes. “Look, I’m not trying to hurt you, but it’s clear to me now that this isn’t going to work. We shouldn’t have started it anyway—it’s a bad idea to sleep with someone you work with.”

  “I only came to work at Pat-ar to be near you,” Kalis rumbled. “But I can get another job if you think that’s a bad idea. Only, don’t end what we have.” He cupped her cheek and looked down into her eyes. “Jillian, don’t end us,” he murmured. “I love you.”

  It felt like he was tearing her heart out with those tender words, but the fear of that old, terrible memory was strong—a trauma she had never quite recovered from. An unquiet ghost which had been raised from the dead to haunt her.

  “You’ll never be satisfied without that all-important bond,” she pointed out, pulling away. “I get that—I know how important that connection is to a Kindred. But I can’t give it to you.”

  “You don’t think you can now,” Kalis started. “But maybe in the future—”

  “Look—you said it yourself—we’re not getting any younger,” Jillian interrupted him. “I don’t want to waste your time. Maybe…” She cleared her throat, which was suddenly dry. “There are plenty of pretty young girls down on Earth that would be happy to have a Kindred husband. Maybe you’d better just go look for one of them—someone who can give you what you want…what you need.”

  “What I need is you,” Kalis protested, trying to cup her cheek again. “I don’t want anyone else—especially not some immature female who hasn’t lived life yet and doesn’t know what she wants. Sweetheart…”

  “No.” Jillian avoided his touch and shook her head. “No, I think you’d better go now.” The words felt like poison on her lips, but she couldn’t seem to stop them from coming out. This moment had a feeling of inevitability—this tragedy had to play through to the end. It was as though their relationship had been doomed from the start, she thought. As though it had been destined to fail.

  Kalis, for his part, didn’t protest anymore. He didn’t get upset or angry, either. He just gave her a long, level look before nodding and stepping out the door.

  “All right. I’m sorry if I frightened you or rushed you. Maybe we can talk more about this later.”

  “There’s nothing more to say,” Jillian told him. “I’m sorry, but you need to leave now.”

  Her eyes were stinging and there was a lump in her throat. She just hoped she could keep from breaking down before he left.

  Kalis didn’t refuse to go, but he gave her a long, sorrowful look that made her feel like her heart was breaking, before turning away.

  Then, without another word, he walked down the corridor and was gone.

  39

  Jillian hit the door switch and then slid down the wall, clutching her knees to her chest. She was fighting not to cry…but it was a losing battle.

  This is what I get for jumping in too fast—this is what I get for making the same stupid mistake all over again and letting myself get involved with a guy I barely know, she told herself as the hot tears slipped down her cheeks. It’s just like with Brad—I should have waited—should have been more careful!

  But Brad had only ruined her finances—Kalis had ruined her heart.

  She thought again of what he’d asked her to do and shivered. She couldn’t get near that huge alien beast he turned into again—she just couldn’t. It was a freaking deal-breaker and he ought to know it! He was asking too much—way too much!

  Coward, whispered a little voice in her head. You’re such a coward, Jillian!

  But she couldn’t seem to help it—the memory of the gigantic, raving Grizzly tearing off Ripper’s heads and roaring in her face just wouldn’t leave her mind. It was like the memory of Bongo attacking Lucy—it was stuck in her mind on repeat—a gory loop of fear and violence that resonated inside her and wouldn’t stop.

  After the attack on her cousin, Jillian had been forced to go through years of therapy. Because after that, whenever she saw a dog—or any large predatory animal—she’d have a panic attack.

  She remembered having a melt-down at the zoo in front of the tiger exhibit as a child, because her class happened to come during the time the tigers were being fed. Seeing the huge predators rip into the bloody meat had caused a flashback and Jillian had started screaming and crying and couldn’t stop. The teacher had been forced to call her mother to come get her and she had refused to go on any other fieldtrips for ages.

  It had taken years before she was able to walk down the street and not run when she saw someone walking their dog—especially a big one. And even years later as an adult, she still repeated to herself mentally, “It’s all right—he’s on a leash. Everything is okay—he’s on a leash. Just be calm…be calm…”

  But she couldn’t be calm about what Kalis was asking her to do. There wasn’t a leash big enough to keep that massive bear-thing he became away from her. And he wanted her to get up-close and personal with it? To pet it and stare into its eyes…to get close to its jaws and those steak-knife teeth…

  Jillian shivered helplessly and squeezed herself tighter. No. No fucking way. Maybe she ought to be over this fear by now—after all, it had happened over forty-five years ago. But some things stuck with a person. It hadn’t affected her much in her life as a chef in Vegas—only service dogs were allowed in the casinos and they were always leashed. But now that old fear was back in full force and she just couldn’t get over it.

  She never should have gotten involved with the big Kindred in the first place, she told herself. What kind of fool was she, letting herself fall for a guy who turned into something that scared her so much she couldn’t breathe? What kind of an idiot does a thing like that?

  “The same kind of idiot who gets involved with a con man who double-mortgages her house and ruins her credit,” Jillian whispered to herself. “The kind of woman who’s desperate for a man—no matter what might be wrong with him.”

  Well, this time it wasn’t too late. She could see the error of her ways and back out before things got worse. Before he let that massive beast out and it came looking for her…

  Jillian shivered and shook her head.

  It was a good thing she’d ended everything with the big Kindred before things got any worse…much worse.

  40

  “What’s going on between you and Kalis?” Suzanne asked, a couple of weeks later, as the two of them were prepping for the next day’s meal service. They were peeling baby kooka fruits for a special dessert that was included in their new menu, and it was a pain.

  The fruits were from Rageron and looked a little bit like miniature squashes with long necks and bulbous bodies. They had blue and green spotted rinds with long, feathery blue leaves at the top. The outer rind was tough and fibrous, and it had to be stripped away with a special peeler. But you had to be careful to keep the top leaves intact as you did so, or the pale pink flesh inside would become bitter and sour. With the leaves still rooted firmly at the top, however, the flesh of the kooka was sweet and tangy—something like a pineapple with a cinnamon aftertaste.

  Peeling the fruits correctly was a painstaking job, which enabled Jillian to keep her eyes on her work as she answered, as casually as she could,

  “I don’t know what you mean. Nothing is going on with us.”

  “That’s what I’m talking about!” Suzanne exclaimed. “You went from always whispering to each other and disappearing all the time into the pantry to nothing at all. You barely talk except during dinner service when you’re running the pass and calling orders and even then
all I hear him say to you is, “Yes, Chef!”

  “I told you I was going to be more professional,” Jillian said, frowning as she continued to peel the fibrous kooka fruit with swift, brutal strokes. “There was no excuse for the way we were acting. So I put a stop to it.”

  “Jilly…” Suzanne put down her own fruit and peeler and frowned at her. “You didn’t just put a stop in the kitchen—you put a stop to the whole relationship, didn’t you?”

  “If I did, that would be my business,” Jillian said sharply. She kept her eyes on her fruit, refusing to meet her friend’s gaze.

  “Don’t be like that,” Suzanne said softly. “Come on, Jilly, what’s wrong? You can tell me—you know you can.”

  Jillian sighed and stopped peeling. Keeping her eyes down, she said,

  “He wants me to ‘tame’ his Ursus—that huge bear-thing he turns into.”

  “Tame it? What does that mean?” Suzanne wanted to know.

  “It means he wants me to get up close and personal with it—like close enough to look into its eyes and practically put my head in its mouth or something!” Jillian exclaimed. She gripped the fruit she’d been peeling tighter. “You know how I feel about big predatory animals, Suze. You know what happened when I was a kid.”

  Suzanne was one of the few people she’d told about the dog attack, so she knew her friend would understand what she was talking about.

  “Oh, Jilly…” Suzanne put a hand on her arm and squeezed sympathetically. “Is that really the only way? I mean, does he know about your past?”

  “I told him the night I kicked him out of my suite,” Jillian said tightly. “But he says that ‘taming’ his Ursus is the only way we can bond.” She shook her head. “I don’t see what the big deal about bonding is, anyway! Humans have been getting married without bonding for thousands of years and we’re just fine.”

  “Yes, and half of all human marriages end in divorce,” Suzanne said dryly. “I know you don’t get the value of bonding, Jilly, because you’ve never had a bond before. But believe me, there’s no substitute for it—it’s a whole other level of commitment and intimacy you just can’t get any other way.”

  “Well, it’s one commitment I won’t be making,” Jillian snapped. “I can’t do it, Suze—I can’t get near that huge Grizzly bear thing again. I just can’t!”

  As she spoke, her grip on the kooka fruit tightened until it popped. Pale pink flesh squeezed from between her fingers and ran over the stainless steel counter.

  Suzanne’s eyes widened and she put an arm around Jillian, who was sobbing now, tears running down her face as the misery of the situation overwhelmed her.

  “It’s okay, Jilly—everything is going to be all right,” she said soothingly.

  “N-no it’s n-not,” Jillian sobbed. “I went and did it again—I let m-myself get involved with a man that’s n-no good for me! I’m such an idiot, Suze!”

  “You’re not an idiot!” her friend said firmly. She gave Jillian’s shoulders a squeeze. “You’re just scared. And who could blame you? I mean, after the way Brad treated you and the dog attack when you were a kid—of course you’re scared of getting involved again!”

  Jillian sniffed and swiped at her eyes.

  “Anyway, it doesn’t matter now because it’s over. At least I ended this one before I was in too deep.” She tried to laugh and couldn’t quite manage it. “Too bad I wasn’t as smart when it came to Brad, huh?”

  “Oh, hon…” Suzanne shook her head. “I don’t think you can compare Brad to Kalis. They’re not remotely alike.”

  “They have one thing in common, at least,” Jillian said fiercely. “Neither one of them is any good for me.” She took a deep breath and started wiping the smashed kooka fruit off her fingers and the counter with a kitchen towel. “That’s enough crying for one day—we’d better finish these fruits if we want to be ready for service tomorrow.”

  Suzanne was a good friend who knew when to drop a subject. So she only nodded and the two women went on peeling in peace. But before they left for the night, she had one more thing to say to Jillian.

  “Just think about it a little more before you close that door forever,” she said, as they were saying goodnight. “Don’t give up on Kalis so quickly, Jilly.”

  Jillian said nothing, only nodded. Maybe her friend was right, she thought. Maybe she should give things a little more thought. After all, did she and Kalis really have to get bonded? Maybe there was some work-around where she wouldn’t have to come face to face with the huge bear-thing again. She would have to consider it and maybe talk to the big Kindred about some kind of compromise in the next few days.

  She had no idea that she was out of time.

  41

  Kalis was waiting for her at the door to her suite. He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his broad chest but when he saw Jillian coming down the corridor, he straightened up and looked at her expectantly.

  “Kalis? What are you doing here?” She was aware that her voice was coming out thin and brittle, and she tried to make it sound more normal. “I mean, is there something I can do for you?” she asked, in her best professional, “I am your boss and nothing else” tone.

  “I’ve come to say goodbye,” he rumbled.

  No “Mistress,” no “sweetheart”—just that deep voice of his, filled with a sad kind of certainty.

  “What?” Jillian was taken aback. “Goodbye? Where are you going? Did you find another job?”

  She wouldn’t be surprised if he had. The working conditions between them since they’d ended their relationship so abruptly were increasingly tense and uncomfortable.

  But Kalis was shaking his head.

  “No, I’m not going to another job—I’m leaving the Mother Ship.”

  “What?” She stared at him blankly. “But I thought you loved it here!”

  “No, Jillian—I loved you,” he said softly. “I still do. But if we can’t make it work, I need to get away. It hurts too fucking much being in the same space with you all day without being able to touch you and taste you and take you in my arms—”

  “Look, we can have sex, if that’s what you want,” Jillian broke in quickly. “I can eat some of that bonding fruit that Suzanne swears by and we can do whatever you want to.”

  Kalis gave her a long, level stare.

  “It’s not just sex I want with you—it’s bonding sex,” he rumbled. He looked at her pleadingly. “Can’t you just give my Ursus a chance, Jillian? He would never hurt you.”

  Jillian crossed her arms tightly over her chest.

  “Look, if it was you in there, just in another form, I might consider it. But you’ve pretty much told me that the, uh, Ursus is a separate entity who kind of just shares your body. You don’t really control him—you don’t even remember much of what he does when he takes over. So how can you promise me he won’t hurt me?”

  “Because he’s part of me,” Kalis said earnestly. “He has the same feelings of love and caring for you that I do. Even now, I can feel how much he wants you…”

  But that was the exact wrong thing to say—at least from Jillian’s perspective. The idea of the huge, Grizzly thing wanting her brought to mind images of bloody carnage and bear attacks. She’d seen pictures once, on the Internet, of the remains of a human victim after a bear had gone after him. All the meat had been stripped from his thighs, leaving the bloody bones of his femurs bare…

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, but it’s like you’re asking me to have a threesome with a monster—a giant predator. It’s not acceptable.” She leaned forward and put a hand on his arm. “I want to be with you, Kalis—I really do! But meeting that thing you keep inside you again, up-close and personal, is a deal breaker. I just can’t do it.”

  He sighed deeply and gently removed her hand.

  “I’m sorry too. Because you can’t just have half of me, Jillian.”

  She felt a lump in her throat.

  “Can’t we just be
together without bonding?” she asked, hating the pleading she heard in her voice but feeling unable to stop it. “Can’t we just have a regular relationship like humans do?”

  Kalis shook his head.

  “That’s like asking, ‘can’t we just chew the food and then spit it out without swallowing.’ Eventually, you’d starve. Kindred have to bond with their mates—without a bond, we’d both be miserable after a while.”

  “I was perfectly happy without the bond before,” Jillian pointed out bitterly. “You’re the one who’s demanding that we take this extra step that seems completely unnecessary to me.”

  Kalis shook his head again.

  “I’m sorry if I’m not explaining it the right way, but a bond is vital if we’re going to stay together. So if we’re not going to bond, I have to leave. Being around you and knowing I can’t have you is just…” He sighed. “It’s just too damn painful.”

  “I’m sorry too,” Jillian said. The lump in her throat was growing and her eyes were stinging again. God, she hated to cry and she’d already done it once that night, when she was talking to Suzanne. “Where…where will you go?” she managed to ask, squeezing the words out past the ever-growing lump in her throat.

  “Back to the Blood Circuit, I guess.” He shrugged, his broad shoulders rolling. “It’s the only other place I feel like I belong. I’ll fight for myself this time, instead of a Mistress.”

  “But that’s so dangerous!” Jillian protested. “You told me the kinds of monsters and creatures you had to fight and you were younger back then!”

  “My Ursus can handle whatever they throw at me,” Kalis said stoically. “And if he can’t, well…” He shrugged again, leaving the words unspoken.

  Jillian felt like a cruel hand was squeezing her heart.

  “I wish you wouldn’t go there,” she whispered tightly. “I’m sorry you don’t feel like you can stay here, but couldn’t you just get another job and we could avoid each other? Couldn’t you just try to forget about me and find someone else? Some other Earth woman who wouldn’t be so…so frightened of your Ursus?”